[I know I said this will be published in February but I had a little extra time in my hands so I might publish it now. Well here it is. Let the show commence!]
Cereza: Across the history of hell, hellhounds have been know to be at the bottom of the filth. Over thousands of years hellhounds have been nothing but slaves, workers or even pets to those who think they are above them. But 24 years ago one finally had enough of his torment with sheer ambition alone he dedicated himself to rise above the rest. His name came to be as Vorvar'g. He was a great inventor with a knack of understanding both technology and weaponry though due to his race he always suffered at the hands of the elite. Rejection. Contempt. Hatred but he was still standing. He managed to do what millions of demons were aspiring to do, he impressed Lucifer, king of hell. He showed how much his brilliant mind could change hell. Lucifer finally gave him what he always desire power, authority and status. Eventually he decided if he wanted to be remembered he needed a legacy, he and his first love then tried for a child unfortunately the birth was too much her and she passed away but no without giving Vorgar'g not one but three children triplets. The very moment he saw he knew what would they become. A great warrior, an incredible, beautiful, and capable sorceress and an incredibly annoying, shit face, douchebag, fuck face, asshole who thinks it's hilarious to tarnished the family name by-
Imp Butler:(Knocking) Lady Cereza? You're father is waiting for you.
[It's revealed that Cereza is talking to a recording app in her room. She quickly closes the app before opening the door and walking towards her father's office.]
Cereza: On my way!
[Cereza runs towards his father study two large brown door opens, inside the room orange candles light the room.]
Cereza: Did you needed me father?
[It cuts to Vorvar'g in his back suit, huge horns and quadratic glasses signing some papers, he looks up to Cereza before going back to the papers.]
Vorvar'g: How was the Acuti launch? Did the public receive it well?
Cereza: Yes the new Acuti line of knifes have been well received specially in the Pride, Wrath and Greed ring.
Vorvar'g: So I assume everything went well in the Gluttony ring as well?
Cereza: Uhh...
[In a flashback Cereza and Sable are running towards the limo as they dodged several things being thrown by other Hellhounds.]
Cereza: Well that was the last hellhound place we were welcomed.
Sable: Not that they were many to begin with...
[Suddenly a bottle is thrown at the limo. It splashes a yellow liquid at the window.]
Hellhound: COCKSUCKERS!
[Back with Cereza and Vorvar'g.]
Cereza: Yep went great. Sable is still working on his mission with the duke.
Vorvar'g: Understood. Thanks for your work today.
[Cereza is pondering if she should say something, she finally gains the courage to say it.]
Cereza: So I was looking at the upcoming projects and one of them is under the urgent tagline. Beluza I believe?
Vorvar'g: (Still signing papers) That's none of your business Cereza.
Cereza: Do you need help with the Beluza project? Or are you preparing for Lucifer to-
Vorvar'g: Project Belua is confidential Cereza, I do not want you involved.
Cereza: But...
Vorvar'g: (Stern) Enough Cereza.
Cereza: Yes father...
[Cereza leaves and is now at the mansions bar, she is looking at her phone, most of the things she is looking at are posts of making fun of her and Sable while praising Hound. She clicks her tongue in annoyance but she then stumbles into a particular ad. Notices that Charlie Morningstar is in it. ]
Cereza: No fucking way...
[It cuts to Sable, he is at a demon royalty meeting particularly with a duke.]
Duke: So I suppose the work is done.
[Sable drops a Sinners head across the table.]
Duke: Ooooh, so his shop?
Sable: Burned to ashes (Grabs something from his back pocket) Here are the photos you asked for.
[The duke starts looking at the pictures with glee.]
Duke: Good, excellent, nice. Splendid work as always, your payment will be deposited later this evening
Sable: Umm....So what did this guy do again?
Duke: Oh just some stupid pride ring tailor who thought of using a cross stitch on my suit. Such incompetence these days...
[Sable looks at the duke with "Are you kidding me" eyes.]
Sable: Really?
Duke: Of course, I always need to look perfect, if my stitches don't match up to the rest of my clothing then I'll be the laughing stork. Nobody wants to be the laughing stork. You know what? For such a good job here's a bonus.
