Brandy
9 Years Ago
"You're always crying, Brandy. What is the matter with you?" My mother shouts at me. Tears streaming down my face, I had to cover my ears as I thought it would block her out.
I just shook my head unable to find the right words to speak.
She chuckles. "God. You can't even speak like a normal person." She snarks.
I had to force myself to choke out the words. "...I'm s-sorry."
"Really?" My mother questions with disbelief. "You're doing the stuttering crap again."
I wanted to tell her I tried my hardest not to stutter anymore. I knew how much she hated it when I did. So I worked on it not to make her mad. "I-I-" I cleared my throat. "-stop."
"How about you just stop talking entirely." Unrequitedly snaps at me.
I nodded.
She's my mom and I love her. I'll always love her, I wish I knew what it was about me that made her resent me so much. I can't say that there have never been any good moments with her, there has and I'll always cherish those moments, but there are more bad ones than good ones. One day she's happy to have a daughter and the next I'm an "ungrateful bitch" whom she hates so much.
At the end of it all, I'll always forgive her.
***
I couldn't eat. It's not like I didn't want to eat, but I didn't have the energy for it. My stomach growled loudly.
For whatever reason, I couldn't figure out why Denim suddenly started to ignore me and go on like I wasn't in the same room as him. It's driving me crazy the more I wait for him to return one of my many phone calls, that go straight to voicemail, or even say something to me if I'm in his office.
Frowning, I watched from the far end of the office foyer as Denim and Madison walked together through the foyer of the office. They seem to be on good terms as if they're not faking their relationship. "He's still mad at me, isn't he?" I turn around to Gage, patiently leaning against the wall, waiting for me. Holding my work bag, thrown over his shoulder, he walks over to me. "I said that I'm sorry. I-I don't know what else to do. What do I do? He won't even look at me."
"It's been over a week and he hasn't called you back," Gage mentions. "That's a pretty universal sign that your relationship is...over." I hear the slight frustration in his voice, probably growing tired of hearing about my problems with Denim.
I thought I was going to throw up. A break up...but that can't happen. I still love him.
I kept following Denim and Madison, with my eyes, until they disappeared together into a cleared-out elevator. I peer over my shoulder for a second, brushing my hair behind my ears. "...but I don't want that."
"Come here," Gage says gently placing his hand in mine. "You'll be fine. Okay? You don't need him." He tells me. Gage moves in a little closer. "He doesn't see what I see when I look at you. He doesn't care, but I do."
"We're friends and you know that," I say slightly turning my head to the side, avoiding the incoming kiss. I gulped taking a step back. "...I'm going to be late. I'll talk to you later." Taking my bag from his hand, I forced myself to walk to the elevators, dreading the return to my desk.
Standing in the elevator, waiting for the doors to close, I peered up at Gage leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets, with a defeated look.
Maybe Gage is right, I should forget about Denim and move on. If he isn't going to speak to me then I'm not going to speak to him. Standing at my desk, forcing myself not to look up to see if Denim noticed me, I found myself getting lost in writing down everything that was on the agenda for Denim's day.
I should keep my distance and go back to how things were before him.
Just as I sat down, I felt the urge to get back up, out of habit, to walk into his office. If no one was around, there would be a kiss and I could be wrapped in his arms. I think I'm going to miss that.
When I thought I could get through the day trying to avoid Denim at all costs, doing whatever I had to do, I found myself knocking on the glass door to his office. My knees started to feel weak. Neither of us wanted to see each other not that he looked up from his phone. Maybe it's her, C.
When the phone on my desk rang, I gulped not wanting to answer it. I knew whoever was on the other end required me to speak with Denim. "Andres Ortega, from marketing, has to cancel your meeting with him this afternoon. His son fell at school and needs to take him to get stitches." Denim still not looking up from his phone, I stood there for some sort of acknowledgement but never got one. Quickly turning around and leaving, I hid behind my desk feeling my heart race.
Just as I sat down, a shadow came over me. My heart raced faster as I slowly lifted my head. "You're coming with me." He demands. Hesitating, I didn't move from my seat. "Let's go, Miss. Diamond!"
