Tension. A word described in the dictionary as the feelings of immense pressure and anxiety formed between two beings.
In this particular situation those two beings would be Me and Mattheo Riddle.
It all started in fourth year when we both attended our first ever Slytherin party. There was laughing, drinking and loud music. Me, Astoria and Pansy had spent all evening getting ready together in our shared dorm.
Flashback
" He has to notice you in this dress Y/N. He'd be a fool not to" Astoria smiled tying the back of my dress tightly shaping my waist.
" I overheard him talking about you today in care of magical creatures. He said he wants to ask to dance with you" Pansy giggled as she put the finishing touches on her makeup.
Blaise Zambini has been supposedly eyeing me for months now. Well that's what I've heard from everyone else. This party is supposed to be my chance to really wow him, make him want to come talk to me. I wasn't even one hundred percent sure that's what I wanted.
I've seen the way Pansy looks at Draco and I know for a fact that's not the way I look at Blaise. But I want to fit in. If he asked me to dance I probably wouldn't say no.
"Alright we are all ready!" Astoria claps excitedly.
We carefully made our way down the stairs in our heels. The common room music was blasting loud enough the floor rumbled under my feet.
It was packed to the brim. There were girls and guys dancing on tables and a game of spin the bottle happening in the corner.
"I'm going to go see if I can get us drinks!" I shouted over the music wanting desperately to be alone for a moment.
I carefully made my way to the table holding a display of red plastic cups when all of a sudden I hit something hard and solid. At first I thought I was standing against a wall, but then I looked up.
A boy with brown curly hair and a scar over his eye stared back down at me.
I wanted to say sorry or apologize for banging straight into him, but he simply touched my arm and moved me to the side.
It was right then and there I felt it. I no longer cared if Blaise saw me in this dress or not.
It was that mystery boy. He was who I wanted. He was who I needed.
______
I shake the memory from my head remembering I'm in a public setting.
"What's on your mind?" Blaise asks nudging my side lightly.
"Hm? Oh...nothing" I give him a fake looking smile that he doesn't pick up on, and continue eating my food.
It's been two years since the incident at the party, but truthfully I'm not entirely sure Blaise doesn't still like me. I certainly don't feel the same about him.
" She's probably thinking about how Snape called her out today in potions for falling asleep" Mattheo joked sliding into his seat across from me at the Slytherin table.
" I wasn't but thanks for reminding me." I grimace picking at my food miserably.
" Didn't sleep well?" He asks. It sounds genuine but Mattheo isn't a genuine person so sometimes it's hard to tell.
"No. I was up late studying" I sigh looking up for a split second to meet his soft brown eyes.
He doesn't respond I can feel his knee carefully bump mine under the table. I know it was on purpose.
The spot where our knees touched lights on fire sending heat throughout my whole body.
I keep my eyes glued down for the rest of breakfast.
The day goes on and I find myself seated by a window in the library. I'm currently failing two of my classes and if I don't use every moment of my days off to study I won't move on to seventh year.
I get through four missing assignments when someone catches my eye. Outside I spot Mattheo walking around the lake. He's wearing all black and his hair falls messy on his forehead.
He looks nervous, stressed almost. His shoulders are by his ears and his hands are clenched by his sides.
"Your drooling" a voice says and I snap my head around to see Pansy smiling at me.
"Was not" I roll my eyes re focusing my eyes on my work.
" I didn't know you still had a thing for him" she said sliding into the seat across from me.
"I don't know what your talking about" I say unconvincingly
"Want me to drop it?" She laughs.
" Yes please" I nod quickly.
"Can I say one more thing?" She gives me pouty eyes.
"Fine whatever. Make one last comment at my expense" I sigh knowing she isn't really asking for my permission.
" I don't know how it's possible but he looks even hotter than he did two years ago" before I can even attempt to respond to that she darts away leaving me alone once more with my thoughts.
I gather my belongings shortly after Pansy leaves and make my way down the quiet halls to my dormitory.
I'm turning the last corner when I run into something firm. Not again.
I look up and sure enough those brown eyes are staring right back at me.
"We really have to stop meeting like this" he jokes.
"Sorry" I wince stepping to the side to let him pass, but he doesn't.
"I didn't think you uh remembered that" I said referring to his comment form before.
"What do you mean?" He asks leaning into the wall for support.
"I don't know I just feel like not many people would remember a two second encounter that happened six hundred days ago" I blush feeling suddenly extremely bold. I can tell my his widened eyes he wasn't expecting that either.
