Where are you?
I WOKE up the next day with a massive headache. Napalingon ako sa paligid at napasinghap nang makitang nasa lapag pa rin ako nang deck at nakabalot ng kumot. Tumatama ang matinding sikat ng araw sa may posisyon ko kaya mainit.
I suddenly remembered what happened last night.
Tangina! Rara and I— did we do it?
Wala ako masyadong maalala dahil pakiramdam ko, lasing pa rin ako sa halik na pinagsaluhan namin. Basta ang natatandaan ko ay hinalikan ko siya kagabi.
Sapo-sapo ko ang ulo nang naglakad ako papasok sa cabin bitbit ang kumot. Natigilan ako at natulala nang makita si Rara na naghahanda ng almusal.
Gradually, her head turned in my direction. My heart suddenly went frenzied, and our eyes locked with each other. Slowly, a welcoming smile appeared on her reddish lips.
"Dustin! Hey, gising kana pala. Come, have a sit."
Hindi ako kumilos at nakatitig pa rin sa kaniya.
My eyebrows drew when I saw the way she walked— parang penguin. Her right was holding a cup of coffee, and the other was on the lower part of her back, as if it was supporting her back.
Was I too rough on her last night? Of course, idiot! That was her first!
"A-Are you okay?" Medyo utal pang tanong ko.
She looked at me and smiled a little. "Mhmm. I'm fine. I'm just feeling a little sore on my back," she answered.
My eyes widened astonishment. Tangina, kasalanan ko 'to!
Mabilis ko siyang nilapitan at inalalayan paupo. Inagaw ko rin sa kaniya ang bitbit na kape para hindi na siya mahirapan. Nagtataka ang mga mata niya na nakatuon sa'kin.
"Let me," I declared. "Maupo kana lang dyan, Aphrodite. Let me serve you," I muttered softly.
I should have been gentle to her last night. Fuck, Dustin!
"Thanks, Dustin."
Habang kumakain kami ay napapasulyap ako sa kanya. Hindi ko maiwasan hindi tignan ang mukha niya, naghahanap ng palatandaan sa nangyari kagabi.
My eyes widened when I saw evidence on the side of her neck— it was a small pinkish mark. Tangina, it was obviously a kiss mark! Fuck!
I wanted to ask her, but I couldn't form a word. Rara acted normal during the entire breakfast. Hindi niya in-open up ang nangyari kagabi. She didn't confront me about the kiss or the make love we have shared.
Yes, I declared that what we did was make love. Dahil hindi lang basta babae si Rara sa buhay ko— she's someone's special.
Rara is someone I would treasure for the rest of my life.
The following days were like roller coaster. Days became weeks until they became months.
Dalawang linggo ang lumipas simula nang may nangyari sa pagitan namin ni Rara. We haven't seen each other since then because of different commitments we have. Rara also has a series of shootings outside the country.
As an understanding Boy friend, I do understand her love and commitment to her craft.
Pero hindi man kami nagkikita, hindi naman kami nawawalan ng komunikasyon. We still send messages to each other even though we're continents apart.
While we're apart, I've realized a lot of things about myself— about my feelings.
I've realized that the whole time I'm with Rara, I already fell in love with her.
It took me seconds. . . days. . . weeks. . . to gather my courage. And yes, I am ready to tell her about my feelings.
Isang semester na lang at gagraduate na ako. Kapag nangyari 'yon, sisimulan ko na ang pag-aaral nang mga itatayo kong negosyo.
I'm going to establish my own bar and charter yachts.
It's my dream to have my own bar and yacht rental business, pero ayokong ipasa sa mga magulang ko, especially kay Dad ang puhunan ko. I want to work hard for the money I will use to establish my business.
Habang pinag-aaralan ko ang tamang pagtatayo ng ganitong negosyo, balak ko munang magtrabaho para makapag-ipon ng pera. The three of us, Jethro and Klinn, have decided that we will apply to the same company at the same time after graduation.
