How many readers have considered just existing this book, or at least gotten second hand embarrassment?? I want to know how I'm doing.
This chapter is safe though, just Hisoka being insulted. So it's at least decently safe, as a reward for surviving this long. You're welcome ig
Hisoka would say he didn't mean to judge, but he actually did, in fact, really mean to judge.
When Feitan strolled in at 2 am—before they were even open, the employees were only there because of cult related things—hopped onto the ordering counter, just said "coffee" and then passed out before they could even make the coffee, Hisoka really did judge.
He actually didn't even try to stop himself from judging. He's a very judgmental person.
As is the narrator, but judging from ur body type, the narrator says they'd fuck you on a good day 👍
When Feitan woke up exactly four hours and seven minutes later, all he said was "World domination tiring."
Humeown Purrson nodded in agreement, the movement seeming lopsided and inhuman.
"Would you like some coffee now," Hisoka, only debating for a split second before adding,
"love?~"
Feitan glared, "No call me that, and more coffee."
"Of course~" Hisoka purred, heading off to make him some coffee, trying to find the most poisoned looking one.
Maybe Hisoka just had a thing for black-haired people.
Illumi and Chrollo. Possibly Feitan. And Gon's hair was black and green.
"So, you just flirt with everyone now?" The teenager crossed their arms, sitting cross-cross on the counter.
Hisoka just smirked and didn't reply, ruffling the girl's hair before going to bring Feitan his coffee.
"I do warn you," Hisoka said as he set four coffees down at Feitan's booth, "you should be prepared for mice~"
Feitan looked down. Devastated to see that his legs were gone. The mice must've gotten to them in his sleep.
But he soon got over it, because that actually didn't decrease his height by much. And rolling across the ground was a much preferable method to walking anyways.
Hisoka left without another word. He's developed too many romantic attractions to people this week. Maybe it's just a thing that comes with the McDonald's experience.
Hisoka just focused on the fact that he, unfortunately, had register duty today.
It wasn't even an hour after they opened that he had been insulted at least a hundred times. Mostly over McMuffins. But, just to show you a few of them,
"You're about as skilled as a disabled worm."
That one actually hurt a bit. Hisoka didn't even know worms could become more useless than they already were.
"You like men, don't you?"
That one wasn't that much of an insult, rather than a fact. Hisoka just questioned why this allegedly "straight" white man had a gaydar.
"People go through the five stages of grief just from the trauma that is meeting you."
That one only stung because it was true. Though Hisoka didn't care too much.
"You pour milk before the cereal, don't you?"
Okay, ouch.
[The author actually does that because it's honestly the better way to do it.]
"Everything you've done so far in life is trivial. And the most important impact you'll ever have on someone's life is serving them their McDonald's happy meals. Fucking knowledge lacking radicalized bitch, none of your ancestors were ever homeowners, and the fact that you managed to score a job at McDonald's was because they pitied your pathetic existence."
Hisoka didn't care that much, but enjoyed how creative it was.
"Your trauma is no longer valid, go dress like a normal person now."
First of all, uncalled for.
—
Now, the insults from Feitan alone, whenever Hisoka even walked by.
"You no look like you know how spell innovation."
Untrue, but Hisoka didn't know Feitan even knew a word that big. If the letters were stacked upright instead of being horizontal, they'd be taller than Feitan.
"Couldn't buy prostitute with two billion dollars. Too ugly, they no want you."
Also untrue, but somehow the broken English just made every insult be more, well, insulting.
"I go back in time to step on butterfly, hope it make you never be born."
Hisoka didn't know any of the troupe members, barring Chrollo, knew what the butterfly effect was.
"Waste."
There was nothing else there, just that one word. A waste of everything, apparently. Space, air, everything you can think of.
"Spell 'continuation'."
Ever since that first insult, Feitan had been spelling quizzing him. It was honestly hurtful.
"Even under your flesh you dirty."
Hisoka didn't know if that was possible, as he doesn't torture people. But it might be true, so Hisoka found it quite insulting.
"If you were in show, all your lines would have censorship. Pervert."
Uncalled for.
"Have gift, is English dictionary. Hope you learn at least one language this life time."
Even more uncalled for.
"You hair look like goat beard."
Hisoka googled what a goat beard looked like, a found Feitan's insult to be untrue. His hair wasn't that straight.
"You pull push doors?"
Okay, well maybe if the door had clearer instructions Hisoka would be able to fucking use them correctly.
"Spend free time as children face painter. It your only income."
Hisoka would be an excellent face painter. But that didn't make the insult any less hurtful.
"Not popular among ladies. Rated two out of ten."
Ladies love him, actually. Mostly because they weren't mentally stable, and liked his dick and his money.
"When clown era end? You look better normal."
Hisoka didn't like even considering him being 'normal'. It was revolting.
"Belong in gutter with the mice."
Hisoka would prefer to stay away from mice, actually. He values his life.
"Spell brilliance."
"You attractive. Why dress so ugly."
Hisoka took that as a compliment. And Feitan almost had to fight him in the middle of the McDonald's. Just because Hisoka would stop flirting and tearing him.
[Edit, idk what tearing him was ever supposed to be]
The rest of the troupe showed up later. At that point Hisoka was pinned down onto the table, with Feitan asleep on his lap.
This is because the mice came and grabbed all the things they could stand on, so there was *Gasp* only one table⁉️⁉️
Word count: 1106
Fun facts:
• Feitan🤝Insulting people for no reason
• Honestly so proud of myself for that "Hope you learn at least one language this lifetime" one. Like that's highkey offensive. I'd cry if someone handed me a dictionary and said that.
• Hisoka, when black haired person: I am hot single himbo in your area.