She feels nervous. Something about this morning feels odd. Very odd. She doesn't have a good feeling from the very first moment she entered the classroom earlier. Most students turn to look at her intensely and they giggle in a very odd way, as if everyone knows her secret. Zoa doesn't like it. And the more Jiwoo doesn't show up to sit beside her the more nervous she gets. She drums her fingers nervously on the desk as she looks around her way too nervously. Just where in the heck is her friend and why is everyone aware of her crush on Jihan?
Just when Zoa thought she would die out of nervousness Jihan enters the classroom and everyone stares at her and then Zoa while they whistle playfully, seeming to know something more than Zoa is aware of. She doesn't like this. Her stomach tightens so much that she feels sick, almost vomiting right there right then as her fingers clench onto the desk tightly, trying to somehow calm herself down. Jihan walks closer and closer to her and somehow the classroom looks just too big and too endless because it feels like she's been walking forever.
Zoa's head is spinning. The whistles and cheers, the giggles and whispers and stares from all her classmates, Jihan's slow walking towards her, with her thin legs walking in such a way, making her look somehow even more beautiful in Zoa's eyes, like a supermodel having a catwalk. Zoa feels so nervous that she's sure she feels dizzy at this point too.
Jihan stops by her desk, her hands resting on it as she leans down, closer to Zoa's face, staring at her deeply. Zoa gulps hard. That stare is long, and deep, making Zoa's stomach tighten as she just feels too weak, vulnerable and fragile by just a simple stare. A stare that Jihan has never given Zoa before. It's strong, and intimidating, making Zoa somehow feel like she's falling off from her chair. She holds onto the desk tightly, but it's no use as her chair somehow gets slippery and she feels her butt slipping off of the chair. As she's about to fall off the chair Jihan leans closer to her, her right hand cupping Zoa's jaw, bringing the girl closer. She smirks. A playful confident smirk Jihan has never given Zoa before. It feels like she owns Zoa, it feels like she knows Zoa's weakness, it feels like she's doing it on purpose. Zoa's stomach tightens so much and she's sure she's falling off the chair now.
The last thing she hears is Jihan's soft giggle and then she falls as she meets darkness.
And then light.
Light, and a sudden loud thud that makes her whole body ache in pain.
She surely has fallen. But not from a chair, but from her bed instead. She blinks hard as her blurred surroundings start to clear up and she recognizes her dorm room. Her hearing clears up too and she quickly spots Soojin right next to her, trying to see if she's alright.
"Zoa? Zoa are you alright?" She asks, worriedly. Zoa sits up, trying to unwrap herself from her messy covers that have fallen along with her from the bed as she touches the right side of her face, groaning in pain.
"I fell?" She says, sounding unsure. Soojin slowly nods her head before she leans closer, looking at her friend worriedly, trying to see if she's alright.
"You haven't broken anything, right?" She asks the younger one who shakes her head.
"No, I think I'm fine. My head is aching but it will be alright soon." Zoa mumbles and Soojin slowly nods her head before she mentions something about getting the girl an ice pack. She disappears for a little while before she comes back and places the ice pack on Zoa's right side of her head. Zoa yelps a little but holds the pack on the side of her face, knowing that only this way the pain would fade away faster. Her eyes keep staring at the floor as she tries recalling her dream, trying to understand what it meant but she comes up with nothing. The only thing that she knows is that she's burning up and her stomach and heart haven't stopped fluttering.
"Are you having a fever?" Soojin decides to ask as she touches Zoa's forehead and gasps by how warm the girl is. Zoa slowly shakes her head.
"You're very warm though, and your cheeks are red. Are you sure you're alright?" Soojin asks and Zoa sighs heavily.
"Actually... unnie..." She mumbles slowly. SHe just apologized to Soojin the night before so they didn't really had the time to talk much. It's not like Zoa hasn't fought with her unnies before. She surely had. But it has never gotten to the point of not talking to them for a week. This time it was serious, this time it was different and it has scared Soojin out of her mind. They will always be friends though and Zoa really badly wants to talk to Soojin no matter how odd they still are from everything having happened throughout the past week.
"I dreamt of Jihan." Zoa lets out weakly, her cheeks seeming to only get more and more red and burn up as seconds pass by. Zoa sighs heavily as she closes her eyes and rests her back at the side of her bed. Jihan's image from her dream flashes in her mind and Zoa's eyes snap back open as the same fluttering and warmth spreads all over her chest and stomach.
"Oh!" Soojin lets out, before silence fills the air once again. Soojin isn't sure of what to tell Zoa now because she doesn't want to make the girl mad again. So she simply waits for Zoa to continue who only sighs frustratedly at the end and buries her blushing madly by now face between her knees.
"It makes me feel so uneasy." She mumbles weakly and Soojin can only caress her back. She's not sure how to comfort Zoa about this since everyone is dealing with their feelings differently and apparently the last time she's tried to help it didn't turn out that well...
"Feelings are hard to deal with, I know. But how about you try talking about it? Or maybe we can hang out, get some coffee in order for you to calm down?" Soojin tries to suggest but Zoa keeps shaking her head.
"Maybe you can hang out with Jihan-?" Soojin tries to suggest but Zoa's head immediately shots up and she turns to look at Soojin with wide eyes, filled with terror before she shakes her head immediately.
"I especially can't see her today!" Zoa exclaims and hides her head again, her cheeks warming up even more as her heart starts beating faster than usual, Jihan's image from her dream showing up on the forefront of her head once again. She just can't see Jihan today. Not when she's feeling like such a mess like how she's feeling right now.
"Ok ok. You won't see her today. How about we meet up with the girls? Monday and Soeun really missed you too." Soojin tries to suggest again and Zoa can only sigh heavily.
"I really want to see them too. And apologize to them. But maybe later. Right now I think I want to stay in bed." Zoa says before she takes her blankets and crawls back on her bed, hiding underneath her blankets. Soojin sighs, but she surely understands her.
"Fine. Rest for now. But you shouldn't stay in bed all day. You have classes in the afternoon."
"Don't remind me!" Zoa groans, her grumbling sounding muffled from beneath the blankets. Soojin can only smile sympathetically, feeling like she's facing teenage Zoa all over again.
"I'm gonna go pick up breakfast for the both of us, ok?" And with that she leaves Zoa alone in the room, who can only groan upon ending up thinking over and over again the Jihan from her dreams and blushing madly at that.
[...]
After having apologized to her unnies and having calmed down a lot more that morning, Zoa has decides to meet up with Jiwoo to thank her once again for helping her out but also to hang out with her. Her friend has texted her that she would be by the dance practice room so Zoa has headed there to find Jiwoo.
She knocks on the door before she slowly enters it. Monday and Soeun immediately smile upon seeing her and come to greet her even if that means basically interrupting their practice. They give her long and tight hugs as a welcoming to which Zoa giggles softly as she hugs them back.
