Author's Note: After this chapter, the fic is half done. :D
~ Amina Gila
Anakin slumps back in his seat for a few moments to just breathe, as he watches the blue and white swirl of hyperspace. That... was close. And it's not until now that he realizes he doesn't even know if they're okay or what happened to them. Asajj definitely wasn't from what he saw in his vision.
Pushing himself up – he'll have to get a new hand and he keeps forgetting he doesn't have one, but it's driving him crazy – he heads for the cockpit.
Asajj and Qui-Gon are already there, and Ahsoka's scrambling up the ladder from one of the other guns. He's not surprised she opted to go for the guns.
"You're late," Anakin supplies, relief flooding him at seeing that she's not moving like she was injured.
"You're... missing a hand?" Ahsoka replies, but she's already sprinting across the hold and practically throws herself into his arms. He catches her, hugging her tightly.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Are you?" she demands, "What happened to you?
"Since when did you have a metal hand?" Asajj questions from the doorway, and Anakin's gaze jumps to her. She... does not look good. He doesn't see any visible injuries, but her clothes look like they do after getting electrocuted – he's far too aquatinted with that – and she's standing with one hand resting on the wall.
"Since the beginning of the war. I lost it to Dooku."
"Him again?" That she isn't cracking jokes the way she was the last time he mentioned fighting Dooku says a lot about her mental state right now.
"I fought him several times, none of which... ended well."
Qui-Gon's expression twitches a little at the mention of the name. It's still hard to remember that Dooku trained him, that he was important to Qui-Gon. (Did he feel towards him anything like how Anakin does to Obi-Wan?) He just died not long ago here. He's definitely still... grieving him.
"He did questionable things sometimes, during the war. Determined to win," Asajj comments.
"He was always that way," Qui-Gon agrees, something subdued in his tone. It hurts to see him hurting so much. When Anakin knew him when he was younger, it hardly seemed possible. "Trying to help in whatever way he could, even if he sometimes took it too far."
"That's why I finally left. It all felt pointless," Asajj adds.
"You... left?" Anakin echoes. He doesn't know that much about this version of her now that he thinks about it. Her physical state is probably the only reason she's having a serious conversation, instead of constantly cracking jokes right now. He knew she became a bounty hunter, but he never knew how or why, if Dooku had been training her for a while.
"About halfway through the war. That's when I became a bounty hunter."
She's still resting a hand against the wall, something slightly together in her expression. "You should rest," Anakin interjects, because that's really what she ought to be doing, even if she's being too stubborn to do so. He moves across the hold, collecting the medkit they have on board – though he keeps forgetting he only has one hand and it's annoying. "And you may want this." It will help minimally with electric burns if they're extensive, but it's better than nothing.
Asajj huffs. "Fussing about me when you're the one with a mechanical stub for a limb?" she asks.
"That has to wait until we're back to base." And... he's not going to be able to use the custom designed additional hand he has stored in his Temple room, just in case something happened to his current one. He'll have to modify it all over again.
... At least it was just his mechanical one that Obi-Wan cut off. Doesn't make the memory overly pleasant.
Asajj huffs out a breath, but heads to her room just down the hall, nearly stumbling as she does though, though she's quick to catch her balance.
Anakin follows her, carrying the medkit.
"Thanks," she says, and he blinks at the entirely unexpectedness of it. At least from her.
"I almost can't believe you just said that."
"Me neither. Don't get cocky about it." She takes the medical supplies from him, settling on the edge of her bunk.
He lingers in the doorway for a moment, debating asking what he's really wondering even if he doesn't want the answer. He ought to know, though. "Was it the... Sith who – who did that?" he ventures, finally.
Asajj looks up at him again, though the smirk that flits across her face looks mostly forced. "Yeah. He's lovely company. Making him angry was amusing."
It's almost disturbing how much he can imagine the version of Ventress he knew saying the same thing about Obi-Wan. He's almost inclined to agree, too. Well. Sometimes.