Blindly, I followed him into the elevator. Neither of us said a word, just stood in opposite corners of each other. I avoided eye contact, staring at the floor, but I could feel his eyes on me. Taking my arm, and dragging me out of the elevator with him, Denim pushes the door open to the lounge.
"You...you didn't need to grab me like that," I tell him.
"Will you stop complaining?" Slightly putting my hands up in defence, I turn on my heels to walk over to the couch. I got a few steps away until Denim grabbed onto my arm pulling me back into his chest.
"I thought you weren't speaking to me." My hands rested on his chest trying to keep some space.
"Changed my mind." He so arrogantly says. With his hands placed on my hips, he leans down kissing both sides of my neck. "Let me make it up to you."
"No-no. I-I don't want that." I push myself back.
Denim pulls me back in slipping his hands under my shirt, inching up my back. I gasped feeling his cold hands against my bare skin. I tried to push myself back. "You can't," I grunt failing to push myself back from his hold. "You can't kiss me or-or make it up t-to me. Denim you have been-been ignoring me for days. The last we spoke...you were yelling at me," I tremble with a steady breath. "You haven't even apologized for it," I tell him softly.
"Which is why I want to make it up to you," Denim argues. "Come home with me after work, okay?" Denim takes a step closer to me.
I shake my head. "No."
"Just dinner." Denim scratches the side of his face. "I'll apologize to you then. Mmm?"
Shaking my head again, Denim cups my face. "You're lying to me."
Denim presses our lips together. "I promise. Come home with me after work and we'll just talk over dinner." Our lips touch again, moving together. "Don't be so difficult." Denim gently squeezes his arm around my waist pulling me in closer.
"Just dinner?" I question unsure if that's his only motive. "And we'll talk and you'll apologize?"
He nods. "Whatever you want, I promise."
"Okay." The corners of my mouth curved into a slight smile.
***
There wasn't much talking done in fact there was no talking done other than the demand to remove every piece of clothing I had on.
Throwing on Denim's shirt, I climbed out of the bed. He had gotten up and left the room when his phone started to ring. Remembering what happened last time, I bit my tongue knowing I probably shouldn't mention anything about it.
Quietly walking down the steps, facing the window Denim glances up from his phone. Softly walking over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, Denim tosses his phone onto the nearby chair. His lips found their way to my neck while his hands moved lower down my back. "Denim, we can't," I tell him as he tries to bring me into a kiss. "You promised that we could talk about us."
"I did say that didn't I?"
I nod. "It'd mean a lot to me."
Denim pauses for a second before he scoops me into his arms. Bringing me over to the couch, he sets me down before swiftly climbing on top. "We can talk after," Denim tells me moving down with his hand caressing over my breasts and down my stomach, leaving kisses at the rim of my underwear.
I propped myself up onto my elbows. "What are you...you can't do that," I exclaimed, letting out a giggle. Denim tugs at the thin piece of fabric.
"I've seen every inch of your body, you aren't going to stop me."
I felt his thumb rub along the inside of my underwear, I arched my back slightly. "Denim no." I shake my head, biting my tongue from letting out a moan.
"Please can't we just talk?"
He lets out an aggravated sigh, sitting back into the couch.
Neither of us said a word. Instead, we just sat there staring out the window, watching the subtle snowfall. "I still love you...I-I don't want us to be mad at each other."
Denim starts laughing out into his hands. Glancing over me, noticing the muddled look on my face, he stops. Placing his hand on my thigh, he motions for me to sit on top of his lap. "How come you don't say it back?" I ask as I straddle on top. His hands hold on my exposed ass. "When I say that I love you, I mean and...do you not feel the same way?" I question a little frazzled.
"It's just an infatuation baby."
I thought the world was ending around me. "W-what?" My body went cold.
"What did you think this was? Something real?" Denim coldly says. I climb off him.
Suddenly, everything started to make sense.
Not wanting to be seen with me.
How he changed after I slept with him for the first time.
Ignoring me, constantly.
He got what he wanted from me and he doesn't want me anymore. My heart shattered into what felt like a million pieces.