[The duke throws something at Sable, he catches it and then is revealed to be a dog treat. He looks at the Duke offended.]
Duke: Hope you enjoy it.
Sable: (Sarcastic) Thanks. (Muttering) Fucking prick.
[Sable leaves, the it cuts to him again arriving to the Hellclaw mansion. He goes straight to the bar where he sees Cereza. She notices him.]
Cereza: Hey Sable, (Hides the phone.) how did the reunion with the duke went?
[Sable sits down nest to her, the bartender prepares a shot of whiskey for him.]
Sable: (Shows the dog treat) As well as you can expect. (Sighs ) Went from hunting hitman to fucking tailors. I swear royalty these days get more and more petty.
Cereza: Oh? It's the lethal and capable Sable bored of the mercenary life?
Sable: No, it's just that when I started I felt like I was doing something meaningful in hell, now I'm just taking over their stupid grudges or inconveniences.
Cereza: Is that so? Poor you. Say, would you be willing to do something different then? If it gave you that feeling again?
[Cereza gives her a wicked grin.]
Sable: I know that look Cherry, what do you have in mind?
[Cereza shows Sable the ad from before.]
Sable: What the fuck was that? Rehabilitating sinners? And Charlie is working on that?
Cereza: Yes, this is our big chance Sable.
Sable: Chance? Oh no, please tell me you aren't thinking what you I think you are thinking.
Cereza: Yes I am bro.
Sable: Fuck! Cereza do you know how fucking dumb it sounds to rehabilitate sinners?! Besides we haven't talked to Charlie in years! How do you know she won't kick us off the curb since you know...our father literally makes weapons designed to kill the people she is trying to save?
Cereza: Think about it Sable considering that fucking awful commercial it means that they don't have someone who knows PR, they need someone that has enough experience in proper advertisement and knows how to reach the masses.
[Cereza does a spindly twirl as she motions to herself.]
Sable: Sorry to interrupt you ego trip but since you already know what your job is then what the fuck do you expect me to there?
Cereza: (Annoyed) I was getting there asshole! (Clears throat) As you know Sinners can be wildly unpredictable and dangerous they need someone with enough experience to deal with their less desirable traits. (Leans into Sable) Maybe someone with a kill count of lets say 350 of them? Tell to mind their manners over there?
Sable: 354 by the way. But you seem to forget that I have contracts Cherry. I just can't ignore them, dad would kill me.
[Cereza pulls out the treat that Sable had in his pocket and waves it in from of his face.]
Cereza: Yeah because they have been so fulfilling lately.(Throws the treat away) Look Sable you used to be a big shot across here but things have changed we both need something big and meaningful or else we would be considered a joke of a legacy.
Sable: From who exactly? We are both 22 years old, there's still plenty of time left.
Cereza: We are almost the same age our dad became Lucifer's second hand and what have accomplished? Almost nothing compared to him! Everyone thinks highly of us, at this rate dad would look at us as badly as Hound!
Sable: (Deadpanned) Really?
Cereza: Ok maybe not that bad but our popularity has taken a huge hit, (Shows some Sinstagram posts) Just look how may people are making fun of us!
Sable: Speak for yourself. I'm popular enough.
Cereza: (Shows a badly edited photo of him as a purse dog) You are literally treated as a lap dog for royalty Sable.
Sable: Oh...
Cereza: Don't you see Sable? If we manage to redeem at least one sinner we will be known as the biggest legends in hell!
Sable: Or the biggest idiots in hell. Look if you wanna go help her then be my guest but don't drag me to your stupid shit, there's no way you can convince me. Just drop it.
[Cereza smirks, the bartender puts two drinks in front of them. Sable and Cereza start drinking. A guitar riff starts in the background.]
[Cereza and Sable put down the glass.]
Cereza: ♫ Right here, right now.
I put the offer out
I don't wanna chase you down
I know you see it.
We run with her.
And she can cut us free.
