river's pov ; one week later ; seven pm
For the first time in my life, I had never been so aware of my feelings as much as I was recently.
I was struggling with the constant overflow of emotions that I had been pushing away for years.
The walls containing my innermost feelings, doubts, fears, and insecurities were now fallen.
I tried to rebuild them – only to fail.
Brett said it was for the best, but I wasn't so sure if I believed her or not.
I don't like most of these feelings...but on one hand I knew that the reason I was so hesitant to accept them was because of one thing.
Fear.
The very thing that's held me back for as long as I can remember.
It was still there, of course it was, but now other – stronger emotions made my fear blend into the background of my mind. It lingered, but no longer held me back the way it had once done.
It was completely silent in my bedroom.
I snuggled on my fluffy pillow and held Kingston close, pecking his little head as he napped.
His cute tail wiggled as I tickled his back as I thought.
Today marks a week since I had taken a small break from the daycare.
The evening that another panic attack occurred; Brandon thought it best that I took a step away and focused on baking and keeping up the orders.
A pout formed on my lips.
I missed waking up early and going to the daycare with Sang – and most of all, I missed seeing Moon's adorable little face every morning.
A tinge of pain racked across my chest as I thought about her and Jungkook.
Jungkook.
My mind was scrambled because of him.
And what he does to me.
I was always the sort to lock away my feelings – but I was confused about them, too. Wondering what exactly it was that I was feeling and if it was real or not.
But what I felt for him was the clearest thing in my life now.
I liked him.
Really.
Like-like him.
I didn't think it was love...at least not yet, but on the other hand, I couldn't let it develop into more after the conversation with Brandon a week ago.
What he said was true, Jungkook had a lot going on in his life...and I didn't know where I could fit into all that he had going on.
Never being in a relationship meant I was inexperienced in anything that had to do with dating.
Dating.
That sent shivers down my spine.
Meaning you had to talk about your feelings and shit.
Not something I was good at, as you very well know.
I couldn't help but wonder if I wanted to get close to him – if he even wanted that. Who knows, maybe he just wants a good lay – even though I didn't understand him wanting me.
He's not bad, River.
I scolded myself for once again thinking the worst of him.
Dingleberries, I just didn't know what to do at this point. How was I going to react once my small vacation away from the daycare center came to an end? And how would I react to seeing him again?
Should I go back to avoiding him like the plague?
Ugh.
I was such a mess. It was just getting plain embarrassing at this point.
My palm came up to shield my eyes.
"Pixie?"
I groaned louder at Corey's voice. Kingston sleepily licked my chin and clambered out of my arms to plop on my pillow. A tiny smile came upon my lips. With a small sigh, I held onto the book in my lap, and sat up.
"Yeah, Cor?"
Clearing my throat, and hoping my voice didn't sound hoarse, I let him in my bedroom and watched Corey, closely followed by Brandon, come inside the room.
Seeing the matching solemn looks on the twins' faces, I forced a smile on my lips.
"I'm not going to have another panic attack, guys. I'm okay." I assured them with a soft smile, back now against the headboard when they took a seat at the end of the bed.
Being the softer of the two, Corey smiled softly and watched me carefully – sympathy shining in his eyes. I felt my throat tighten.
If there was one person who could read me like a book, besides Brandon, that is, it'd have to be Corey.
Seeing as they basically raised me, it wasn't all that shocking how well they knew me and my patterns.
"You doing good?" Brandon asked roughly, rubbing his hands through his hair, "...I mean, you're going back to the center tomorrow...will you be okay? Seeing him again?"
I felt my face pale at the reminder.
"Sure," I shrugged, "I'll be fine, guys. And it's not like anything was gonna happen. Actually..." I hesitated, peeking at Corey before the next sentence left my mouth. "Um...I'm honestly grateful for what you said. I hadn't really thought much of what was really going on in his life before...and it's just best that I keep my distance from him." so these feelings won't get stronger.
Corey sighed and glared at Brandon heatedly before turning to me. He grabbed my hand in his and smiled softly, "He didn't have to be so harsh about it...but it's also not up to him. That would have to be something you and Jungkook talk about when the time comes...or if you even go to the next stage – as in really talking."
Slowly nodding, I thought over his words. "Yeah..."
Licking at my dry lips, I pasted on a fake smile. "But I don't think that's gonna happen. He's got enough to worry about without adding me to the mix, Cor. But I appreciate your words, nonetheless."
Sure, Jungkook was the most handsome man I'd ever seen in my life. And sure; he was the sweetest, most passionate, and most loving man from what I've seen, and with the prettiest eyes I've been blessed enough to look into, and the best dad to Moon...but it was for the best.
For me to not be in his life.
Plus, by now I think he would be done with me. Not showing up to the daycare center for a week, and avoiding him for seven months really put a damper on a lot of things.
"I'm going on a walk," I grunted, pulling myself off the bed as Kingston followed after me. Grabbing his leash, I picked the puppy off the bed and stalked out of the room without a second thought.
I had no idea where I was going – I just knew I needed to get out now before the panic took hold.
third pov ; jeon jungkook ; earlier that day
Jungkook inspected the room, mostly full of parents and children, only to come up empty. His broad shoulders slumped, and yet again, he was defeated and sad.
This was the seventh day he hadn't seen River. Since the day he came to pick up his daughter and found the woman shaking. He didn't know what was wrong with her – god, he wanted to know – what had happened to her – did it have something to do with the man that was pressed so closely to her side? Something Jungkook wished desperately he could someday do.
He was worried beyond belief and no matter how many times Sang told him River was taking a vacation, the worry wouldn't leave. It kept him up hours through the night.
A small huff left his lips and the man absentmindedly licked at the silver hoops threaded through his lips, thoughts seemingly not calming him down in the slightest.