I was watching the news on a daily basis when the news caught my attention. My blood boiled in an instant. I straighten my back as the tension risen.
JUST IN:
Actor Khael Licauco was arrested on an illegal drug possession charge and four counts of sexual assault. The actor is set to prison for 20 years.
"Tarantado pala talaga 'yan, eh!" I cursed as I sipped on the mouth of the beer bottle.
Habang pinapanood ang balita sa TV, napagtanto kong tama ako. That Khael Licauco is an asshole. Marami na pa lang naanakan ang gago at puro panganay pa. Moreover, that asshole rapes his assistant and other women, for fuck sake.
Suddenly, a slice of Rara's face flashed in my mind. My breathing became heavy as worriedness consumed me. I quickly stood up to call her when I froze in my spot after hearing a familiar name. My body wilts upon hearing the following news.
JUST IN:
Award-winning actress Rara confirmed to take a long break from showbiz synchronous to the sudden cancellation of her new series with actor Khael Licauco. No other information was given by the actress team.
Rara. . .
I tried calling her, but no avail. Ilang beses ko ulit siyang sinubukang tawagan pero hindi talaga sumasagot.
Tangina! Nilalamon ako ng pag-aalala sa kaniya.
Nang mapagod, nagtext na lang ako para mabasa niya. Iniisip ko na lang baka tulog na siya dahil malalim na rin ang gabi.
Binuksan ko ang iilang social media accounts ko para makibalita. Thousands of people on the internet broke down after the news about the goddess's hiatus. She was trending all over twitter, google search and even on facebook. Damn it! I don't think I can sleep tonight without knowing if she's okay.
Hindi nga talaga ako nakatulog gawa nang nabalitaan kagabi. My plan today is to visit their household and check if she's okay. I need to see Rara, or else I'm going crazy.
Binilisan ko ang pagkilos dahil hindi na talaga ako mapakali na magkita kami. Muntik pang magkabaliktad ang kaliwa at kanan nang sapatos na suot ko. After parking outside their house, I immediately rang the doorbell on the gate.
"Tao po! Rara, I'm here!" malakas na sigaw ko sa labas ng mansyon nila. "Tao po?! Rara! Please, lumabas kana!"
Suminghap ako at tumingala nang makaramdaman nang pagpatak sa balikat ko. Tangina. Biglang bumuhos ang ulan ngunit hindi ako sumilong dahil mas lamang sa akin ang makausap si Rara.
"Rara, I'm here! Please, open the door!" Mas lalong lumakas ang ulan pero para akong tangang panay ang doorbell sa mataas na gate nila. "Rara, please! Nandito ako sa labas, let's talk!"
Hindi natigil sa isa o dalawa, paulit-ulit ang pag-doorbell ko hanggang sa may tumapik sa likuran ko kaya napatigil at napalingon ako. Isang matandang babae ang nasa likuran, may hawak na payong.
"Hijo, wala na dito ang pamilyang hinahanap mo. Umalis na, nahuli kana nang dating."
Suddenly, my ears went deaf as I felt my chest clench in pain.
"P-Po? Umalis? Saan pumunta?" I asked in confusion.
"Pasensya na, hindi ko rin alam pero may mga dala silang malalaking bag," sagot niya at isinuksok sa kamay ko ang hawakan ng payong. "Tatagan mo ang sarili mo, hijo."
Hindi na ako nakapagsalita at natulala na lang sa kawalan. Kumikirot ang puso ko at parang nanlalambot ang mga tuhod ko.
"Rara. . . I-I love you," I painfully whispered as I felt my eyes watered.
Tumingala ako at tinakpan ang mga matang may namumuong luha. Mas lalong lumakas ang ulan kasabay nang pagbuhos ng mga luha sa akin.
"Tangina, kung kailan mahal na kita, doon mo ako iiwan. . ."
Rara, so does her family, suddenly disappeared. Ilang beses akong nagpabalik-balik sa bahay nila pero wala pa rin— hindi pa rin sila bumabalik.
I have so many questions in my mind.
