Crossroad Blues
I pulled back though every part of me was screaming not to let him go.
"Be safe, my pretty little hitchhiker." Dean brushed his thumb across my bottom lip.
I nodded my head, my body going cold when he stepped away from me and headed for the front door.
A tingling feeling spread through my chest and down my arms. A million tiny needles pricked my fingers and palm. I looked down, rolling my sleeve up. I ignored the scar that went from my wrist up to the crook of my elbow, instead focusing on the black veins creeping up my arm.
___
Sam lined the fireplace with goofer dust as we stood in the office.
"What is that stuff?" Evan asked as Sam began to pour a circle of it around him.
"Goofer dust." Sam repied.
"You serious?"
"Yeah. Afraid so."
"He's doesn't really joke much." I added.
"Look, believe me, don't believe me. Whatever you want." Sam says. "Just whatever you do, stay inside this circle, alright?"
"Let me...in..." The voice whispered in my mind.
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to will it away. Instead she formed out of the darkness I was met with. Her figure mirroring mine, her hand outstretched before me. Inviting me to her.
I opened my eyes, scared she'd be before me even in the light. In the real world like she had been before.
"That's the last of it." Sam says, tossing the empty bag to the floor after he finished the circle.
Suddenly, Evan spun around, eyes wide.
"What?" Sam asked.
"You hear that?" Evan asked.
"No. Where?" Sam asked.
The figure appeared at my side, looking--head titled--curiously at the door just as Evan spun around. My hands shook, body frozen. No one else--just like last time--saw her. It was just me, watching the woman's figure that was drenched in shadows.
"Right outside the door." Evan pointed to the door on the other end of the room.
Then the figure reached out, taking my hand. I couldn't pull back or stop what was happening. "Don't be afraid. We are one." She says, darkness pooling around my wrist and hand before seeping up my arm.
Then I was being pulled forward, my hand held out in front of me as she took the lead.
"Saige?" Sam asked.
"I can't stop." I say, eyes stinging and voice shaking.
"Saige, get away from the door." Sam says as the door shook.
This time I heard the growling and barking of the hellhound on the other side.
"I can't!" I snapped in fear. The figure stopped at the door, reaching out with her other hand. "Stop it." I say, but her hand didn't latch onto the handle. Instead, she placed her palm flat against the wooden door.
For a moment, the wood smoldered, a symbol beginning to burn onto it. Then it went out, nothing happening. The shadow woman frowned, eyes turning to mine.
"Help me. Let me in." She says.
"No thanks." I mumbled, ripping my hand from hers. Then she disappeared.
I stumbled backward and into the circle with Sam and Evan.
The doors shook and I could no longer hear the sound of the Hellhounds barking or growling.
"Just don't move, alright? Stay where you are." Sam tells him before turning to me. "What the hell were you doing?"
"I...I don't know." I answered.
Suddenly, the doors stopped.
"Do you still hear it?" Sam asked.
"No. Is it over?" Evan replied.
Then the vent burst open, a lamp falling over.
"It's here." Evan says.
"Stay inside the circle." Sam says.
Her voice came back to me then in a soft hiss. "It's been so long..."
Claw marks appeared in the floor just outside of the circle of goofer dust. A gust of wind blows through the room, papers from the table flittering across the floor.
The goofer dust began to move, shifting and breaking its form.
"Circle's broken. Come on." Sam yelled, grabbing Evan by the arm.
They ran off, but before I could a hand latched onto my wrist. She was by my side again.
I see the hellhounds then. Two of them, growling and snarling before me. One ran off behind Sam and Evan. The other stared up at us, teeth bared. Its fur was black, not nearly as dark of the shadows pooling from the figure beside me, but still dark. Its eyes glowed a deep purple.
"Your hand..." She says. She then held out hers. I mirrored her actions.
The hellhound let out a soft growl, stepping closer. It sniffed my hand first, then hers. It sat down, head cocked to the side as it stared up at us, tail wagging.
My eyes widened.
The figure beside me knelt down, reaching out to pet the large dog with her free hand.
Suddenly, the hound ran off.
___
I was swept up into Dean's arms the second he got close enough. I returned the embrace, pressing a kiss to his neck. Something was hurting him. I could tell. I wasn't sure what, but something had happened.
"Dean, are you--?" I began.
"I just want to hold you." He whispered into my shoulder, arms around my waist as he lifted me off of the ground slightly. "Also, I was violated by demon tongue."
"Wh--what?" I sputter out.
"I figured you should know."
"...Thanks...?" I mumbled, knowing full well that's not what was bothering him. Not really.
___
"Demons lie all the time, right? Maybe she was lying." Sam says as Dean kept his eyes trained of the road ahead. He had told us what happened. How the demon had told him about John and the deal he made. About how he was in hell as we speak.
"Come on, is that really what you think?" Dean asked. "How could he do it?"
"He did it for you." Sam pointed out, but I'm not sure it was the best choice of words. It seemed that was what bothered Dean the most.
"Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that?" Dean asked. "You know, the thought of him...wherever he is right now...I mean, he spent his whole life chasing that yellow-eyed son of a bitch. He should've gone out fighting. That was supposed to be his legacy, you know? Not bargaining with the damn thing. Not this."
"How many people did dad save?" Sam asked. "Total."
"That's not the point, Sam."
"Evan Hudson is safe because of what dad taught us. That's his legacy, Dean. Now we're still here, man. So we gotta keep going. For him." Sam says. He was right. That's what I told myself about my dad. It kept me going. "Hey, Dean?"
"Yeah." Dean glanced at his brother.
"When you were trapping that demon, you weren't...I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal, right?"
I wasn't stupid. I knew he probably had. Dean didn't though. That's what counts.
Or at least that's what I tell myself.
When Dean didn't answer I knew I was right. He turned the radio on and up, rock music filling the silence.
___
"I love you, Dean." I whispered in the dark as I ran my fingers through his hair. Neither of us had outright said it or at least neither of us had outright said it to each other's face.
His head rested on my chest, arms around my middle as we lay in the darkness of our motel room. He didn't reply for a moment. At first I was scared he wouldn't say it back, then I realized maybe he was asleep.
"I love you, Si." He says.
Then I realized I hadn't said it just to hear it back. I said it because I needed him to know that. I needed him to know that I loved him more than anything.
In that moment, I realized I should probably be honest about everything I'm going through. But I didn't want to put more on his plate than he already had to deal with.
"Dean?" I asked softly.
"Yeah, baby?"
"There's something I want to tell you."