"Y-yes. It's real for me."
"Don't be so stupid Brandy. You didn't really think that we could be together." Denim stands up laughing. "You're just a good fuck and you're fun to look at."
Tears welled in my eyes. "Don't say that. It's not true. You're lying." My voice cracked from holding myself back from crying.
I don't understand why he is doing this to me. Getting off the couch, my entire body started to shake. I racked my mind trying to understand, trying to make sense of it all. "It's because of her, uh, C. It's her. Isn't it?" I blurt out.
Denim stops in his steps and turns around. "You're still on that shit!" He barks.
"Just tell me!" I shout at him.
Denim walks over to me, glaring down at me with anger in his eyes. He grabs onto my upper arm, as tight as he can, pulling me alongside him. He pushes me against the wall by the door. "Something is fucking wrong with you." He yells in my face. I whimpered trying to push him back. Denim grabs onto my wrist.
I frowned trying to pull myself back. "Denim, ah," I squirmed. "Y-you're hurting m-me. Stop." I've never seen him this upset with me, almost like he wanted to hurt me.
"Denim let her go." A calm, steady voice interrupts. With the front door open, Jackson and Poppy stand there watching the two of us. Poppy darted her eyes away from me as I noticed her. Jackson steps closer trying to get in the middle of us.
Instead of letting me go, shoves me out into the empty corridor. Falling back, I hit the back of my head on the wall. Instantly I started sobbing. I looked up at Poppy quickly kneeling beside me, covering me with her coat. "Brandy," she starts. "...I'm sorry. Let's get you your clothes...okay?" She furrows her brow as she hesitates to help me up. I still cried uncontrollably.
I heard them talking about me as I stood outside the door trying to stop myself from crying. "Well, she can't leave like that." Jackson protests. "She's not wearing any pants."
There was a silent pause. "I do not think it's a good idea for her to come back to our place. Can't she just go home? She'll be fine." Poppy interjects.
"Poppy-"
"-No! She's not staying with us. Not for the night, not for a second."
Jackson walks back to me, holding my things, while Poppy reluctantly trails behind him with her arms crossed. "I'm going to bring the car around, I'll meet you guys down there."
"Jackson got Denim to calm down. You can go in and change." Poppy tells me barely making any eye contact.
I quietly walked back inside, to the closest bathroom, just around the corner. I tried to be as quick and quiet as I could hoping not to make matters worse by annoying Denim. I don't think it would take much at this point.
Waiting for me by the front door, Poppy looks up opening the door to leave. "I need my coat back, it's cold out."
Oh right.
My head started to throb from hitting it against the wall when I fell back. The tears subsided, for now.
Jackson waited outside, standing by his car, talking to someone on his phone. "Yeah. I'll be there soon. Traffic isn't bad, about 20 minutes."
"Can we just go?" Poppy huffed waiting for Jackson to open the passenger side of the car.
I sat in the backseat, not saying a word knowing that my being here was upsetting Poppy. I furrowed my brow realizing that we weren't going in the same direction towards my apartment. "I said she's not-"
"-she is not coming with us."
I bit my lip keeping my head down.
Shortly, the car stopped in front of the building and in perfect timing, he walked out of the giant double doors up to the car. Opening the door for me, Gage holds out his hand for me to take. "Gage...hi. I didn't know-"
He shakes his head reaching to grab my bag off the car seat. "Don't worry about it." He tells me. "You alright?"
Other than my head still throbbing and the urge to start hysterically crying all over again, I'll be okay. "Mhm. Y-yeah."
Poppy remains in the car. "Uh, she had a rough night. Got into it with Denim." Jackson tells him. "I thought it be good for her to be here with you for the night."
Gage snaps his head over at me. "What? What the hell happened?"
"We-we just going into an argument. It's alright."
Jackson and Gage exchange a look of there's more to the story. "I'll let Brandy tell you the rest."
"Yeah."
I softly waved goodnight at Jackson who got back into his car driving off down the street.