"How come you're here? Did you finally change your mind and want to join our team?" Soeun asks her and Zoa shakes her head with a soft giggle.
"I'm sorry. I just came to pick up Jiwoo. Though I think you guys are in the middle of practicing so I'll just wait by the bench." She announces.
"It's fine. We were just about to finish our practice for today." Jiwoo says as she walks up to them and greets Zoa with one of their own unique handshakes.
"Hey cypress. Looking gorgeous as always. Who are you trying to impress huh?" Jiwoo teases her before her eyes land back on a specific girl sitting by the bench. And that's when Zoa realizes Jihan is already there, sitting by the bench. She frowns, not really understanding why Jihan would come to the dance practice room. She tries hard to suppress her blushing, fluttering and enthusiasm from her dream earlier that morning and try to focus on her friends instead as she really doesn't want to start panicking and become a blushing mess right now, in front of everyone and in front of Jihan too. That would be too embarrassing.
"No one." Zoa replies shortly, her eyes never leaving Jihan's figure though before she frowns even more upon seeing Jihan smiling brightly to another girl who approaches her. She remembers that girl as Nana, the leader of the dance club.
"Hey! Practice is over. Wanna go grab some coffee? It's pretty cold outside." Zoa hears Nana saying to Jihan. Nana forms a cheeky smile, one of her charming points as many people would say as she extends her hand for Jihan to take. Jihan smiles back at her as she accepts the girl's hand, holds it in hers and stands up along with Nana's help.
Nana's aura, Nana's tone in her voice, her words, her smile and now her hand. These all are too much for Zoa to take. The girl has such a strong flirty aura, one that makes Zoa's stomach tighten and her blood to boil somehow. She doesn't like what's happening. She doesn't like how blinding Nana's charms are but most importantly she doesn't like how Jihan holds Nana's hand too. Zoa thought she was the only one. How much of a fool she's been...
She clenches her first. She doesn't like what she's seeing and she surely can't explain what she's feeling about this. All that she knows is that she can't handle watching this. It makes her heart ache and... and she just wants to get out of there immediately.
"I'll wait for you outside." She says to Jiwoo in a rush, never meeting her friend's eyes as her own eyes are locked on Jihan and Nana, disliking to see them smiling and talking casually at each other.
She turns around and leaves the dance practice room immediately without turning to look back.
[...]
Jiwoo giggles as the two crash into her bedroom. She can't stop laughing as she observes Zoa's annoyed expressions. She never thought before she would ever be able to witness Zoa getting... well, jealous, isn't it obvious? She finds it really amusing and funny. But especially amusing because she thought her best friend is way too nice to ever feel jealous of anyone and anything around her. Guess she was wrong.
"What do you think of our captain, Zo? Isn't she amazing? She's so good at teaching us dancing, and she's so good at dancing too. And she surely is a charmer!" She decides to tease Zoa who scoffs, crosses her arms to her chest and grumbles,
"If she's so charming why aren't you dating her then?" Jiwoo laughs hard.
"It's funny."
"What is?"
"You are."
"I'm not! And stop making fun of me already!"
"You're just so adorable even when you're jealous!" Jiwoo lets out a squeal before she pinches Zoa's cheeks. The girls groans, pushes Jiwoo's hands away before she scoffs.
"I'm not jealous."
"Of course you are! It's so obvious!"
"I'm not!"
"I see a little green monster on your right shoulder~"
"What?" Zoa asks and turns to look at her shoulder and Jiwoo laughs hard.
"Stop it! I'm not jealous!"
"Then what is it?" Zoa pouts sadly.
"I just thought I was the only one she held hands with. But here she goes, smiling all brightly to Nana sunbaenim, and holding her hand too." Jiwoo giggles softly.
"Maybe she's just being friendly." Zoa pouts even more.
"Then she's friendly with me too, right?" Jiwoo shrugs her shoulders.
"Honestly? I don't know. But if you want to know you should ask her, you know." Zoa's eyes widen upon thinking of confessing to Jihan or asking her anything of the sort as she immediately shakes her head.
"No! No never!"
"Why not? What are you so afraid of? That your friendship will be over? I'm sure it won't be sure Jihan unnie is an amazing person and she wouldn't leave you just because of this." Zoa pouts even more as she lowers her head sadly, looking at her hands. She's not sure of what she's so afraid of, herself honestly. No matter how everyone tells her Jihan won't leave her side, it still seems so terrifying to tell her or overall discuss this with her. Maybe she should stick to how things are now. After all, she likes just simply hanging out with Jihan. That's more than enough, for now, right?
It has to be...
"Let's focus back on studying. Exams are around the corner." She says instead and both of them focus back on trying to study together.
======================================================
Zoa has been studying at the library more often than she would think she would and surely more than she would like to admit to herself. She's not doing it on purpose though. It started off as trying to find some peace and source of more books to help her study better as well as leave Soojin alone to focus more and take some fresh air herself. Then it slowly turned out as meet ups with Jihan because the girl happened to stop by once to borrow some books and soon realized by the second time she passed by to return them that Zoa is indeed hanging out in there by herself. She hasn't even changed spot. She's been sitting in the exact same spot Jihan has first found her, at a desk by herself between lots of bookshelves at the back of the library, next to the windows and the heater.
These meetups have turned out to hang outs and slowly without Zoa having realized this she's been texting and hanging out with Jihan all over again. If the girl has noticed how she's avoided her that one eventful week after their Christmas holidays, she's never said a single thing about it, to which Zoa has been glad about. After all, no matter how she's made the realization that she likes Jihan and maybe girls too and indeed her life has changed ever since, things between her and Jihan has remained the same to which she's more than glad about. She likes how comfortable they are, how much fun they have and how close they are and that's that. She doesn't want it to change and for now she likes all the warmth and enthusiasm in her chest. It's more than enough. As long as she's happy and not hurting it's enough. She doesn't want anything more and she's not even sure what more could she ask for anyway.
So this is how this one hangout ⏤their sixth one⏤ is going on so far. With light giggles and casual conversations but mostly focusing on studying as exams are getting closer and closer. Until... Zoa's eyes land on Jihan's phone that its screen lights up again with a new incoming message ⏤the eight one throughout this afternoon⏤ coming from Nana. She sighs a little as she observes the scene unfolding in front of her very own eyes, repeating itself like how it has done for the previous seven messages so far. Jihan's eyes light up, she mumbles a low apology to Zoa before she holds the phone in her hands, her fingers quickly typing down a reply. Her lips are curved up in a happy, bright smile and Zoa can't help but wonder once again just how Jihan reacts whenever she's the one texting her and not Nana.
