Maryanne
I'm in the arms of mommy as she cradles me. Mommy. She is pretty and smells good. I feel like I'm in a bubble and it's just me and her. I touch her soft hair that has come out of her ponytail. She smiles at me. Her eyes that look like our pool water are red and has tears in them. Is she sad?. I wipe away the tears that fall from her face.
I giggle when she kisses me. It tickles my face.
"Can you say mommy again?" She ask. I laugh and shake my head. She is funny. I yawn and rub my eyes. I think I'm getting sleepy.
"Mmm tired," I announce. Mommy stops me from rubbing my eyes by moving my hands and starts rocking me.
"Nanna (sleep) My baby," She makes shushing sounds, while rubbing my cheek. "Close your eyes," she says. I sigh deeply. My eyes feel like someone put something heavy on them. As the blackness covers them, I fall asleep instantly.
I begin to dream about a mermaid like Ariel is singing to me. She is singing my favorite song 'part of your world'. It flows into my ears like an echo, Then it turns into humming. Once I became aware that I'm in between dream land and reality, I shuffle and jerk out of my sleep. The moment I open my eyes, Angeline is holding me and humming the same tune. What happened?. My head feels funny.
"Are you okay?" She ask with a knitted brow expression. I shake my head and close my eyes. Expecting this to be a dream also.
"Don't know".I have glimpses of earlier reappearing from the back of my mind. It is a reaccurance whenever I experience these espisode. A part of me stored away, while the other part takes control. I can't explain it. It's like daydreaming and eating at the same time. You don't realize that you are doing it. And before you know it, The food is all gone.
"Look at me, sweetheart,". I open my eyes again and gape at her. I sit up and withdrew from my cradled state. This is so embarrassing. I cover my face. I didn't know if I should cry or not. The oncoming heat is overtaking my body and my heart beat is at a faster rate.
Soon, soft hands touch my wrist. I allow her to remove my hands from my face.
"It's okay, Mary. You were only asleep no more than ten minutes," she looks so homey and down to earth with no makeup. I admire her even more when she looks like this.
"I'm weird" I turn my head. "I'm sorry" I make my way out of my bed.
She pulls me back,"Please. Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. Forgive me for pushing you—".
"Something is wrong with me," I hold my head. I called her mommy. I let her cradle me like a baby. I fought hard to avoid this from happening, only to fall into her arms. Yelding to her irresistible, loving nature. I knew this day would come. Yet, too quickly. Why am I so regretful when it comes to her? I easily let myself go with Elaine.
Angeline hushes me,"Oh, my baby. There is nothing wrong with you." She hugs me close. I love the way she hugs me. It is warm and sincere. She kiss me gently on the forehead and it leaves a tingly sensation on it. Is she magic? She looks me in the eyes and says,"Do you know what age regression is Mary?".
I shake my head.
"To describe it...It's when a person mentally reverts back to an age younger than they actually are," she explains.
"Is it bad?" I hold my breath.
"Not at all." She smiles down at me and smoothes my hair out of the way " It's your way of coping with life. It's what makes you different, special. People coping mechanism works differently. My thing is yoga and cooking. It helps me stay grounded and stress free".
"Why would it make me special?".
"Not everyone can conjur up their inner child anytime they please. You found a unique way to let go and be happy" I never thought about it like that. "Does it make you feel good?".
I nod. "Most of the time".
"Thats great! You can live without worries just being who you are and I can help you with that". How are they going to help me?
"Does Dario, know?" I look away. She moves my head back in her direction.
"We discussed this together and we believe that this will be good for you and us. all we want is for you to be happy and we will support you in every way," her eyes shine. "I can tell you more about it".
I can breathe normal again.
-||-
It wasn't what I was expecting, but I'm also relieved. Nothing is wrong with me. I'm just a "little" like she explained, sort of.
Earlier, I walked into the kitchen for something to drink and the floor was wet. When I opened the fridge, I catch a glimpse of a baby bottle on the top shelf with plain milk inside. Strange. I closed it immediately and walked away—too quick that I realize that I was slipping to my doom.
I was lifted off the ground just in time before I took that tragic fall.
"Woah! are you okay?." She held me up for a moment. Grabbing a a wipe to dry the floor. before putting me down."There you go, I should have warned you about the spill,". Is it crazy to say that I didn't want her to put me down?
"Why is there a bottle in the fridge?" I tilt my head and she blushes.
"Well it was for you," she says blatantly
"Oh". Angeline cradles my face, gazing in my eyes. She's so pretty. I often wonder why she chose me. A poor girl who lived on the streets.
