I took in the sight of Nikolas, regretful and in love—two things that mix like milk and soda. The urge to throw all rational thinking out the window and hug the man, kiss, and hold him in my bed was compelling.
I wasn't able to stop the spill of words from my mouth, "If she didn't get pregnant..."
"I'd be fixing the divorce papers right now, " he answered silently. I felt what he felt when he said it—regret. The sting of a simple what if.
"I wouldn't be on my way to New York," I quietly added.
"No," he shifted in his seat, leaning forward and crossing his arms, "It's what's best for you and I would've still made you go."
"And you'd come with me?" Wow, Rosa, wanting for the shit to hit the fan?
"What do you think?" a small smile appeared on his face. It was as tender as it can get.
Did he love me enough to hop on a plane and greet a new place?
"If you really love me, you wouldn't be here because you know it'll hurt me more," I spoke.
"Maybe I really love you and I can't stay away even if it's risky."
"You sound like the old Rose," I commented, "Somewhat selfish, very persistent."
He sighed, "learned a lot from that girl."
My eyes never left Mr. Camillo and I never wanted them to. If the end of us is really coming in three days, I wanted to memorize his every detail.
"Or maybe I'm not as selfish as we think," his voice was almost a whisper and I almost didn't hear it, "Maybe I know Rosaleen enough to know that she can be fixed by the things that broke her."
"Sounds stupid and paradoxical, don't you think?"
"We're stupid, aren't we?" he calmly said.
I huffed and sunk further into the mattress, "I hate being stupid. You should go and let me be smart for a change."
"Is that really what you want, Rose?" he sounded sad again and it made me sad, "Because I don't wanna regret not taking the chances I never took. In this case, it would be spending this time with you. I thought you need this too."
"You sound manipulative," I had to say.
That made him pause. His eyes fell to the floor in front of him before his lids fluttered close. Nikolas looked as if he was silently scolding himself.
It was like realization dawned upon him, "I do, don't I?" Nikolas raked his fingers through his hair.
I didn't reply and instead let my expression agree. My heart twisted as I watched him get to his feet with the most shameful look on his gorgeous face.
He's leaving. He's leaving again.
Regardless of the situation, I realized that it hurts each time Nikolas leaves.
He opened his mouth, about to speak, but closed it again. How much of a mess the man was became obvious when he hesitantly nodded his head and made his way to the door. Nikolas stopped just when his hand came in contact with the knob, "I'm sorry, Rosaleen. I won't bother you if you that's what you want. Goodnight."
Just a minute ago he was two meters away from me on the floor and now he's gone. Again.
I think I've ran out of tears because nothing fell. My numb hands searched the bedside table for my phone, scanning for a familiar name on my contacts list once I had it.
He answered after two rings. "Rosaleen It's way past your bedtime, malyshka."
With an exaggerated frown on my face, my back hit the mattress, "Why did you let Nick stay here?"
"I figured that you might want to be with him since you're leaving anyway. I also thought that you were strong enough to handle it, but since you're calling right now, I guess I was wrong," Leonel said and I could hear a car engine and the buzzing street in the background.
"You think it would be good for me? If I give in?"
"I wouldn't have let him stay if I didn't think so. I feel like you two have things to settle—things to get off your chests. I thought I gave you a chance at closure."
As a reply, I kept my mouth shut and my eyes on the ceiling.
"I should've informed you first. I'm sorry," my friend added. And, to make me realize things on my own like always, he asked, "What do you want, Rosaleen?"
"Things never turn out good when I try for what I want," I quietly answered.
"But wouldn't New York be a guarantee of a good turnout?" he suggested.
"I hate that you always make sense," I bit my lip, "Fuck you, Leo."
I heard his carefree chuckle, "Don't make things weird, Rosaleen. We're past that."
I cringed, "Please stop talking."
"Goodnight, then?" Mr. Alexeev asked just as I heard him kill the engine.
"Goodnight, Leo, but I don't think I'll be getting any sleep," I admitted.
"Good luck to you," he hung up after and I was left to fend for my own decisions. At the end of the day, accountability's always on us
I stripped out of my clothes and slipped into a nightgown I bought yesterday. Creepy as it sounds, the ghost of Nikolas sitting on the far wall haunted me. If I had just gave in, there wouldn't be a ghost and instead he'd be right beside me, slumbering silently as the moon makes its exit. Like I told Leonel, I didn't get any proper sleep.