Out of the drudgery and walls that keep us in. ♫
[Cereza taps the bar table and the bartender pulls out another bottle and slides it towards her. She refills the glasses and snaps her fingers. ]
Cereza: ♫ So trade that typical for something colorful
And if it's crazy, we'll live a little crazy
We can play it sensible, a royal of conventional
Or we can risk it all and see ♫
[Cereza's hands glow purple and the whole bar furniture start doing a choreography dance with her.]
Cereza: ♫ Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play
'Cause she's got what we need, so come with me and take the ride
She'll take you to the other side
'Cause you can do like you do
Or you can do like her
Stay in the cage, or we'll finally take the key
Oh, damn, suddenly we're free to fly
She'll take us to the other side ♫
[Sable drinks his drink and grabs his coat.]
Sable: ♫ Okay, my sister, you want to cut me in
Well, I hate to tell you, but it just won't happen
So thanks, but no
I think I'm good to go
'Cause I quite enjoy the life you say I'm trapped in
Now I admire her, and that whole show she does
She's onto something, really it's something
But remember we live among the swells, and we don't pick up peanut shells
I'll have to leave that up to her. ♫
[Sable puts on his coat and avoids the furniture that tries to stop him from leaving.]
Sable: ♫ Don't you know that I'm okay with this uptown part I get to play
'Cause we got what we need and I don't want to take the ride
I don't need to see the other side
So go and do like she does
I'm good to do like me
Ain't in a cage, so I don't need to take the key
Oh, damn, can't you see I'm doing fine
I don't need to see the other side ♫
[Sable is about to leave the bar.]
Cereza: ♫ Now is this really how you like to spend your days?
Whiskey and misery, and parties and slays ♫
[Sable looks back at Cereza in contempt.]
Sable: ♫ If we were mixed up with them, we'd be the talk of the town
Disgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns ♫
[Cereza stops using her magic and approaches Sable.]
Cereza: ♫ But we would finally live a little, finally laugh a little
Just let her give us the freedom to dream
And it'll wake you up and cure your aching
Take our walls and start 'em breaking
Now that's a deal that seems worth taking
But I guess I'll leave that up to you ♫
[Sable looks in contemplation to the reunion with the duke. He looks at the ground before smirking.]
Sable: ♫ Well, it's intriguing, but to go would cost me greatly
So how long would I be leaving? ♫
[Cuts to Cereza.]
Cereza: ♫ Well, fair enough, you'd want to minimize your losses.
I'd say a year, to show up and make it happen ♫
[Cuts to Sable. Then back and forth between the two.]
Sable: ♫ I wasn't born this morning, three months would be just fine ♫
Cereza: ♫ Why not just go ahead and ask for overtime? ♫
Sable: Four
Cereza: Nine
Sable: Five
Cereza: Maybe Eight.
Sable: Six.
[They shake hands, Sable then spins Cereza as they dance in the mansion. In another dance move Cereza opens portal.]
Sable/Cereza: ♫ Don't you wanna get away to a whole new part you're gonna play
'Cause she's got what you need, so come with me and take the ride
To the other side
So if we do like her
So if you do like me
Forget the cage, 'cause we know how to make the key
Oh, damn, suddenly we're free to fly
We're going to the other side
So if you do like her (To the other side)
So if you do like me (Going to the other side)
'Cause if we do we're going to the other side
We're going to the other side ♫
[Sable and Cereza cross the portal where Charlie's Hotel is. The place is not on the best conditions.]
Sable: Shit. This place looks worse than in the commercial.
Cereza: Well that's why we are here.
[Cereza knocks on the door, Charlie opens it with Vaggie behind her.]
Charlie: Welcome to the-! (Shocked to see who is in front of her)
Cereza: Hi Charlie!
[Vaggie frowns and immediately slams the door in front of them.]
Sable: Oh well. We tried.
[Sable starts to leave before he is put on a hold by Cereza's magic.]
Cereza: So this is how things are gonna be huh?
[Cereza's eyes glow purple, back to Charlie and Vaggie.]
Charlie: Did you really have to be so aggressive with them?
Vaggie: We don't want those two in here. Charlie you haven't talked to them in years, their father literally represents the complete opposite of what we are trying to do here, and their brother is known to ruin their plans just to mess with them that could include the hotel.
