Author's Note: The chapters have been much longer because Wattpad only allows 200 chapters in a story and I want to have enough chapters for this entire story. Bye!
Chapter 140
"A complete disgrace and a waste of my time," Draco grumbled as he began walking towards the base. "I don't even want to watch the rest of the sparring matches. And someone pick up that useless waste over there," he hissed, nodding his head towards Eleanor who was still sleeping on the ground. "I might kick her out of being this weak, I don't know yet." Lori was the one who took initiative and decided to throw her over his shoulder and carry her back to the base.
Dante fell onto one knee, his fingers feeling the back of his head. He had stopped bleeding but man did that wound hurt, especially since all the adrenaline and endorphins were starting to resign. However, his main focus wasn't the ache he felt throughout his entire body, but the footsteps that began to follow Draco towards the base. When he glanced upwards, he saw Nate turn away from him and start following the rest of them, and he exhaled a long sigh.
He wanted this to be fixed, and maybe he had allowed the anger to get the best of him and had decided to resort to accusations, but that didn't mean he didn't want to be with Nate. That was why he breathed, "Of course I'm jealous of Lucius." That caused Nate to halt in his footsteps, but he didn't face Dante yet. Instead, he lowered his chin and squeezed his trembling fist at his side. All Dante could focus on were Nate's quivering shoulders. "You don't flinch when he touches you, as if it's second nature. You two are always together, like we used to be, and he's always in your bedroom. I try not to let it bother me, but of course it would, Nate."
"Are you trying to tell me that you kissed Eleanor because I got close with Lucius?"
The way his tone trembled made Dante's heart squeeze, and he rapidly shook his head. "That's not what I'm—"
"You're unbelievable," Nate hissed and he finally spun around to reveal his glossy eyes starting to grow a slight tint of pink. He sniffled, but held in his next one when he suddenly remembered Lucius gripping his face and ordering him not to cry. All he had been doing recently was sob whenever there was any sort of misfortune and he had enough of being this vulnerable. Thus, he widened his arm as he spat, "I haven't done anything with Lucius. He's my best friend, that's all."
Dante sighed, lowering his head. "I know."
Even though Dante effortlessly agreed with him, it wasn't enough for Nate whose voice began to rise. "And you know what? I don't care about the bullshit you said, that I'm constantly choosing other people over you. That's not true." His teeth gritted for a moment before he continued, "I was loyal to you, I asked you to stay and you didn't, do you remember that? I apologized to you and Raphael came and grabbed you before we finished our talk—I was begging you to stay with me."
"Yes, that's true," Dante agreed.
Why was Dante making it so easy? It was only causing the fury within Nate to grow even more, threatening to explode. "You used that against me to make me trust that you wouldn't do anything with Eleanor. You made me feel guilty for being upset that you were in your bedroom with a naked bitch who kept openly flirting with you." His eyebrows in disbelief, even more shocked now that he recounted what had happened. "I keep fucking trusting you, and you keep proving to me time and time again that I shouldn't."
"Nate—"
Nate pointed a finger in his direction, not letting him speak as he shrieked, "And it is considered cheating, I don't give a fuck what you say. I don't care what technicalities you want to use, it's fucking cheating because I was waiting for you to forgive me and come back to me." Even though he was trying to stay strong, his quivering finger pointing at Dante made him almost break, hence he lowered it to his side. However, Dante noticed Nate's eyebrows coiling for a split second. "A-And..." he gulped, trying to get rid of the lump that was building in his throat; he didn't want his voice to lose its tone, "...you promised me that you loved me."
The guilt was gnawing at Dante's flesh; he hadn't realized how much it had broken Nate. "It was cheating and I'm sorry," he apologized, "I don't know why I said it wasn't."
