Screaming, Alesana touched the statue. Tears streamed down her cheeks, dripping onto the glass. In a fit of hope, she wondered if her grief would melt the glass as if it were ice. However, nothing changed Roran's condition.
"Oh dear Roran," she sobbed. With her hands, she slid along his cheeks and nose. It made her skin icy cold. She closed her teary eyes, begging the forces that had hidden inside her to turn her into glass as well.
She wrapped her arms around her former lover. The embrace was cold and offered her no comfort. It only made her more hysterical and she began to scream, until someone pulled her away from the statue and held her tightly. His body was warm and he growled when she slapped him in her helplessness.
Alesana longed for reassuring words telling her this wasn't so bad; that it was easy to give him a body of flesh and blood again. But Diaval said nothing; he only held her tight. So tightly that he must have feared she would fall apart if he let go of her, shattering into thousands of pieces. And that's how Alesana felt, too.
For a long time, Alesana remained like that. Crying, sobbing. Thinking of Roran, who had now turned to glass. Forever. How was she supposed to explain this to his sister? Her best friend? Maud would hate her. Alesana had killed her brother.
"We need to find shelter."
The tone of his voice, so full of compassion, infuriated Alesana. She didn't deserve his help. She had killed her friend! How could Diaval stay by her side now? She had gone looking for her father, and it cost the life of someone very dear to her.
"I am a monster," she whispered. "You should kill me before I kill anyone else."
"Don't say that..."
Alesana tore herself away. She didn't want him to condone the curse that now controlled her life.
She ran away from him and slumped further down in the grass. A treetop rustled and Alesana knew it was Diaval who'd followed her. She pulled her knees up and refused to look at him, sweeping her fingers across her face and pressing them against her closed eyelids. Perhaps she'd better go blind. Then she was no longer a danger to anyone. With her fingers, she searched for a sharp stick, but she didn't pick it up off the ground when she found it.
She had to find her father. Only then, she could punish herself. But Roran couldn't have died in vain. His face reappeared before her eyes and her shoulders began to shake. Crying, she rocked herself back and forth. There was a horrible pain inside her, in her stomach and her chest. No matter how many tears she shed, it did not lessen.
"Who was Roran?"
Alesana looked up. It was already getting dark, and Diaval had probably abandoned his plan to find a safe haven, or he'd asked the Grimm to look for it.
She averted her gaze and peered down at her knees. "He was my best friend. There was a time ehe was even more than that. No one knew me as well as he did." She scratched her nose and wiped away the snot with her sleeve. Her saliva was thick, making it difficult to talk. "I didn't want him to go with me. He must have followed me anyway."
Diaval laid a hand on her back, but she shoved aside. The touch reminded her of Roran. Everything reminded her of Roran.
"Maybe there is a way to bring him back to life," Diaval said softly. "The Little Wishfulfiller you carry in your bag... there's a for their name. They help sometimes when there seems to be no hope."
Alesana wiped her eyes. "Do you—do you really think so?"
Diaval nodded. His lips curled into a small smile, and it seemed like he was exhaling a dose of hope with that. "I'll make sure the Grimm and I are not around. They are very shy."
Alesana watched his face for another moment; that optimistic smile was still there. It was an invitation she could not refuse and she laid her arms around him and hugged him. She wanted to tell him how grateful she was that he didn't let her down, but in the end, it felt better to stay silent, close her eyes, and realize that she wasn't on her own.