"That's generally an unwise approach to take with Sith," he points out finally, because annoying them to the point they start torturing you is... stupid. Even if he can entirely understand the temptation. He hates the sheer helplessness of being captured – something he's far too familiar with – and refusing to show to any fear or anything is well...
The only thing that makes you feel like you have control of anything. Even if it's dangerous.
"It was worth it," Asajj replies, smirking.
If she says so.
He doesn't want to think about how Obi-Wan was torturing her. Yes, he's a Sith, but that doesn't mean facing the reality of... what that means for the kinds of things he does is easy. It doesn't help that it was probably at least in part an effort to lure Anakin out there. (Because he wants him for some reason. That isn't something Anakin wants to think about too much. It hurts.)
"Was it," he repeats.
"Yeah. Don't tell me you wouldn't do the same, Skykid."
"I have," he replies, dryly, "... I have done the same to Obi-Wan, in very different circumstances." Making him annoyed was funny. Sometimes, like in speeder chases. Making him angry not so much.
"Must've been quite the master," she huffs.
He doesn't want to think about that right now. "He was a good master," Anakin replies, quietly, "We were... close. I don't see how he could be so different here."
Asajj shrugs a shoulder. "Maybe he Fell without you to keep him on his toes."
He rather doubts his absence would make someone Fall, even if he cracks up at the comment. "I'd find the opposite more likely."
"Hmm," she muses, though that tired edge to her gaze is back again.
"I'll leave you to treat it," he says, stepping out the door.
He can't help wondering, just a little bit, if Asajj is right that they're... like siblings. She was joking when she said it, but there's a certain equality there that isn't quite the same as he's had with anyone else.
He doesn't want to lose that, but... Now isn't the time to think about what happens when he goes back to his own time. Right now, he needs to talk to Qui-Gon.
He's still in the hold when Anakin returns, and Ahsoka's disappeared back to their room.
"You confronted Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon states more than asks when Anakin settles across from him.
"Yes. It was me he was after. He was trying to lure me out here." Qui-Gon had never appeared in his vision, and that... is probably because Obi-Wan wasn't going to hurt him. It makes him feel at least a little better, because it means he obviously still cares for Qui-Gon. (Apparently, he cares about Anakin too, now.)
"What did he want with you?" he inquires, something thoughtful and weighted at once in his gaze.
"He wants me to join him. The last time I was captured, he... found out what I was to him, in my reality." Guilt twists inside of him again, remembering the last moments of that conversation. There wasn't any other choice he could make, and he knows that, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Doesn't mean it doesn't feel like there's something he should do differently. Anakin knows what the Jedi say about Sith, but... that's not how Obi-Wan is. Ahsoka made different choices when she was given the chance. There's no reason Obi-Wan couldn't too, right?
He has gone further though, and Anakin can't forget what he did to Asajj, but...
Ahsoka was younger so it was definitely far easier to reach her, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be worth at least trying. He doesn't think he'll be able to get any of their last conversation out of his mind unless he at least tries. He hadn't thought of it then, was hardly of the mind to, remembering their first meeting and after Obi-Wan cut off his hand, but he can't stop thinking about it now.
Even if he's... afraid to face him again. Obi-Wan was angry when he left, and he's sure that'll still be true when they inevitably confront each other again. But somehow, he doesn't really think he'd... hurt him. Not badly, at least.
He had the chance to kill him, and he didn't.
"I can't believe that he's... lost," Qui-Gon says, after a long pause. "This may be his choice to make now, but I can't believe there's no chance for him to return."
His heart flares just a little at the words. He wants to hope, but he doesn't know what to think. This is against what the Jedi always said about the Dark Side, but... He's never really understood why the Jedi and Sith fight the way they do, doesn't understand why they have to, even if it's not for him to question. "Do you think there's a chance that... I could try?"
He would think Obi-Wan would be far more responsible to Qui-Gon, but he doesn't really know that.
