A few days later I met up with Allie at a park. I figured Fangs would've told her about T and I by now. I figured he would've told everyone but he hadn't.
I wasn't sure if he was going to or not but either way..
"Hey." I said to the redhead with the headset.
Allie smiled at me and took off her headset. "Sup, bro." She said.
I laughed.
"You summoned me for something. It better be important. You got ten minutes." Allie looked at her watch. "Tests and all."
"Right." I nodded. "Have you spoken to Charlie?"
"Yeah." Allie looked sad for him. "He said Tim is with someone else now. He's all broken up about it, poor kid."
'Someone else'? Wow. He really was keeping his mouth shut. I guess he wasn't all bad then.
"Right, about that.."
"Oh my God! Do you know who it is! Tell me! Timmy won't say a thing to me!" Allie grabbed my arm.
"Yeah.." I grimaced. "That's probably because the guy's.. deep, deep down in the closet."
"Oh my God! Who is it!" Allie shook my arm.
Well. Here goes nothing.
"It's the quarterback." I said.
Allie frowned. "WAIT, IT'S DAVE!" She shrieked. "Is that why he beat him up? To keep him quiet or something?!"
"Allie, fucking hell, it's me! I'm the closet case quarterback. I'm his boyfriend."
Allie's jaw dropped. "No!" She said in disbelief.
"Yep." I put my hands in my pocket.
"No! It's- WHAT?!"
I shrugged.
"When! What the fuck!"
"It started at camp but I liked him way before that."
"Oh my God, you're gay!" She shrieked.
I frowned.
"That makes so much sense! You're gay and you like him! You're.. Why didn't I see this?" She frowned.
"What? Are you a fortune teller or something? And I'm not gay."
"I know everything before it happens! God, my gaydar is broken, isn't it?" She wondered.
She seemed entirely unbothered by the fact we were together.
"So this is why you turned me down." She nodded. "You're gay." She laughed. "That makes so much sense. It's not me, it's you." She shook her head with a smile.
"I'm not gay though, I like girls too-"
"Can you at least let me have this? Just spare my pride a little, will ya?"
I laughed. "Fine. Allie, I'm sooo gay."
"It's okay to be gay, Josh." Allie grabbed my arms and looked me deep in the eyes. "There's nothing wrong with being part of the rainbow tribe. I accept you.. for who you are." She said severely.
I began to laugh. "Rainbow tribe?"
Allie laughed too.
We continued strolling through the park.
"So.. you're really cool with it?" I asked.
"I'm shocked but it totally makes sense. I think you two look great together. And I don't even have to threaten you cause I know you'll treat him well." Allie smiled softly.
"You bet."
✪
It feels so good that someone knows. Finally. And Allie seemed completely unbothered. T is going to freak when he hears this.
I opened the door to the house and immediately heard arguing.
T and Charlie stood in the hallway next to the staircase fighting back and forth.
"Oh great, he showed up." Charlie snapped.
Timothy sighed.
"Look, I'm sure it's fine with him but I'm better for you! At least I understand you and don't ridicule the things you love." Charlie insisted.
"Josh doesn't do that!"
"Timmy, come on! I care about you!" Charlie grabbed Timothy's shoulders. "I'm sorry I left, you have no idea how much I regret it! I won't ever break up with you again!"
"I should give you two some time," I headed towards the stairs.
"No, stay." T grabbed my arm. "I want you to hear this." He said determinedly.
I sat at the foot of the staircase.
"Timothy, there's no way in holy hell you've suddenly lost all feelings for me. You said you loved me-"
"And then you left." Timothy said. I could see it still had an effect on him to think about it.
"And I'm back now! For good!"
Timothy shook his head. "It brought us closer together but I didn't fall in love with Josh because you left."
Charlie frowned. "If I had stayed-"
"It would've made no difference. I would've held on because that's how I am but I would've fallen in love with Josh anyway. And you would've noticed and then we'd have broken up all the same."