Gage places his hand on my lower back guiding me inside the building. "Jackson shouldn't have called or involved you in all this. I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine." Gage reassures me. "I'm just...relieved that you're okay." Before walking into his place, warm from the heat of the fireplace, Gage planted a soft kiss on my forehead opening the door for me. "Why don't you get changed, shower if you want. I left you something comfortable for you to change into in the bathroom."
I nod. "Um, I shouldn't stay long. I have to go home." I tell him remaining by the front door. Gage looks over his shoulder. "I appreciate you letting me come here, but...I think it's best that I go home for the night."
"Brandy, I'm not sure what happened between you and Denim and the argument you guys had, but you're already here. I'll take you home in the morning, alright?"
I didn't want to be intruding in his space. I shake my head. "Uh yeah. That's alright with me. I'll-I'll stay here."
I took advantage of the hot water, as my shower at home still runs cold. I almost forgot what it's like not to have your body turn blue from how cold you are. Wrapped in the towel, Gage left for me, I caught a glimpse of my wrist already starting to bruise. His clothes wore too big on me, but I didn't mind how comfortable I was. A part of me wants to leave a few things behind as I find myself spending a lot of time here.
"Gage," I called out walking down the steps. How long was I in there for? It was like he disappeared. Reaching the bottom step, the door opens and closes. I titled my head, watching Gage quietly walk in. "Where'd you go?" I ask walking over to him.
He clears his throat. "I thought there was something you must have wanted from your apartment," Gage goes on to explain. My eyes widened realizing that he had gone to my place. "But I realized that you must have wanted to check up on her." Cozied up on the inside of his jacket, Kitten pokes her head. She meows lightly.
I gasped, immediately reaching to grab her. Being able to hold her in one hand, I held her close to me. "You really went and did that for me?"
"I wanted to. Besides I thought I would make you feel better."
And it did. Gage apologized for going into my apartment without my knowledge, thinking he had overstepped, but I didn't mind. I thought it was a kind gesture and turned my not-so-good-of-night into a better one. While sitting on the couch, Kitten took it upon herself to curl up next to Gage.
Sitting up straight, Gage turns his head to me. "So, what happened between you and Denim?" He asks me. "I'm assuming whatever did happen ended pretty badly, also considering that Jackson called me."
Then that horrible sick and heart-shattering feeling came back. My eyes filled with tears. "Uh, we just argued about -u-us," If I can even still stay that. "and-and that..." I couldn't finish my sentence. Fiddling with my hands in my lap, I looked up at Gage and instantly started crying. His eyes widened then softened. "I'm-I'm sorry. I don't m-mean to start c-crying."
Crying into my hands, I ran my hand through my hair. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I stop crying? "What am I going to do now? I-I still love him and he doesn't love me. He never did. He used me and lied to me."
"It's okay. I'm here." Gage says pulling me into his arms. "C'mere let me hold you." I let myself be completely wrapped in his arms. "...I can do all the things that Denim didn't or won't. I can love you too."
I let out a small laugh, sniffling, and wiping my eyes. Then hit me that he wasn't just saying that, he means it. "Gage-"
"-I know we're just friends, but I knew it was you since the moment I saw you walk into my office. I think about you all the time and it fucking annoys the crap out of me when I get to see you-"
"-shut up."
He raises his brow. "Okay fine, we're just friends," Gage says putting his hands out in defence. "Ignore what I said." He goes on clearing his throat.
Shaking my head, I cupped his face with both my hands bringing his focus to me. "No, just stop talking." I lean in a bit. I pressed our lips together passionately. Quickly pulling me down to lay on top of him, his hands held onto my hips. I pulled back just for a second only for Gage to pull me back down sliding his fingers entwining in my hair wanting more. I smiled against his lips.
Still smiling I pull back slowly, leaving Gage wanting a little more. "Uh, it's getting late, I think we should call it a night."
Gage picks up his phone off the coffee table, quickly checking the time. 11:32. "It's still early. One more kiss."
Sitting up, Gage snakes his arms around my waist as he stands up off the couch. My legs instinctively wrap themselves around his torso. With him carrying me up the stairs, I held onto his shoulders, I giggled into the exchange of another kiss.