Home. Such a short, simple word that holds such a deep meaning. One that is different for every person out there, one that defines different things for each person. For some people it's a place, a big, warm, comfortable building that keeps people safe, offers them a bed to sleep and a place to eat as well as many other amenities sometimes. For some other people, home isn't exactly a place, but it holds a deeper meaning. It's when and where you feel safe and sound, you feel that warmth and love you feel inside a house, wherein you feel comfortable or when you get that feeling that you return to something familiar. Home for some people is another building and not the one their families live in, or some other times it's not even a building but a specific person.
For Zoa, home has always meant her parents' house. The one house she's grown up to, that one that's warm and filled with all of her childhood and puberty memories, that one that has her own bedroom and belongings as well her her mom's, dad's and Clara's. Home has always meant the people they live in this house too however. Home for Zoa has meant the house that mom and dad lives in, that Clara lives in. Home meant her parents and her loveable dog.
Lately she has been calling home her dorm, however, which has made her a little confused at times. She's asked Monday before as to why she calls home her apartment with Soeun's and the older girl has explained that since she was living there for so long and has gotten used to the place and has grown to love it a lot, it felt as warm, safe and loving as the one back at her parents. Zoa has then asked her if it was ok to have more than one homes and Monday has laughed at that before she has agreed, assuring Zoa that it was more than ok.
Now Zoa knows that home isn't just the one back in her hometown, but it's also the dorms, just like how she loves calling her unniesas her family too, without them being her actual family —blood related.
She just never expected to return back at her parents' house and miss her home back at the dorms this much as she is doing right now too.
She's not being ungrateful though. No. If anything she's happy to be back. Her parents have welcomed her with tight and long hugs ⏤her mother literally hugged her for almost half an hour and even when her father have finally dragged her away from her mother her mother would keep walking around, hugging her loosely, not wanting to let go fully just yet⏤ while Clara has been hopping and barking happily around her for a long time, her black eyes shining brightly out of happiness while she shook her tail left and right excitedly. Then her mother followed her to her room to help her unpack and settle her things down while her father gave her her first gift just then, saying that he missed her too much and couldn't stop himself from spoiling her and buying her well... a couple of weeks for this Christmas holidays.
Their reactions and warm welcoming are a little too overwhelming but Zoa understands them because she's missed them a lot too. She really did and she really missed the warmth of her bedroom and the comfortableness she would feel there. Once her mother has left her alone to rest a little while she would be cooking lunch in the kitchen Zoa realized that she's missed having her privacy too. The dorm room was nice, big enough to fit two people comfortably enough and living with Soojin unnie has been safe and nice but... Zoa was never really left alone ever in the room.
She hugs Clara as she lays down on her bed, looking around at her room, realizing that she's even missed the colors of her room, her books that she's been reading back in here, her own PlayStation 4 and the many games she's had as well as the couple of clothes she's left back here or other personal belongings like the countless plushies that she couldn't bring with her at the dorms when she's left home back in September.
She caresses Clara's white, soft, slightly curly fur for a while, playing with her and giggling softly as she ends up fully lying down with Clara on top of her licking her face. She's truly missed her dog, the one she's been with for so many years. Clara is a part of their family now and Zoa truly can't live without her.
Her phone in her pocket buzzes and she's a little caught off guard, not having expected a text as soon as she's reached home ⏤actually she must be back at her parents for about an hour or two by now.
She takes it out of her pocket and back in her hands as she settles Clara on her lap, adjusting her position in a more convenient one, her head resting on the headboard of her bed. Her phone's screen lights up with a new incoming text and once Zoa unlocks her phone she sees that it's Jihan who's texting her.
Jihan: Hey. Have you arrived home safely?
Zoa's face immediately lights up as she nods her head to herself before she realizes that Jihan can't see that so she immediately types down her reply.
Zoa: Hi! Yes, I'm back home safe and sound! What about you?
Her phone buzzes again in milliseconds and Zoa doesn't even get the time to set it on her nightstand, meaning that Jihan has seen her text and has replied immediately.
Jihan: Same as well. Back home to mom and dad. They're acting a little weird, as if they haven't seen me in ages. Are your parents like that too?
Zoa chuckles, realizing for the millionth time she's made that realization to herself that Jihan is a fun person to be with and talk to even through texts.
Zoa: Yes. Pretty much.
She then smiles to herself as an idea crosses her mind and she immediately exits the chatting app to enter the camera app and captures a selfie of herself and Clara, smiling widely. She immediately sends it to Jihan and smiles happily at herself before she types a new text.
Zoa: Clara missed me too. She almost cried when she first saw me and now she can't leave my side at all.
Jihan: Aw! She's really cute! I want to see her one day, you know.
Zoa: I know. I hope it happens one day. Soon.
She then quickly types a new reply as she hears her mom calling her for lunch.
Zoa: I gotta go. Mom and dad want to have lunch and ditching them on my very first day back here doesn't seem like it's a possibility. I'll talk to you later!
And with that she settles her phone back down on her nightstand before she sits up, looking at Clara with a bright smile on her lips.
"Come on! Let's go get some lunch!" She tells her dog before she stands up, Clara following her.
She texted Jihan that they would talk later, which was no news for any of the two of them. They texted each other a lot even when they were back at the dorms, literally living right across from each other. So it's pretty expectable to text a lot during Christmas holidays too. Just because they are apart for now doesn't mean they would stop texting and getting to know news about one another. And that's what Zoa loves a lot about her bond with Jihan. That they never stop talking or texting which somehow feels like they're always together, by each other's side. And she really adores being by Jihan's side.
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Zoa has always loved the family dinner at Christmas night a little more than the lunch a couple of hours earlier. And that's simply because one of her friends and their family is joining her and her own family too. It's even more fun to have a friend around, someone her age to talk to and have fun. Sure, Zoa enjoys seeing her relatives at Christmas and she loves them all no matter what and she surely talks to every each one of them but it's different to have a friend around.
