HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!!!
In honor of Harry being 30 here's your third chapter this week :)
In return you should follow me on twitter ya know ? @Harrryshome
Enjoy!!!!
Chapter 47
Wednesday November 9th
Lennon's POV
*I fear yall are going to hate Lennon this chapter*
Harry relapsed.
And I was mad about it.
I believed him when he told me he was sober, I trusted him when he said he wouldn't go down this route again. Was he just telling me what I wanted to hear this entire time?
Was this the first time this has happened? Or has there been other times he's gotten drunk, this time it just was too much? Have I been missing something this entire time?
I refused to go through this situation again with him. It ruined us the last time, and it probably ruined it again this time.
I'm not allowing Harry to continue to be in Theo's life if this is what's going on.
I hesitantly opened our life up to him again, and he let us down.
This isn't something that I just can excuse. I don't want to put my kids through anything else, and I can't allow Harry to be around us if his addiction isn't as under control as he's made it out to be.
Especially when I know how badly it broke us years ago. It was a couple months of constant fighting, arguments, and nights when Harry would come home so drunk that I didn't know what to do with him. His drinking was taking priority over his family, and I sat back and watched our family fall apart. I refuse to go through that a second time.
Have I missed it all again this time? Have I been so focused on wanting this to work for them that I neglected to see his addiction right in front of my face? Did he manage to clean up nice enough the two times a week I saw him to fool me?
I feel like a horrible person for doubting him, but I couldn't help it. Harry has put me through enough struggling and I'd be damned if I let myself go too far with him again and be broken again. Knowing what I know, it's hard to not feel the doubt creeping up on me.
I let him back in because I honestly believed him when he claimed that he worked on himself and had become a better man, but was I blind? Was I naïve like my dad had said I was?
Was everything that Harry has told me since that day in August been a complete lie?
I felt myself starting to spiral, my brain clouding with thoughts. I found a nearby supply closet and closed myself in it, dropping to the floor and bringing my knees to my chest in a fetal positon.
Maybe my dad was right.
Harry can sell a story.
Harry's an actor for crying out loud. Maybe this whole time he's just been playing a part to my face just to go home and be exactly who he was 3 years ago.
He knows exactly what to say, he knows the faces to make, and he knows how to convey his body language. He's done it a thousand times, he's practiced it even more.
Acting is his whole job. He made a career out of being believable.
Harry knows how to make the audience believe the role he's playing. He can be a psychotic husband, a war hero, a marvel superhero, a regretful father who wants his child back.
Portraying a part is what he knows how to do best.
And that's never scared me as much as it does now.
Maybe I was naïve and stupid just like my parents were saying. I didn't think that I would come to a point that I believed the words they said. I was becoming confident in my decision to let Harry back in, hell I even defended him against the hurtful ideas my parents were throwing at him. I truthfully felt like we were getting to a good place and maybe everything was going to be okay.
And now here we are.
Only to have it thrown back in my face.
I felt betrayed and stupid.
And sadly, I felt like the trust that I was forming towards him was snapped in half.
The supply closet door opened, taking me away from my thoughts when another nurse came in to grab a pack of gauze and syringes. I didn't recognize her, and she gave me a weird look as I hastily wiped the water from my eyes before she nudged past me to get back to wherever she came from.
I just wanted to go home.
I've been here less than two hours and this shift is already one of the worst ones that I've worked in a while. I didn't want to be struck in this hospital for another ten hours. I just wanted to be at home on the couch snuggling with my babies.
I just needed to get out of here.
I rushed out of the supply closet and found the closet exit. I just needed to be outside and at the very least out of that building. It was such a large place, but I felt like I was suffocating inside there right now. 4 walls closing in on me under the weight of Harry's screw up.
I ran outside grateful to feel the heat on my body for once. I took a seat on an empty bench near some bushes, completely neglecting the fact that I'm supposed to be working. To be fair, after how I froze in the trauma room a little bit ago, they probably don't want me near patients right now anyways.
The heat of the California sun felt like the anger building up inside my body. I know it's probably selfish of me to be thinking like this and being mad at him, but I am. I defended his sobriety just weeks ago and then he shows up at the hospital so out of it that Jeff found him passed out in his bathroom with alcohol in his system? That's how I get repaid?