"And that was rude!" This time, Nate eyes instantly filled with tears and he needed to take a long inhale, even coughing a bit. "You saying that having my limb cutoff was my fault, that was fucking rude and even though I don't want to admit this, that made me sad!" His bulbous eye grew glossy as the ends of his lips turned downward and he took a step back. "It makes me sad that you would say something like that to me," he sniffled, but rapidly and aggressively wiped his nose with the back of his hand before returning his gaze onto Dante. It was as if he was still hopeful that Dante, who had broken his heart, would say something that would mend it.
"You're so cute Nate." That made Nate inhale a sharp breath, his cheeks growing red without his consent. Dante pushed himself to his feet and, with a saddened smile, placed his palm on his chest and admitted, "It was my fault, it was all my fault. All this happened to you because of my greediness and my own heartless desires and I'm sorry."
Nate furrowed his brows, biting his bottom lip. Even though Dante was apologizing, something felt off. It was as if his body wanted to be caressed by him, but his heart and soul were completely against it. It was as if his mind was unable to move past this. He couldn't bring himself to close the distance between them, to which he revealed, "I don't know if I can get over this."
"I'm not forcing you to forgive me Nate," Dante said, although those words made his heart shatter. "I would love that you do, but you have every right in the world not to forgive me and to move on." Nate lowered his eyes. "But I want to explain to you what happened with Eleanor, so that you have all the details, and then after that, you can make a decision." He saw that Nate was reluctant, uncertain if he should hear them, but Dante really did want to share his perspective. "Please?"
When Nate finally nodded his head, Dante exhaled a long sigh. He hadn't thought about her in years, ever since she left. He had barely spoken about her ever since; his family rarely brought her up after she disappeared. The only time she had been was when Lucius unveiled that she had slept with Draco, and the only reason he had known that was because he heard them. After that, her name had been lost in history.
Until recently.
"Eleanor and I met when I was three," he started, clearing his throat and seeing he had the full attention of the blue iris he always adored. He wondered if it would be the last time he could see them from this close, all the lines within them and the shrinking pupil the more he spoke. "Draco had a mission and ended up killing her parents. He wanted to use her for money at first, when she was old enough, so he decided to take her in. But he eventually started taking care of her."
"At first, we hated each other; she was just so fucking annoying," he chuckled, his mind replaying moments when Eleanor would reach for his hair and pull, completely unprovoked. Their feud lasted until they started first grade together, when they realized tormenting others together was much funnier than tormenting each other. "But then we were practically inseparable. She was there for the birth of Reno, Bronsted and Molly."
A small smile pulled on his lips as the memories flashed across his head at the same time as he explained. "One time, when I was seven, we both decided to make a run for it from the base, and King, my grandfather, caught us and beat us to a pulp. It was bad in the moment, but we would look back at that time and laugh so hard." His eyes began to glisten. "Nate, she was my everything,"
Nate saw his eyes starting to grow a shade of light pink. He glanced away and started blinking rapidly, trying to stop the overflowing tears from leaking across his cheeks—he needed to admit his entire truth. However, part of him didn't want to, since he didn't know if their relationship would ever be the same again.
He cleared his throat, meeting Nate's gaze again.
"We had our first kiss together, we lost our virginities to each other, we had our first drinks together, we went on our first mission together, we started school together, we dropped out at the same time. We played our first video games together, visited our first clubs together. She helped me get past my mother's death, my first kill."
His fingers from one hand were mindlessly digging its nails into the flesh of his other, trying to soothe himself. "I was fucking hysterical after that, but she was there. Sometimes, she would even step in when Lucius would try to fight me. We would both get beaten up and Lucius had no mercy, but we would both be in the infirmary together laughing it off after." He shrugged his shoulders and whispered, "She was my other half, I really thought I was going to marry her. And yes, I did get her pregnant, but I was sixteen Nate."
"We were really excited and decided to veer off all the bad stuff we were doing. She was being super diligent—no drinking or smoking, less time on her feet. No more missions, nothing that could hurt her or the baby. We even picked out our baby's name." His eyes grew even more red and glossy, and his bottom lips trembled even more when he whispered, "And she lost him, and we were both devastated but it hit her worst than it hit me."