[The hotel door glows purple before it's disassembled piece by piece, Cereza and Sable enter. Cereza puts the door back.]
Cereza: Guess we started on the wrong foot.
Vaggie: Yeah sorry what I've meant to say was "we don't want you here."
Cereza: Look I know you are concerned that we are here under our father's orders We are not, we genuinely think that Charlie's idea is a wonderful one and we wanna help.
Charlie: (Hopeful) Really guys?
Vaggie: You don't actually think these guys can help us do you?
Charlie: Isn't that the whole point of this place? Second chances Vaggie, they could be great help to us.
Vaggie: And having to deal with that asshole of Hound? No thanks. It's not worth it Charlie.
Cereza: Pft! Please, that shitbag is already too busy working on an imps failing company and nailing his daughter to give a shit. He's been almost no contact for five years. We are just asking for a chance to help you guys.
Vaggie: Okay then. What can you do for the hotel that we already don't?
Cereza: For starters, decent publicity. It pains me to say this but you need someone who knows how to connect Charlie's idea with the Sinners. (Muttering) Maybe with something that wasn't made in like 5 minutes.
Vaggie: And you are an expert on that?
Cereza: Girl you are talking to one of the best salespersons of Vorvar'g industries, this'll be easy peasy.
Vaggie: And what about him? (points to Sable) Isn't he supposed to be a mercenary?
Cereza: Well yes but he is an expert in dealing with Sinners, if any sinners has any ideas of hurting anybody here the Sable knows how to "educate" them better
Sable: Yeah, I can help with the security of the Hotel, many Sinners can be unpredictable and dangerous.
Charlie: That's great Sable, though if you wanna work here you may have to reduce your lethality.
Sable: Oh. How much less are we talking? 85%?
Charlie: Less.
Sable: 65% lethality?
Charlie: Less.
Sable 35%?
Vaggie: 0% lethality Sable.
Sable: Fuck.
[Cereza stomps on Sable feet]
Sable: Ow! I mean, sure that's manageable. Anything else?
Vaggie: Can you deal with Sinners sexually assaulting our staff?
Sable: Not my first rodeo there.
Angel Dust: (Offscreen) Fuck you Vagina.
[Getting up from the couch the Porn star Angel Star looks at Sable and Cereza, then the bartender Husk, and finally the cleaning lady Nifty gets up close to the Siblings faces.]
Nifty: Oh you are so fluffy! (Creepy voice) Would it be okay if I shave it off so you'll be clean?
Husk: (Cleans bottle.) Great even more bit-(Notices Sable) Aw shit not you!
Sable: (Seethes teeth) Hi Husk.... If you are here does that mean that Al-?
[Out of nowhere Alastor the radio demon puts an arm around Sable.]
Alastor: Well, well ,well if it ain't my old friend Sable?
Vaggie: You guys know each other?
Charlie: (Happily) I had no idea you knew each other!
Alastor: Oh my fluffy friend here is just an old friendship. (Creepy eyes.) Isn't that right Sable?
Sable: (Moves Alastor's arm) Yeah because nothing says friendship like no contact over the course of 7 years. Where have you been?
Alastor: Oh I just thought a sabbatical could do me wonders, besides if you are gonna work here then it's a perfect time to catch up. Don't you think?
Charlie: Oh this is wonderful! Thank you so much for this
Vaggie: (Sighs) I'm still not sure about this but if you think they can help us then I can give them a chance.
Cereza: You won't regret this, in a blink of an eye you'll have guests than would not like to get exploited.
[Cereza looks at Angel.]
Angel Dust: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity. (laughs). Oh, I got the legs. The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits.
[Charlie chuckles nervously until Charlie's phone rings from Lucifer.]
Charlie: Hold that thought! I'll be right back.
Angel Dust: I could keep going all night, baby.
[While Angel drinks his beer, Charlie breathes nervously and answers the call.]
Charlie: Hello? Dad?
[As Charlie take the phone call, the scene switches to Vaggie, Angel, and Alastor.]
Angel Dust: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?
Alastor: Oh, trust me...
