TW: gerard is very toxic in this chapter and he's also very violent!!!!!!!!
day 401
"i told you to stop fucking calling me, didn't i? you stupid bitch" he said aggressively as he gripped my cheeks harshly and tightly.
"let go gerard, you're hurting me" i whined under him, as he pushed me against the wall, staring into my eyes with hatred.
"apologize on your knees" he said, and i couldn't believe what i just fucking heard. i stared at him blankly with a poker face, when suddenly he gripped my face tighter. "come on sugar. do it" he said through gritted teeth, and i widened my eyes.
"are you fucking crazy? you're drunk gerard, stop. let go of me" i tried taking his hand off my face, but instead he spat on me.
"what the fuck is wrong with you?!" i shouted, kicking him in the stomach. he finally let go of me, and i hurriedly ran to my bathroom. i broke into tears, staring in the mirror in front of me, as his disgusting spit filled with alcohol was dripping down my red face.
i took some toilet paper and cleaned my face, trying to calm down myself. but i couldn't. this wasn't him.
what the fuck did bert do to him?
day 32
frank was driving us to a studio, where we were gonna work on their band's new album.
"HAHAHA OH MY GOD STOP" i laughed, as frank was imitating morrisey's british accent.
"I'M GONNA FUCKIN' PISS MY PANTS" i whined, as tears started forming in the corners of my eyes from all that laughter.
"alright alright. i'm done" he said, laughing a little too. i wiped my eyes, letting breath out with my mouth.
"it wasn't even that funny" gerard mumbled under his nose, and i looked at him. we was staring at me intensely with such a blank face, it was kind of creepy.
i shrugged as i looked down and frowned a little. "it was funny to me.." i whispered to myself, and frank put his hand on my shoulder, carressing it softly.
"don't worry girl, gerard has a stick in his ass today" he joked, making me giggle awkwardly.
"yeah" i agreed, looking at gerard discreetly.
"oh shut up you fucking idiots" gerard said loudly and aggressively, which made my eyes widen a bit and my stomach twist on the inside.
"the fuck is wrong with you?" i asked, furrowing my eyebrows a little.
"shut up" he whispered out, avoiding any sort of fight with me. i remained silent.
i looked out the window of the car, sighing deeply, when i noticed that frank has just parked.
"and... we're here!" frank said loudly, as he opened the door quickly and went outside. he opened the door for me, as gerard left with the other one.
we walked to the studio and sat in silence, thinking of what kind of song we would want to make.
"maybe.. we could make a song about like... i don't know, something about those demolition lovers or whatever you guys call 'em" i suggested and frank immediately nodded.
"well no shit sherlock the whole's album is gonna be about them" gerard said as he rolled his eyes at me. i suddenly felt so uncomfortable and insecure.
"i mean, you did say you wanted to write a song about your grandma, so it's not really gonna be all about them.." frank defended me, as gerard rolled his eyes yet again.
"whatever. let's just work on the song" he said angrily, and i sighed again. i took a piece of paper and tried to think of any lyrics. i thought of something, and stared at it for a while.
I took a train outta New Orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine
This is how we like to do it in the murder scene
Can we settle up the score
i started humming the melody under my nose, trying to figure out how to make it sound good. after a few tries it sounded decent, and i looked up at the guys as they were also writing some shit down.
"hey uh.. how about this?" i broke the silence, making them look up at me. i started singing, and they both smiled with their mouths open.
"that's great y/n!" frank praised me, as i awkwardly smiled to myself while looking down.
"thanks.." i responded, looking back at them.
"what do you think gee?" frank asked, as gerard stared into my eyes intensely.
"i think it's good, but i would add something, like one line before the whole thing" he said, and i nodded. thinking of what to add.
"maybe something like... oh baby here comes the sound?" frank suggested, and we both smiled at him at the same time.
"yeah! that's great!" i said, smiling like a little child.
