There were many of them. Too many to name a number. Easily close to triple digits. All of them scattered in piles of heartache and sorrow that weaved in and out of Eren's conscience. Three stacks of envelopes, lined paper and drawings lay open on the once-made bed, covering the surface like a blanket. Underneath the duvet of poetry and art is Eren eagerly reading each word that is presented to him, soaking in the written telling's of a man in love, and one that has been feeling such a way for a long time.
The moment Eren laid eyes on the folded pieces of paper he became frozen, like a deer in headlights struck with the overwhelming brightness. The last piece he holds in his hand is a letter addressed to him and the raw feelings scribbled on those pages in elegant handwriting, that can only be Levi's, depicts the journey that started it all. There was a reason Levi looked so familiar to him. All this time, that scratching feeling at the back of his mind telling him the two had met somewhere else before Levi transferred to the school was no mistake. As his eyes follow the heartfelt confession, he recalls seeing Levi's dark eyes on a stormy day. He remembers the rain pelting the earth and coming across a boy, cold and alone and saturated from the wild weather. The image of his vulnerability is clear in Eren's mind. To think he never realised such an impact he had, yet this was the memory that started everything for Levi. Eren's simple gesture of help was the start of new beginnings for the other.
His eyes slowly travel down the page, a sudden constriction capturing his chest as he gets closer to the end. Levi has always written so beautifully. The papers in Eren's hands are proof. The language has flow and is easy to understand. No awkward pauses. Complete structures of paragraphs that sing to Eren's heart. All Eren can do is smile stupidly as he finishes the last few sentences. An apology, an ask for forgiveness, and a promise to wait.
It's everything Eren could have hoped for. The page in his hand is set aside to join the rest of the opened papers, a small portion of the loose leaf covering his entire lower half. He lies down on his bed properly, his head on the pillow, and his arms folded to rest behind his head. The sound of papers crinkling from his movement sounds abnormally loud in his silent room. He can't help but repeat everything he read, visualise every drawing he saw and hold onto every poem that was written. Just for him. Each paper is signed with a date starting from last year, and considering the current year is almost at its end, Eren feels incredibly rich with the affection he has received. Levi may not have made his feelings obvious (getting any kind of emotion from Levi is a chess game where he is always ten moves ahead), but Eren is beginning to realise just how much he means to the raven.
He frowns. All the things he has seen today have felt so meaningful, sitting wonderfully in his mind. His left hand pulls out from behind him to pick up one of the sprawled drawings and he takes it in, marvelling at the detail. Eyes stare back at him, emerald green in colour with a dash of blue shadowing the iris. With his other hand, he opens his phone to bring up the self-facing camera and takes a quick picture of his eye. He views the new photo and holds his phone against the drawing to compare. Levi's talent astounds him. They're identical. The colour and the shading are almost as realistic as the photo, however, the drawing looks more appealing than the wide-open blurry eye on his phone. Eren was never meant to be a photographer, clearly.
Despite his wonder and amazement at the papers surrounding him, there's still conflict residing inside. He needs to talk with Levi. It's been some time since Eren yelled and punched him in the face. He had good reason to but the guilt of resorting to violence still hangs over him like a thick smog refusing to disperse. Levi has more than made up for his mistakes. The set looks amazing, and it took little convincing to get Armin to tell him who assisted him with the reconstruction. Levi always was practical in his way of working. He made a dumb decision, but he took Eren's words to heart and worked hard to reform the trust he had lost, and with all things going smoothly the production can go on without a hitch.
So why does Eren feel lost? The initial happiness of receiving Levi's letters and poems lasted for a few minutes and now he is met with a sudden drop. The pieces are coming together perfectly. The set has been restored and Levi has expressed himself with an admirable vulnerability. There shouldn't be anything bothering Eren and yet there's still a pit forming in his stomach, gnawing at him on the inside that something is still not quite right.
A soft knock at the door startles his thoughts and he hears Mikasa's voice on the other side, timid and soft.
"Hey, Eren, dinner is almost ready. Carla asked me to come get you."
At her call, Eren shuffles the paper into a neat pile and opens his door. "Is Dad joining us?"
"No, he said he has an appointment. He'll be back a little later."
Eren nods in understanding. As he follows Mikasa to the kitchen he can't help but wonder if his father is speaking to Levi. Among those thoughts are questions on whether Levi has mentioned Eren during his sessions. Have they been good things? Bad things? Has Levi spoken to Eren's father about his feelings for Eren? Is he in more pain since their argument and overwhelmed with feelings of guilt? Eren's father would know more than Eren does and part of him isn't entirely certain how he should feel.