[Smiles in a mischievously creepy look with dark magic.]
Alastor/Sable: -I/He can.
Husk: Why do you think I'm here?
[The camera moves to Husk at the bar.]
Husk: You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me?
[As Husk cleans a bottle, Niffty pops up from behind the counter with a hand raised.]
Nifty: I like being forced.
Husk: Keep that to yourself, Nif.
Angel Dust: What? You don't love being here with me, Whiskers?
Husk: Call me Whiskers again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat.
Angel Dust: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.
Vaggie: (sighs) Angel. Let Husk do his job. And, no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.
Angel Dust: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Cereza: Choosing or just because you don't have anywhere else to go?
[Angel Dust gives Cereza the middle finger.]
Vaggie: Well, Maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible.
Sable: But highly unlikely still. We need to pull all stops if we want to accomplish Charlie's goal.
[Angel Dust places a hand on Vaggie's shoulder, giving her a deadpan expression while the latter makes the same one.]
Angel Dust: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free. Crack is expensive.
[The scene comes back to Charlie, and after the phone call, she seemed really happy with the news her father brought to her.]
Charlie: Yeah, I can totally, yeah. I'll head over there right away. Okay?
[Charlie hangs up the phone and gasp in excitement.]
Charlie: Yes...YES!
[Charlie giggles in excitement when she hears about the news until she calls Vaggie in gibberish, waving very franticly that freaks Vaggie out.]
Charlie: Vaggie! Holy, shit!
Vaggie: Ah! what?
[Charlie waves her to come to her for some exciting news.]
Charlie: (mumbling excitedly) get over here!
[Vaggie sighs happily and comes to Charlie while she is jumping around in a very happy mode. As Angel Dust drinks in the background, Vaggie meets Charlie behind.]
Vaggie: What's going on?
[Charlie breathes in and out to calm her nerves so she can explain, but she was explaining so fast due to her excitement.]
Charlie: My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. He asked if I could go instead.
[Charlie hyperventilates and grabs Vaggie to get up close. Vaggie, however, was confused since the Angels were already done with their extermination and won't be back for another year.]
Vaggie: But-but, the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-
[Just before Vaggie could warn her, Angel Dust, Alastor, Niffty, and Keekee were already at the window where they can see Charlie singing out in the destroyed Pentagram City, as Angel Dust turns back to Vaggie still drinking from a bottle.]
Angel Dust: That bitch is halfway down the street!
Cereza: Is she—?
Angel Dust: Oh, she's dancin'!
Vaggie: Ugh, no...
[Sable looks at Vaggie.]
Sable: Uh...Should I...?
Vaggie: Just make sure she is safe.
Sable: On it.
[Sable runs after her. It cuts to Charlie making her way down the street, oblivious to the destruction and bodies of dead demons everywhere as she continues to sing her song.]
[Charlie has gotten to right where she wants to be: the Heaven Embassy with the watchtower. She opens the door to peek inside.]
Charlie: Hello! (echoes)
Sable: (Offscreen) Charlie wait please!
[Charlie looks back surprised to see Sable]
Charlie: Sable? What are you doing here?
Sable: Vaggie asked to keep an eye on you, great singing voice by the way.
Charlie: I appreciate the gesture Sable, but I don't want to ruin this. Please I'll be fine.
Sable: I know but think about it. You don't know anything about this guy, and neither does he. If you want him to listen you should at least show him you are the princess of hell.
[Charlie looks at Sable one last time before sighing.]
Charlie: Fine, but please no fighting and let me do the talking.
Sable: You have my word Charlie.
[They enter through the door and finds the whole embassy deserted. They walk to the front desk to check in.]
Charlie: Hello? (echoes) Creepy...
Sable: Stay behind me.
[Sable comes to the front desk with no one but a single bell. He taps the bell to ring it, and at the instant, a golden scroll and feather ink pen floats from above over to Charlie.]
Charlie: Oh, okay... (signs it) Also creepy.
(The scroll and feather flies up before disappearing. Right then, the twin doors slide open to show the meeting room, and they enter inside the dark room with no one around.)
Charlie: Uh...hello? Is anyone here?