"Damn, sometimes when I'm around you at times like this I feel like you're more socializing than I am. We literally have to wait until you have talked to all of your relatives to finally be left alone!" Monday exclaims once the two crash onto her bed. Zoa usually helps her mom with dinner but tonight her mother wanted her to have fun and rest so she's arranged everything with her grandma's and aunt's help, letting Zoa have fun with Monday.
Zoa laughs at that, humming in agreement. They sit down on her bed and Monday immediately turns on Zoa's PlayStation, wanting to play with her friend. Clara settles herself on Zoa's lap comfortably while Zoa keeps on typing on her phone, waiting for Monday to settle the game.
"Who are you even texting to? It's Christmas, don't they like have a family to spend this day with instead of bugging you with countless of texts?" Monday grumbles a little before she leans closer to Zoa's side to see with whom the girl is talking to. Zoa smiles before she replies to Monday ⏤though she allows the girl to look at her texts anyway, not minding at all and not feeling like she has to hide anything from her anyway,
"It's Jihan unnie."
"Oh! That explains a lot. Actually, that explains everything! Why did I even bother to ask? You ALWAYS text with Jihan!" Zoa laughs a little before she furrows her eyebrows, genuinely confused now.
"Is it bad that I do?" Monday shakes her head, though she looks at her friend with a mischievous smile on.
"You like her, don't you?" She asks, playfully. Zoa smiles, nodding her head, not really understanding what kind of liking Monday is talking about.
"Yes. I do. She's an amazing friend and an amazing person overall." Monday smiles a little awkwardly, parting her lips about to disagree or correct her but shakes her head to herself mumbling,
"I'll let Soojin unnie break it to you once we're back at campus again."
"Mmm? Did you say anything?" Zoa asks, not having heard that clearly what Monday was mumbling to herself.
"I said, let's play dummy!" And immediately turns to face the TV screen in front of her. Zoa giggles, taking a joystick in her hands, totally adoring how she's able to munch lots of homemade snacks that she's missed while she was away and play with Monday for hours, not having to care about college classes or studying. For now.
At some point Monday's phone starts ringing and Monday curses upon seeing Jaehee calling her exclaiming,
"I'm playing what does she want now!?" to which Zoa laughed.
"Hey! She's your girlfriend! Go pick it up!" She scolds her unnie as she nudges her on her shoulder. Monday groans.
"Fine. I won't take long, I promise!" She says as she takes the phone in her hands and exits the room to get some privacy. Zoa smiles and nods her head. She has to say that she's used to Monday and Jaehee dating each other. Sure, things aren't exactly how they were before the two started dating. They're not a group of six girls that are all friends and only to each other. Now they have a couple among them too and sometimes they do act all ivory dovey to each other. But Zoa doesn't mind because they still remain her friends no matter what. After all, it explains a lot of weird behaviors they used to have around each other at the beginning so Zoa is glad they got over that weird flirting, pushing and pulling and are just loving each other now. She likes seeing them both happy and she's really supporting them. And as a nice friend that she is, she knows that Jaehee would be really sulky for a long time if Monday wouldn't pick up her call so no matter how Monday isn't the clingy type ⏤and Zoa also knows that⏤ she had to push her friend to get that call immediately in order for the couple not to argue later on.
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Something changes during the Christmas holidays. Something changes a lot and Zoa is about to find it out soon. At first she's not sure if it truly happens or if it's all in her head though she's usually sure and pretty confident in what she believes or notices as she knows her friend a lot by now and can tell the difference in a few things easily sometimes. When they first hang out at Soeun's house one day during Christmas Holidays she's sure she saw Soojin and Soeun acting a little too warm and close around each other, but she thought it was all in her head and assured herself that it's fine as long as they're not awkward and bickering with sarcastic comments to one another.
She quickly finds out though the next time they all gather in Soojin's house to watch Christmas movies as they always did every single year ⏤yes they're meeting in Soojin's house this year.
A few hours before Zoa is about to arrive with monday on Soojin's house, Soeun has arrived first, knocking on the girl's door. Soojin's parents have decided to spend their night at Soojin's aunt and uncle's house and leave the girls alone have fun in peace.
"I'm coming!" Soojin says loud and clear as she rushes towards the door, not entirely sure who of all of her friends could be at this time. Usually they're all early and no one runs late though the person that could mostly fit the arriving early image would surely be Zoa because she's a very organizing person and likes being on time ⏤if she hasn't overslept and doesn't take too long to get ready.
"Soeun?" She lets out a little surprised to find Soeun standing by her door. Soeun forms a wide smile, showing her teeth and gums, her eyes half closing as her cheeks almost disappear at the thick, big scarf she's wearing. She looks a little too adorable in her beanie, scarf and long, thick coat and gloves to keep herself warm from the cold.
"I believe that's my name, yeah." She replies back and Soojin forms a deadpan expression before she laughs softly.
"Now if you would be kind enough to let me in because it's pretty cold outside? that would be nice of you, thank you. Well, actually you know what? It's not pretty cold outside. It's ugly cold because it's just too cold and it literally has no mercy on us poor human beings!" Soeun exclaims as the end as she enters Soojin's house, the girl having already stepped aside so she would enter her house, opening the door wider. Soojin laughs at her comment, thinking that the funny and soft towards her Soeun is her favorite.
"How come you're here this early?" Soojin asks her as she closes the door behind her, helping Soeun to get rid of the many clothing she's wearing and place them all by the hanger next to the door as the house inside is warm, obviously because of the heating.
"Dad went to work a while ago and I didn't want to be left alone for too long before our hang out so I thought it would be better to keep an also alone friend some company."