From what she's gotten to know from Jiwoo ⏤she's usually talking to Jiwoo about her love problem because she believes her unnies will make fun of her instead of help her out⏤ Jihan and Nana have gotten closer recently because Jihan has asked for some extra tutoring classes related to her English class from Nana who has gladly helped her out.
"Unnie?" She mumbles slowly and Jihan apologizes once again for texting. She quickly sets down the phone next to her notebooks before she raises her head to face Zoa, focusing only to her now which doesn't fail to make Zoa's heart flutter but she surely is still bothered that Jihan is getting so close to Nana.
"You and Nana sunbaenim are close enough." She points out, trying to sound as bright and friendly as possible which catches her a little off guard. She would never force herself to say something before so this is new. It's scary but then again, she's already analyzed that this is jealousy and she's feeling like this because she likes Jihan so it's not as scary anymore. She just never expected before that she would discover and go through so many different and new things and find out so many different sides of herself just because she likes somebody...
"Yeah. We are. She's really nice and helped me out a lot. I believe I might pass my English class and if that happens that will be only because of her." Zoa slowly nods her head, forming a small smile, trying to look casual but it surely affects her hearing Jihan talking about another girl and praising her this much in front of her.
"If you pass the english class it will be because you didn't give up and studied hard as well, unnie." She tries to say to which Jihan doesn't disagree to. Zoa sighs again.
"Jiwoo believes Nana sunbaenim is a girl crush type of person." She states as she fixes her eyes on her books, trying not to get nervous as she feels Jihan's eyes on her. It's the first time she's actually starting such a conversation with Jihan because overall before her talk with her unnies it has never crossed her mind to talk about crushes, flings, relationships and so on.
"She thinks so?" Jihan says slowly, furrowing her eyebrows as she looks at the ceiling for a few seconds, seeming deep in her thoughts as if she's never thought of it before she slowly nods her head as she looks back at Zoa.
"Yeah. Now that I think about it she's really charming and attractive. It's easy to fall for her. I don't blame all the girls and boys she has running behind her."
"Do you think you like her too? I mean... I wouldn't blame you if you would. She's charming as you said and..." Jihan laughs softly, which makes Zoa's nervous rumbling get cut off. She looks at Jihan nervously who simply smiles and shakes her head.
"I don't like her like that." She states simply before she giggles a little. Zoa slowly nods her head before she looks back at her books. Silence fills them for a few seconds before Zoa speaks up again.
"Unnie?"
"Yes Zoa?" Jihan replies softly, smiling warmly at the younger girl as she looks at her deep in her eyes which makes Zoa's heart beat twice its normal speed and the girl gets all nervous again. It surely isn't the hard stare the Jihan from her dreams was giving her as this one is filled with care and it's so gentle but Zoa adores this stare way much more, so much that it makes her warm up too much and her heart to swell from too much love for the older girl.
"Were you ever in a relationship? Or did you ever have a crush?" Jihan chuckles.
"I didn't expect this kind of question on such a random and stressful afternoon to be honest. I'm a little caught off guard." She admits. Zoa lowers her head and is about to apologize but Jihan is faster to reply.
"No. To both. I never had a crush or a relationship. I never even had a flirt. Or a first kiss." Jihan says and smiles softly. Zoa smiles shyly at that before she slowly raises her head to look back at Jihan.
"Not even a first kiss?" She asks slowly and Jihan shakes her head.
"Nope. And that's mostly because I always wanted my first kiss to be from someone I love and not just a random drunk kiss at a disgusting high school party." Zoa nods her head vigorously at that, totally agreeing with her as she also believed the same thing.
"Do you have any other questions about my love life?" Jihan asks and giggles lightly as Zoa shakes her head, smiling shyly.
"Good. Because we both need to focus back on studying. Exams are in like... four days." Zoa groans at that.
"Don't remind me. I'm already freaking out of my mind." Jihan leans closer, her hands holding onto Zoa's to which Zoa immediately lands her eyes back on Jihan's.
"Hey. Don't stress out too much. It's going to be fine and you're going to do well if you keep studying, ok?" Zoa slowly hums in response before they both return their attention back to studying for a while. They never separate their holding hands though to which Zoa is glad about as she really loves holding Jihan's hand.
"Aish. I think I need a book. Be right back." Jihan announces at some point as she stands up from her seat and disappears behind a few shelves behind their table, at the way back of the library. It takes her a while to return back and when she does she's empty handed and has a huge, adorable pout on her lips.
"I hate to say this because you must have been hearing things about your height and having done way too many favors on shorter people in your life but... I really need you to get me a book." Jihan announces and Zoa giggles softly as she stands up from her seat with a huge smile on her lips.
"It's fine. It's no problem." Zoa says and she means it because she doesn't mind doing Jihan a favor and soon the two reach a shelf at the very back of the library. Jihan points at the book with a pout and Zoa giggles once again before she takes a step closer to the shelf. She suddenly realizes that this shelf is way further away from any other in the library and surely it's so far away that no one can hear them or see them, to which she's not sure how to feel about. She positions herself steadily in front of the shelf and the exact spot she has to stand in order to get the book as Jihan stands in front of her, waiting for her to get it. She extends her hands upwards and takes the book from its spot at the top of the shelf with ease. She brings it down and in between their chest as she smiles proudly at her simple and easy task as well as for helping Jihan out but once her eyes land on JIhan she realizes something is different about their close proximity this time.
She's not sure if it's because she's aware that she likes Jihan but the two haven't been this close ever since she's realized about her feelings so this is new. Jihan's dark brown warm shining eyes stare at Zoa's eyes deeply as her lips are parted. Zoa gulps hard as she suddenly thinks Jihan is way too pretty from up this close. So pretty that she could literally stare at her all day. Now she gets Soojin's words from their conversation that eventful week. Oh she could definitely stare at Jihan all day. And that, because she's badly into her.
Jihan clears her throat shyly before she jokes lightly,
"Are you planning to steal my first kiss now? In this dusty library?" Zoa blinks hard as she feels her cheeks warming up. She parts her lips but no coherent words come out of her lips and when her brain finally starts working and she believes she has a good enough reply, Jihan has already taken the book from Zoa's hands, has thanked her and has started walking back to their table. The magical moment is gone, time is now moving back to its normal speed and along with it both the rest of Zoa's surroundings and sounds have returned too, making her still feel a little dizzy and out of it.
Just what has happened back there?
She tries to get back on studying but she's not able to fully focus ever since that incident because all she can think of is Jihan, her shining beautiful dark brown eyes and glossy lips and smooth skin that looked so light and soft underneath the sunbeams of the sun coming through the windows. She's not sure why her brain is stuck there but she badly wants to stop thinking about it and focus back on studying. But instead of that, all she's doing is biting on her pen nonstop, thinking about it over and over. She can't get over it because she only wanted to spend the rest of her time staring at Jihan. So much that...