Dinner goes quickly, chatter ensues between Mikasa and his mother. Eren remains silent trying to sift through his thoughts. He helps his mother clear the table and wash the dishes once the meal has been finished and briefly chats with his mother about the school production. His mood picks up a little more at the mention of his passion and his mother makes a promise to see him in action. Both his parents will be there to see Eren and Mikasa perform and Eren assures Carla he'll give it his all. Once the conversation ends, so does Eren's happy spark and he is left wandering in his thoughts. He thinks of Levi most of all, wondering how he is doing, what plan of action he should take moving forward and how he is going to approach Levi at school. He has to approach him. After receiving so much from him it is only fair that Eren returns his affections and tells him everything that's been playing on his mind. How he thinks Levi is handsome and strong, how he loves his poems and his writing talent. Even if Levi destroyed the set, he repaired it with improvements to the original design, and Eren finds himself wanting Levi even more.
He sits on the front porch of his house, sitting on the steps and looking out into the dark streets. A soft breeze is blowing that ruffles through his hair and blesses him with a cooling touch against his skin. It's refreshing and just the kind of medicine Eren needs after roaming around aimlessly in his mind.
Not long after he begins sitting, the door behind him opens. Footsteps follow in caution before the source sits next to him, hesitant. Eren gives Mikasa a once-over glance before turning away uninterested. He can sense the uncomfortable shifting, but he pays no attention to it, choosing to focus his attention on the street in front of them.
A minute passes of Eren glaring forward and Mikasa looking at him hoping for something to say. It drags on longer than Eren thought. Initially, he assumed Mikasa would have understood his need for seclusion but the message either goes unreceived or ignored. Eventually, Mikasa's presence begins to bother him, and he decides to make the first move to leave. He stands and is immediately grabbed by Mikasa, her eyes pleading with desperation.
"I already told you. I'm not interested in speaking with you outside of what's necessary," Eren tells her coldly. He tries to pull his arm away, but she holds on.
"Please wait. I spoke to Levi today," she tells him. It's almost frustrating how much the raven's name holds so much power over him, putting Eren into a momentary standstill. The syllables spelling out that handsome name instantly put the man's image inside Eren's mind. It's the one thing that has him contemplating whether to continue the conversation or return to his room for complete isolation. He's still very mad at Mikasa for the argument that transpired between her and Levi many weeks ago. The only real talking they've had is when Mikasa has a message to deliver from his parents. She is usually sent as the messenger and besides the odd brushes walking past each other in the hallway, all contact has been kept to a minimum.
When Eren looks at Mikasa he can only imagine how Levi's face must have looked when they fought. Contorted into sadness, helplessness, confusion and most of all anger. It wouldn't surprise him if Levi's attack on the auditorium was instigated by the exchange of words he and Mikasa shared that day.
With the pleading look in Mikasa's eyes and the convincing point of Levi's name being mentioned, Eren sits back down on the step next to his adopted sister. He bites his lip nervously.
"Is he doing okay?" Eren asks, genuinely worried about the answer Mikasa will give him. A light nod answers him, and he breathes out in relief. That's one less thing to stress about. "I honestly thought he'd still be upset."
"He is," Mikasa clarifies and Eren frowns, not feeling as relieved as he was seconds prior, "but he is doing everything he can to make things better for himself. He's trying hard but feels everything he does is a mistake and makes things worse."
That's not comforting to hear. Levi most certainly doesn't make things worse. Yes, he destroyed the auditorium and attempted to murder the hopes and dreams of many aspiring actors. What matters is how he mends the bonds he ruined and as far as Eren is concerned, Levi's done that.
"I'm surprised to hear you sound guilty," Eren points out and Mikasa confirms his suspicions by responding with a quiet "I am." The girl beside him has always resented Levi and yet there is a change in the air whenever she mentions his name. A name once laced with malice is suddenly emanating forgiveness and peace.
That's when Mikasa discloses her entire conversation with the other raven. How they've finally sat down to talk things out on Mikasa's initiative. Her understanding of her wrongdoings is refreshing, and to hear that Levi participated openly without lashing back is another breath of fresh air to hear. For months on end, Eren has witnessed heated glares, and electric tension so shocking it's amazing he never got caught in the fire. By the time Mikasa is done recounting their discussion, Eren is proud. It takes a lot to admit when you're wrong and Mikasa did not only that but tried to patch things up. That's all anyone could have asked.
"What are you going to do?" Mikasa asks him after a while of peaceful silence.