Nikolas was ready to throw it all away. It didn't just include his marriage, but also his job. What would people think when they find out that the principal is seeing one of his former students? There was no promise that we'll be together till the end, but he still thought I'd be worth the try.
Maybe it's a good thing that Bianca's pregnancy happened. Nikolas wouldn't have to compromise his job and dignity.
But fuck, at least the world was offering us three more days. It'd stupid to take the chance and also stupid not to.
I tossed and turned all night, mind wandering to Nick, to other things, and back to Nick. I only got three hours of sleep before Charlotte came knocking on my door.
"Good morning, beautiful," she greeted and the line took me back to my morning with Mr. Camillo.
"Morning, Charlotte," I beamed at the woman who was ready for the day and dressed in a lovely floral dress.
"Want me to wait for you to get ready? We'll meet your brother for breakfast downstairs," she offered.
I ended up saying yes and our day went on as Wyatt planned. For breakfast, we ate near the pool. In the afternoon, boring as it sounds, we played golf. If you think that I fell asleep in the middle of it all, you're right.
Wyatt then had matters to attend to that couldn't be delayed. Charlotte and I were left in the spa to relax and I appreciated her presence.
"I can't take this anymore," Charlotte began, taking a cucumber off from one eye to peak at me, "What's been running in your head the whole day? Something's bothering you, I know it."
"It's that obvious?" I snorted and flipped through the magazine in my hands.
"Is it Nathan?"
The lady massing my feet started thumbing the knuckles and I had to suppress a moan from pleasure. It felt magical.
I sighed. I didn't really want to answer. "Yup."
"Was he the one who sent the box of flowers by the sink?" she teased.
"Charlotte!" I huffed and shook my head.
"I'm sorry, honey," the woman laughed, "They were pretty hard not to notice."
Instead of making a big deal out of it, I sunk further into the armchair. "Yes, Nathan sent them to me. I'm confused now 'cause I'm leaving, Char. Should I clear the air before he leaves even though that involves talking to him which I shouldn't do or should I let it be and leave?"
"If you put it like that, I think the right answer is obvious," she shifted in her seat, "Of course you should clear the air, but since you're having a hard time deciding, I'm thinking that it's more complicated than you let on."
"It is," I closed my eyes and sighed, "It really is."
If only you knew.
"Look at it this way, Rosie," spoke Charlotte as I felt her hold my hand, "Do you think you'll be carrying him to NY if you just let it be and leave?"
My answer came as quick as it was honest. "Yes."
"And if I were you, I wouldn't want that," she caressed the back of my hand with reassuring circles, "So go and talk to him."
We fell silent after that, both enjoying the tranquility brought by the service. "Do you think I'm strong, Char?"
I knew I was. I just needed someone to reassure me. Her answer came quick as well, "Of course," I couldn't see her but I knew she was smiling.
"Can I be excused early? I don't feel well," I lied, knowing that my brother's girlfriend could see right through it. She probably expected, however, that I'll go into my suite to call Nathan through my phone. What she doesn't know was that Nathan is only a building away.
The night was young at 8pm but I didn't want to prolong the agony anymore. The moment I woke up this morning, I guess a part of me already knew that I'll end up with Nikolas tonight, regardless where.
I got myself into this mess. I was courageous enough to start it, to go through it, and now I should be the same as it ends.
"But dessert's on its way," Wyatt said before I can slip out of my seat.
"She doesn't feel well, Wyatt," Charlotte spoke, "Let her rest."
Wyatt pouted, "Are you sure? It's your favorite," he was pertaining to the dark chocolate cheesecake that I fell in love with just yesterday.
"Yes," I smiled sweetly while my legs hauled me up, ready to walk back to my room.
"Goodnight, I guess," spoke the man and after a brief exchange of goodnights with the couple, I was on my way back to my room.
I tried not to acknowledge the bit of excitement in my chest, hoping it wouldn't blow up in my face, but as I got closer and closer to my little sanctuary, suppressing the anticipation got harder and harder. Once I was inside, I grabbed my phone and searched through the contact list until I found the four-letter nickname.
830? I typed and hit send before my fingers could stop and throw my phone on the bed.
Fuck. I didn't get a reply but I knew he'll come.
What will I even say? What will I do?