That what exactly? What would she do after that?
She's not sure because she hasn't really thought about it. She shakes her head and tries once again to push those thoughts away. She badly needs to focus on studying or else she's screwed.
======================================================
She's drained. She's been studying nonstop this past few week, having decided that studying back in her dorm room is less distracting than the library. Exams have been going on pretty fastly and stressfully and since it's her very first time having college exams she's stressed out of her mind and has been studying way too hard for it.
She hasn't been meeting up with her friends as much and has been more than glad that Yunho has been very understanding and has canceled all practices during the weeks of the exams. She hasn't been talking much to her unnies about her stress either and although they've promised to be by her side and she was aware that they were, she still couldn't exactly talk to them, open up or relax a little. She's been only studying and studying and studying nonstop, day and night, sleeping less and less sometimes.
It's been the craziest and most stressful period of her life and once it's over she's not sure what to think of it or what to feel about it. She's pretty sure that she's lost a part of herself throughout that period and suddenly she feels like she's grown up way too abruptly. She feels less lighter or cheerful and she's indeed sure that she lost a part of those because of her anxiety. And she badly wishes she could somehow get those back, but she knows she can't.
She returns back to the dorms after her final exam for this semester, her head hung low, her shoulders lowered too as she only sighs heavily once she enters her dorm room. She's aced that test, for sure, but she feels way too drained and in bad need of catching up with some sleep. Soojin smiles at her softly once she enters their room and walks up to her, welcoming her with a warm hug.
"You did great." She comforts the girl. Zoa lowers her head more in order to reach Soojin's shoulder's height as she rests it there and sighs softly.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Zoa slowly shakes her head. She was in bad been of letting out all of her stress and talk about which subject was difficult to study and which parts of her studying were hard to understand or complain nonstop about the things that she couldn't memorize but now that it's all over, she realizes that it doesn't matter anymore. It's already done, exams are finally over and they belong in the past so there's no point talking about it.
"I just want to take a nap." She mumbles to which Soojin totally understands. She nods her head, forming a warm smile to Zoa as she lets go of the girl.
"I'll be here once you wake up. Along with some snacks and a warm hug." Soojin tells her and Zoa nods her head before she buries herself underneath the covers, leaving Soojin behind her alone to clean up her desk and gather up her notes and books and organize them.
Not even half an hour after Zoa has fallen asleep though and Soojin turns to look towards her worriedly once she hears her talking in her sleep. A second later the Zoa wakes up breathing rapidly, her hair messed up and cheeks red and warm from the vivid dream she's just had.
"Hey. Hey, are you alright?" Soojin drags her chair from its wheels, stopping right in front of Zoa's bed who looks around her room in shock, trying to identify the place she's in by her surroundings. Her eyes land on Soojin, before she takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down.
"I... I dreamt of Jihan." She says, in almost a whisper, her voice barely audible and coming out raspy. Soojin's eyes widen for a second before she frowns.
"Again?" Zoa slowly nods her head.
"It's the second one for this week and surely the fifth one in total." Soojin mumbles and Zoa buries her head in her palms.
"I know." She mumbles, feeling embarrassed to have such dreams of her friend.
"What was it about this time?" Zoa bites her lips, though Soojin can't see that before she slowly peeks through her fingers. Then she lowers her hands and looks at Soojin, feeling still very much shy and embarrassed as her cheeks start warming up too much by the clear memory of her dream in her head. Soojin has realized overtime that Zoa's dreams about Jihan would always leave the girl a panicked blushing mess for hours... and she had to be by her side for a very long time until she would calm down.
"She..." Zoa mumbles before she adds a barely audible,
"...tried to kiss me." And then she quickly hides her face behind her hands again, groaning in embarrassment.
"Oh!" Soojin lets out, surprised. Usually it was Jihan staring at Zoa for too long, holding her hands, smiling at her and hugging her, things she usually pretty much does in real life too. This time however Zoa's dreams moved a little further.
"Unnie!" Zoa groans before she adds,
"I swear it only lasted for a second but... but it makes me feel so weird!" She exclaims in panic as she takes her hands away from her face and places them on her stomach.
"It feels as if I have a whole nest of butterflies in my stomach wiggling wildly like this!" Zoa exclaims as she wiggles her fingers in front of her face and lets out a desperate groan before she takes her pillow and hides her face, groaning again in despair. Soojin wants to smile, feeling happy and proud for her youngest friend for growing up and having these feelings but it looks like Zoa is struggling a little to handle them so it's not the right moment to get back to her all proud unnie character.
"It's normal to feel like that. I always feel like that too whenever Soeun kisses me." She tries to comfort Zoa who raises her head from the pillow and looks at her with her big eyes looking at her in despair and desperation too.
"Really?" She asks. Soojin nods her head with a hum.
"Pretty positive that I always feel those butterflies in my stomach. I believe they'll never go away." Zoa frowns slowly before she grumbles,
"She's your girlfriend though! While for me, I get like this because of a stupid dream!" Soojin slowly nods her head, agreeing with her and Zoa hides her head on her pillow embarrassed once again.
"Do you want it to come true though?" She asks and Zoa pauses hard. She raises her head again to look at Soojin with wide eyes filled with shock before the image of Jihan kissing her in her dreams comes back up to her mind. She blushes madly and is about to shake her head, too embarrassed to even be thinking of it but then she realizes that she's actually nodding her head instead of disagreeing as she was thinking at first because...
...because she wants it.
The more she thinks about it, the more she finds herself liking the dream, liking the idea of it coming true, wanting it to be true. She wants it so much that she can't help but groan loudly and bury her head back in her pillow grumbling desperately,
"Look what you've done unnie! Now I want it to happen but it's not going to happen soon and... it hurts... a little bit." Soojin immediately side hugs her friend who looks like she's about to have another breakdown for not having been kissed by Jihan in real life too.
"I'm sorry." Soojin tries to comfort Zoa as she caresses her shoulders.
"Do you want to try to have some more sleep? Once you're up I promise we're gonna have dinner together." Zoa sighs and shakes her head. She's not sure if she can get back to sleep. Whenever she closes her eyes she keeps thinking of her dream which makes her upset and devastated.
"You should try sleeping though. You haven't had a proper sleep in days." Zoa pouts before she ends up nodding her head. She lays down on her bed and lets Soojin to try to make them some dinner but sleep surely doesn't come easily to her. She keeps thinking again and again of the dream, her cheeks blushing madly as she gets hotter and she keeps sighing in depression every single second as her fingers touch her lips and she groans once again, realizing that it's not true. She badly wants it to be though.