"Trying would harm nothing," Qui-Gon agrees, solemnly, "But don't needlessly risk yourself while doing so." His gaze lingers on Anakin's right hand for a moment.
"I... will be careful," he assures, though it's hardly himself he's worried about. Qui-Gon has always shown him a level of consideration he doesn't really understand, though.
"I would have come to join you in the confrontation," he says, after a pause, "But we ran into too many troops on the way to the ship."
"It's fine. I went alone as a distraction."
He nods. "And I am grateful that you made it out alright."
Anakin hesitates for a moment. "Did Obi-Wan speak to you this time? I saw when you talked to him last time, but it didn't appear to help."
"He didn't speak to me at all, this time. I do not doubt that he has... questions, which may be the way."
That's probably true, and it gives him a small amount of hope, but he's still... cautious. Anakin shifts, looking up to meet Qui-Gon's gaze briefly. "Are you alright?" he asks, feeling almost ridiculously shy about it, but he can't just drop it, "There's... Obi-Wan, and I know you lost Dooku not long ago. I know you were – close to him." Even if he still can't imagine it.
He's quiet, for a long pause. "I regret that I was not with Dooku to stop his fate during the attack, or... that I did not get a chance to spend more time with him before it was his... time," he admits finally, "But those regrets are normal, and we can only mourn them, remember them for who they were, and... continue to move on, to achieve what they would have desired."
He nods silently, unable to shake the memory of his mother's body in his arms. All he's truly been able to do since is try to be what she would've wanted of him, try to be what he left her to become.
"Dooku always believed that the Republic was failing, that... a new system would have to change it," Qui-Gon says, "He occasionally made... choices against the Jedi way, but he... always did what he believed would help."
Did he do the same there? Was he just trying to help until he became a Sith, and destroyed everything he believed he was fighting for? It's hard to imagine him wanting to help, but Anakin knows the Separatists' reasons for leaving aren't entirely illegitimate, even if the way they're going about it is just hurting more people. "I don't know much about him in my reality," Anakin confesses.
Anakin doesn't want to dwell on it, remembering the moment that he killed Dooku. Maybe it was an order, and it was justice, a way to stop him from hurting anyone else, but that doesn't mean it... was what he should've done.
"Before he left the Order and back when I was still his padawan, his methods did not go as far," Qui-Gon replies, "I cannot imagine him falling as far as you have spoken of, but I... can understand how it could happen." He's silent again, for a long pause. "Obi-Wan has... a similar path now. Perhaps, the one he truly needs to help him is you."
Anakin blinks at the unexpectedness of the comment. But this is Qui-Gon, and he can't imagine him being entirely wrong.
Qui-Gon used to reign in Dooku's violence, apparently.
Maybe... maybe he's not wrong? Even if Anakin doesn't know why Obi-Wan would be more willing to respond to him than to Qui-Gon.
He doesn't really know what to think anymore.
It's not something that matters until he runs into Obi-Wan again. For now, he has to focus on the rebellion. But what if working with Obi-Wan actually does bring the fight to a faster end? Without so many more of the clones dying? Without continuing to destroy the galaxy needlessly? That's what Jedi did before the war started – try to end the conflict, when they could.
"He said we could kill his master and rule instead. I... do not know if that means he would genuinely help us. But he wants me to Fall." And he has no idea what to do. Especially not when he knows what can happen if he... gets too close to the Dark Side. He can't risk that.
"As matters stand now, we must still be cautious about his intentions, but only the Force can direct our paths from here. You are growing to become a great Jedi, Anakin. The Force will guide you."
The unexpectedness of the compliment floors him entirely.
Qui-Gon believes that about him? That – that he...
He knows that he tries to be a good Jedi, but it never really feels like he manages. Like he's never doing enough, never can do enough. But –
He looks down, unsure how to respond.