Since I couldn't think clearly, I had to trust my gut and whatever it leads me to do. Hoping that there's a shooting star somewhere, I silently wished for things to go their way. Standing in the entryway, phone in my hands and lip sore from picking at the skin, I jumped in surprise when a knock came from behind me.
I opened the door and sure enough, Nikolas was behind it. The man was dressed casually again and I was starting to wonder what he does to kill time in his little room.
I quietly let him in and locked the three locks. I then walked to the middle of the room and realized that he wasn't following.
"I'm sorry for last night and the previous nights. Seriously, Rose, if you don't want this, it's fine."
He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his black sweatpants and stared me down, either waiting for further invitation or for a change of mind to kick him out.
"I want you here," I admitted before I had to hold back a cringe from hearing the vulnerability in my voice.
He kept his eyes on me as he slowly walked further inside. I welcomed the known feeling of my insides melting until he stopped in front of me, licking his lips, "Should I take the floor?"
His expression was more on the sad side despite his progress and I'm guessing it's because he was just waiting to be rejected.
I swallowed before I whispered two simple words, "No need."
With shaky hands, I turned and walked to the side of the bed where I slowly tugged at the ribbon that kept the halter top of my dress in place. I then tugged at the hem and the piece pooled around my feet. I spared a glance at Nikolas who I was pretty sure wasn't breathing anymore.
I slipped under the covers and waited for Nikolas to do the same. After a tense minute though, he kept his position at the foot of the bed, standing waist-deep in thought.
I got to my knees and crawled to the edge until he was only inches away. With all rational voices drowned out, I kissed him gently. When Nikolas didn't respond, I buried my fingers into his head of brown hair and licked his lower lip, tugging afterwards.
His breathing turned ragged and the way he looked at me through hooded eyes got me squirming. I was about to call out his irresponsiveness when his hands gripped my hips and pulled me closer. Nick's lips tasted as good as they feel—a special taste that's right up my alley.
I pulled his jacket off his shoulders. His arms didn't move, letting me undress him myself. Once that was gone, I peeled his shirt off his body. The next to go were my undergarments. When I fell back onto the mattress, he came with me.
With my legs on either side of his waist, I rubbed my front against the strain in his pants, eager for friction.
"Rose," he said against my lips. I disregarded his soft plea and kept kissing from his jaw to his neck, sucking the skin as I went.
"Rose," he tried again, this time lifting himself up with the hands planted beside my head.
"What?" I asked breathlessly, writhing underneath his half-naked body.
His concerned expression consisted of eyes that searched mine for hesitation, probably recalling the time I stopped him.
"We can just talk," he told me, "And lay down."
He was right. That would be better. I couldn't think for myself. I stared at Nikolas and decided that love would come first tonight, not lust.
"But I'm happy to do whatever," he whispered before planting a kiss on my forehead, a gesture that makes me feel fuzzy inside, "I'm just glad I'm with you."
I traced his lips with my fingertips, appreciating how swollen they are from kissing me. "Sure," I said, "Let's just...
"Cuddle?" the adorable word sounded odd coming from Nikolas Camillo. The faintest of all smiles teased his lips. Any smile he mustered was beautiful.
"Cuddle," I repeated before planting a kiss at the corner of his mouth. We disentangled ourselves from each other and went under the thick duvet. My small frame laid on top of Nikolas whose arms wound around me. I felt comfortable in an instant—natural.
I took in the scent of Nick one that I got accustomed to but shall someday forget. His hands lightly caressed my back, one drawing circles against my skin as the other stroked my hair.
We didn't speak for a while, but breaking the silence didn't feel like a competition. In the end, he decided to do it, "What made you change your mind?" he murmured against my forehead.
I closed my eyes and hugged him tighter, "I missed this and I'll miss it more when I leave," my lips touched his neck and he hummed appreciatively.
"Me too," he kissed my forehead again which had my guard lowering even further down.
I pushed my cheek flush against his chest until I could hear his heartbeat, pretty much in sync with mine, "Can we not mention me leaving?"
The hard muscle vibrated when he talked. "Of course. What do you wanna talk about?"
I shrugged, "Tell me things I don't know about you," I said and hoped that it didn't sound lame.
Thoughts of Nick's life outside the four walls, thoughts of my future, and thoughts of consequences were unwelcome for the rest of the night. On my bed, arms around each other and arms of darkness around us, I allowed myself to feel guiltless joy.