======================================================
"Maybe you should try getting up today. We can go to the cafeteria and get some breakfast together." Soojin suggests to Zoa that one morning. Ever since exams have been over Zoa hoped she would get to hang out with Jihan very often just like how they used to. But it turns out that Jihan has gotten very close with Nana lately and they only keep on hanging out more and more. The last time Zoa and Jihan talked Jihan has told her that Nana has confessed to her which has made Jihan a little confused since she hasn't thought that the girl could like her and so she has been considering of giving Nana a chance if she asked her out, since Nana is indeed very charming and Jihan likes her a lot as a person.
That statement has made Zoa devastated. So much that she hasn't moved an inch from her bed and room for the past couple of days, has been crying by herself and has been in a very bad mood, refusing any offer or suggestion of doing anything else rather than staying in bed and crying. It's been over for her. Jihan would give Nana a chance any moment now, any day, and then they would get together and Zoa... Zoa would be left alone and heartbroken.
It's the first time she's feeling like this and she now understands how foolish she's been of simply enjoying her luck and her glee of just liking Jihan but never confessing so far. Of course love hurts, and it hurts a lot. And Zoa only understands this now, now that her happiness is threatened to be replaced with sadness and depression, now that Jihan won't be single anymore, now that Jihan will for sure not like her back but get together with somebody else instead. Now that Jihan... would hug somebody else, hold her hands and kiss her...
It hurts too much. So much that Zoa's whole body aches in pain as she feels sick and doesn't have the strength or will to leave her bed. Her heart feels broken in millions of pieces and her stomach hurts so much that she's sure she's getting sick any moment now. She just feels so...
...so intensely and deeply sad... and lonely...
And she doesn't know what to do with these feelings.
Soojin has been trying to make her feel better, to distract her, while Monday and Soeun has crashed over their apartment a lot of times to encourage her to confess to Jihan first or just to distract her by playing games with her but none of these would work as Zoa wouldn't move from her bed, not even at the mention of games.
Zoa doesn't reply to Soojin. Instead, she only keeps staring at the ceiling sadly, her eyes getting filled with tears again. Just... just why can't Jihan be hers? The thought of Jihan spreading smiles to somebody else who's not her and holds hands with them and only hurts Zoa's heart too much.
Soojin sighs. It feels like she's raising teenager Zoa who has her very first period cramps and mood swings and that was... way too long ago... Soojin surely can't return back to that time! She has to get Zoa off that damn bed immediately!
"Please, let's just get breakfast. Only breakfast and then we'll get back to the dorm." She tries to suggest this time, deciding that getting Zoa out of her dorm room even just for a minute would be more than enough for now.
"Aren't you hungry?" Zoa doesn't reply once again. Her phone vibrates from her nightstand and she sighs heavily, biting her lips in terror of what this message could be about. Soojin has started to learn from Zoa's expressions that it had to be Jihan and she was informing her about her plans with Nana. Zoa has been crying even more upon reading Jihan's texts lately and she has been taking a lot longer to reply to them lately ⏤she used to reply to them immediately while now she takes at least four or five hours to read them.
She takes her phone in her hands and decides to read the text through her notifications, not wanting to reply to Jihan just yet.
Jihan: Nana unnie said she wanted to hang out. I owe her a reply but I'm still not sure of what to tell her. She's going to ask me out today, she said so. What would you do if you were me? I mean, I do like her a lot. Is this enough to get together with somebody?
Zoa groans loudly, before she lets out a cry and throws her phone away, not wanting to see it for the rest of the day as a sob hits her hard and she immediately buries her head in the pillow, hugging all of her plushies tightly as she cries hard. Soojin immediately rushes towards her and tries to hug her, to comfort her, to soothe her, to tell her that it's going to be ok, but nothing is going ok and Zoa's cries only keep on getting louder as it lasts way longer than any other time.
"She's going to get together with her!" She cries out as she sobs on Soojin's shoulder, her hands clinging onto her hoodie tightly, as if she's holding onto for dear life. It just hurts too much. It's the first time she's feeling so much pain in and out, throughout her veins and body, muscles and blood, heart and bones, but most importantly in her soul, feeling it like it's breaking over and over nonstop, bleeding with no repair, no way to stop it. It's so hard that she doesn't know what to do. The pain is so unbearable that she doesn't know if any kind of physical pain would ever replace her soul's pain at all. At this point her soul is hurting so much that it's affecting her physical health too, making her whole body ache in physical pain too.
"It hurts unnie! It hurts so much! What do I do?" She cries out desperately as she only keeps on sobbing hard, her eyes puffy and red as tears roll down her cheeks uncontrollably. At this point it hurts Soojin too as she's never witnessed the girl hurting this much before and she's not even sure what to do herself to help her out. She even considers of talking to Jihan about it but she knows better than anyone else not to interfere at other people's businesses. This is something Zoa has to learn about herself and to deal with it herself. Soojin can't spoil her at this because if she does it will only end up causing more hurt to Zoa in the long run, rather than good. The girl needs to learn about the heartbreak too.
She cries in Soojin's arms for hours until she gets too drained and all of her tears dry on her cheeks. She still shakes tiredly in an attempt to cry more but there are no more tears left for her to shed. She yawns tiredly and withdraws herself from Soojin, hugging her plushies again as she lays down on her bed properly.
"Do I deserve this much pain unnie?" She asks Soojin as she lays down, wanting badly to just sleep it off, for now. Soojin looks at her with wide eyes, shocked by the question before she immediately shakes her head.
"No! No! No, no one deserves to be heartbroken that's for sure!"
"Then why am I feeling so sad?" Zoa asks her slowly, her eyes getting glossy again as her lips quiver but Soojin knows the girl won't cry again because all of her tears have dried up.
"Unfortunately this is just how life is and how some things work out. We can't always be happy exactly like how we can't always be healthy. Just like how you feel pain when you fall down and hurt your knees, that's exactly how you feel pain when your heart gets broken too. It's just how it is and I'm sorry I can't do much to help. I wish I could." Soojin explains sadly. Zoa slowly nods her head, a sad pout visible on her lips.
"Thank you for being here for me. It's already a lot." Zoa says as she squeezes Soojin's hand before she closes her eyes, trying to fall back asleep. Soojin sighs heavily, glad that Zoa didn't say something like,
"I wish you could do more too." or
"If love hurts this much then I don't want to fall in love again." or
"Since I'm careful of not hurting myself physically I'm going to be extra careful of not getting hurt by love again too." or something along those lines. It means that the girl likes this feeling although it hurts her too much now. She's somehow still trying to keep the good things about love in her mind even when love is wrecking her this hard.
[...]
She wakes up by the sudden loud ringing of her phone. She groans tiredly, throwing a pillow randomly in the room before she calls out for Soojin to pick her phone call for her instead. She gets no answer and reaches out her hand by herself to get her phone from her nightstand only for hand to land on an empty nightstand.
