"What truth?" Ricky is now more than nervous. What the fuck was Gyuvin hiding from him? Gyuvin contemplated, he glanced over at Ricky and then back to his own lap.
"Say something, Kim Gyuvin."
Gyuvin cleared his throat before speaking. "I..." He hesitated. He's unsure himself too. Should he let Ricky know about his uncertainty for his feelings about Ricky?
"I don't know, Ricky. I just.. I think I'm confused."
"Gyuvin. Stop beating around the bush. Get straight to the point now." Ricky's tone was domineering, scaring the younger boy. "Every time I get together with her to do what couples would do, I feel uneasy. I kept thinking about someone else."
"Like even when we agreed to date each other for the first time, I considered how that someone would feel if they found out about us. And also, as the relationship progressed, I kept thinking about that certain someone. It's as if dating her was wrong. I tried to ignore that stupid feeling and I decided to put in all my effort into my relationship with her." Gyuvin continues, chuckling a little after he finishes his sentence.
"And I lost it all completely. Because I decided to put in all my effort."
It seems so clear now. This someone is no one other than Ricky.
"She almost kissed me. But I moved away, because I remembered that someone. It didn't felt right kissing her." Gyuvin says, his face feels flushed. Gosh, why is he even telling Ricky these? Ricky is so smart, he will definitely figure that someone out.
And once he does, will their friendship end here?
Ricky keeps quiet. He wants Gyuvin to continue speaking his mind, he wants to know how Gyuvin feels all this while. "So, this is the truth. I'm using her as a way to deny my feelings for that someone."
Gyuvin could not even take a look at Ricky because of how embarrassed he feels. Ricky, feeling the same too. This is too sudden, a little overwhelming for Ricky.
What do you mean Gyuvin had to deny his feelings for this person? So Gyuvin had feelings for Ricky too? Ricky kind of gets the idea now, but he doesn't want to reveal it to Gyuvin. He doesn't want Gyuvin to feel embarrassed any further.
"Gyuvin, it's okay to feel this way. I'm sorry about that." Ricky starts, avoiding eye contact with Gyuvin. "I promise to be by your side this time. I won't let you go through all these alone." Gyuvin looks up to see Ricky already looking at him.
"I mean it, Gyuvin."
"Thanks Ricky."
——
Things went back to normal because Gyuvin said to forget all about his rants. Although Ricky had agreed, he did not actually forget about it. It was like a confession but not really. Maybe Gyuvin is just really mixed up about how he feel.
"Ricky! Look, I've got some drinks. Zhang Hao gave them to me for free, you want to try?" Gyuvin asks, shaking the bag of drinks he held in front of Ricky. "Ah, don't these things give you a huge headache the next day?"
Gyuvin paused for a while but decided it was not that serious anyways. "It's literally Friday today, it's the weekend." Gyuvin places the drinks on the table and slowly takes them out one by one. "You do know that one bottle is enough right?"
"You only live once. Let's challenge ourselves!"
"Gyuvin, what you're challenging is literally your fucking liver." Ricky sighs. Does he really want to try that dangerous looking liquid? Whatever, Gyuvin was already trying it out and he seemed normal.
Ricky stared blankly at Gyuvin for a few seconds before standing up and grab one of the bottle, pouring into a cup. He drank slowly, afraid of the liquid since he has never actually tried something like that.
"We should probably stop now." Ricky says, setting his cup aside. He does not want to continue. Besides, he didn't really like the taste of it. "Why? It's been like forever since we get to try this. Oh wait... you're a first timer, aren't you?"
"No?" Ricky lied. No shit he was. "If you're not, then why aren't you continuing?" Gyuvin asks, pouring another cup down his throat. "Maybe because I've got self control?" Ricky says, laying down on his bed, sighing. I guess his feelings finally disappeared a little? He does not feel as flustered when he's with Gyuvin now.
By the time Gyuvin stopped drinking, he's already wasted (to the max). "Fuck, your tolerance towards alcohol isn't that great either." Ricky murmured, trying to drag Gyuvin onto his bed. At least, Gyuvin could rest properly. Ricky shook his head, still dragging Gyuvin over. The headache is getting to him now. "Shit." Ricky mumbled under his breath as he placed Gyuvin on his bed. He ends up walking to the other side of the bed and lied down immediately.
"Ricky..."
"Hm?" Ricky answers with his eyes closed, he's trying to fall asleep with this headache. "I miss you so bad." Ricky nods, forgetting that Gyuvin couldn't see him. There was silence for a moment. And then Gyuvin sat up, moving the bed a little which disrupted Ricky from drifting to sleep.
"Shen Ricky, I hate you so much."
Ricky scoffed as he covers his eyes with his hand. This Gyuvin is seriously drunk, just a moment before he said he missed Ricky and now he hates him? "Sure, Kim Gyuvin. Go back to sleep." Ricky can't even deal with his headache right now, let alone Gyuvin talking nonsense.
"I hate you for always appearing in my mind. I just want to love her right. Why must you always.... interrupt us? I hate this feeling. When did I even.. think about you?" Gyuvin speaks his mind off. It's literally his thoughts but it's being read out loud.
"Gyuvin, you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying-"
"I do! I know what the fuck am I saying. What I'm saying is, I think I may have fallen for you. But I don't know. We hang out for so long, this is.. the first time I felt like this." Gyuvin suddenly tears up. He doesn't know why either; but he is going to blame it on the alcohol.
"Ricky, may I kiss you again?"
"What?"
"I'm asking if I can kiss you again." Gyuvin is now desperate, really desperate. He just wanted to kiss someone, specifically Ricky. "Why? It's wrong for us to kiss." Ricky wanted to add on the fact that Gyuvin just broke up, but he's too tired to even utter two more words.
"I don't care anymore. Shen Ricky, I am going to kiss you, whether you like it or not."
Ricky still has his eyes covered. He can't tell if Gyuvin was serious. His words were filled with uncertainties. Gyuvin, on the other hand wipes his tears away with his hands harshly. Then, he glanced over at Ricky, who is still covering his eyes with his hand. He shifted himself nearer to Ricky, preparing to just peck him.
"Gyuvin, stay away." Ricky says, finally removing his hand. He blinks, his eyes annoyed with the sudden brightness of his room revealed. After adapting to the brightness, he looked over to Gyuvin who's now hugging his knees, head hung low. "What's wrong?"
"I want to kiss you... but I can't bring myself to do it."
"Because it feels wrong, right?" Ricky says, sighing. Even though Gyuvin is drunk, he definitely feels how wrong it is to be kissing your own best friends for years.
"No. I just-"
"Since you can't do it, I'll do it." After finishing his sentence, Ricky sat up. Gyuvin was taken aback by what Ricky had said. Gyuvin just stares blankly at Ricky moving closer and closer to his face. And... they finally kissed. Gyuvin wraps his hands around Ricky's neck, pulling him closer and closer. Both of them had their eyes closed. This time it was not because of embarrassment, it was because they wanted to enjoy how kissing one another truly feels.
Letting their bodies take control was probably the worst mistake they have ever done. Ricky is now hovering above Gyuvin, not breaking the kiss. Finally, Ricky pulls away from Gyuvin, looking into the doe eyes of the boy who's lying underneath him. He felt that this is a dream. He is getting so intimate with his crush, this is too good to be true.
Ricky smiles and gave Gyuvin a peck on his forehead. "You want to continue?" Ricky whispered into Gyuvin's ear. Gyuvin nodded, faster than he could even figure things out. Well, he's drunk so thinking is a chore.
They definitely continued.
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