"That's... nice of you." Soojin replies softly, takes the girl's coat from her hands and hangs it on the hanger as Soeun takes off her shoes. Soojin bites the inside of her cheek as she observes Soeun. The girl doesn't show it now as she has that soft happy smile that she gives Soojin a lot lately, but Soojin knows how hard it's been for her to live with only her dad the past few years until college came and she fully left home to live with Monday. She wants to ask about the girl's mom and if she would visit her for Christmas holidays but the last time she tried interfering to Soeun's personal life Soeun had yelled at her claiming that Soojin is trying to be a mother Teresa or something and care for everyone and find solutions for everyone and Soeun really didn't want her care then so Soojin has stopped and haven't asked again ever since. It was an intense fight, one that has remained clearly in Soojin's memory even until now and wouldn't leave her mind for a very long time, one that has made her very careful on this topic from then and on. Soeun just had a really hard time so Soojin has been waiting for the girl to approach her herself about this specific topic.
"Don't give me that look Soojin." Soeun says as soon as she realizes Soojin is staring at her with that mother Teresa stare she's always given her friends whenever she would care too much for them. Soojin mumbles a low apology and quickly looks away. She clears her throat, trying to collect herself, her feelings and thoughts and find a new topic to talk about before it gets too awkward and they end up fighting about the thing she's been avoiding to fight about the most.
"I was thinking of making some popcorn for the movie later on. Do you want-"
"Can we just go to your room and chill for a while?" Soeun says softly, cutting Soojin off who blinks confused a few times before she nods her head, still slightly confused.
"Oh. Yeah. Yeah sure." She says before she follows Soeun as they enter her bedroom. They take a seat on Soojin's bed before Soeun folds her legs and looks around the girl's room with a smile on her lips. Her eyes land on Soojin before she sighs softly and says,
"Why do you always want to talk about that specific topic whenever we're alone?" Soojin flinches before she starts tangling and untangling her fingers together nervously, looking around her, not being able to face Soeun.
"Because I care? You can't stop me from caring." Soeun sighs.
"It's nice to know that you do, but it's a topic that still makes me uncomfortable. What do you expect me to say about it?" Soeun says calmly, trying to truly convey some of her thoughts to Soojin in order for the older to realize.
"I'm sorry." Soojin apologizes as she lowers her head. Soeun leans closer, raising the girl's head with her hand holding the girl's jaw so that way Soojin wouldn't face the floor but would look at Soeun instead.
"I didn't say this for you to apologize. Just to understand me and stop asking about it. I promise you I'll talk to you about it once I'm ready. You'll be the first to know." Soojin nods her head slowly before she moves the girl's hand away, trying to put some space between them.
"Do you really think I'm doing this because I'm this group's mother Teresa?" Soeun shrugs.
"Doesn't every group have one?" She asks back.
"No. No they don't. And no, I'm not the mother Teresa of our friend group. So if that's the way you're envisioning my care you've got it wrong Soeun." Soeun frowns.
"Well, it's not exactly how I see it. It's how it is."
"It's not."
"Really? So what do you call your care for all of us? It's so motherly-like sometimes it makes me want to puke, unnie." Soeun says, now sounding sarcastic as she even called Soojin an unnie, which she never does whenever the two are alone. Especially when they're alone actually. Soojin flinches. She has all the signs there. Soeun's sarcastic tone, her comments, the unnie... she can sense the fight coming but she's not sure if she can stop herself and end this discussion now.
"Why would it make you feel that? So you don't want me to care? Friends are supposed to care for-" Soeun bites her lips as she stares at Soojin intensely, seeming a little annoyed before she finally cuts her off by saying,
"I don't want you to care about me like that. I'm not your daughter, Soojin. You can treat Zoa that was because she's younger, you can treat Jaehee that way because she's so disorganized, you can treat Jihan that way because she's adorable and likes hearing you out though she's clumsy, you can treat Monday that way because she just badly needs a mom to tell her what to do but not to me. Especially not to me, when you know what I'm going through. This is just so wrong in any way I'm trying to think of it." Soeun says, staring intensely and seriously at Soojin before she takes a breath.
"I don't want you to replace my mom just because she left us. It was her choice and I don't want a second mother in my life. I don't want you to replace her just because she's irresponsible and can't do one thing right by being there for me."
"I'm not doing that!" Soojin clearly disagrees with Soeun. Soeun shakes her head, a bitter laughter coming out of her lips.
"Really?" Soojin nods her head firmly.
"This is just how I am and how I show my care to my friends!" Soeun chuckles bitterly again.
"Then I guess I don't like it."
"Because it reminds you of a mother's type of care?" Soojin asks, trying to understand but Soeun shakes her head, replying loud and clear,
"Because I like you, Soojin. I'm in love with you. And the way you treat me just hurts me. It's straight up rejection! So cut it out already and just treat me like a casual friend. I like it way better than the way it is now."
Soojin's eyes widen as she stares at Soeun in shock, parting her lips for a couple of seconds not being able to say anything. Soeun laughs bitterly at her reaction.
"Why is it that shocking? You've never thought about it? Never as a possibility or anything of the sort?" Soojin shakes her head.
"Then I guess you're dumb. I don't think I've ever been subtle about it. Monday knew from the very beginning it started and I never told her face to face. She told me first and I just admitted it. Don't ask about Zoa, the girl is still clueless. But she's always been one of a kind."
"Soeun..."
"It's fine, unnie. Just treat me like a friend from now on, ok? I'll get over it." Soeun says but Soojin shakes her head, holding Soeun's hands and leaning forward, pecking the girl's lips with her own and catching Soeun off guard who's eyes widen in shock. It ends as soon as it happens and Soojin looks like a blushing mess once it's over, shaking her hands and tangling her fingers nervously, not being able to face Soeun.
"Uh... I... damn it Soeun, don't freeze up on me now. It's not the right time to act dumb you know." She mumbles nervously. Soeun blinks hard as she places her own fingers over her lips, not believing what has just happened.
"I must be dreaming. Yeah that has to be it." Soeun lets out.