She groans once again before she raises her head and looks sleepingly at her nightstand to make sure that her phone isn't there. She sighs, confused, tired and annoyed as she looks around her room trying to spot it somewhere or spot Soojin. She doesn't spot any of the two but she's sure she can hear her phone ringing. She just has to force her sleepy self to focus on the direction she's hearing her phone and once she does, she realizes it's located beneath Soojin's bed, wherein she's thrown it frustratedly earlier.
She stands up from her bed, barely making it as her legs and her whole tired and aching body feels like a melted ice cream, her muscles are sore and weak like jelly before she bends down to get her phone. Her sleepy self though makes a mistake, not calculating the distance of the bed with her head as she raised her head once she finds her phone a little earlier than she should which ends up with her head bumping on the bed and she groans loudly in pain, her right hand immediately holding her head now.
She yelps in pain, her eyes tearing up from the pain and only groans louder once she realizes the one who has been calling her has stopped calling her now, obviously. Before she's even able to check at the ID of the caller she hears a knock on her door along with a familiar muffled because of the thick door voice calling out to her.
"Zoa yah! It's me! I wasn't sure if you were home so I called you first. Can you open up? I need to talk to you!" Jihan's voice is heard and Zoa hisses between gritted teeth, her stomach tightening in pain. The last person she wanted to see right now is Jihan. But she knows she can't avoid her forever.
"Coming." She mumbles as she struggles to get up and finally to unlock the door, literally having a hard time to even do that. Once she opens the door she's faced with Jihan's pretty frame and smile which isn't surprising because Jihan indeed had a date with Nana earlier so of course she would dress up prettily for it.
The remainder of this whole dating thing makes Zoa's stomach flip and she's sure she feels sick all over again.
"Hi!" Jihan exclaims first, seeming to be way more collected and presentable than Zoa who still zones out and is totally out of it still. Jihan even waves her hand awkwardly in order to make the girl come back to her senses as she seems to be zoning out for a while.
"Oh. Hey." She lets out but it comes out way too miserable as her voice sounds raspy and drained. Jihan frowns immediately, taking in Zoa's whole image. It's pretty clear that something has happened to her by her still red and puffy eyes, messed up hair and solemn face that Jihan swears she's never seen before. Zoa looks devastated and it's the first time Jihan sees her like that, that it shocks her to her core. Her eyes widen in shock as she can't help but speak her thoughts aloud.
"What has happened to you?"
Meanwhile Zoa is trying her hardest not to smile upon seeing Jihan's bright and beautiful frame. Her instinct tells her to smile because it's natural and because that's how she feels. It's just so easy that she can barely control herself. Her rational part though tells her that she shouldn't smile because she's heartbroken and she really just can't feel that warmth and excitement and be all smiley and dopey when she's hurting this much. It's weird and way too complicated and dumb.
"Wha... what do you mean?" She asks and her voice sounds distant as she seriously can't focus on whatever is happening. She's still a little sleepy and part of her believes that this is all a dream. After all why would Jihan come see her when she's out on a beautiful amazing date with Nana, right?
"You look like you've been..." Jihan says, frowning a little as she's not sure if she should say it, but ends up doing so.
"... crying..." she mumbles.
"What? No. I've just been very tired all day. And a little cold. Running nose, sore throat and all that stuff." Zoa says, and feels glad that she's good at lying and finding excuses so quickly and naturally. Though she immediately feels guilty for lying to Jihan, so guilty that her whole body is aching and her heart feels like it's just been broken all over again. She feels sad. It's just so bad and wrong to lie to Jihan. But she surely can't tell her the truth either.
"Oh. Is that why you didn't pick up my call earlier?" Zoa frowns a little before she manages to focus back on their topic and nods her head.
"I've been sleeping actually. Your call woke me up." She admits in hopes that Jihan would leave her alone. As much as she doesn't like pushing Jihan away and feels so bad and guilty about it, she badly needs her space away from the girl who seems to be the source of her pain lately.
"Oh. Is that so? I'm sorry. Should I pass by later?"
Yes.
That would be an honest reply. A way too honest one that would reach the levels of rudeness at this point. So no matter how Zoa wants to be left alone right now she shakes her head instead.
"Why are you here though? Shouldn't you be with Nana sunbaenim?" Zoa asks, —forces herself to ask because that's what a friend would do, right? Her eyes are still watery and red and it just pains Jihan so much seeing the girl this devastated and broken. Because yes, that's what Zoa is and Jihan knows it. She's not that dumb to buy that excuse as good as it might have been. Jihan knows Zoa a lot by this point and she knows it was a lie.
"I was. That's where I'm coming from actually." Zoa frowns.
"Did she ask you out?" She lets out though the last thing she cares about is that. Her hold onto the doorknob tightens and Jihan notices by the cracking sound it makes. Her eyes land on Zoa's hand at the doorknob before they land back on the girl's broken, empty eyes.
"She did. Can I enter your room though? I would like to talk more comfortably about this." Jihan explains. Zoa frowns before she forms a bittersweet smile and moves aside as she opens the door wider in order for Jihan to enter her room.
"Is there more about this topic honestly? I thought you would just tell me what you replied to her and that's that." Zoa replies plainly, her voice sounds dry and tired because that's how she's been feeling both mentally and physically. She's just so tired and in so much pain to even try to the slightest to hide it. Jihan enters the room and takes a seat by Zoa's bed, which is indeed messy just like the girl so she has to make it first before sitting.
"Well... she asked me out. And... I told her that I'm not into her that way so..."
"So?" Zoa asks, confused as she walks towards her desk and sits down on her chair, giving them both some space and keeping a distance from each other.
"I told her that we could remain as friends and she liked that idea so that's that I guess..." Jihan says as she kicks her feet back and forth, her hands holding onto the sides of Zoa's bed. Zoa sighs, confused though she's relieved to know that Jihan hasn't accepted Nana's offer of dating her.
"She's a nice person and a very charming one. I don't get why you threw such a great chance away." Zoa mumbles as she tries to sound rational.
"Because I'm not into her that way so that would do no good to our relationship and to her and her feelings too. Either way, just like you said there isn't much to talk about this topic. I didn't come to mainly talk about Nana unnie anyway." Now Zoa can't help but stare at Jihan confused. Very confused in fact.
"Then? What did you come to talk about?" She can't help but ask, very confused.
"I wanted to talk about... you..." Jihan says slowly and trails off at the end, her index finger pointing at the talker girl. Zoa also points at herself with her own index finger, her eyebrows raising up high on her forehead as her eyes widen in confusion.
"Me?" She asks and Jihan slowly nods her head.
"You're a good liar, and I would love to buy your excuse about being sick but... but I'm not that blind or stupid, unfortunately for me... and you. You've been crying, haven't you?" Jihan says softly, tangling her fingers together and pressing her knees on the back of her palms, trapping her hands in between. It's her first time she's trying to approach Zoa in such a serious and personal matter and she hopes Zoa wouldn't get angry about this. So far it has always been Soojin and her unnies who had always revealed to her the shocking news; Monday and Jaehee liking each other, Soeun and Soojin dating, Zoa's feelings...