I'll leave anyway. His family can have him once it happens.
"I don't watch slime videos anymore," he took a humorous approach, "But I like the clips where people repair things with instant noodles."
I giggled and felt him chuckle with me. "like those too."
I racked my brain for things I never knew about Nikolas, "Nick?"
"Hmm?"
I looked up to see that he had his eyes closed. Leaning forward, I kissed his cheek. "You said your parents are dead... do you have any other relatives?" it was random but I've been curious for a while.
"Remember when I told you that I know how to sail because I have a rich uncle who owns a yacht?" he drummed his fingers on my skin. I nodded my head.
"He's still alive," he smiled shyly, "Other than him, I have no one."
"Tell me more," I changed my position, folding my hands on his chest and laying my chin on top. The soft adoration in his eyes took me by pleasant surprise.
"What else?" he asked.
"What's your favorite food aside from bacon?"
A boyish smile broke through his face and before he can say anything dirty, I beat him to words, "I'm serious."
Nikolas laughed and sighed, "Sushi."
"Favorite movie?"
"Mad Max."
"Oooh," I bit my lip, "Tom Hardy is a DILF."
Nick's eyes narrowed at me, "He's too old for you, Rosaleen."
"Never stopped me before," I teased. A second later, I felt a sharp sting at my ass and realized that Nikolas Camillo had smacked me.
"I bet your dick's bigger than Tom Hardy's though," I wasn't able to contain my smile.
"Don't think about his dick," Nick grumbled, lips pursing adorably. His hand gripped my behind and I squirmed against him, thighs clenching.
"Fine," I kissed his lips. It was supposed to be a quick peck, but one of Mr. Camillo's hands kept my face close as he mashed his lips against mine. We stayed like that for a couple minutes—making out, touching each other, but not going as far as to connect.
By the time we parted to breathe, we had switched places. Nick's skin felt feverish under my fingertips. His elbows kept him up against me and the fact that I was fully naked didn't slip past our awareness.
"I love you," he spoke against my chest.
The sensation of his breath against my skin had me writhing even more.
"I love you too."
He kissed up my neck until he reached my mouth again. After another minute, he laid his head on my stomach, taking a position similar to the one I had earlier.
"How about you? Tell me what I don't know."
I ended up spilling fact after fact and story after story, some that I only trust with Nikolas. We didn't have sex, but I had never felt so connected to him. It only confirmed more that whatever we had goes beyond physicality.
I told him how I like my coffee in winter.
I told him the story of how I tried to feed my pet bunny caviar when I was eight.
I told him how I like my pillows positioned when I sleep.
I told him everything my mind came across and he did the same.
I fell asleep in his arms and woke up in the early morning. It was still dark out, but the moonlight spilling through the curtains gave me enough light to see Nick's face as he enjoyed his slumber. I kissed his lips once before I cautiously unwound his limbs around me and slipped from the bed.
The chill kissed my skin and it registered to me that I was bare in all parts. I picked up Nick's discarded t-shirt and slipped it on before I walked into the bathroom to greet the flushed Rosaleen a good mornight.
Her hair was a mess but it was easy to manage with my fingers. My lower lip was sore and I blamed both myself for nipping at it excessively and Nikolas for kissing it all night. My eyes were bright with content—a change from usually seeing it red and puffy.
I washed my face before I turned the lights off and went back to the bedroom.
The image of him sleeping peacefully on my bed was the first to greet me and it greeted me with harmony.
To sleep beside Nikolas Camillo every night was a blessing that his wife should never take for granted. After this, I wish them the best, truly.
Before my mind can wander down that path again, I padded across the carpet floor and stopped in front of the large windows. Unlike the other nights, the moon was full at the hour I stared at it.
After much thought, I decided that it was a visual representation of myself. Sometimes I feel full, but it doesn't last long and that's completely natural. In other days, I'd only feel like half of myself.
Sometimes I won't feel like myself at all.
And that's absolutely okay.
Full moons don't happen every night, but when they do, they should be greatly appreciated. Tonight, I am full of love and all I want to do is to appreciate this feeling because I doubt I'll be able to feel it again anytime soon.
I was about to end my sappy episode when a throaty voice spoke from behind me, "Your family owns millions of dollars but you decide to steal my shirt?"
I turned around and saw Nikolas smirking slyly, sitting in the middle of my bed, the covers covering his waist and down. He yawned before his eyes raked from my head down to my legs.