"No. No you're not dreaming, idiot. But don't make me do it again, I don't think I have the courage to. It was a way too impulsive move from me and I don't think-"
"DID YOU REALLY JUST KISS ME?" Soeun asks loudly as she gasps, staring at Soojin with wide eyes, realization hitting her hard as she realizes it's not a dream but actual reality.
"YES I DID WHY ARE YOU YELLING?"
BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH YELLING THOUGH IT'S JUST US!"
"Soeun snap out of it please!" Soojin begs as she hides her face behind her hands, sighing heavily.
"Do you like me back?" Soeun asks her. Soojin nods her head slowly.
"I need to hear it."
"I do."
"Not like that~" Soeun grumbles.
"Now you're just being cocky." Soojin glares at her.
"No! I swear! I just really need to hear it!" Soojin sighs as she looks at Soeun who has a defensive expression on, hands raised on her shoulders' height in mock defense. It melts Soojin's heart somehow as she thinks Soeun looks a little too adorable and indeed has every right to hear her saying it. So she gives in.
"I'm in love with you too, Soeun ah. I've always been. It wasn't a motherly type of care. You were always different for me." Soojin confesses and holds Soeun's hands in her own. Soeun smiles brightly, her eyes almost get filled with tears by how happy she is. She soon smirks mischievously though before she exclaims,
"I want a repeat of that kiss." Soojin glares at her.
"No."
"Come on!" Soojin shakes her head.
"Why not?"
"I'm shy Park Soeun!"
"Can I kiss you then?" Soojin flinches at the question before her eyes land on Soeun's lips and before she knows it she's staring at them for too long. She bites her own as she breathes heavily. She really wants to kiss Soeun again. She's really tempted to do so or allow the girl to do so. When her eyes land back on Soeun's she sees the girl staring at her own lips, also having a hard time to compose herself. She galps.
"You're really provoking me right now you know." Soeun mumbles. Soojin scratches the back of her head forming a shy smile before she looks at her holding hands with Soeun's.
"You can kiss me, if you want." She says shyly. Soeun smiles happily as she leans forward, not even waiting for any more seconds to pass by and kisses Soojin, her lips locking with the girl's in a surely not short simple peck like the one Soojin has given her seconds ago.
Soojin's eyes widen but before she's about to protest or say anything, react somehow, she's already melting and her hold on Soeun's hands becomes tighter as she truly feels herself getting weaker and weaker by Soeun's passionate, long deep kisses on her lips. And before she even knows it Soeun has already somehow made her land on the bed, positioning herself on top of Soojin as her hands hug Soojin's waist. Soojin's hands are on Soeun's neck as she tries bringing Soeun closer and closer, wanting more of it. And before she's even able to realize it, the long kisses have evolved into something way deeper...
[...]
"I'm getting sleepy." Soojin mumbles softly, resting her head on Soeun's bare chest, hugging the girl by her waist, bringing her closer as they're now both lying on Soojin's bed, beneath the covers, Soojin on top of Soeun. Soeun smiles softly, her left hand caressing Soojin's hair on the top of her head, her nails scratching on the girl's scalp soothingly.
"You should sleep then."
"What time is it?" Soojin asks. Soeun reaches out to take her phone from Soojin's nightstand and says,
"7:10 pm."
"What? I can't sleep now! The girls will be here soon! And they definitely shouldn't see us like this! Especially Zoa! She will be traumatized!" Soojin exclaims, horrified as she tries sitting up, the covers still wrapped around her bare, naked body as she tugs her messed up hair behind her ears.
"Fatally." Soeun says with a soft chuckle. Soojin shoots her a glare though she has to admit with Soeun's comment.
"As much as I loved what happened earlier, and lying here with you now, we should really get dressed, Soeun." Soojin says as she tries to stand up and gather her clothes that Soeun has thrown all over the carpet earlier. The covers are still wrapped tightly around her and Soeun can only laugh behind her.
"What are you laughing at?"
"I literally saw you naked minutes ago. Yet here you are getting all shy, but so shamelessly leaving me without any blankets on." Soeun points out and Soojin turns to look at her confused only to gasp once she's faced with a naked Soeun and no blankets or sheets covering her body as Soojin has indeed taken everything to cover up herself.
"Ya! Let me be!" She grumbles before she walks up to the naked girl, dragging her out of her bed and pushing the girl's clothes on her chest saying,
"Go get dressed. Now!"
"Bossy, I like it. Can I dress up here?"
"No!"
"Why not?"
"Soeun!" Soojin lets out a squeal before she sighs heavily. Soeun just dumbly stares at her, blinking hard and not understanding the girl's struggles.
"I would try to explain to you that I'm still shy, but you do have a point after all. Then again, we also don't have time so do whatever you want. Just dress up quickly please, they can't see us like this!" Soeun smiles and nods her head before she starts dressing up in front of Soojin, not minding to cover herself up at all. Soojin sighs and tries to dress up too before she turns to face Soeun saying,
"Do I look like a mess?" Soeun smiles brightly.
"If by a mess you mean having just had the most beautiful sex in your life then yeah, you do." Soojin blinks once, hard before her eyes widen and her jaw drops, as she gasps.
"WHAT!?" Soeun laughs.
"You do look like you had sex indeed."
"Soeun!" Soeun laughs again.
"Here. Let me help you." She says softly as she walks closer to Soojin, fixing the girl's hair and making sure to cover the girl's neck that's full of hickeys with a jacket. Soojin stares at her, the close proximity making her feel dizzy and weak, Soeun's perfume and scent making her want to kiss the girl's neck all over again but once she realizes it's filled with hickeys just like her own, she snaps out of her daze and tries hard to resist what would possibly turn out as a second round of making love to each other. And they seriously didn't have time for that now...
She's not completely over it though. Her fingers trace on Soeun's neck, touching a hickey softly before she looks deep in Soeun's eyes.
"I love you, Soeun ah. I really do." Soeun smiles happily.