Jihan has just never faced the girl on such a matter before and although she knows why Zoa has been crying... and feels very guilty for this even though it's not her fault —Soojin has just told her a few hours ago by the way because they were both worried, and so that's how she knows— she can't just straightforwardly tell her,
"You've been crying because of me, right?"
It's just too wrong!
Yet again Jihan isn't sure how to talk about this. But she's more than willing to try.
Zoa's eyes widen in shock as she quickly shakes her head immediately.
"No no. I've just been sick." She refuses to accept the truth yet again. Jihan sighs. This is surely not the right way to start this conversation and if she keeps pressing on it she knows she won't get any answers from the girl.
"I don't know what has made you so upset in order to make you cry so much... but just so you know, I'm here, ok?" Jihan says softly as she reaches out to hold Zoa's hands. The girl freezes, the contact making her shudder as her whole body starts warming up. She slowly nods her head before she says,
"I've just been stressed out about exams, that's all. Which ended up causing me to get sick." She refuses to agree with Jihan's words no matter what. She just won't accept her defeat, she won't admit that she's been crying to Jihan. She surely won't. So Jihan has to approach this matter from a different point of view.
"How about this; I tell you something, and you tell me something in return, hm?" Zoa furrows her eyebrows, a pout on her lips before she narrows her eyes, looking at Jihan suspiciously but before she's even fully aware she gives a small nod anyway.
"Dating Nana wouldn't be right not just because I don't like her that way but also because I like someone else." Jihan confesses. Zoa's eyes widen as she feels a sharp pain on her chest that feels similar to a stab by this point. Why is nothing going her way? At first she was hurt because Nana liked Jihan and maybe Jihan liked her too and once she thought they were over that and she could finally have some peace of mind, be able to breath and not be in pain for a little while, she realizes that she's going through the same pain again. She doesn't even have a single brain. Now who is it and why is Jihan liking them? It hurts Zoa's heart too much because previously it was just Nana, while now.., it's Jihan who likes somebody else and at that... Zoa surely can't do anything. Not when Jihan's heart is already given to somebody else...
"Who is it?" She dares to ask though she doesn't even care at this point. Her eyes get filled with tears as she tries hard not to cry. She blinks hard to push the tears away and takes deep long breaths in order to calm down. She's looking at her hands, not being able to look at Jihan anymore as she takes her hands away, placing them on her own knees as she pushes the chair a little further behind and away from her bed wherein Jihan is sitting at. She can't be sitting close to Jihan anymore and surely can't allow the girl to hold her anymore. Not when by just a simple holding hands she makes Zoa feel so gleeful but so depressed and heartbroken as well. She can't handle this. Can't allow it to happen.
"I believe it's my turn to ask you questions though." Jihan replies softly, forming a warm smile. Zoa lets out a long tired, heavy breath. She doesn't think she can hold still any longer. She feels like she's gonna have another breakdown anytime soon.
"Unnie... is this really necessary? I'm tired. Maybe we should play this game another time..." she mumbles tiredly, lowering her head even more as she really can't hold her pain anymore. It hurts rejecting Jihan's offers but Zoa really can't handle her feelings right now.
"You're not just sick, right?" Zoa bites her lips, sighs heavily again and slowly nods her head, in defeat. Lying to Jihan is proved to be pointless time and time again. Jihan smiles softly as she stands up from the bed and stands in front of Zoa now, taking the girl's hands into hers. She mumbles a soft, comforting,
"You did great." in order to comfort Zoa for even giving her a bear nod as a reply. Zoa on the other hand doesn't feel comforted at all. She feels so heartbroken and sad and depressed and all she wants to do is be left alone, hug her pillow and cry herself to sleep until-
"It's you." Jihan says after taking a deep breath.
WHAT
Zoa frowns, slowly raising her head, not understanding what Jihan is talking about and Jihan knows she has to clear this up now before it's too late. No matter her nervousness or fears she knows she has to do this and that there's no other way doing this. She has to confess. She has to confess now. She has to confess first in order to make Zoa's pain stop. She just can't bear seeing the girl's gloomy and heartbroken expressions anymore. Especially because she likes her back. She takes a deep breath in again, clearing her throat a little awkwardly because no matter how she knows how Zoa feels towards her, confessing is still very scary and it's her very first time doing this, so of course she's scared and doesn't know how to do this, it's understandable.
"You asked me earlier who is the person that I like. Well... since it's my turn to reply to your questions... it's you." Jihan says softly, her tone sounding a very shy one. She fits down on the carpet, holding Zoa's hands still before she adds,
"You're the one I like." It's soft and slow and very shy and Jihan's cheeks are red by now because of how shy she feels. Her whole body has warmed up as she's never imagined confessing and admitting her feelings to the girl would make her this flustered.
"W-what? A-are you for real?" Zoa asks her with widened eyes and jaw dropped, shock visible on her face. She even stutters by how shocked and flustered she feels all at once. She wants to smile, because hearing Jihan saying that she likes her makes her heart beat so fast and flutter and warm up in thT familiar way it always did, giving her the jitters and making her excited and gleeful like always but she tries to suppress all that and look shocked and only as she's still in disbelief. This just can't be real! Can this?
Cute.
Jihan thinks and smiles happily.
"Yes, I'm being honest here." She says and giggles upon hearing Zoa gasp loudly again, her hands slipping away from Jihan's hold and clasping on her mouth instead out of how shocked she still is.
"Are you sure? This isn't a game right? Like, you really like me right? Like how Monday unnie likes Jaehee unnie and like how Jaehee unnie likes Monday unnie and how Soojin unnie likes Soeun unnie and how Soeun unnie likes Soojin unnie? That way?" Jihan giggles softly and although she would like to cut off Zoa's rumbling and just agree that she likes her like that before the girl would start counting all of her unnies, but decides against that idea as she always likes hearing Zoa talk, dislikes cutting her off and finds her disbelief and shock too adorable anyway. Endearing.
"Yes. I like you that way." Jihan agrees and giggles again, finding it easy to admit her feelings now. She's not nervous anymore, not afraid, not stressed out about this as she's come in earlier. No. Now she's pretty sure she feels so light like a feather and just wants to keep repeating it because that's how she feels and she loves that feeling so much. She wants Zoa to know, now she wants that so badly because she has the bad need for the girl to know that she makes her feel so happy, that her love for Zoa makes her feel so giddy and just so... so happy. Genuinely happy.
"Are you sure?" Zoa asks, a little unsure though her shocked expressions have started to fade away as a calmness has now replaced them instead. Jihan smiles and nods her head.