[The lights suddenly switched on, revealing two angels at the end of the room, with one being a lieutenant, Lute and the big boss leader of the Angel Army, Adam ,who is eating a rib in his hand.]
Adam: 'Sup!
Charlie/Sable: Holy shit!
[Charlie immediately fell down after getting surprised by the sudden appearance of two angels in the room. Sable helps her get back up and readjusts herself to introduce herself properly. Lute frowns at Sable and summons her weapon. Sable instinctively pushes Charlie behind him. ]
Lute: What's a hellhound doing here? Lucifer only said that his daughter would be attending.
Adam: Hellhound? Ew! Get out of here mutt! I don't want fleas in this place!
[Charlie looks at Sable worriedly before he just takes a deep breath.]
Sable: Sorry for the surprise but I'm just doing my duty as a bodyguard for Char-Lady Morningstar. I also thought that the Angel leader would be willing to talk alone but yet here you are.
[Lute just frowns and grips her weapon harder.]
Lute: You-!
Adam: Heh, shit. You are a witty one aren't ya? But he fucking got you there Lute, stand down.
[Lute just lowers her weapon and walks back to where she originally was.]
Charlie: Well now that we pushed the hostilities aside. Hi, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me if I could meet you.
Adam: Yeah, I know.
Charlie: Okay, well. (Adam eats his rib like a buzzsaw) It's nice to meet you.
Adam: Totally. It's nice to meet you too.
[Adam reaches over to give Charlie a handshake, and as she was about to shake his hand, her hand slips right through, revealing him to be a hologram, fizzing on and off after being touched, which freaks Charlie out.]
Adam: Ha! I fucking got you. (Turning to Lute) Did you see that? (Lute nodded once) Ha. Good shit.
[Charlie was trying to get something straight with Adam being a hologram.]
Charlie: Uh...so wait. you aren't here?
Adam: No, you think I'd come down there? (laughs) No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But it's such a bummer man. Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? (chuckles) Ew.
Charlie: Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet. There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk about-
[Adam puts his finger on Charlie's lips to quiet her down for a moment.]
Adam: Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We've got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry?
[Adam takes a plate of ribs he's been eating toward Charlie.]
Adam: Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it.
Charlie: Uh...thanks.
Sable: Charlie don't-
[Charlie went to take a piece of a rib, but her hand past right through them, also revealing to be a hologram, as they fizz on and off from the touch, and Adam laughs.]
Adam: I got you again! Bitch! (laughs) Fuckin' hilarious!
[Charlie makes a small unamused chuckle alongside Adam's hyper laughter. Sable just glares at Adam. The scene cuts back to the Hazbin Hotel, where the workers and residents are summoned by Vaggie to discuss their poorly misleading commercial. Angel Dust was constantly looking at Husk with seductive gaze while Husk was glaring daggers at him. Vaggie and Cereza walk in front of them.]
Cereza: Okay, so, Charlie is dealing with something very important, so while she's gone, we are making a new commercial.
Vaggie: One that represents her vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera. (Turning to Alastor) Alastor?
[Alastor snaps a finger to conjure up a camera for Vaggie; however, the camera is a folding-type old camera from the 1930s with no recording films at that time, which displeases Vaggie and Cereza.]
Cereza: (Sarcastic) Hilarious.
Vaggie: A video camera?
Alastor: Hmmm.
[Despite his extreme distaste for modern technology, Alastor did what Vaggie requested and snaps his finger again to conjure up a video camera that was poorly used with tapes sticked together.]
Cereza: Meh. Could be worse.
Vaggie: Alright! Let's do this!
[The camera switched into the camera point of view recording the bar scene with Husk behind the counter reading a script in his claws with Angel Dust at the opposite counter. The camera whirrs back to get a better focus of the two.]
Cereza: (Offscreen) Do we really have to use him?
Vaggie: (Offscreen) He is part of the Hotel Cereza.
Cereza: (Offscreen) He is a porn star Vaggie, he doesn't know how to act.
Angel Dust: (Offended) Bitch I faked more authentic orgasms that you fucking ever had prude!
Vaggie: Guys focus! And...Action!