"I now know you do. You also showed me earlier, you know. And, I love you too, by the way." Once she's done covering Soojin's neck, she also fixes her own appearance before she says,
"Done! Now no one will realize a single thing."
"I hope so."
"I assure you, they won't. But I do have a question though."
"Which is?"
"Do you want us to look presentable because you don't want Zoa to freak out or because you don't want them to know about us?" Soojin looks at Soeun puzzled before she shakes her head.
"I don't want to hide us. I just need to find a nice way to announce it to Zoa so she won't freak out too much."
"Right. Well, I'm glad you don't want to hide us then, because I don't either." Soojin smiles softly and leans forward, standing on the tip of her toes in order to reach Soeun's height as her lips land on Soeun's in a slow, soft and long peck. Soeun smiles into the kiss and groans once it's over, trying to reach out for Soojin and kiss her again but the girl has already slipped away from her hold and runs towards the kitchen exclaiming,
"Park Soeun! We need to look presentable, stop trying to kiss me!" to which Soeun has laughed. Not long after that Zoa and Monday finally knock on Soojin's door. The girl goes to open the door for them and for a couple of minutes the group reunites with hugs, loud chattering and laughter like usual. For a couple of minutes everything looks like usual, everything looks normal and ordinary ⏤as normal and ordinary as things can be in this crazy, weird and loud friend group⏤ until they all settle themselves down on the couches of Soojin's living room. Once everything is all set up, there are lots of bowls of snacks on the table in front of them and they've settled the TV screen, ready to watch the first movie for this afternoon, once things are peaceful...
Monday finally notices. She gasps loudly as her eyes widen in shock before her hands immediately drag the neck of Soeun's sweater trying to have a better view of Soeun's hickeys. Zoa looks at her friends a little confused while Soojin's eyes widen in terror. Soon Monday's eyes land back on Soojin who immediately hugs her neck with her hands. Monday doesn't need to overreact, to take off the girl's jacket or scarf to know. Just the girl's motion of hiding her neck is enough to confirm Monday's assumptions.
"You guys finally did it!" She screams loudly, pointing at Soeun before she points at Soojin too. Her face is light up in glee before she starts laughing happily and points back at the two, holding her mouth with her other hand. She surely looks like a maniac before she starts hitting Soeun on her shoulder and hugs her tightly,
"Gosh freaking finally! I'm so proud of you! Do you know how long I've waited for this!?" Soojin immediately jumps towards Monday and closes the girl's mouth with her hands, scolding her by saying,
"Stop saying nonsense!" Monday however pushes her hands away skillfully, having a wide proud smile on her lips, being literally unstoppable at this point.
"You won't stop me from teasing you! You guys finally did it! Do you know how long Soeun has been bugging me about you?" Monday exclaims as she looks at Soojin whose cheeks are red by now, her lips parted and eyes widened in shock. Soeun tries hard to suppress her laughter and giggles as she knows Soojin would scold her if she would laugh at this.
"Monday! Stop! Please just stop talking!" Soojin tries to make the girl stop but Monday just can't get the signs at all.
"You guys are full of hickeys oh my goodness just how wild were you? Must have wanted it so bad!"
"Monday!" Soojin yelps, glaring at the girl before they finally hear a hesitant voice between the chaos saying,
"What happened?" They all turn to look at a very confused Zoa who has been staring at the three, trying hard to understand. Her eyes move back and forth between her three friends, trying hard to understand before her eyes land on both Soojin and Soeun's neck, trying to understand what Monday is talking about.
"Shit! I forgot she's here!" Monday exclaims, eyes widening.
"Congrats genius. Now we're screwed." Soeun says, smacking Monday's back of her head. Monday groans before she pouts, mumbling an apology.
"What happened between you two that Monday unnie is so happy about?" Zoa asks again. Soojin bites her lips, taking a deep breath, realizing that she hasn't been ready for a proper response to this. She runs her hand through her hair, trying hard to calm down herself and think of how to say this without freaking out the younger girl quickly.
"Maybe we can get straight to the point and tell her?" Soeun asks Soojin, trying to calm down her few hours now girlfriend who glares at her immediately.
"If you want her to have a heart attack then yeah, go ahead!" She scolds Soeun who moves her fingers in front of her lips as in a zipper motion, trying to show in a light playful way that she's not going to talk again or suggest any new ideas from now on.
"Zoa..." Soojin starts softly before she tangles her fingers and places her hands between her knees.
"Remember how I've told you that you don't pick who to like or fall in love with? That it just happens?" Zoa slowly nods her head, tilting her head to the side not really understanding where this is going.
"I've happened to fall in love with Soeun. And Soeun has happened to fall in love with me." She says slowly but surely. Zoa's eyes widen slowly as she looks back and forth from Soojin to Soeun and Soeun to Soojin again and again for a few long minutes.
"Please don't disown us from being your mom and crazy uncle!" Soeun says humorously as she even falls on her knees on the carpet and pretends to be begging Zoa who looks at her confused.
"Hey! Stop making fun of this situation." Soojin scolds her and Soeun pouts before she sits back down on her seat.
"When did this happen?" Zoa asks, still looking confused.
"We've liked each other for a while now but only got to know now..." Soojin says.
"Why now?" Zoa asks again.
"Because it's not always easy. I wish love was easy Zoa... but it's not. Liking your best friend isn't the easiest thing out there. What if Soeun didn't return my feelings? What if I confessed and ruined our friendship and made things awkward between us? These have been some of my conflicts for a long time and kept me back from allowing myself to feel those feelings and confess to Soeun." Zoa slowly nods her head, believing that she's understood the situation before she finally looks at Soojin's neck saying,
"Why is Monday unnie making such a fuss about these on your neck?" Monday laughs hard and Soeun can't help herself but laugh too before Monday tells Soojin,
"I really wanna see you trying to explain to her how these were made."