He tried not to let them go, but there was one tear that slipped past his defences and leaked across the inner corner of his cheek and down the side of his nose. "And then one morning, she just vanished. Didn't leave a note or anything, and the worst part is throughout all these years, she never even tried to contact any of us. I only found out later that it was because she slept with Draco and couldn't face me after that, so she up and left."
"So when she randomly showed up, and she was there, in my bedroom..." He was scared of seeing the twist through Nate's face, but he needed to say it. "And we were talking, and old...feelings and memories resurfaced and I lost myself for a moment, Nate, just for a moment." Dante had to close his eyes since he couldn't bear to witness it any further, and that was when he quietly breathed, "That was when we kissed."
There was a short pause, Dante letting the silence settle in. That was the story and all he had to say, and he hoped that Nate would be able to accept it.
Until Nate asked, "How long was it?"
"It was barely a second, Nate."
"She said you grabbed on to her boobs and you were touching her body—was that true?"
Dante gulped. "Y-Yes...yes, that's true."
"How did the kiss feel?" Dante couldn't really tell what Nate was doing since his entire face had blanked, but he felt that he owed Nate these answers.
That was why he shrugged his shoulders and responded, "It was fine."
"No I meant..." Nate exhaled a shaky breath, "...did you feel anything...?"
"It felt familiar, but I thought of you after a millisecond and I pulled away—"
"You're telling me that after all these years, you're finally able to kiss her and you didn't feel any old connection?" When Dante only shook his head, Nate hissed, "You're lying."
"Okay, fine." He needed to admit the entire truth if he wanted this to even have a chance to work. "I'm not religious but after she left, I prayed for months every single night for her to come back. It's not that simple, Nate. When I kissed her, it was what I had dreamed of, for years."
Nate could barely breathe.
"But it was for a split second, because I thought of you and the only person I want to be with is you, Nate." Nate didn't seem convinced, evident from how he glanced away with his jaw still tightened. Then, he reached for the strands along his forehead and pushed it to the side before wiping his nose with the back of his quivering hand. This was hurting him way too much, and it was almost as if he could slowly feel his sanity starting to seep away. "Yes, I loved Eleanor, but that's in my past. You're my present and my future, Nate. I only love you." Silence resurfaced, Nate not looking at Dante, and it seemed as if he was contemplating walking away altogether. The silence wasn't long, but Dante couldn't withstand it for more than a couple seconds, since he soon whispered, "Babe, say something...please..."
This was not what he had expected as a response, but Nate shrugged his shoulders and breathed, "Lucius tried to kill himself." Nate was still staring into space and his voice was barely above a whisper that Dante had to lean in to hear him. "When I walked back to my bedroom after one of our meetings, he was standing beside my bed with a loaded gun aimed at his head, and admitted that he wanted to kill himself."
"It was after he tortured Blue and killed him. I haven't been able to sleep properly since that day." The only thing that shifted Nate's face was a small smile that formed on his face. "You know what has been keeping me up at night? It wasn't the gushing sounds of Blue being beaten to death. It wasn't the sound of my shoes squishing the puddles of blood, and there was so much that it soaked my socks. It wasn't how dented his head was and the brain matter seeping through. It wasn't even his organs coming out of his stomach." He shook his head, his mind replaying the event of the night which such vividness that he thought he was reliving it all over again.
"It was Lucius screams while he was crying..." Suddenly, his eye filled with tears that they began to leak before he could even finish his sentence. His lips began to quiver that he lowered his face, staring at his squeezing fist. "It was how heavy his body felt when he leaned on me. It was as if I was holding all of his memories, his pains, his childhood—I can't stop thinking of just that weight."