[Husk carefully reads the lines on his script, bringing the script closer to read.]
Husk: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help with anything?"
Angel Dust: "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big, strong daddy to put me in my place...On the path to redemption."
[Husk groans with displeasure and read the script again.]
Husk: "Well, you come—"
Angel Dust: (moaning) "Oh, yes!"
Husk: (bored) "to the right place."
[Cereza has had it, and stops recording.]
Cereza: (Offscreen) Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible which I doubt btw, and Husk, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face.
Husk: (angrily) I ain't no act! I can't memorize this shit!
Cereza:(Offscreen) Then fucking make it sound more natural!
Angel Dust: Well, we can improv this shit, baby cakes. (gets closer to Husk's face) Rrawwr. (purrs seductively)
[Husk was getting irritated by Angel Dust and shoves him out of the counter.]
Husk: Whoops.
[Husk grabs a bottle and drinks it.]
Vaggie: (offscreen) Come on, Husk.
Cereza: (offscreen) Fuck it! Another take!
[Cutting back to Charlie's and Sable meeting with Adam, she looked bored while Sable was getting more annoyed by the second, Charlie propping herself on her elbows and Hound standing behind her in a similar position as Lute while listening to Adam exaggeratingly boosted himself and his sex life. The camera cuts to Adam.]
Adam: So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it was all like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick!" (pointing to his penis down the table. All dicks descended from me. You think you want drummer dick? (Lute shaking her head) No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master! (eats a mouthful of ribs sloppily) So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?
[Charlie caught on what Adam said and realizes one thing about the boss.]
Charlie: Wait, your name is Adam? The first man Adam, that means you...Oh....(low voice) That explains so much.
Adam: I know. I fucking rock. (Held a rock pose)
[Charlie brushes off the awkwardness from Adam and gets to her subject of matter in hand.]
Charlie: Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.
Adam: Call me, Dickmaster.
Sable: (low voice) Fucking hell man this is worse than that Goetia's tea time....
Charlie: Adam. You seem like a smart (paused) well, stand up guy.
Adam: (picking his teeth) Uh-huh.
Charlie: And I know that you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A— A big genius.
Adam: I mean, your words, babe.
Charlie: Who would really love to put his name on something.
Adam: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shits the best!
Charlie: It's our biggest solution to our problems.
Adam: Oh, Herpes. Right, that's a bitch.
Charlie: No! Our other biggest problem.
Adam: Oh...uh..ugly people? Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem.
[Charlie could not believe how dumb Adam is about the oblivious fact to their overpopulation and Extermination problem, as Adam tries to make something sense only to him, and stared at him with a deadpan annoyance.]
Adam: Ummm.
[Cuts back to the hotel. Niffty tries to stab a bug. Vaggie stops her.]
Vaggie: Niffty, Niffty. Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?
Niffty: Got it. I'm ready.
Cereza: Action!
[Niffty freezes and stares blankly at the camera, leaving Vaggie and Cereza puzzled. Angel also peers in.]
Cereza: Uhh, cut.
Niffty: (Snaps out of it and back to her cheerful self) How was that?
Vaggie: Well, Niffty you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.
Niffty: Ok!
Cereza: Action!
[Again Niffty freezes and stares blankly at the camera, Cereza leans over to Vaggie.]
Cereza: (Whispering) Is she supposed to be this fucking creepy?
Angel Dust: (smug) You're doing great Vaginas.
Cereza: Cut! (Facepalms) This is a fucking mess.
Vaggie: Enough, maybe we can try to fix it in post.
Angel Dust: Do you even know what that means?
Vaggie: (angrily) I'll figure it out!
[Vaggie and Cereza sits in front of a broken TV. It keeps replaying the failed commercials.]
Vaggie: So? Are they salvageable?
Cereza: Are you seriously asking that?
[Alastor enters the room.]
Alastor: Seems like you two are having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?
Cereza: Fuck off.
Vaggie: Why are you even here?
Alastor: For the entertainment. I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!
Vaggie: (Grabs the camera from Cereza's hands and points the camera to Alastor) And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that -
Cereza: Vaggie don't!