Bakit sila umalis? Bakit siya umalis? Dahil ba 'to sa nangyari sa pagitan namin? Why did she take a hiatus from acting? She didn't even say that they were leaving. Why? Am I not important to her?
"Tangina, tol, last mo na 'yan! Sampung bote na nang alak ang nilaklak mo!" Inagaw ni Jethro ang beer na hawak ko pero inagaw ko 'yon pabalik saka siya binatukan.
"Let me drink for fucking sake," matigas na sabi ko.
Natigilan sa pagkuha ng pulutan si Klinn nang makita kung gaano ako kaseryoso.
"Tol, anong problema?"
Tumitig ako sa kanilang dalawa at bumuntong hininga. I raked my fingers on my hair before frustratedly landing the bottle of beer on the table.
"The girl I love left me. . ." I started.
Natahimik ang dalawa, nakatingin lang sa'kin. Hanggang sa pareho nila akong tapikin sa balikat.
"Tol, iinom na lang natin 'yan! Ang mga babae, lason talaga 'yan sa buhay natin, eh!"
"Tol, grabe ka naman sa mga babae! Babae rin nagluwal sayo, tol," ani Klinn.
Nagsimulang magbangayan ang dalawa, hinayaan ko naman sila. I need to get drunk to forget about the woman who left me hanging. Nag-inom ako nang nag-inom hanggang sa nagkasakit ako. . .
Nang dumating ang graduation namin ay muntik pa akong hindi makaabot dahil ilang minuto akong late dahil sa kalasingan. Dwight visited me right away that morning. He was wearing an Armani suit because he was already working as an apprentice in an architectural firm.
"If I need to fucking punch you again to bring back your senses, I fucking will!"
That day, Dwight punched me after waking me up. He sounded and looked dangerous, so I obliged. That was the first time I've seen him get mad at me. He wanted to bring back some sense to me, which he did.
So, I attended the graduation ceremony even though I had a small bruise on my lips. Then, I spent the rest of the months acting like a dead man.
Ilang buwan na nga ba? It's been nine months since she left. Ilang beses akong nagpabalik-balik sa bahay nila pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa sila bumabalik. Nagmumukha na akong tanga dahil umaasa ako sa wala.
I was really distracted since Rara had gone missing. Damn it.
Kinuha ko ang cellphone na nasa side table at binuksan 'yon. Mapait akong napangiti at hinaplos ang picture namin dalawa ni Rara na wallpaper ko. I felt a pang on my chest the longer I stared at our picture. Mariin akong pumikit at itinakip ang braso sa mga mata, habang pinipigilan ang pagdaloy ng mga luha.
"I miss you, Aphrodite. . ." I painfully whispered before oblivion consumed me.
I turned off the computer after I completed the design for the structure of the ship my supervisor told me to design. If they approve of my design, then the ship will be constructed in a shipyard, and I'll be the lead on it. After construction, the vessel is launched and goes into service.
Lumabas na ako sa office at dinaanan ang mga kaibigan kong sina Klinn at Jethro sa kabilang station. I knocked on the door before opening it wide.
"Klinn, Jethro, tara na." Tawag ko sa dalawa. Nakikipaglandian pa si Jethro kay Maia habang si Klinn, ngumunguya ng chewing gum at tumango sa akin.
Napailing ako at naglakad na papunta sa elevator. Sumunod naman kaagad sa akin si Klinn habang si Jethro ay hahabol na lang daw dahil inuuto pa niya si Maia, isa sa mga katrabaho namin.
"Hintayin niyo ako, tol!" halos tumakbo na palapit sa amin si Jethro pero mabilis nang nagsara ang elevator.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Klinn at sabay na humagalpak.
"Gago, tol, naiwan si Jethro," aniya habang tumatawa.
"Hayaan mo... That's his consequence for making us wait," I smirked wickedly.
Nang nasa parking lot na kami ay naglakad na kami sa kung saan nakaparada ang bago kong sasakyan. It was my dream car— Volvo. Kung si Khrizanta, Pink Porsche, iyong akin ay White Volvo.