Jungkook shouldered Moon's diaper bag once more, looking around the room – just to make sure he wasn't missing anything.
He couldn't help but think about the man who was with River a week ago. How close he was to her. God, what he wouldn't give to be close to her again like he was when he frightened her unexpectant;y and held her tiny hands in his.
Jealousy churned in his gut the more he thought about it.
Who was he? Boyfriend?
His attention was soon stolen by Moon, who incessantly fussed in his strong arms, already murmuring River's name in her cute baby voice.
His lips pressed to the top of his daughter's head, speaking soothing words to calm her.
Gently patting his hands over his little shoulders, he smiled softly when Moon rested her head on his shoulder.
"Jungkook!" Sang hurried up to him with a big smile, "Here, let me hold this cutie! Brett's back in the kitchen getting some cleaning supplies since Karson puked in the hallway." a grimace came along her soft features.
Jungkook cringed and lowly chuckled, letting Sang take the bag from his free arm and swallowed. "Uh, can I ask you something...if you don't mind?" he asked hesitantly, steeling himself.
Sang's brows drew together and enlightenment gleamed within her eyes. "Sure. Go ahead."
Jungkook held Moon closer, as if she could give him the nerve and sucked in a sharp breath. "I was wondering...the last time I saw River...she was upset really upset. I...I've never seen her like that before." he spoke weakly, avoiding Sang's knowing eyes. "What happened? I'm just...uh...I'm worried. Really worried."
Sang nibbled on her lip, seemingly debating something before she slumped. "To hell with it," she mumbled to herself, before turning her eyes to Jungkook once more. "Do you mind waiting for just a second? I'm just gonna get the kids settled and I'll explain everything, okay? It'll take some time."
Relief coursed through Jungkook at her words and he tried not to seem too eager as he nodded and continuously rocked a sleep Moon back and forth. "Sure! Take your time." please don't, he mentally begged, by this time, Jungkook was just too impatient to get to the bottom of this.
Jungkook took one last look around the room and finally took a seat on the floor and cradled Moon against his chest as he waited for Sang to usher out the rest of parents.
He anxiously bit down on his bottom lip and felt his stomach turn the longer he had to wait.
Was it bad?
He hoped not.
Jungkook was lost in his thoughts when Sang finally plopped down onto the beanbag across from him with a long sigh. "Sorry that took a minute."
"Nah, it's okay." Jungkook shook his head, smiling faintly at her, his hand came up and smoothed back Moon's hair while she slept. Sang watched his actions with a smile, but soon, her smile wavered.
"So what happened?" For fuck's sake, don't act too eager, dumbass, he scolded himself.
"River is...doing better," Sang started off with a sad smile, looking away from Jungkook to peer around the room as the children around them played. Jungkook's eyes shot towards her in curiosity, "...well, she has a thing with keeping her emotions bottled up...and she has times where it gets too much and it just...explodes. You unfortunately caught her during one of those seldom times." she said sadly, green eyes drawn down to the floor.
Jungkook felt his heart constrict within his chest.
Poor baby.
Jungkook couldn't help but wonder what exactly caused her emotions to explode the way they did.
He licked at his suddenly chapped lips, "What caused it to happen?" the words left his mouth in a quiet croak.
Sang immediately grimanced and looked away.
Jungkook felt his stomach sink, "It's about me, isn't it?" he guessed with a frown. Cradling Moon closer, guilt welled inside his chest. He kept messing things up, didn't he?
"Not really – well, kinda." she trailed off, "It was just some shit Brandon was saying?"
As in the blond dude? Jungkook's eyes flared with recognitigon.
"The blond guy I saw the last time River was here?" that toxic jealously nipped at him once more. Jungkook's jaw ticked back and forth, and he couldn't help but press his tongue against the inside of his cheek in an effort to keep his composure.
Sang rolled her eyes with a small huff, "Brandon heard me and River talking about you," she started off, not noticing Jungkook brighten up considerably, "and well, he, uh, may have...told her that there was a lot going on in your life and it would be best to think everything through if you guys continue to...talk." Sang didn't divulge anything else. What Brandon had said was a little harsher than she would have liked, but Jungkook understood her well enough. "He's just trying to look out for her and doesn't want her to come...last in your life.."
His throat clogged up. Eyes falling to the floor, Jungkook bit down harshly on his bottom lip and slowly nodded.
He understood Brandon, and why he had said it. Honestly, it was something that River would have to know and come to terms with if she even wanted to see where their relationship could head.
Jungkook knew he had a lot going on with Moon and his shop, but he wouldn't put her last. Never. He couldn't take it.
"I understand where he's coming from," Jungkook swallowed and sent her a strained smile, "I really do." he couldn't seem to say anything more.
He couldn't help but wonder exactly who Brandon was to River – he seems to know her well. Too well.
Sang watched him, sympathy flashing within the depths of her emerald colored eyes.
"I hope you won't hold it against Brandon," she wrung her hands, "He's been very overprotective of River–"
"Who is he to her?" the words flew out of Jungkook's mouth before he could stop them. His cheeks heated the instant Sang giggled into her palm.
You could't keep your mouth shut, eh?
"He's my boyfriend." Sang snickered, joyfully watching the huge man across from her slump in relief, "He's also River's older brother."
Jungkook's brows raised high on his forehead.
Huh, he quietly mused to himself, So I have nothing to worry about?
"Don't take it to heart, Jungkook." Sang smiled, "River's very...quiet and confused by her feelings and when she figures them out – the feelings concerning you, at least – not even Brandon will be able to sway her. But you just have to keep her from thinking she doesn't deserve to be happy. Don't give up on her."
"I won't." Jungkook stated gruffly, a glint of steely resolve within his eyes, never.
author's note ; ✨
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Hope you enjoy the chapter!