"Yeah, unnie. How were these made?" Soeun teases her too and Soojin glares at her before she pushes her further on the couch saying,
"You did these idiot, so stop trying to make fun of what you did!" Zoa looks at them confused before Soojin sighs and looks back at her, letting the other two laugh by themselves saying,
"Let them be. They're way too immature at times." She then takes a deep breath before she clears her throat, trying to prepare herself of how to say it but Zoa catches her off guard by saying,
"Why would Soeun unnie bite your neck?" to which Monday and Soeun laughed harder while Soojin's eyes widened in shock.
"I believe we should put a porn movie on instead. Zoa really needs a few lessons!" Monday exclaims and they laugh even harder. Zoa's eyes widen in shock before she replies disgusted,
"No thanks! I don't watch such things! They're weird and inappropriate!"
"Please ignore them. They just make fun of me right now."
"Why though?" Soojin takes a deep breath.
"Zo... what do you think couples do?" She decides to ask the girl instead. Zoa smiles.
"They love each other and spend lots of time together. They care for each other, do things together, and go on lots of dates. They hold hands, hug and kiss. Why are you asking me the obvious unnie? Don't you know how to date Soeun unnie and want advice?" The other two laugh again while Soojin shakes her head.
"No, I'm just checking on what you believe about couples. You are aware that a couple does more things right?"
"Like?" Zoa asks, a little confused as she tilts her head to the side.
"They live together at some point, they get married, have kids..."
"Yeah right. Wait, are you going to have kids with Soeun unnie? Aren't you too young for that?" Monday laughs hard while Soeun's eyes widen as she gasps loudly before she stands up and crosses her arms to a huge X in front of her chest saying loudly,
"Oh my gosh no! I don't want kids, yet thank you!"
"You are aware that by having sex you get pregnant right?" Monday teases her. Soeun sticks out her tongue at her.
"Not if you're a lesbian and date a girl!" Zoa looks at them puzzled before she looks back at Soojin and finally lets out in almost a whisper,
"You had sex?" Soojin's eyes widen in shock as her cheeks turn red, her body warming up suddenly as if she's been discovered by her mother and father about it. Soeun giggles softly before she back hugs her shy girlfriend who nods her head and lowers it, too shy to face Zoa anymore.
"It's there. She said it herself. I believe I should rest now." She mumbles as she hides her face in the crook of Soeun's neck, feeling already exhausted. Meanwhile Zoa stares at them both in shock, though she has to admit that she likes seeing them hugging and being all lovey dovey way more than when they enter the war zone each time they would fight.
"Wait. You two got together a few hours ago and had sex already?" Zoa gasps as realization hits her.
"Well... we couldn't help ourselves." Soeun says as she smiles happily. Soojin bites her lips as she lowers her head again, having stopped hiding on Soeun's neck now.
"I didn't want you to know about this part honestly because I like being a nice role model to you." Soojin tells Zoa.
"Hey! Just because we made love as soon as we got together doesn't mean we're a bad example of a relationship!" Soeun says but Soojin shakes her head.
"We are just fine, Soeun. Every relationship is different and needs a different way of being treated. This is just who we are and how our dynamic is. It's not something we could control. But I surely don't want Zoa to take us as an example of her future relationship. You shouldn't take Monday and Jaehee as an example either by the way. Kissing somebody just because you like them so out of the blue isn't the best way to start a relationship either. What if Jaehee didn't like Monday huh? She would have been so mad at her for doing this. So really, when you fall in love, please don't do the stupid things we did. Take your time with your future crush and do it the proper way." Soojin says and Zoa slowly nods her head in understanding.
"Can I ask one more question before we get into watching the movie?" The couple hums in agreement.
"Have all the times you two have fought had to do with your feelings for each other?" Soojin looks at Soeun and Soeun looks back at her, both of them realizing that Zoa isn't as oblivious as they think she is at times. Soojin slowly nods her head.
"Well, as I've mentioned, love isn't easy and we ended up arguing a lot of times because our feelings weren't going through, somehow. But if you don't confess, the other person isn't supposed to magically know how you feel, you know. I'm sorry you had a hard time because of this." Soojin explains and apologizes too. Zoa shakes her head with a smile.
"It's fine. As long as you guys are fine and happy now, I'm happy too."
"We are. Very happy." Soojin says and holds Soeun's hands that are on her waist, smiling happily. Zoa smiles happily upon seeing her unnie smiling this happily.
"This was easier than I expected." Soeun says, sounding impressed.
"That's because she didn't see you in the act!" Monday says and laughs hard.
"What!?" Both Zoa and Soojin exclaim shocked.
"Oh my gosh don't make me think of it unnie! They're my unnies!" Zoa exclaims terrified as she hides her head behind her hands.
"Jeez Monday ah! No Zo, we don't do it here and there just because! We do want our privacy too, thank you! Damn it Monday your jokes aren't even funny at times!" Soojin says. Monday only laughs while Soeun shakes her head.
"As much as I'm enjoying seeing Soojin getting teased, I think it's time we watch that movie now or else Zoa will indeed get a heart attack or end up disapproving of us babe." Soeun says and Soojin nods her head. Monday laughs while Zoa only giggles before Soojin finally puts on the movie and they all snuggle closer to each other on the couch, their eyes focusing on the movie on Soojin's TV screen.
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Zoa has never felt the holiday depression that people tend to talk about a lot lately. She doesn't feel that melancholy, sadness and loneliness people describe in movies, or talk about in books or in their songs. She's not even sure what that feeling is like. She's always had people to love or to love her around her so she's never fully felt alone, especially during holidays. She's had her family and friends, she's had gifts, the warmth of the house, she's had lots of food and always had fun by playing around or watching movies and spending time with her loved ones.