"You know that's not true. We were perfect!"
"Charlie-"
Charlie pressed his lips against Timothy's, kissing him passionately... desperately. Timothy didn't do anything. He didn't even try to pull away.
I watched them and it hurt but not as much as I thought it would.
Charlie held Timothy's face in his hands. "Tell me you didn't feel anything."
Timothy frowned for a moment. "I did."
Wait, what?
"I care about you. A lot.. but it's different now." Timothy said.
Charlie looked entirely confused. Even I was surprised.
Timothy pulled away and smiled softly. "We're like.. a memory. I smile when I think about how things were and when you kissed me it almost felt like we went back in time but everything's different now. Charlie, I don't love you anymore. Not like that." T seemed a little surprised himself. And relieved.
Charlie stared at the ground. "Maybe if we try.."
"No." Timothy said.
Charlie looked around. He looked lost and confused.
"I'm head over heels.. For that one." T nodded at me.
I smirked. Holy fuck.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach.
"Can't we at least be friends? Like we used to?" Charlie asked.
"You know you can't be friends with me. You never could. You always want more."
Charlie looked so heartbroken. His eyes were filled with tears. "So it's really over?"
Timothy nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Okay." Charlie said quietly. He stared at Timothy before pulling him into a tight embrace. He held him for a very long time.
Then he pulled away. His head down, he walked toward the door.
He put his hand on the door handle.
"I'm not gonna tell anyone." Charlie glanced at me.
"...Thanks." I said surprised.
Charlie took a deep breath. "Bye Timmy." Charlie said.
"Bye."
Charlie nodded once and walked out the door.
Timothy sighed of relief. He joined me on the stairs.
"That was like.. the only time I ever said no to him." T said in shock. "I even transferred to our school for him."
"Wait, seriously?"
T nodded.
"I always did whatever he wanted. I was so.. spellbound, I guess. I kinda lost myself."
Timothy smiled. "But with you it's different." He bumped against me. "I feel like myself with you."
"You're still a pushover." I smirked.
T jabbed me. He laughed. "But then you tell me to stand up for myself."
He had a point there. I couldn't stand it when he let me walk all over him.
"I gotta say, I didn't expect you to say all that. About being a memory and all."
"Me neither." T scoffed. "But when he kissed me it was just so clear to me."
I nodded.
"I'm sorry about that."
"It's fine. Kiss whoever you want so long as the conclusion is that I'm the better option."
Timothy laughed. "Well, in that case I really wanna kiss Allie again. She's like.. top tier."
I laughed and pulled him close. I kissed his forehead.
"Speaking of which.. I told Allie about us." I said.
"What? Really?!"
"Yeah, she's all cool with it so long as I call myself gay. For her pride's sake." I smirked.
He chuckled. "Welcome to the rainbow parade."
"Thank you. I'm gonna have to borrow your rainbow sweat band." I laughed. He chuckled too.
"Hey, T?"
"Hm?"
"How come you're so good to people all the time? Transferring schools for Charlie, putting up with being my secret.. I just don't get it.."
"Mm... well.. I've been through a lot, Josh." T looked at me for a moment. "There aren't really many emotions that rival how I felt when my mom died for example." T fumbled with his fingers. I took his hand.
"And... In general I don't really feel all that much. Everything's fine. I don't feel sad or deeply depressed like before but it also kinda feels like I'm not really living. It's like.. everything's in white. Not a speck of color. And that all changes when someone finally makes me feel something. All of a sudden there such a vivid overload of color.. And I'd do anything to keep that.."
T smiled a little. "So.. If I had to choose between doing something I want in white or doing what you want in color.. I'd pick the second option."
"You know there's a third option, right?"
T looked up at me.
"We can do something you want together."
He seemed surprised. "So.. You'll go to a watercolor class with me?"
"What?" I said confused. I thought he'd finally ask me to stop treating him like a secret..