"hand me the paper" gerard put his hand out, and i gave the lyrics to him. he stared at them, and added the line that frank suggested, and then he sang the whole thing in the melody i made up.
"i love it!" i said excitedly, as they stared at me.
"same" frank said, and i flashed him a kind smile. "anyway.. i gotta think of a riff now" he told us, as he took his black electric guitar into his hands.
he started playing around, and after a few ideas - we found the best sounding riff.
gerard sang as frank played, and i just sat there in silence; observing each move they made.
they looked so cute together.
i smiled, and soon they were done.
"alright.. so i wrote something like this" gerard said, and he started reading out loud the lyrics he wrote.
If you were here,
I'd never have a fear
So go on live your life
But I miss you more than I did yesterday
"i think it would sound great as a chorus" frank said, holding his guitar firmly. i stared at them both, nodding slowly.
"alright... maybe something like this" gerard squinted his eyes at me, as i made up some melody again.
"yeah. i like it" he said, and i smiled awkwardly again.
"alright. i don't know 'bout y'all but i need a break" frank said, putting the guitar down, as he stood up from his chair.
"same" i said, standing up as well. gerard stared at us, sighed and then looked back at the paper he had in his veiny pale hands.
"i'm gonna stay here.." he mumbled under his nose, as we nodded.
"alright man" frank said, and then he patted my shoulder twice, staring into my eyes.
"let's go" he smirked, as he put his hands in the pockets of his straight navy jeans, heading out of the studio. i went right behind him, and soon we stood in front of the building, with cigarettes in our mouths. he looked down, taking a drag as i stared at him.
"hey.." he broke the silence, and finally looked into my eyes. i hummed in a questioning tone, and he cleared his throat and fixed his posture.
"do you think i would look good with blonde sides? be honest tho" he asked, and i giggled. i tried to imagine it in my head, and soon i nodded.
"yeah, totally. i think you would look awesome" i said, as he smiled to himself with his teeth.
"aight" he said, as he took another drag.
after a few minutes of an awkward silence, we both were done with our cigarettes so we went back into the studio.
gerard was standing in the middle of the room, his hand doing some weird motions as he sang on top of his lungs with headphones on his head.
of course we didn't hear him outside, cuz these walls are soundproof.
i giggled at the sight, poking his shoulder with my finger. he jumped up, as his headphones fell off his ears. he turned around with frightened eyes, glaring at me in shock.
"fuckin' hell.. you scared the living shit out of me" he said, as he put his hand on his chest; right above his heart.
i giggled at his reaction, as i covered my mouth with my hand. "i'm sorry.." i said in between my laughter.
"whatever.." he looked down shyly as his cheeks became a bit pink. i smirked to myself, and looked at frank.
"alright, come on. show us what you got" he said towards gerard, as he cleared his throat.
Oh baby here comes the sound
I took a train outta New Orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine
This is how we like to do it in the murder scene
Can we settle up the score?
If you were here,
I'd never have a fear
So go on live your life
But I miss you more than I did yesterday
You're beautiful
Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day
Like the firing squad or the mess you made
Well don't I look pretty walking down the street
In the best damn dress I own?
If you were here,
I'd never have a fear
So go on live your life
But I miss you more than I did yesterday
You're so far away
So c'mon show me how
'Cause I mean this more than words can ever say
We are, made from the sharpest things you'd say
We are young and we don't care
Your dreams and your hopeless hair
We never wanted it to be this way
For all our lives
Do you care at all?
If you were here,
I'd never have a fear
So go on live your life
But I miss you more than I did yesterday
You're so far away
So c'mon show me how
'Cause I mean this more than words can ever say
he sang, and i felt goosebumps all over my body. "gerard... that was fuckin' great man!" i praised him, as he smiled with his tiny teeth, shyly avoiding eye contact.
"thanks y/n" he said, as he looked into my eyes and smiled softly. i felt butterflies just from seeing him smile towards me.
i was head over heels.