"You don't have to use it," she is gentle spoken.
"Okay" I grin. She chuckles lightly.
"Cutie" She mumbles. "Why don't you go play outside. It's a nice day".
Currently, I'm outside and there isn't much to do out here. I'm not in the mood to go swimming or watch television on the patio. I discovered they use to possess a small trampoline, but it was tarished by their nieces and nephews that I haven't met yet. I walked around this backyard so many times that I know it with my eyes closed. Pool, patio, outdoor bar and grill and guesthouse. I have yet to explore the front yard.
The question is will she let me? Angeline is watching me her spot on the patio. I look back at her as she smiles and waves. I wait until she loses her focus on me rather than her laptop. I casually escape and opened the gate that separates the front from the back. I'm met with the pave drive way and the garage door. There are pretty flowers that they keep up front. A man comes by often to check on them and other times Angeline likes to water them herself. There is a cool fountain that I enjoy sticking my hands in and one big tree that isn't the palm one's. I'm tempted to climb it. I climbed a tree before, though I did get in trouble for it. I'm older now, so I can manage. I put my shoe on it the trunk to test the grip. It feels safe. I hoist myself up. There is a space in the middle for me to sit. The level of height is not significant.
"Maryanne!" Angeline yells for me, there is distress in her voice. She comes around the corner, nervous and panicking.
"Can you please get down from that tree. We don't need you falling, love," she has a hand to her chest.
In time, darios darker blue sports car enters the driveway. He shows up with a box " I got donuts! " he announce, which encourages me to climb down.
"Be careful," Angeline steps by lifting me from my armpits."From now on, we don't climb trees or leave without any adult supervision".
"Yes. Sorry mo- Angeline," she kiss my cheek. Oh! I hope she didn't catch that.
"Hey, what were you doing in that tree. You little daredevil. That was dangerous be careful, alright?" he smiles and rub my head.
"Dar, it was a nice gesture, but I already have a problem keeping a certain someone from eating too many sweets," Angeline informs.
"I bought them for myself," he reveals "I thought the doctor said it would be alright for her because she needs to gain weight".
"There are other ways. We are not trying to fill her up with sugar and cavities". I like sugar.
"Let her have one at least. I doubt she's the one you are worried about. You don't have to eat them".
They go on about sugar and getting fat. They just don't realize that I can sneak as much as I want.
-|||-
We gather together and they show me scenarios about littles and age regression. Caregivers call themselves mommy and daddy. Depending on how little you are, you wear diapers and pull-ups and drink from bottles and sippy cups. I can use the toilet. I don't have to worry about that.
"I also brought you some items," She takes out a tote bag and set it on the table. She pulls out a sippy cups, pacifiers and a blanket. "You don't have to be ashamed to use these. It's all for you" I peer at the items. They do look enticing. I want to try it all.
"I like this one," I grab the gray and furry blanket to cuddle with. So soft. Angeline quietly coos to herself.
"How about these sippy cups?". There is a cute one with hearts and it has two handles, that stand out from the others. She gleams at me when I pick it up.
"I like sippys," I say. It isn't so babyish.
"Would you consider using a bottle?" Dario ask.
I shrug.
"It's okay. There are a list of things I want to introduce you to in time, once you're little again," she says.
"But what if I m not little for a while?".
"That's absolutely okay. We will take it slow. If you don't want to be little in the moment . I won't force it. It has to comes to you naturally. I made a mistake and learned that pressuring you to be little was not appropriate and I'm sorry," She kiss my elbow. "Pleases let me know if I'm doing a lot".
She does a lot all the time, but I do appreciate her recognition. Admittedly, I don't mind it sometimes.
Dario has a smug expression as he shakes his head.
Angeline rolls her eyes at him, "So is it okay, if we try this with you? We would love to see more of our little Mary. No pressure of course".
"Yes. I'll try it".
"I know we gave you rules already, but it's mostly house rules for you. We would like to cover terms and rules for little you, as your caregivers. It can be discussed on another day" reasonable. "Bambina. You have nothing to worry about." He rubs my back.
Angeline smile widens and she hugs me. "We will take good care of you".
For once, I decide to do the unthinkable by sitting on her lap. She looks at Dario in astonishment. "Come here, baby," She situated me, hugging me from behind. "What do want to eat for lunch? I can make anything you want," she coos at me and bounces me on her leg. I narrow my eyes at her, prior to hiding my face so they can't see my bashful face. "I'm sorry. I'll stop".
"Can we have fast food for lunch?" I whisper.