"I need to talk to him. That much is obvious. Originally, I was going to call him, but I think something like this deserves a face-to-face confrontation."
"Agreed. That way you can give him a disgusting kiss and play nice. Gross..."
Eren snorts with a shake of his head. "So, I take it I have your blessing then?"
Mikasa smiles and leans her head on Eren's shoulder. "You both have my blessing."
***
All Eren had to do was remember his self-pep talk. Be cool, be calm, be collected. Show Levi the kind of man he'd want to be with. For too long this has been placed on the back burner and now with renewed energy and restored faith, Eren believes he can finally sweep his man off his feet. Levi has shown him the kind, caring side of him. It is only right Eren does the same. He's been brainstorming all day about how he is going to present himself. Should he have flowers? Levi didn't seem like the type to accept colourful arrangements. A grand gesture isn't something to pursue either. It's rather apparent the raven despises anything public, and unlike Eren, Levi prefers to shy away from attention rather than bask in it. He's toyed with the idea of taking him to the café they always studied at, getting him an Earl Grey tea and a pastry of some sort, however when it came down to deciding Eren determined it was better to just tell Levi how he felt without holding anything back. His friends seemed to support this idea, both Mikasa and Armin encouraging him to do his best.
Thus, Eren had set forth on his journey to school that morning with passion burning inside, like the ashes of a phoenix fading away and bringing new life to rise in its passing. Just like the mythical bird of legends, he, too, felt like had been reborn. When all had felt lost and broken, somehow the beholders of fate shined in his favour. Pieces were finally coming together. The production was set to go on in just two days and friendship between him and his adopted sister has strengthened thanks to her heartfelt apology. All that was left was to claim his man and be on his way to the finale.
"Levi! I have something to say!" Eren barges through the front entrance to his classroom, chest puffed and voice obnoxiously loud. His arrival draws the attention of everyone in the class. Everyone except Levi, who appears to be absent. His chest suddenly deflates, and that prideful confidence is shattered in an instance.
"Levi may not be here, but we can hear it, Eren!" Connie shouts from the back of the classroom encouragingly. He's trying to be nice after the debilitating hit of disappointment struck Eren at point blank, and Eren appreciates the gesture, but politely resigns his declaration. Mikasa and Armin have already taken their seats and as Eren drearily drags himself to his designated table they both turn to comfort their friend. Armin places a hand on his back and Mikasa gives him a sympathetic pat on his head. What bothers Eren more is that whenever he decides he's going to talk to Levi the raven is always missing and unreachable. Would Eren come off too strong if he immediately shot Levi a text asking for his presence? He could just be running late for class, in which case all Eren has to do is be patient. He finds it ironic how the day he arrives at school early, Levi is the one holding up the class. That is, if him being late is indeed the case.
The whole day passed and Eren's opportunity was lost with Levi's absence. He discovers later from overhearing Isabel and Farlan that the raven was taking time to himself for today. The one day Eren needed him at school. This was fine. Eren completely understands. Everyone needs a day to themselves every now and then, and Levi has all the reason in the world to shut off from society and withdraw from the stress. Eren begins feeling guilty, believing he could be a reason for the sudden leave. Did Levi feel too much pressure from Eren when he had asked the raven to fix everything? Had he made things too difficult for him? After reading all the poems and letters and seeing the exquisite artwork, Eren had thought for sure things could finally be resolved. Yet, the idea of Eren being the cause of further problems blinks widely in his head like a neon sign in the middle of the countryside.
Eren had to think about this logically. He shakes his head to rid any negativity that rains on his parade and decides to send Levi a message. He quickly types a brief text, asking if he is well and if he's coming to school tomorrow. Eren hits send, and within a few seconds he gets a reply. The initial excitement that comes from receiving a resonance with so little wait time is diminished by the puzzling words appearing on his screen.
'I'll see you at the show.'
This didn't produce any answers, only supplied more questions. Levi had failed to answer whether he was well or not, and to top it all off completely ignored the inquiry of his attendance at school tomorrow. He'll see me at the show? As in, the production? This could only imply Levi would come see him perform. But why so long? Why couldn't Levi come tomorrow? Eren pauses to dwell on the subject a little longer. Would Eren even get a chance to tell Levi how he feels before the show? Or would he have to painfully wait another 48 hours before he could do so? Today was meant to be the day the waiting was over, and instead his deadline has been given an unexpected extension.
He sighs disheartened, then as quickly as his disappointment came, a smile takes its place.
"Right! Levi's coming to the show. I'll make sure I give him the performance of a life!"