Keeping my eyes on his face, I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over my head with the intention of exposing all of me to his greedy brown eyes.
The cutest close lipped smile broke through his face resembling one of a little boy. He stumbled back onto the pillows and a second later spread his arms up an invitation to throw myself on top of him.
That was the second night Nikolas Camillo spent with me.
-
"What the fuck?" were the first words that left my mouth when a blonde Sean Caron appeared on my phone screen, "Is that really you?"
Before the strawberry man could answer, the screen split into two with the other half showing Aiden who was balancing his phone on what I assumed was their kitchen counter. He was wearing a red apron over his outfit and the said garment had stains all over it.
"What the fuck?" Aiden muttered when he caught his first glimpse of Sean.
The screen was then parted into four with the bottom right being black, indicating that Jie's sharing was off.
JieJieOnThatBeat: my wifi is shit
JieJieOnThatBeat: sean what the fuck?
"What the fuck?" Jeric shouted when his eyes fell on the pixelated Mr. Caron.
He patted his hair which looked like ramen noodles.
JieJieOnThatBeat: yaaaassss sean my fav eboy
JieJieOnThatBeat: my hair is bright pink now just wanted to share
"And this is why you shouldn't be away from us," spoke Aiden as he grabbed a big blue bowl and mixed its contents, "You make stupid decisions."
"Hey," Sean warned, "I like my hair."
"I like it too. You look good," I added. Across the room, Nikolas arched a brow.
"Thank you, mi rosa," said my friend who just got settled in his new dormitory.
"How are you guys?" Jeric asked before he lagged.
"Tired as fuck," answered Sean who fell back on his baby blue bed. Blonde really brightened his appearance. It made him look edgy too. It was just kinda patchy since he did it himself.
"Cooking dinner," was Aiden's answer. He tilted the big bowl in his hands to give us a glimpse of tomato sauce.
"I just got back from a beach day with Wyatt," I responded. A day at the beach happened to be Wyatt's idea for our fourth adventurous day. He invited me to dinner with his girlfriend but I told him that I didn't feel well again and that I'll instead call for room service. By six o'clock, Nikolas had already snuck into my room.
Jie's answer came after a ding.
JieJieOnThatBeat: reevaluating my life decisions
"How's the college life?" I asked Sean.
Nikolas sat on an armchair as he prepared our dinner on a coffee table.
"I'm meeting my roommate tomorrow. He's a football scholar," he began, "I haven't unpacked half of my stuff and I'm already beat. I haven't explored the campus either. Oh, but I got this cute hat," he reached for the dark green university cap behind him and put it on his head.
Jeric asked for a brief tour of Sean's unit. It had a living room, kitchenette, bathroom, and two bedrooms so he technically didn't have to share bedrooms since he and the other jock had each their own. Still, it was large adiustment for him since he used to live in a modern cabin separated from the rest of his family on their lot.
After the impromptu vlog, Aiden excused himself to have dinner with his family.
Jie's internet connection gave up on her and Jeric had to do some chores. I hung up on Sean in time for a meal with Nick.
His eyes were glued to me as I made my way to him and sat sideways on his lap.
"I'm hungry," I muttered, picking up a spoon and one bowl of food.
One absentminded habit of Nikolas Camillo that I discovered was that he can't keep his hands from touching me whenever I'm close. He's either playing with my hair, fiddling with my fingers, or caressing my back and in this instance, my arm.
I took a spoonful of the food and pointed it at Nick's lips. He opened his mouth and ate. That's how we spent thirty minutes of out time: with me feeding us and him being cute with his inattentive clingy habits as we talked.
"Spring Ball is tomorrow night," he said as I put the empty bowl down.
"Yeah," I wiped his mouth with a tissue.
I leave the next day. Neither of us wanted to face the truth just yet.
"What are you wearing?" he curiously asked. I took his hand in mine and played with his long fingers, making the knuckles crack.
Why? You're matching with me? I wanted to joke, but didn't want the feeling of rejection if he tells me off.
I put his palm flat against my cheek, appreciating the warmth that came from Nick, "A black gown."
"I bet you'll look as gorgeous as always," he spoke softly while his thumb grazed my lips, tugging the bottom one down.
I took the compliment graciously, "Thank you."
Of course I needed to look good. It might be the last time he sees me.