Makikisabay sa akin ang dalawa dahil wala pang sasakyan si Klinn. Si Jethro naman ay coding. Nang dumating si Jethro ay pinagmumura kami ni Klinn, syempre, hindi kami nagpa-api at siya ang inapi namin.
Inayos ko ang pagkaka-park ng sasakyan sa labas ng mansyon at pagod na bumaba ng sasakyan. Habang naglalakad papasok ng bahay ay niluluwagan ko ang pagkakatali ng aking neck tie.
I was close to our tall entrance when the rain suddenly poured down with a heavy thunder that almost made me jump. Ito na nga ang sinasabi sa balita— may parating na malakas na bagyo sa bansa.
Mabilis kong tinakpan ang ulo gamit ang aking coat at akmang tatakbo na papasok nang may narinig akong iyak ng sanggol na ipinagtaka ko. I pushed the shrub aside, and to my surprise, there was a large basket right at the entrance. I almost jumped when the crying became louder.
Dumoble ang tibok ng puso ko nang unti unti kong inalis ang nakatakip na mumurahing tela sa basket at lumitaw ang isang maliit na nilalang na patuloy sa pag-iyak. Tangina?! How come there was a newborn baby outside our house?
Nagpalinga-linga ako sa paligid at baka naroon lang ang nag-iwan dito, pero wala. Nataranta ako dahil mas lalong lumakas ang ulan. Wala sa loob kong kinuha ang sanggol mula sa basket at kinarga. Umawang ang labi ko nang tumigil 'to sa pag-iyak.
"Who left you here, little fella?" I whispered.
Mabilis akong pumasok sa loob ng mansyon, bitbit ang sanggol at ang basket. Nilapag ko ang basket sa coffee table habang nakatingin sa sanggol na humihikbi sa bisig ko. I unconsciously caressed his cheek, causing him to shut up. Kumibot kibot ang labi nito.
Kumunot noo ako nang may mapansin na papel sa may gilid ng basket, nakasuksok iyon. I reach for the paper on the basket and read what's inside the paper.
I'm really sorry, but I don't have a choice but to leave baby Ashiro to you. He's only two weeks old. He's your son... Please take care of him.
Halos manlambot ako nang matapos mabasa ang sulat. Tangina. My baby?! Itong sanggol na 'to ay anak ko? Sinong niloko ng taong nagsulat nito? Mabilis na bumaba ang mga mata ko sa sanggol na nasa bisig ko.
Ginumos ko ang papel at itinapon iyon sa kung saan. I admit I'm a fuckboy, but I'm always careful with my sex life. Sigurado akong wala akong mabubuntis. Pero paano kung mayroon nga? Tangina, bakit wala akong maalala?
When our eyes met, a familiar warmth electrified my heart. He looked like someone that I hadn't seen in years but can't remember who.
When my gaze focused on his eyes, my heart palpitated. He owned a pair of hazel eyes, almost closer to mine. No way, this is my son! No way!
I frustratedly messed up my hair and stood up. Kailangan kong mag-isip kung ano ang gagawin sa sanggol na 'to. I will be in a lot of trouble if my parents find out about this baby.
My heart started pounding loudly out of my chest when I heard my parent's voices at the door. I panicked, hindi alam kung saan itatago ang sanggol at ang basket... But it was too late because they saw the newborn baby in my arms.
"Who's baby is that?" gradually, I spun around to see my father's serious face.
Napalunok ako. "D-Dad..."
"Kanino ang sanggol na 'yan, Dustin?" he repeated with low pitched and rough.
My palms became sweaty as I felt my stomach being pushed into my throat and my heart beating rapidly— as if it would burst out any second.
"Oh god! Dustin, is this true? That's your son?"
My face paled as my eyes widened when I saw the crumbled paper I threw earlier, held by my Mom. Fuck. Dad looked at me darkly and approached Mom to read the paper. Kitang kita ko ang galit sa mukha niya nang matapos mabasa iyon.