"I thought Lucius was overreacting when he tried to kill himself. He said it was because he could never know if what he had with Raphael was real—please, don't..." Nate raised his hand when Dante attempted to reach for him and caress him, but that made him stop. "And I talked him down from it, thankfully, but I didn't understand him."
"I lost my arm and my eye, and even though it was tough, I made it through. I lost my aunt, who turned out to be my mother and I could never have a conversation with her about it. My ex-boyfriend came to town and I was mindlessly falling in love with him again, only to be kidnapped and tortured. I killed my own mom, and I became so set on revenge, ruthlessly mean and arrogant..." He chuckled quietly, shrugging his shoulders and his voice cracked when he whispered, "...but now, I was finally trying to change again."
"Nate." Dante cleared his throat since he felt his airway starting to get squished from the lump that formed. There were tears that were threatening to leak, but he resisted them, even though his grey irises were unable to hide his true sentiments. "Please, let me—"
"I don't need a fucking hug!" Nate swung his hand when Dante tried to reach for him again, and that made Dante inhale a sharp breath. "I just need you to fucking listen to me! For once, just listen!"
"Okay, okay," Dante sighed, taking a few steps back and raising his hand in defeat. "I'm sorry, I'm listening." There was something off with Nate though; his blinks were much slower, as if he was going to faint any second. It was as if his mind was not able to tolerable any more hurt and this was his breaking point.
"After I was rescued, I'm brought here in this hostile environment where I'm the one blamed." He slammed his own finger against his chest as his eye widened in disbelief. "As if that wasn't enough, I have to go through these trainings and be built to be a soldier, a life I never chose. I became a fucking murderer and killed Eric with my bare hands. In the midst of all of that, I get bashed on by every single one of your family members, even though I've done absolutely nothing to them."
"But you know what?" A longer saddened smile spread on his lips. "I was okay because I had you, and you were in my corner. It didn't matter what I did or what I said, you were always fucking there. And I fell in love with you all over again, and I hated myself for it, but I couldn't resist those feelings." Nate's teeth suddenly gritted as he pointed to Dante. "You were the only person I had..." His voice became frail and broke off near the end.
"And now," he shrugged his shoulders, a few chuckles escaping his lips as if he was falling into delirium, "the only person that I had, decided to kiss his long lost girlfriend that I, not only had no idea about, but was told that she was your Raphael." He exhaled a few cackles, but the speeding tears leaking across his cheeks suggested otherwise. "Now, I really don't have anyone. I know it's just a kiss, and I know it was in the moment, but after everything I've gone through," Nate inhaled a sharp breath, trying his hardest not to burst into unstoppable sobs, "I'm not tough enough to deal with this."
"The reason why I didn't understand Lucius was because I didn't know what he was feeling. But after this," he made a motion of being stabbed in the heart as he breathed, "this gut-wrenching ache from losing the only person that you had left..." Nate straightened his spine and shook his head. It was as if all of his feelings had been turned off, suddenly numbed in order to preserve the remaining sanity that was left. There was no more smiles but no more tears either. Instead, his entire face blanked again, the same it had in the beginning.
"In hindsight, if I could go back in time, and walk back to my bedroom and find Lucius with a gun aimed at his skull, I would've asked him to shoot me first." That made Dante feel as if he was experiencing a heart attack, inhaling a sharp breath and not exhaling for a few seconds. "The worst of all is that if he had shot me, I would've died on my birthday." He saw the way Dante's eyes widened in shock and froze in that expression. "It was my nineteenth birthday, Dante."
"Nate, I'm so sorry..."
"I'm tired, alright?" His eye became droopy, his body completely lethargic since Dante had never seen such slow shrug of shoulders before. "I hope you and Eleanor have an amazing life together, because I'm exhausted." His eye closed for a blink, but it didn't reopen as he breathed, "I'm really tired..."
"Nate!" Luckily, as Nate began to collapse, Dante had been on time enough to catch him, stopping his head from slamming onto the ground.