I was so tired. I laid down in the bunk that smelled like Chan and wrapped the blankets around me like a cocoon. I fell asleep almost immediately.
When I woke up (who knows how long later) Chan was resting beside me. The bus cabin sounded quiet, and I assumed it was because a lot of us were tired after JYP's visit. He made the whole group on edge.
It was strange to me how quickly I was able to adapt to being comfortable around Chan. I'd gone from hesitantly sharing the bunk with him to craving him beside me.
I pushed one of the blankets off since I was feeling warm, and it woke up Chan, who must have been sleeping lightly since he wasn't snoring at all.
"Hi," he smiled as he looked at me. I felt nervous and shy in the way I did in high school when I had a crush.
"Hi," I replied and half-hid my face under the blankets.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked.
I nodded, "Did you?"
"Yes. I was worn out," he laughed. "You were quite greedy this morning." The way he said it made me shiver. It didn't help that he was looking at my lips so needily.
Even though I was new to all of this, I acted on instinct freely without worrying that I'd embarrass myself. I felt powerful, free, comfortable, and safe.
I crawled closer to him and brought my lips to his ear.
"If we'd had more time, I would've been even greedier," I whispered. I placed a hand on his chest and smiled as I felt his heart speed up.
"You're insatiable," he bit his lips while he looked at me.
"No, you're just addictive," I muttered and kissed him.
I heard a gasp from the cabin and a few of the guys hopped out of their bunks to see what was going on.
"I wonder what it is," I turned to Chan.
He shrugged, "No idea."
Neither of us had our phones to text Felix to ask.
I crawled out of bed because I was curious, and everyone turned to look at me. They all held their phones and seemed apologetic and scared to share whatever they'd seen.
I stuck my head back in the bunk, "Chan, something's wrong."
He joined me immediately, and we headed to the group that had still not spoken a word since I left the bunk.
Felix handed his phone over to Chan.
The headline read, "Will History Repeat Itself?" with the photo of Chan and I from DC with a jail cell over Chan's face.
I looked over at him as he scrolled through the story.
Stray Kids's leader Bang Chan (26) has recently revealed himself to be dating social media consultant Ella Young (27). Many were shocked and viewed her as a random choice, others applauded his ability to look beyond social status.
We recently uncovered Ella's past, and it has all of us worried for Stray Kids's and Chan's future. Ella has reported multiple sexual partners for sexual assault.
One incident occurred in college and her school did not act on the complaint. It's possible they realized it was a lie. We reached out to the accused, but he did not wish to speak with us.
The other was reported to local authorities and the man was sent to jail for several months. He asked that we not include his name, but stated that "The only crime I committed was trusting her. She turned our friends against me, and that was the only reason they sent me to jail."
Will Chan end up like the others? Let's hope he ends things soon for Stray Kids's sake.
"That's not true," was the first thing I said as I read his quote. "That's not true," I repeated.
"I know, baby. I know," Chan held me to his chest. The others just watched sympathetically.
"Did JYP do this?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.
"Yes," Chan answered.
I felt powerless. I turned and picked up my own phone. The messages made me want to throw up. More of my clients had dropped me. People who I hadn't spoken to in years were calling me a liar. Some who were friends with the guy from college were saying that I tried to ruin his life when he rejected me.
This was worse than the slut shaming. This was my real life, real trauma being twisted and manipulated to drive me away from Chan and to shame me on a mass scale.
I handed my phone to Chan so that he could read through the messages I'd gotten. I wanted him to know, but I was pretty sure if I spoke them, I'd fall apart.
"I'm sorry," Han said. "I'm sorry you went through all of that, and I'm sorry JYP is exploiting it."
Even though my darkest memories had just been ripped to shreds to publicly shame me, hearing that Han didn't even believe him for a second made me feel hopeful. Maybe others would question him too.
"That guy they quoted sounds like a real piece of shit," Changbin added.
"He is," I gave a soft smile.
"You'll be okay," Felix, the forever optimist, told me. "There's already people saying that the author was victim shaming."
I felt a tinge of relief. I hoped that would spread and over-take the comments calling me a liar.
"The fact that you dealt with all of that and the guy at breakfast the other day...it's got to be overwhelming," Seungmin sympathized
"I have panic attacks for a reason," I gave a small laugh, "But I don't even consider the guy at breakfast a major situation. If I tried to keep track of any time someone touched me or made me uncomfortable I'd lose my mind."
They seemed surprised by the admittance, but Chan just wrapped himself around me in solidarity.
"We'll get through this," he told me and announced to the others. "And we'll find a way to end the fan service, and we'll make sure that JYP suffers for what he's done to all of us."
"How?" Hyunjin asked.
"I'm not sure," he confessed, "But it starts with us being happy, and not letting his schemes hurt us. So, let's put down our phones and avoid the comment sections for a while, okay?"
"Actually," Lee Know started, "Let's do the opposite."
"What?" Chan tried to clarify.
"We've been pretending to be okay and avoiding our feelings for too long," he grabbed Han's hand. "We should act how we feel. I say we show up to Florida pissed as hell and make sure that everyone sees us rallied around Ella. I say we all comment that the article is bullshit, so our fans will start calling for it to be taken down. Discredit it ourselves."
"I agree," Han spoke up. "We can pretend to be happy but that just lets JYP win again."
"What do you think?" Chan asked me.
"Will it get you into trouble?" I didn't want to make any of their situations worse.
"It's not against the rules for us to be upset. I think Lee Know may be right...we've been too compliant."
"Okay. Let's do it," I answered and Lee Know posted the first tweet.