He feels Qui-Gon's hand on his shoulder a moment later, warm and comforting and grounding in a way that reminds him so much of that the first time he stood in front of the Council. Of how at the end of the day, it was always Qui-Gon who believed in him.
It's... reassuring, even if he still feels lost. The only thing that can give him answers about what to do is the Force now, even if he's used to obeying people.
"Thank you," Anakin breathes finally, unsure what else he could even say, "For everything."
The moment is broken when the door opens behind them, and Ahsoka steps into the hold. She seems... upset, even if she's not really showing it.
"Are you alright?" Anakin asks.
Ahsoka drops onto the bench next to him, frowning. "When I was captured, I... None of them paid me any attention, but I thought they would."
She didn't go back to the Empire in the first place because she was afraid of what they would do. Of course, she'd have been terrified about that – even if she was never hurt. That's probably why Anakin kept seeing her in his visions.
He reaches out, touching her shoulder. "You're safe now." And he's never going to let her be captured again.
"I know," she replies quietly, "But I... It reminded me of what the Empire was like, what I used to... do."
"You were raised that way," Qui-Gon speaks up, "Your choices were not your own. Even if they were, it is never too late for change."
"Why are you two the only tolerable Jedi in the galaxy? Why couldn't I have run into you before?" she asks, with a huff.
"Asajj doesn't count as tolerable?" Anakin queries, mostly teasing. Because he doesn't really know what to say to that. She never should've had to... live the life she did, but that's true about so many.
"No."
He can't help laughing.
"She can be complicated to associate with," Qui-Gon says, almost amused.
Ahsoka huffs. "You're telling me."
"Have you meditated in the past?" Qui-Gon asks.
She makes a face. "I have in the Sith way. Don't tell me you're about to suggest I do it the Jedi way. I'm not a Jedi. And I don't think I'd ever want to be one."
"You need not be a Jedi for the... calm of it to help," Qui-Gon replies, "It is also about clearing your mind and letting the Force guide you."
Meditating is something Anakin wishes he could do again, but he hasn't been able to properly since coming here. "I can't anymore. I... can feel all the death," Anakin speaks up, "It never stops, and I feel all of it, especially while meditating. That is never how it was in my reality."
Qui-Gon's expression shifts to something troubled again. "That was never how it used to be here. Around when the war ended, about the same time you came here, it began. At first, I believed it to be a shift in the Force, but it has been going on too long. I cannot explain what it is."
Anakin can't help thinking back to the night sky, how some of the stars just seem gone. How... the rumors he heard on Tatooine about the hyperspace routes in the Outer Rim being messed up so no one can go there anymore, and a chill runs through him. He doesn't know what any of this means, but he's scared to know.
Something's wrong, and more and more, he's getting that it's going to be important, that it's only something they can ignore for so much longer.
***
The first thing Anakin deals with when he gets back to the base is getting a new hand.
The limb is significantly different from the one he was able to get in his time. Something about it seems slightly less... developed, and the way it coordinates with his arm just feels wrong.
At least it's still gold.
But he still doesn't much appreciate that he lost it.
He's sitting at the table in the hold, trying to work on adjusting the wiring when Artoo rolls up to him, beeping.
"Are you malfunctioning?"
"Something like that," he agrees, mildly amused, "I need to adjust some things."
The droid whistles, offering to help.
"That's alright, Artoo," he assures, lightly resting his left hand on the droid's dome for a moment. Maybe this Artoo isn't his, but they've still bonded just as quickly. It doesn't hurt quite as much anymore that he doesn't remember him, though it's still jarring sometimes that Threepio doesn't exist here and never will.
"Does it hurt?" Padme asks, glancing up from where she's sitting next to him. She looks torn between curiosity and maybe a little bit horrified, even if she's trying not to show it.
Having a metal limb is something he's long grown used to, but he still remembers every bit of it right after it happened. How much it did hurt, and the... stares he got from everyone. Whether because he wasn't fully human anymore or because of how obviously it signified his failure to kill the Sith – the one thing he was trained to do since they agreed to let him become a Jedi in the first place – he doesn't know.