"Don't you want me to come out?"
T shook his head. "No." He said firmly. "Not until you're ready."
I can't handle this guy. He's too good. I squeezed his hand.
"Watercolor's an art thing, right?" I asked. Then I shrugged. "Yeah, I'll go."
"Really?" T said all happy.
"Don't act so surprised. I'd walk through fire if you asked me to."
T leaned in and kissed my neck. "I love you." He murmured.
I felt I was getting all choked up hearing him say that. "I-"
The door swung open and out of pure reflex we scooted away from each other.
Joe came through the door. "Hey kids!" He said cheerfully. "Look who I brought!"
Dahlia came in through the door.
"Hey!" T smiled. He looked so happy to see her.
He practically ran up to her and wrapped his arms around her.
Dahlia smiled and embraced him back.
Dahlia and Timothy spent the rest of the afternoon drawing and painting. I wondered if I should tell her and Joe but I figured that was Timothy's decision too.
✪
A week later, at school things proceeded as normal.
Though after Allie and even Charlie's positive response I wondered if maybe it was finally time to tell everyone. T wasn't back in school yet but I wanted to protect him when he did come back. What better protection is there than saying he's mine?
But every homophobic joke or comment squashed that idea. And Timothy said he still wanted to wait to tell his dad about us cause he was sure he'd make a big deal out of it. I couldn't imagine that.
I walked out of school. There was a whole crowd surrounding something.
Those three fuckers weren't back, were they? I'd rip their heads off one by one.
I pushed through the crowd.
Charlie was on the school yard, arms crossed, leaning against a (pretty dope looking) motorcycle.
"There he is." Charlie said to me.
"What? Me?"
"Yes, you."
Mr. Hammock came to the scene. "Ah! Charles. You know you're not allowed on school grounds. Didn't you graduate in Australia? And this is no place for motorcycles-"
"I'm leaving already, don't get your panties in a twist."
Mr. Hammock frowned. Then he walked off all offended.
Charlie gave me a helmet. "Get on."
"What? Why in the hell would I do that? Are you gonna kill me?"
Charlie rolled his eyes. "I have to talk to you."
This was probably a dumb move but I grabbed the helmet and hopped on anyway.
Charlie blazed off into the streets. He pulled up by a pond near T's house.
"Oh God, you're gonna drown me?" I took off the helmet.
"How long are you planning to keep him a secret?" Charlie asked.
The question caught me off guard. I thought he was here to fight me or something.
"Uh.. I don't know." I sat down on a bench facing the water.
"Look, I get that it's hard to tell people, especially at that narrow minded hell hole of a school.. But you can't do this to him." Charlie looked at me momentarily. He put his hands in his pockets and looked back at the water.
"I understand why he broke up with me and he looks happier than I've seen him in a long time... But you and I both know he deserves to be seen." Charlie looked at me seriously.
I sighed. "I know." I frowned
"He'll never resent you for it, or even tell you he doesn't want it but he deserves better than to be someone's little secret."
Charlie looked out at the glimmering water.
"I don't mind losing him to you.. So long as you stop being a coward and man the fuck up."
His words were harsh but true. I could see in his eyes how much he cared for Timothy.
"And if you fuck up.." Charlie glanced at me. "I'll be back."
"What do you mean, back?"
"I'm gonna keep my distance like he wanted. Just know that just cause I'm not around doesn't mean I'm not watching you."
So he was gonna stalk me now. Great.
"See you around, Josh." Charlie put on his helmet.
"What, you're just gonna leave me here?"
"You should walk back to Timmy's. It'll give you some time to think. Bye now." Charlie hopped on his motorcycle and drove off.
✪
I walked around like Charlie suggested, just thinking.
It was uncharacteristically sunny today for this time of year. I kicked some pebbles and walked all around town, missing Timothy's house.
And somehow I ended up at my Dad's.