I felt like I had lenses on, only allowing me to see the situation from my point of view, and although it sounds bad, I have tunnel vision. Harry lied to me and now I have to deal with the consequences of his actions yet again.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, only to pull it out and see it was yet another message from my dad. I slid the notification away, I didn't have the energy to deal with that right now, and I still won't for a while. I can already hear the "I told you so's" from here.
I just can't believe that this was happening right now.
The sight of Harry lying on the table was now engrained in my brain. The pieces of glass that was cutting his stomach is what I now know to be beer bottles he must've fell on or something. The fear and panic I had wishing he was okay was now clouded by my own selfish opinions on what he had done.
I don't even know how long I sat outside for, but eventually I dragged my feet back inside the hospital. I didn't want to get caught just sitting around, especially when my boss was so quick to threaten to fire me the other day.
I headed to the bathroom and threw some water on my face to try and wash it all away, but it didn't work. I patted my face dry and took a deep breath, composing myself so I could get started on working. I needed to block Harry out from my mind right now, and focus on my job.
For a couple hours I tended to patients, either giving someone stitches or administering some medicine for them. For a while it felt good to delve myself into my patients problems and leave my own behind.
For a couple hours my mind didn't wander off to thinking about Harry. I was focused on the people in front of me that needed my help and the task at hand. It worked for a while, until the curiosity got the best of me.
It was afternoon now, and I needed to know what was on his paper.
"What room is Harry Styles in?" I asked the receptionist, saying his name quietly.
It was an older woman, and she looked at me unamused. My best guess is Jeff pulled through and alerted the hospital to keep Harry's name more quiet. "Why? You work in the ER"
"I was on his team when he arrived" I lied, knowing all I did was stand there in shock and not actually work on him. My name was called out though, so I'm hoping she heard that and grants me the information that I'm asking for.
She eyed me suspiciously but began typing away at her computer so I knew I was through. "Room 312"
"Thank you" I smiled and speed walked to the elevator to bring me to the third floor.
I was nervous now as I pressed the 3rd floor button with shaking hands. I had no idea if I would be walking into an alert Harry or one who is still passed out from his injury or medication. My hands felt clammy now as the elevator doors parted and myself and other doctors left the room. I headed to the left and read the room numbers under my breath to myself until I was stood in front of the room I was told.
I didn't see a folder in the shelf outside the door like we usually have, and I'm assuming it's because someone is in the room with him right now or Jeff is holding it hostage.
Oh god, I didn't even think about the fact that Jeff is probably sitting in there right now and I don't have the energy to speak with him.
After looking around and seeing nobody, I pressed my ear to the door trying to see if I hear anyones voices, but the room seemed quiet to me. Taking a chance, I opened it up anyways.
The first thing I noticed was the room was empty besides Harry.
His patient folder was placed on one of the counters and machines were beeping away letting the staff know how he's doing.
Harry laid there in the hospital bed, a bandage wrapped around his head, and I'm sure around his stomach as well. His eyes were tightly shut, breath going up and down, a curl hanging down his forehead.
He looked peaceful and if I wasn't so mad at him, I'd probably go take his hand right now.
I opened up the folder, seeing all the information they had on him so far.
Patient was found unconscious on bathroom floor with a forehead laceration and multiple shards of glass impaled in his stomach. Patient was admitted with large amounts of alcohol in his system.
I read everything else that I wanted to know and placed the folder back where I found it. I did another glance at Harry, who was still laying soundly with his eyes closed. I was glad that he wasn't awake when I came in, because I read what I needed to and now I can leave and basically never speak to him again.
I turned around to carefully turn the doorknob to leave, my back now towards Harry, and just like this morning I froze when I heard my name being called out.
"L-lennon?" His voice was hoarse, and I internally cursed myself before I slowly spun back around to face him.
"W-what happened? Are you okay? The kids, are the kids okay?" His voice was now panicky as his eyes darted around the room taking in the bright lights, the beeping machines, and the wiring all around him and connected to his body.
Against everyone's best judgement, he quickly sat up and tried to rip the IV from his arm in a panic, and my medical instincts rushed over to gently push him to laying back down and staying in place.
"Why aren't you answering me? Are you guys okay? What happened? Lennon, please tell me why I'm here?"
For the first time, I looked at his face. Into his eyes and I could see them full of confusion and panic.