"How could I forget. It was the first time we ever met" he smiles.
The two of us are barely friends and I'm fully aware it's odd to stand in an empty hallway and have a conversation about our past together but I can't walk away from him. Not when he's looking at me like that.
"I saw you walking around outside. You looked anxious about something" I say noticing his tense shoulders have fallen slightly since we began talking.
"Oh watching me were you?" He smirks.
"No way there just happened to be a window beside me and I just happened to look at you" I shrug to conceal my racing heart.
"Well you just happen to look at me a lot" why does he have to be such a flirt. I can't handle it.
"Well the only way you would know that is if you were already looking" I point out crossing my arms.
"Why are you nervous?" He smirks again.
"I-I'm not" I stutter in fear being obvious.
"Relax. It's just me" he smiles. He moves a half an inch toward me and then another.
He leans down so his breath is touching my ear. I hold my breath waiting for him to do whatever it is he's planning on doing.
"We're friends right?" He whispers in my ear and this time I know damn well he's aware of what he's doing.
"And friends aren't scared of each other" he whispers once again this time his fingers lightly touch my arm holding me in place. My breathy hitches.
"I don't bite" he smiles pulling away from my ear but not releasing his grip on my arm.
"Well....unless you want me to" he smiles again. "Kidding of course" he smirks letting go of me.
"Well actually no I'm not" he sounds as if he's talking more to himself then to me.
"See you around" he says before continuing to walk off.
It takes me a full five minutes for my heart to beat normally again.
A week went by and at this point I can't even stand to be in the same room as him. At is as if the pressure between us has reached a boiling point, and neither one of us wants to be the one to make the move.
There's a party tonight. I've decided to go but mainly only because Astoria is forcing me. She says that I need to find someone new to pine over. Whatever that means.
The slythrin common room is as per usual, packed to the brim. I quickly lose track of Astoria and Pansy and am left to my own defences.
I spot Draco sitting on the couch drinking something most likely incredibly strong, eyeing who he will be bringing back to his dorm tonight.
I see a game of spin the bottle going on, but I refuse to have any part in that. Those games have an extremely bad track record of ruining relationships.
"Boerd?" A voice asks. I turn slowly to see Mattheo sitting in a large sofa behind me.
"Are you everywhere?" I question running how we always end up banging into eachother.
"Nope. Just fate" I can't for the life of me tell if he's kidding or not. He pays the spot beside him on the sofa and I hesitate before sitting down. Once again his knee presses carefully into mine. Such a small gesture, but I garuntee he knows exactly what he's doing.
"I can never tell if you're being sarcastic or not" I say truthfully pretending not to be on fire at his touch.
"I wasn't. Where are you friends?" He asks turning his head away from the party and to me.
"Where are yours" I counter.
"One of them is hunting for prey" he says referring to Draco. " and the other ones are playing a drinking game" he says nodding his head to Theo, Blaise and Enzo.
"Ah and all my friends are flirting with yours" I grimace as I catch Astoria and Pansy touching Blaise's arm.
"How come your never with them?" He asks randomly turning his head away from the group and to me. "Astoria and Pansy I mean"
"I am. They're my best friends" I respond but yet I find myself breaking his gaze and turning away.
"Then why are they over there and your not?" He questions. I could ask him the same thing.
"They have many things that I do not. Things that guys like" I say barely above a whisper. It's true that guys always seem to find more interest in Astoria or Pansy over me. I don't mind, but I hate having to hang out with them sometimes. All they seem to care about is their vanity and boys.
"What do they have that you don't?" He asks confused. I don't know why I'm sharing this with him but I can't stop myself.
"Money, and beauty" I say letting my eyes wander back over to the girls.
"Just money" he says in a hushed voice. I give him a look. An odd look.
"What?" He says.
"Nothing" I know after that comment I won't be able to sleep. There's no chance. I'll be up all night thinking of him now.
"It's something" he tilts his head at me. I'm not used to people taking any interest or care in how I'm feeling.
"I'm going head to bed early. Goodnight Mattheo" I give him a small smile and begin walking away.
"I've always thought you were beautiful" he says just loud enough to catch my attention and have me stop in my tracks.
"What?" I turn around so quickly I feel like I could fall over. The loud room begins to quiet as if the world is buzzing.
