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Spying on Sophie and Keefe was pointless.
It wasn't like her parents ever did anything interesting. She had absolutely refused to spy on Sophie's toilet habits, even though Fox insisted Sophie might be doing something secret in the bathroom.
And Cerulean had been acting very, very oddly. He'd always been caring, but he was always there now. He'd go when she wanted him to, but she wasn't sure if she wanted him to go, she just... She wasn't ready for love, and she never would be. It messed up every good storyline and she wasn't about to ruin hers. It was already ruined enough.
The sooner she respected the fact that she'd never be the one for him, the better. Cerulean was so... Nice. If he hadn't been prejudiced against, if life hadn't twisted him this way, he'd never have joined the Neverseen. Why would he? She could easily picture him as a Vacker living in one of their pretty castles.
Whereas her? She'd been born with everything Cerulean should have had, but she didn't even know what to do with it. She was an introvert. That kind of unwanted attention didn't gel well with her. She was a loner and always would be. The kind of looks she got from having Sophie and Keefe as parents were just wrong.
She didn't resent her parents as much as she used to, but she had to stay here, with the outcasts, where she belonged. Because she'd never have a say in the matter. Gisela would never let her go now, and she understood that. Besides, she didn't want to go.
It was stupid, but she didn't want to leave Cerulean. She didn't know what was going on between them, and it was an awkward mess, but leaving the one person she still cared about was just terrifying. She wouldn't be able to talk to anyone. She was already restricted enough with him.
Even still, it would be better for her to be gone. Not gone as in with Sophie and Keefe, but gone from this world. Would the Elvin world be better off forgetting her very existence?
Of course they would. She was nothing. An outcast. Someone who would never fit in to society no matter how hard to try. They would have to understand. Why would they, though? Why would those Councilors dressed in their pretty regal finery ever understand anything an outcast faced?
They had been accepted their whole lives, never branded because of their family, and once they were Councilors, they were pretty perfect, and no one really questioned them. Their word was law.
And her parents. Her thoughts soured. They'd been through their fair share of bad times, but now they were determined to pretend the Elvin world was perfect again when it would never be. She was clear proof of that. She and the entire organization called the Neverseen.
And now it was time to leave. Time to leave everything she knew, everything she called home. But the truth was, she didn't have a home anymore.
She raised the dagger blade to her neck and felt it draw blood.
"Savi! Stop!"
Her hand faltered and the blade passed a few inches from her neck, slashing at the air. She instinctively hid it behind her cloak, but if her bleeding neck wasn't proof enough, the fact that Cerulean had called her to stop pretty much confirmed that he'd seen exactly what she'd been about to do.
"Savi," Cerulean whispered. He wrapped his arms around her, and she stood awkwardly, unsure of whether to hug him back or push him away.
She eventually decided on the latter, but was astonished to find she was crying. She swallowed the lump in her throat and stepped out of his embrace.
"It isn't what you think it was," she said, letting the blatant lie go through her teeth.
He cocked an eyebrow, although there was worry and concern laced there. "You're sure? I've seen how you've been around Sophie and Keefe, and... Savi, you weren't trying to kill yourself, were you?"
He was asking? Then he was more stupid than she thought. Of course she'd been trying to kill herself! She'd waited until they'd all retired for the night and had been about to slit her own throat when he'd stopped her! And he was asking?
"That's... Pretty bad, you know," he murmured, and before she could wave him away, he was right in front of her, pressing a tissue to her neck. "This is going to sting," he warned, and put some antiseptic on her wound.
She didn't flinch, didn't move a muscle. Pain she could handle. What was pain except another nightmare of reality?
She moved away from him when the bleeding stopped, making no move to bandage her neck. He moved towards her again with a cloth in hand, but she raised a hand to stop him.
"I can care for myself," she said.
He shook his head. "I know the moment I let you out of my sight, you're going to try to kill yourself again."
He knew her well, and she let the mask fall, instead staring at him uncertainly. "I'm not sure what I'd do," she said finally, a hint of wariness in her voice. "But I know you should probably be in your bedroom, not mine. How did you even get here?"
"The window."
She raised an eyebrow. "The window?"
Cerulean nodded, but didn't elaborate on his new climbing skills, instead choosing to plop himself down on her sofa. It wasn't the best, since the Neverseen weren't exactly rich, but he sank into it gratefully.
"I don't even have a sofa in my suite," he mumbled.
His eyes were closing - could she do it now? But she moment her hand fell to her dagger, his eyes shot open, and he murmured, "Stop," in the most gentle tone she'd ever heard him use.
He thought that was going to stop her? Then he was... Well, she supposed she could. She could always kill herself another night. Then again, did she need to kill herself? She could always-
What on earth was going on?!!
"Did you Beguile me?!" she demanded, the loud noise hurting her neck slightly.
He opened his eyes again. "Of course I did," he replied evenly. Emotion was gone from his voice, but she almost laughed.
Emotionless, flat voice. And he thought he could hide his feelings from an Empath? They were coming out of him in currents! Worry, fear, concern, blah blah. Stuff she didn't need to know. Some funny emotion that made her want to barf. The same one Sophie always get when Keefe was around and vice versa.
"You were going to kill yourself!" he went on, his voice taking on a slightly panicked note.
He wasn't actually panicked, it was all a facade, and she told him in the driest voice she could manage, "Cerulean, I'm an Empath."
The facade fell away. "But I'm serious, Savi," he whispered, his voice cracking. "You can't go on like this. I know Sophie and Keefe-"
"You think this is about Sophie and Keefe?" Savi demanded, her voice growing slightly shriller. Cerulean paused, glancing at her neck in concern. "It's fine," she snapped at him, which only served to make him more concerned. "It's about the world, Cerulean. This stupid world we grow up in. The world you belong in."
Cerulean frowned at her. "Was that an insult?"
"What?" she asked, taken aback.
"You just said the world is stupid and that I belong in it. Isn't that the equivalent of saying I'm stupid?" he asked.
"Well, maybe," she said, feeling a small smile slide on to her face despite her best efforts to hide it.
"Well, I'm not stupid," he said haughtily.
She raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't be so sure about that."
"How do you do that?" he asked in awe.
"Do what?" Savi asked.
"Raise one eyebrow. Do you have an individual muscle, that isn't synced? Because don't they go up together? You know."
"We are not starting a conversation about eyebrows," she said sternly.
"But it's amazing! If you could teach me-"
"We are not starting a conversation about eyebrows!" she repeated.
He grinned ruefully. "Was worth a shot." He thought for a moment, then murmured, "Hey, Savi... Promise me you won't kill yourself. Or try to."
Savi looked away. "I told you before. I'm not going to make promises I can't keep."
"You can keep it. I know you can."
"And if I don't want to keep it?" she asked quietly.
Cerulean was quiet for a moment, and Savi wondered if she'd struck him speechless.
But then he spoke again, his words softer, but he was t Beguiling her. "I won't force you to do anything, Savi," he murmured, standing up and walking away. "But please, please don't do this."
He was gone a few seconds later before she could say anything. But his words stayed with her throughout the night.
𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟏𝟒𝟒𝟗
𝐈𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭...?