after lunch, jamie sat through english, trying hard to ignore the burning stares from paris that were coming next to her. paris had been giving her dirty looks since halloween and jamie was seriously starting to get sick of it.
"can you not?" she finally asked as soon as they finished the lesson. paris blinked.
"not what?" she asked, innocently. jamie rolled her eyes.
"be so goddamn insufferable." she said before reaching into her backpack. she took out her laptop and began to work more on her creative writing project. they had already started applying the tips and tricks from the semester to the narrative they wrote at the beginning of the year.
"i'm not the one that kissed my ex's brother." paris said, simply. jamie glared at her.
"you really wanna play this game?" she asked. "i'm not the one that got with my best friend's ex boyfriend."
"please, jamie." paris rolled her eyes. "don't be so dramatic."
"i fucking hate you." jamie replied, turning her attention back to her work. she was so sick of paris at this point. she wondered how she was even friends with someone so annoying and so not a girls' girl.
during study hall, jamie thought about what to say to chris. she had the whole conversation layed out. she just prayed that he'd cooperate and reply how she hoped.
"chris." jamie said as soon as she approached their art table. "we need to talk."
"there's nothing to talk about." chris replied, not even looking up. jamie inhaled, sharply. she looked over at ms. tylers, sending the teacher a silent message, before grabbing chris' arm and pretty much dragging him out of the room. she took him outside, by the stairwell.
"oh, what the fuck, jamie?"
"i need to talk to you." jamie said, looking at chris. "look at me, chris."
"fine." chris grimaced as he put his phone in his pocket. "what do you want?"
"i wanted to explain what happened on halloween."
"explain what, exactly?" chris raised his eyebrows. "that you kissed my brother just to get back at me?"
"you got with my best friend, first."
"ex-best friend."
"yeah, we stopped being friends because of you, dumbass." jamie seethed. the two stared at each other firmly, neither wanting to break eye contact.
"i didn't mean do anything to ruin your relationship with paris." chris said after a moment of silence. jamie scoffed.
"don't fucking lie, chris."
"i'm not." chris deadpanned. "i swear to god, jamie, the last thing i wanted was to hurt you. do you really think i didn't think about the consequences of dating your best friend? fuck, i still feel guilty about it." he said. jamie was at a loss for words. this was not what she had hoped and expected him to say at all.
"then why are you doing it?"
"i really don't know." chris admitted. he took a deep breath. "when you were in europe over the summer, i was lost. it had been months since we broke up and i was still a mess. and you were in europe living your best life while i was sulking in my bedroom twenty-four seven."
"where are you going with this?" jamie asked, carefully. she wasn't sure if she was ready to hear chris' story of how he got with her best friend.
"paris approached me, jamie. she's the one that initiated it. she came up to me and told me to get my act together. she asked me why we broke up and when i didn't give her an answer, she refused to talk to me. a couple days later, i went to her and told her why i ended things. and then she, well, she kissed me."
"what?" jamie's heart dropped to her stomach. "paris kissed you?"
"she said that she's had a crush on me for forever and never did anything because of you. she told me that whatever we would have would just be a summer thing and once you were back, it would be over. as if it ever happened."
"why are you still together then?" jamie asked, already dreading the answer. her eyes were starting to water and chris gave her a sympathetic look.
"i guess i caught feelings." he stated, simply. jamie's breath hitched. "i didn't want to. i denied it for a whole month because the last thing i wanted to do was hurt you. yeah, i like paris, but not nearly as much as i love you."
"oh." she whispered, looking down. love. as in still.
"you're everything to me, jamie. i guess some of that was still there when you kissed matt. i got extremely jealous. and i'm acting all mad, but i realized that i felt exactly what you felt when you saw me with paris. the hurt, the betrayal. and i guess i got pissed off that it was all to get back at me."
"yeah." jamie laughed, bitterly. "it was."
"jamie, i..." chris shut his eyes.
"chris, i swear to god, there are so many other ways to get over someone than going and dating their best friend behind their back." jamie said. "you knew how i felt about paris. she knew how i felt about you. both of you chose to get together and you really didn't think that it would hurt me?"
"i thought you knew!" chris protested. "if i had known that paris had kept it a secret, i would have broken up with her in an instant. jamie, you're the most important person to me."
"than why didn't you?" jamie argued. "if that's the case then why the fuck did you stay with her the moment that i found out?"
"i assumed you would get over it." chris said, softly. "i thought that you were over me."
"i thought i was." jamie replied, her voice cracking. "but apparently not."
" and i thought i was over you, too." chris replied. "what are we even fighting about jamie?"
"i don't know, chris. you really think this isn't confusing for me? you just told me that you fell for paris while also saying you're not over me."
"you're not over her?" a voice said from behind them. jamie's head whipped around as she saw paris standing there, her eyes wide and a confused expression on her face.
"fuck." chris breathed. "paris, i can explain."
"no." paris shook her head. "you can't." she said before turning on her heel and walking away. chris covered his mouth with his hand, a gesture that jamie recognized he only does when he's stressed.
"go follow her." jamie told him.
"jamie..."
"go, chris. she's your girlfriend."
"i'll be back. i promise." he said before taking off after paris. jamie bit her lip, trying not to let the tears fall. she knew ms. tylers was probably concerned about where she and chris were, but she couldn't bring herself to go back to class right now. heading back inside the building, jamie passed her classroom and went straight towards the bathroom. walking inside one of the stalls, jamie leaned her back against the door and stood there for a moment before she finally started to cry.
"this wasn't supposed to happen." she whispered to herself, shaking her head. her mind was bretraying her, reeling back a memory she swore she would never try to remember. a memory from back in february, just a week after they kissed and talked about how they would help each other in writing and art. the day just after valentine's day.
the day she and chris broke up.
maha speaks :)
i really don't know where i'm going with this pls bear with me