"Way before that stupid fucking party two years ago. Since before we were even sorted into our houses. Since before we even got on that train on the first day of the first year. I thought you were beautiful the moment I saw you on the platform" he says. He says it so nonchalantly yet so filled with passion. His normally dead eyes have a spark in them.
"So yes those girls have money" he says pointing at Astoria and Pansy. "But they are nowhere near as pretty as you are" he says calmly taking a sip of his drink as I stand there with my jaw on the ground.
"I didn't know" I whisper so low I'm surprised he can hear me.
"Sure you did." He looks confused now.
"Well I always knew but I didn't know you know?" I begin to ease into the conversation.
"What didn't you know?" He asks taking a step closer to me.
"That you noticed me." I can't fight the small smile on my lips.
"Oh I've always noticed you. Always" He says.
"Alright well I really should go to bed" I say turning to go, my voice shaking. I don't know what to do will all this information.
"No. No you're not" he says grabbing my wrist and pulling me back towards him. "Your not going anywhere cause your scared"
"I'm not scared" but my pitch in voice rises giving away how I feel.
" Why is what I'm saying making you so nervous?" He asks. He's so close to me now.
"I've always you know....liked you. I just never thought you would...I don't know" words are failing me.
"You just never thought I'd what? Love you?" He whispers. God he's so close to me. I shake my head.
He somewhat hesitantly reaches his hand out. He ever so carefully brush the strands of hair away from my face as he inhales and sighs.
"I should have done this years ago. So much wasted time" he breaths.
"Why didn't you?" I wonder.
"My family. We're dangerous. I can't have you connected to that" I can see the sadness in his eyes.
"I don't care about that." I say surprising myself. "I really don't. I've only ever cared about you" I say.
He gives me a small half smile before leaning in. It's slight. It's barely anything but I notice it.
"Bloody hell I've been looking everywhere for you!" Pansy shouts at me. She's clearly drunk and clearly ruining my chance. I pinch the bridge of my nose in annoyance as she pulls me away from everything I've ever wanted for the last years of my life. I don't get a chance to see his face as she pulls me away into the crowd.
I figure there's no point trying to find him again right now. As the evening dies down I head back to my dorm room. As predicted, when I lay in my bed sleep doesn't come. I lay and stare at the ceiling. Two hours go by before I decide to give up on the idea of sleep all together. I go and turn on my desk lamp light and sit down resting my head in my hands.
"What the fuck" I groan into my hands. Years and years of longing is at a boiling point.
Knock Knock
I glance at the time on my clock. Nearly three in the morning.
I hesitate as I turn the door knob and open in.
"Hi" I say seeing the familiar face before me. His eyes look soft tonight. Not as harsh as usual.
"Hey" he takes a step closer to me just the same as he did earlier. He rests his hands on my waist and I allow him to. I think my heart beats faster as he begins backing be into my own room.
"I think we got interrupted earlier" he smirks in a whisper. I'm fully backed against my own bedroom wall right now. He has one hand on the side of my face now.
He wastes no time in pressing his lip against mine in an intense kiss. A years worth of tension building kiss. I lean deeper into it and I feel him smirk against my mouth clearly amused at how much I want him.
We break away from each other breathless.
"Thinking about me so much you couldn't sleep?" He says flirtatiously.
"I don't know what you're talking about" I look away from him.
"Well it's three in the morning and when I knocked you weren't asleep" he smiles knowing he caught me.
"Whatever" I blush.
"Sooooo...." He smiles. "Will you go out with me. Like make it official?" He says turning my head so I'm looking at him again.
"No" I do my best to make a straight face.
"No?" He seems seriously taken aback.
"I'm joking. Of course it's a yes" I step toward him and give him a hug.
"Don't scare me like that" he says hugging me back gently.
"Get used to it" I laugh.
"Did I tell you that you look stunning tonight?" He asks pulling away from me.
"Seriously? Stunning. It's three in the morning Mattheo. I look a mess" I laugh.
"You think you look a mess?" He raises his eyebrows. "Wow"
"I'll see you tomorrow" He kisses my cheek.
"No stay" I say before I can stop myself. I don't even know what I'm doing right now.
"Stay?" He repeats clearly just as shocked as me by my boldness.
"I mean yeah. I couldn't really sleep without here. If you want to I mean..." I sigh starting ti doubt myself.
"If you want me here. I'm here" he states blankly.
"I do want you here" I smile.
A/N: I know I haven't posted anything in a while but I have lots in my drafts that will be out this week and next week. Including My Tutor Part Two.🤍