"I'm sure. You've been the only thing on my mind for the past few months." Zoa smiles shyly at the last part before she slowly nods her head.
"Okay..." She mumbles shyly. Jihan giggles.
"Okay? Is that all you have to say?" She asks her lightly and teasingly, not being mad at the girl or anything of the sort.
"Uh... no I mean..." Zoa says and starts rubbing her hands on her knees shyly, smiling to herself slowly.
"I-i... like you too unnie. Like how Monday unnie likes Jaehee unnie, like how Jaehee unnie likes Monday unnie, like how Soojin unnie likes Soeun unnie and how Soeun unnie likes Soojin unnie." Zoa says shyly, smiling like a fool, her cheeks getting more and more red as she speaks up as she lowers her head, unable to face Jihan by how shy she is. Jihan giggles. Her palms hold onto Zoa's cheeks as she leans closer, making Zoa face her. They stare deep into each other's eyes and soon, happy smiles form on their lips.
"Is that why you've been crying?" Jihan asks her and Zoa's eyes get distant and gloomy for a second. She almost shakes her head and moves away but Jihan is faster.
"I've been worried about you, you know. Your replies have been dry and shorter and sometimes you wouldn't reply at all. You would always take too long. I haven't seen you at all in the past few days and you haven't even attended any classes. When I went out with Nana earlier, I realized that the only thing on my mind was you and your well being. I was so worried. So I left with one thing in mind; to check up on. And I also needed to confess. I badly needed because my talk with Nana today made me realize that I should really go for it. Then I found Soojin on my way here and asked her about you because I was worried. I pressured her to tell me and she ended up telling me that you were heartbroken because of me. I know Zo... I know. You don't have to hide it anymore. I know. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me longer to confess my feelings. Lately Nana's company has made me confused and you've also been hanging out less and less with me so I thought you weren't interested in me that way." Zoa shakes her head.
"No, that's not why I've been avoiding you, unnie. I was shocked because I've just found out about my feelings about you." Jihan slowly nods her head, trying to see this from Zoa's point of view. The girl has been truly terrified to find out the truth and she's had such a hard time. Those jitters and excitement had turned out to be sharp knives cutting her heart again and again throughout the past few weeks...
"So... we're good now? You're not shocked anymore?" Jihan asks slowly, in order to make sure they're on the same page and Zoa doesn't need more time to comprehend things going on around her life. Zoa shakes her head, a shy smile creeping on her lips slowly slowly.
"So we can go back to being close friends now? And don't avoid each other or hurt each other?" Jihan asks in a playful way and chuckles when she sees Zoa shaking her head with a pout.
"You don't want to be friends anymore?" Jihan asks and fakes her shock and sadness.
"No! No I want that. But... since we like each other... shouldn't we be like Monday unnie and Jaehee unnie and Soojin unnie and Soeun unnie?" Jihan laughs softly.
"Like how?" She asks as she tilts her head to the side.
"Like as in together." Zoa states.
"You want me to be your girlfriend?" Jihan asks to clarify things and the mere mention of the word 'girlfriend' makes both of their hearts warm up and flutter with glee. Zoa nods her head furiously.
"Yes. Please?" She asks softly. Jihan laughs.
"I would love that." Jihan says as she leans closer and hugs Zoa who immediately hugs her back in that familiar comforting way they've hugged when Zoa has returned back to the dorms. Jihan's hands are wrapped around Zoa's waist while Zoa's hands find their own place on Jihan's head and back, bringing her closer. It feels so nice, comforting and... safe...
And Zoa feels so relieved and happy to have finally let out her feelings and had a good outcome of this whole situation. They've hugged for a long time, and Zoa rested her head on top of Jihan's, never getting enough of that hug that felt so safe and comforting, never getting enough of Jihan's presence, of Jihan's soft skin and warm body on top of hers or Jihan's vanilla perfume. She wants to say in that hug forever.
"I love you unnie." She confesses again because that hug is just so comforting that makes her feel carried away and let out everything she's feeling and comes to her mind.
"I love you too." Jihan replies, smiling happily as Zoa's confession didn't shock her or didn't make her annoyed, afraid or anything. At this point they don't just crush on each other or like each other, but love each other, truly and deeply. Zoa smiles back happily, her heart beating up so fast that Jihan can surely hear it because she giggles right after. Zoa doesn't mind though. She likes the fact that Jihan knows how she's making her feel. Because she makes her feel very happy and gleeful.
"Your heart is beating really fast." Jihan comments as she places her right hand on top of Zoa's chest, to feel the girl's heartbeat. Zoa giggles shyly.
"You make me feel giddy, Jihannie." Zoa says softly and Jihan smiles happily, knowing that she's the reason of Zoa's beating rapidly heart.
"You make me feel that too, Zo." Jihan replies, burying her head on Zoa's neck more, nuzzling her nose on the girl's neck. They giggle softly, enjoying the hug.
Until the door is unlocked and swung open as a worried and tired Soojin enters the dorm room.
"Zoa?" She calls out before she flinches upon seeing the two girls hugging by Zoa's desk.
"Oh! Am I interrupting something?" She asks slowly. Jihan smiles shyly, her cheeks burning up and turning red by how shy she feels like Zoa giggles softly. She moves slightly back, loosening her hug with Jihan in order to face Soojin before she smiles brightly, the brightest happiest smile Soojin has ever seen on her face —especially the past few days.
"Jihan unnie and I just got together." She announces and smiles even brighter.
"Really?" Soojin asks shocked and Zoa nods her head furiously while Jihan blushes madly.
"I'm happy for you. Zoa, I'm sorry I told her about you... she kept asking and she already had a bit of an idea and-" Soojin tries to defend herself immediately just in case Zoa has gotten mad at her for telling Jihan about Zoa's feelings but Zoa shakes her head immediately.
"It's fine unnie. Actually I should be the one thanking you here. Thank you for telling her. And I also need to apologize to you for giving you such a hard time all these days." Soojin smiles softly.
"It's alright. As long as you're fine now." Zoa nods her head.
"I am, unnie."
"Good. Uhm, I brought you some soup because I thought you would still be moody. I suppose you don't want it now, right?" Soojin asks.
"Actually I wouldn't mind if we all shared it." Zoa announces with a smile before she points at her bed for Soojin to sit at so they could all share the soup. Soojin smiles slightly awkwardly, not sure if she should interrupt the two's moment for any longer though none of the two seem to mind. Jihan positions herself back on the bed again, slipping away from Zoa's hug and the three get into eating as Soojin asks them more about how they got together and squeals happily at every little detail they tell her. She's surely very happy not just because Zoa isn't sad anymore but also because she gets to witness her youngest friend whom she's basically raised to grow up more, to catch these feelings for the first time as well as witness her getting into her very first relationship. She's beyond happy.
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