She only gets that feeling for the first time this year and the first time it strikes she's not even sure what to think about it or how to feel about that. She doesn't understand how it happens or why, especially during the specific moment that it happens because it truly doesn't make sense. She's surrounded by her family and relatives and her friends as it's only been an hour after the New Year has finally started. Her relatives have been playing card games near the fireplace while she's been playing Monopoly with her friends, mom and dad. Her turn has long ended and somehow she's ended up staring blankly outside at the window. It's been snowing for a couple of hours and it has totally been the most magical and perfect way to start the new year. She's been having fun playing this game with her friends and parents and she surely likes snow as well as munching on her mom's homemade cookies.
She hugs her knees close to her chest though as she somehow feels a little colder than usual, her chest suddenly feeling heavier than usual. She can't really explain it but suddenly her chest feels so empty, like as if she's just been shot right through her heart. She shivers a little as she feels her lips quivering and her neck bobs up and down in an awfully familiar way. She recognizes those signs her body is giving her as the ones her body usually does whenever she wants to cry. The only thing that she can't understand right now is why does she so badly want to cry? What's the reason for it? No one has hurt her, she's not alone and she's surely having a lot of fun so why is she still somehow feeling like this?
Suddenly an odd thought and realization comes to her mind. She feels lonely. She feels so extremely and undeniably lonely and there's a sudden huge and intense need to have someone by her side. Someone to hug her, someone to make her feel less lonely. Suddenly she starts thinking that all those romantic yet melancholic Christmas songs make sense as all these people always wished for someone to love them during Christmas. Suddenly... suddenly she wants to be held like that too, to have somebody by her side.
The weirdest part is that that someone isn't just a random figure of an inexperienced love. No. This someone that Zoa wants to be held from has a name and a face in her head and it's what makes her feel the weirdest about this whole ordeal.
It's Jihan.
And Zoa doesn't understand why she's thinking of Jihan so much right now and why she's feeling even more lonely without her. The mere mention of the girl's name in Zoa's head makes her think of Jihan's figure, of her bright smile, of her dimples, of her warm, dark brown eyes that are shining and are filled with emotions.
Zoa sighs heavily as she hugs her knees closer to her chest. She misses Jihan too much. So much that she impulsively and dumbly takes her phone in her hands and texts Jihan over and over again how much she misses her until Jihan would reply. The girl must be asleep though because Zoa doesn't get any reply and at some point she gets tired from texting nonstop. She pouts as her eyes get filled with tears. She excuses herself and says that she's tired and sleepy way too abruptly, not minding if she made everyone confused around her as she heads to her bedroom, crashing down on her bed, landing on her belly and hugging her pillow as she buries her face on it, trying to muffle her cries. She doesn't know why she's crying and that's what's frustrating her even more.
She looks at her phone one last time, hoping that Jihan would have replied by now.
Zoa: I miss you
Zoa: I miss you
Zoa: I miss you
Zoa: I miss you
Zoa: I miss you
Zoa: I miss you
Zoa: I miss you
She sighs frustratedly as her eyes get filled with more tears and she places her phone on her nightstand before she turns to face the wall, hugging one of her plushies close to her chest. She gives up. She allows herself to cry to sleep and it's the very first time this happens to her. Crying herself to sleep.
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"Yes mom, I arrived safely." She says over the phone which is stabilized between her ear and shoulder as her one hand holds her suitcases while the other one is unlocking her dorm room.
"I love you too. Bye!" She ends the call with her mother before she places her phone inside her pocket. Arriving back at the dorms somehow feels relieving and Zoa has never thought in her life before that she would ever feel that. Her mind has never thought this far once she got approved to this college or once she left her home from mom and dad to study at the campus and live with Soojin. She never thought she would end up calling the dorms 'home' this quickly or ever in her life honestly as she also never thought she would miss this place a lot too.
She has to admit that her Christmas holidays were fun, just like every other year and just like how it usually happens. She's happy and she had a lot of fun and she's surely going to keep talking about it for a long time. She also rested a lot which was something she really needed. This year however things have been different. This year she's spent half of her holidays with Soojin and Soeun being a couple now and not best friends like before. Things have changed in their friend group and won't be the same ever again but Zoa doesn't mind because they're all still best friends and she loves her older sisters a lot no matter what happens. After all, if they're happy, she's too. Another thing that has changed is also the fact that it's not the four of them anymore but there's also Jihan and Jaehee in their friend group. Though no matter what Soojin has promised Zoa before they left the dorms in the end... it wasn't easy and the group never met as a whole ⏤including the two girls. Which has made Zoa really sulky and sad this year but she understands.
Soojin is standing right next to her while Soeun and Monday are right behind them, helping them carry their stuff ⏤to which Zoa doesn't understand as to why they've insisted so much to help her and Soojin out by the way.
"Why did you insist so much to come over here eonnideul? I mean, no offense I love you both but..." Zoa says as she finally unlocks the door and pushes it open. The girls just smile before they let her walk inside first saying,
"We just wanted to help."
"Well thank you but shouldn't you..." Zoa says before she fully enters her dorm room and pauses on her spot by the door as soon as she sees a familiar figure sitting on her bed.
"Jihan unnie? What are you doing here?" She lets out, surprised. Jihan stands up from her spot, forming a warm smile as she walks up to her while the girls pat Zoa on her shoulders, suddenly saying that they remembered they had things to do and without Zoa even realizing it she's left alone with Jihan.
"Aren't you happy to see me? I was expecting some sort of a warm welcome as you usually do whenever you see me around campus." Jihan says, smiling playfully and confidently as she stands right in front of Zoa, before she pouts, pretending to be sulky for not having received a warm bright welcome from the younger girl. Truth to be told though, she surely is a little sad for not having been welcomed by the girl's cheerful loud voice and enthusiasm as well as a warm tight hug.
"I am! And I would do that if I wasn't so surprised to see you here. And I still am. You were supposed to be back tomorrow though, not today!" Zoa says, scratching the back of her head with a shy smile on.
"Someone missed me a lot during holidays... so I thought I should show up as soon as possible so she won't miss me any longer." Jihan says with a playful, knowing smile on. Zoa smiles shyly, feeling even more shy and embarrassed for having been found out.