"Please answer me, are you mad at me? What did I do? I-I don't understand" He reached out to touch me but I stepped away from him.
"Yes" I answered. "I'm mad at you"
His eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes followed me as I positioned myself at the end of his bed. "Okay... i-I don't understand? What happened? Are the kids okay?"
"The kids are fine" I snapped, without even meaning to, it just happened.
He didn't look like he believed me, but he didn't say it out loud. "Okay...Can you tell me what happened? I'm really confused, and you're mad at me and I don't know why"
I crossed my arms and scoffed at him. "You don't know why I'm mad?"
He slowly shook his head. "For the love of everything will you just tell me what happened? I don't remember it"
"You don't remember?" I said, in disbelief.
"No? I-I don't think so?"
"You don't remember that you drank bottles of beer and passed out on your bathroom floor?!" I slightly raised my voice at him.
His body went limp.
His jaw slightly dropped.
"I-I what?"
"You got drunk! So drunk that you ended up here! What the hell Harry?!" I continued on, not bothering to care about the way he looks like his life just got sucked away from him.
"No" Harry shook his head. "No no, Lenny I didn't, I didn't do that. I-I wouldn't have. I'm sober, I haven't drank- no this is a mistake or something or i-I don't know, but tell me I didn't do that. Tell me I didn't relapse"
"I wouldn't lie to you about this!" I glared at him. "You passed out because you got so drunk! You told me this wouldn't happen! Were you just lying to me this entire time?"
Harry dropped his head into his hands and shook it back and forth. "No this can't, I was doing so well. I couldn't have... i-I haven't drank in... oh my god. I was about to reach my one year of being sober this month"
It was like I couldn't even hear the words he was saying over the rage in my body. I was so caught up in the moment that my body wasn't listening to him, and if it was I wasn't believing what he was saying.
"I fucking trusted you Harry, again! What?! I-I open my kids lives up to you, and you tell me it's all going to be okay, and you made me trust you. I-I thought it was okay, and I defended you! I believed you! And for what? This?! You're in the hospital because you drank too much!"
"Lenny, please" Harry breathed, his body language and voice shaking now. "I-I don't know, you've got it wrong. I didn't lie to you, I know that. I don't know why I drank, but I'm not lying to you. I don't remember I don't. I'm sorry, you're wrong, I haven't done this I promise"
"I need to go"
"No!" He shouted, desperately. "No Lennon, don't. We can talk, i-I can fix this"
"I'm tired of trying to fix things with you Harry! I'm not the one who keeps screwing us up!"
"I know" Harry flinched at my words. "Just talk to me, don't leave. Please don't leave, I don't want to be alone right now"
"Harry, no" I groaned, and he sat back up in his bed and outstretched his arm towards me, trying to grab onto me and prevent me from leaving.
"Please Lennon don't. I'm sorry, I am. I really don't know why I did that. I'm in shock, I don't know...I don't know"
"Harry I can't do this again with you. I gave you a second chance, I don't know if you deserve a third" I shook my head.
"No! no no no, Lennon please" He panicked. "Don't keep me from Theo. Oh my god, no. Lennon-"
I took a deep breath. "I think it's best if we stop this"
For the second time, his body dropped and the only thing holding him back from jumping out of that bed was the fact his body was hooked up to countless machines. I was watching the numbers.
"Lennon please don't do this. I want to be in his life, I-... Please, I'm so sorry, but just give me another chance"
"I'm sorry, I am. But... I can't do this with you"
"It was one time! I promise, I've never done this since I stopped drinking. It's one time, it won't happen again I promise" He begged.
"How do I believe that? W-what if you can't help it and it happens again?..." I looked at him, genuinely concerned.
"I almost made it a year, I was doing well, I promise. Just don't take him away from me" Harry begged, the most pitiful look in his eyes.
"I'm sorry Harry" I sniffled, and I couldn't be in this room any longer. I rushed to the door, only to hear him start crying.
"No! Lennon, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" He repeated over and over.
I turned the doorknob.
"I can fix it, I swear! Lennon, you don't have to do this. please, please, please don't walk out the door"
The sound of him shouting for me to stay momentarily made me stop in my tracks.
Do I turn around and forgive this so easily? Or do I protect myself and my kids and leave?
"Lennon I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. I-it was an accident I swear!"
And I used all my strength to walk out of the hospital room.
cries :(