"Sure" Angeline poses that sweet smile at me. The smile I can't resist. I curve a smile, hiding myself away by pressing my head against her shoulder.
"Aww. Is the bambina being shy?" Dario coo.
"Nuh uh".
"Bambina, have you seen-a, little bambina" he sings, tickling my sides.
"Stop," I giggle.
"Say please, with a cherry on top," he order.
"Please with a... Booger on top," I quip. Smirking at him.
"Oh, she's a cheeky one, dear. We might need to rely on the secret weapon". I turn my attention to Angeline. She furrowed her brows at Dario, then raises them. I look back at Dario and he smiles at me.
"Oh yeah, that's right," she says, nodding her head at me.
What's the secret weapon?
"Now!" they squishy me between. Angeline wrapped an arm around my stomach to keep me in place. They start attacking me with kisses. I squeal and crack up. When I fall into overdrive, I held my arms up to surrender.
"Ok-okay. please with a cherry on top". She releases me and I hope off her lap. The look suspiciously at me as I slowly walk further away from them.
"Sike!".
●●●
The young woman looks at her baby lying in the hospital crib. A tube up her nose. The baby was dressed only in a diaper.
"It's a good thing you came when you did. Pneumonia in newborns is something you don't take lightly" the female nurse spoke.
"Will she be okay?" the young woman eyes were swollen from crying and screaming after she found her baby gasping for breath twenty-four hours ago.
"Yes, she's improving well. She can have the tubes out in a couple of days".
Her partner sits distances away, arms folded.
The young woman bust into tears at the thought of almost causing her baby to die,"I'm so stupid".
The nurse stood by her side and eased her sorrow."Don't beat yourself up sweetie. When they are this small, their immune systems are very vulnerable. My mother always said to me during their first month of their life. It's important that you stay home and keep the baby covered and warm, but it's not a crime to give them sun a little at a time".
"I tried to tell her," the young man budded in.
"It's a common mistake for young and new mothers. You need to keep socks on their little feet. They should be wearing warm clothes, like long onesies. When they are lounging, Have a blanket over them or swaddle them . Also, a hat on their heads can be beneficial".
Her mother would have known what to do. The young woman thought.
"We can try mouth feeding her soon. Are you breastfeeding?".
"No. I been pumping, but I don't make enough for her. We switched to formula recently". The little on never took to breastfeeding and she didn't know why. She tried everything in the book to produce milk.
"If you don't want her on the formula , we have woman who donate breastmilk to our hospital. We can try that for her". The nurse suggested.
"Okay. Yeah sure," She said.
"Is there anything else you need? any advice or help with the baby? we can offer that".
"Not at the moment. But thank you".
"I'll be right back" the nurse eyed the young man spitefully.
The mother held on the the little ones foot and rubbed it. "I should have been careful with you munchkin. I'm sorry".
"So what now!? When is she getting out?" The young man outburst.
"We have to wait for the doctor to tell us".
"You know this is your fault right. If you listen to me when I told you to—,".
"I know that. I feel bad enough already," she held her head.
"I won't pay for this. Do you know how much this is going to cost us? The hospital bill alone will be worth more than our rent. We are still paying off the other one" he was referring to the hospital bill after she had given birth.
"Now that wasn't my fault!. You take part in it".
"You didn't have to have her. You had other options".
She looked at the baby who started to whine "Shh. Daddy didn't mean it, he loves you" she soothed her. "What are you talking about? Are you saying I should have gotten rid of her?".
"I didn't say that".
"You sort of did. You begged me to have a baby with you. 'I want to start my own little family'" she mocked. "That's what you said. We were supposed to have a wedding first".
"We can't now! we don't have the money for a wedding," He said.
"We can get married at the courthouse. If I go back to school and we work hard enough, In a few years we can have a proper wedding".
"I don't know".
"What do you mean? You still want to marry me?". He gazed down at his phone. "Hello!" She snapped her finger at him. "I'm talking to you".
"Costa, I have to go to work". He used her last name and it annoyed end her.
"No you are not!. Tell your boss that you have a sick baby and you can't make it!" her voice amplified.
"Keep your voice down, Costa," he told her.
"I need you here. Please babe," she begged.
"I'm not doing this with you. I have to leave".
"Sei un deficiente!".
"You so immature, speak english. Call your family, ask them for help or better yet tell them you're coming home. They must be worried sick about you".
"It's complicated and you know it".
"Then I don't know what to tell you," he dashed out the door.
"Will you be back later?" she asked. He arragontly doesn't reply and vanishes, without saying a word.
The naive young lady looked towards her baby and said, "He'll be back".