"Who's the mother of that newborn baby, Dustin?! Fucking tell me right away!" Dad's voice reverberated throughout the living room.
"I don't know..." I swallowed hard. "Hindi ko alam—"
I didn't finish my sentence when I felt his palm on my cheek. Dad loudly slapped me. Mabilis na napasigaw si Mommy sa nangyari. The shock was written all over her face. Dad, on the other hand, remained stoic. I couldn't see any reactions on his face, which scared me even more.
He looked like Dwight whenever they were mad— nakakatakot.
This was the first time I was ever hit by him. There was an initial shock from me. Ilang segundong walang nagsalita sa amin hanggang sa basagin ni Mommy ang katahimikan.
"Daniel Caesar! Hindi ko pinanganak ang anak ko para pagbuhatan mo nang kamay!" Galit na sigaw ni Mommy. Dad didn't move and his eyes were still on me.
"Kailan ka ba titino?!" he frustratedly asked. "You know that the election is right in the corner! And we're campaigning now! You know I will run as vice president of the country, and I'm avoiding staining my reputation. Pero ano 'to?! You have a child born out of wedlock?! Hindi mo pa alam kung sino ang nabuntis mo! Paano kung lumabas 'to sa media, huh?! What will happen to my clean reputation? To our family? Pag-uusapan ang Mommy mo! What will happen to that newborn baby?!"
"Daniel Caesar, please... Kumalma ka nga. Pag-usapan natin ito ng mahinahon." Mom butted in, calming my furious father.
He ruffles his hair out of frustration. "How could I be calm?! Hindi ako katulad ni Kristoff na palaging kalmado! Itong anak mo ang dapat pagsabihan mo at huwag ako!" he retorts.
I couldn't find the right words to respond. I'm too cowardly to defend myself from all the harsh words I have received.
I gasped when Dad grabbed my collar, and he was about to hit me again when Mom pushed him away. The baby in my arms quickly cried, waking up completely.
I looked down at the newborn before looking up at my parents.
"I'm certain this newborn baby is not my child... Kung ano man ang nakasulat sa papel ay hindi totoo. I'm certain I didn't get anyone pregnant..." I clarify.
"How sure are you?!" Dad asked in a cold and hard tone.
"I'll bet my life that this baby isn't mine... I'll undergo a DNA test," I answered firmly.
"Make sure that's not your son, or else you won't receive a single penny of your inheritance! I swear, Dustin!"
"Stop it, DC!" Mom grabbed Dad by his shirt collar, she then dragged him away. Mabibigat ang mga hakbang na naglakad paakyat ng hagdan si Dad.
Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang ako na lang ang naiwan sa sala. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa sanggol na nakatulog ulit. I wipe the corner of his eyes as I sit on the sofa. He's literally an innocent with his looks.
A few moments later, Mom returned. She walked up to me and sat beside me. Hindi ako nakapagsalita nang kuhanin niya sa akin ang sanggol. I lifted my eyes up to her.
"Dustin, anak," she started.
I felt bad when I saw how puffy and red her eyes were from crying. My heart clenched in pain, so I looked away.
"Mom... You do believe me, right?" I asked, almost whispering.
She took a deep breath, trying hard to keep her tears in the corner.
"Whatever happened, I'm here for you, little marine..." she said instead.
Suddenly, tears welled up in my eyes. The guilt washed my entire system.
"Mommy, I'm sorry..." My voice broke.
She faintly smiled at me. Then, she looked down at the newborn she was looking at. "I'll text Kelsea and Katarina about this..." she looked up at me.
Bigla na naman binalot ng kaba ang puso ko. "What for? Baka kumalat, Mom..."
"We need them, especially Kelsea. She's a pediatric surgeon. Sila na ang bahala sa DNA test," she stated and using her right hand, she rubbed my arm. "You don't have to be scared, son... Everything will be fine."
I hope the DNA Test will come back negative, please...
© Fushia