"How did you know?" She mumbles shyly.
"It's not that hard when you spam me with thousands of texts of "I miss you" one hour after midnight on New Year's." Johan says and Zoa lowers her head, smiling shyly.
"Hey. It's fine. I missed you too." Jihan admits, not wanting Zoa to beat up herself for her impulsive and honest side. If anything, Jihan loved how Zoa immediately spoke up her mind and feelings without a filter or anything at that moment.
"Can I get my hug now?" She asks softly as she looks deep in Zoa's eyes who raises her head to face Jihan and her face lights up immediately before she nods her head vigorously. She immediately wraps her arms around Jihan's shoulders and involves them both in a long, tight warm hug. Jihan smiles into the hug as she wraps her own arms around Zoa's tiny waist, wondering just how small can the girl be while being this tall and exercised because of playoffs basketball for so many years.
Zoa's right hand moves from the girl's shoulders and back and rests on Jihan back of her head, caressing her hair softly as Jihan feels comfortable underneath that hold and rests her head on Zoa's shoulder and neck. This hug feels different than any other hug the two have ever shared so far. It's different because it's a long one, a very long one for a friendly hug shared among two close friends. It's a different one because Zoa's hold on Jihan is different, because the girl isn't just holding Jihan loosely by her shoulders. This time it's a stable, tighter hug, one you can easily see in couples. Zoa's hold looks like a protective boyfriend's one ⏤or girlfriend's. Her one hand holds Jihan by her shoulder and back, bringing her as close as possible while her other one holds Jihan's back of her head, exactly like how a protective lover would do.
Jihan on the other hand also doesn't hug Zoa back as she would originally do. Instead, she buries her head as much as possible on Zoa's neck and chest, resting her head there as if it always belonged there while her hands hold Zoa's waist protectively, as if she's feeling safe in Zoa's arms, bringing the girl closer to her too.
The hug lasts long and none of the two ever says anything during it or comment anything about it after it's over.
They pull back slowly ⏤Zoa does first even though she would love to keep hugging Jihan more and more⏤ and Zoa smiles brightly again, that one familiar bright smile with her teeth on full display, that one that's her most charming one and that one that Jihan has fallen so hard for and has missed the most during Christmas holidays.
"So you lied about coming back tomorrow?" Zoa asks though the answer is obvious. Jihan nods her head with a soft smile as the two sit down on Zoa's bed.
"Are you mad? I wanted to surprise you..." Jihan says the last part in a softer voice, trying to soothe Zoa's anger ⏤if she was angry that is. Zoa isn't angry though and she immediately shakes her head, wanting Jihan to know that she's not mad at her for lying.
"I'm not mad. I liked the surprise a lot so..."
"I'm glad." Zoa looks around the room before her eyes land on her suitcases and Soojin's long forgotten ones that had been left close to her desk.
"Wait, where are the eonnideul?" Zoa asks, surprised upon finally realizing that they aren't with them. It feels odd realizing that they're not in the room and possibly have left for a while now. It feels odd knowing that her warm, long hug and her happy feelings for Jihan and Jihan's presence as a whole has distracted Zoa so much that she didn't even notice her friends leaving the room.
"I guess they wanted to give us some privacy." Jihan replies with a shy smile, her voice barely audible as she looks at her tangled fingers that are resting on her lap.
"They knew about this, didn't they?" Zoa asks as she finally realizes what's going on. Jihan smiles shyly, her cheeks warming up as she slowly nods her head, parting her lips and stuttering as her nervousness arises even more within her. She starts playing with her fingers nervously and she's not even sure how to stop it at this point. Zoa makes her nervous. The girl's long, deep stare makes her nervous and Jihan swore to goodness that she's just started getting used to it before Christmas holidays but now... now after all this time they were apart... it feels hard ignoring the nervousness she's feeling. If anything she's sure it has gotten worse than before.
"Yeah... I-i asked them to give me a spare key... I-i mean I asked Soojin unnie about this... I just... really wanted to surprise you. A-are you mad?" Zoa shakes her head again, smiling softly as she holds Jihan's hands. She can't explain why the girl doesn't meet her eyes or why she plays with her fingers this intensely but she has a strong need of wanting to hold Jihan's hands in order to stop them from trembling this much and for Jihan to just calm down and look at her.
"It's fine. Why would I be mad? I'm not the type of person to get easily mad, remember? If anything, I am happy about this surprise. I don't know what made you want to arrange something like that for me, but it makes me happy." Jihan turns to look at her and once she's faced with Zoa's happy and bright face she calms down and smiles back at her. She then looks at their holding hands and smiles to herself, wondering just when have they gotten this comfortable to each other to the point that they always hold hands at any occasion, to the point that it feels cold, empty, lonely and wrong not holding hands? It's just... amusing...
And a little scary. Scary of how hard Jihan is falling for Zoa... And the girl still looks very much oblivious...
Zoa on the other hand, feels the happiest she's ever felt in a long while. She missed Jihan a lot and since they couldn't meet up at all during holidays no matter how Soojin has promised her that she will try to do her best and make it happen, she's missed the girl even more than she's ever imagined. She couldn't believe that there would ever be a time she would have to bid her new friends goodbye but she surely has never thought that she would ever miss somebody this much, so much that it would even affect her mood or make her a little impatient for college to start again in order to meet her friend again. She's sure she hasn't missed anyone as much as she's missed Jihan and even though she would be separated from her friends for a long time before ⏤because they have obviously started college way earlier than she did since they're older so they had to leave her hometown pretty often⏤ it has never felt how it felt being separated from Jihan.
She stares at Jihan's face and... she's not sure how to explain it, but it feels right, it feels like home, it makes her feel so gleeful and she doesn't want it to end any time soon. She wants to be by Jihan's side for a long time, to hold Jihan's hands and look at her face. She wants that to last, somehow.
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