[The video camera glitches and drops to the floor.]
Vaggie: Ugh!
Alastor: I wouldn't try that my dear. This face was made for radio (Nightmarish smile)
Vaggie: That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so entertaining to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?
Alastor: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Cereza: Pfft, you think we are that stupid making a deal with a demon like you?
Alastor: Not for you soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology every again. Or Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.
Vaggie: (sighs) Fine.
[Vaggie picks up the camera and gives it to Alastor, which he vaporizes.]
Alastor: Now then...
[Alastor transform the hotel staff into an 50s style film crew.]
Vaggie: Alright everyone, let's make a fucking commercial.
[Cereza starts inspecting her new look.]
Cereza: Think you have a different shade of purple? I don't think this one fits me.
[Cuts to Charlie and Sable looking exasperated with another of Adam's sexist rants]
Adam: When you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like "Hey, I thought you wanted equality."
Charlie: No, our share problem of overpopulation in Hell.
Adam: Oh, well that's not a problem. We got that covered. Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?
Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.
Adam: 275? Woah, badass. Awesome job, danger tits. Pound it.
Charlie: Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people, You know that right?
Adam: Oh yeah. That must suck for you! (bursts into laughter)
Charlie: But these are souls... humans souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.
Lute: (coldly) They're not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Sable: Everyone deserves a chance of redemption.
Charlie: He is right. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Lute: Angels don't make mistakes.
Charlie: You really think that.
Lute: I know that.
Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fucking life.
[Lute starts walking towards Charlie condescendingly. Sable preemptively steps in front of Charlie to protect her. ]
Lute: The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?
Sable: (Menacingly) Back off.
[Lute returns to her original position again.]
Lute: Besides Angels will never allow redemption after what the Crimson Knight did.
Adam: Oh right I forgot. I still need some kind of compensation after the shit show of the Crimson Knight and those fuckheads of his cult. Like how many did we lose in those 4 years Lute?
Lute: (Pained) 25,565 Exorcists sir.
Adam: Holy shit tits. That's like what? 30 minutes into an extermination? Someone's ought to think of the numbers here.
Charlie: I know what the Crimson Knight did was wrong but you just can't condemn everyone by someone else actions.
Sable: You are basically judging every human soul on the actions of a madman.
Adam: (Looks at the sky.) Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.
Charlie: Oh fuck!
[Charlie rushes to present her plan]
[Both Charlie and Sable are thrown out of the room.]
Charlie: Um, wait, you-you—
[The door closes.]
Sable: Did he just say that they are coming back in six months?
Charlie: (Slams fists at the door.) Ugh, SHIT!
[Sable and Charlie sadly return to the hotel. Vaggie runs to her and hugs her.]
Vaggie: Charlie! How did it go, did they listen?
[Sable was about to speak but Charlie cuts him off.]
Charlie: Oh, they sure did hear it But-
Vaggie: Oh come here, we have something exciting to show you.
[Vaggie leads Charlie to group.]
Vaggie: Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air. Cereza directed the whole thing.
Alastor: I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha
Cereza: Only the best to do the best.
Charlie: Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?
Angel Dust: Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.
Cereza: (Mutters) The only good one....
[Angel Dust glares at Cereza.]
Charlie: (beams brightly) That's... that's amazing.
Vaggie: Sshh, it's starting.
TV: Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel -
[TV cuts to the News report. The group except Alastor and Niffty annoyed and angrily complain.]
Katie Killjoy: Breaking news in Hell! Today, we have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?
Tom Trench: No, what does that mean, Katie?
Katie Killjoy: It means we're all royally fucked! (Eye twitched)
[Screaming can be heard from Sinners as the time on the reduces to 176 days till the next Extermination.]
Angel: Wait, what? Why?!
[Cereza looks at Sable with a face that says "What the fuck happened over there?!"]
Sable: Things just got a lot worse...
[An angelic drone scours an area until they found a dead Exorcist corpse with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse.]
Lute: We found the body, sir. He is back, we can't let him rampage like this again. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Adam: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like that again!
[Adam destroys the projector, causing its light to disappear only showing Adam's glowing evil smile.]