The clones were the first ones who'd given it any form of positive attention. They thought it was cool. Fives had been overly curious to know what he could break with it. Or rather, what he couldn't, considering how strong the metal is.
"Not anymore," Anakin replies, glancing up at her.
Padme's hand lightly touches his upper arm, and his mind instantly jumps back to their conversation before he left on this mission. On how much he still wants this, wants them to have a future, but it's pointless to keep dreaming about it. Even if dreaming is something he's always done.
This time, it's not possible, and they both know it.
Padme catches his gaze, and he can tell she's thinking along the same lines. Her hand drops back to her lap, though she stays next to him. He's silently grateful for that. At least they can still have a friendship, even if that's also guaranteed to end.
"The next move is yours," Ahsoka chirps, breaking up the moment – she and Padme are playing a game of dejarik at the table.
"Want some help with the next move?" Asajj drawls, leaning against the wall watching them, as Padme turns back to the game.
"No thanks," Padme replies.
"I didn't offer to play with you," Ahsoka snarks.
"Lucky for you. Cuz you'd lose," Asajj shoots back.
"Oh, really?"
Anakin really has no idea sometimes if their bickering is intended as playful or serious. He just settles for staying out of it unless it gets too heated.
Padme pushes a button, and her dejarik creatures attack Ahsoka's defeating the last of them.
The Togruta huffs, slumping back in her seat, ignoring Asajj's smirk.
"Don't worry, you'll learn to defeat me eventually. I had to be good at this, when I planned strategies with my sisters," Padme says.
"I'm a commander," Ahsoka grumbles, "Was a commander. I ought to be better at strategizing than that."
Anakin remembers how it was for Ahsoka, how she always... tried to prove herself. It was so hard for him to explain that she didn't have to do it, but eventually, she... did. That isn't something this Ahsoka was ever able to get. He's so angry at the Empire for what it did to her. Obi-Wan always used to tell him not to hold onto his anger, and he – he usually doesn't, but this is Ahsoka. She's worth him being angry for her. She's worth everything.
"Ever thought of adding a blaster to your arm?" Asajj asks, sauntering over to Anakin.
"Yes, actually," he replies, dryly, "But my master would have had a heart attack." He'd joked about it with the clones once, when they were for some reason discussing what if one of the others had to get a limb like his.
"It'd be useful, considering that your lightsaber is nowhere to be found."
He's quite aware of that, and it's going to be a serious inconvenience the next time he has a mission. He's so used to using it, even if he can fight without one. "I lost it. And I don't believe there is a way I can go to Ilum."
"No Jedi has made it to Ilum for a long time, from what I am aware of," Qui-Goon agrees, "That would be risky."
"And it's probably not worth it," Anakin agrees. There's got to be something elsewhere.
"And you aren't taking mine," Ahsoka grumbles, "You can't use that as an excuse not to give them back."
He actually hasn't thought about that nearly as much as he probably should have. Ahsoka can fight with other weapons, and the Force, just as well, but... Going without lightsaber practice for too long can be complicated. It makes you sloppy. That's happened to him before, and he doesn't want Ahsoka to take that risk.
When they went back to Mustafar, he still wasn't ready to give them back. He trusted her, but he couldn't be... certain that she wouldn't hurt anyone. He didn't want to think of her like that, but he still had to take that as a risk. Now, though... Maybe. It just doesn't feel quite like it's time.
"I'd rather not use red," Anakin replies instead, because he's not sure he wants to discuss it just yet. It feels wrong to deny her them. They belong to her, and belongings are important.
"You can borrow one of mine, only if you give it back," Asajj volunteers, "I can do without one, but I expect it's return in perfect shape. Deal?"
Anakin laughs. "Yes. Thank you."
He never thought he'd end up using one of Ventress's lightsabers, of all the things in the galaxy, but everything about this time and place is unexpected.
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