I was not okay. When I woke up, I didn't feel refreshed. My head was pounding worse than last night, my body ached, and my head felt light. I didn't even want coffee. My body felt incredibly weak and worn out, so much so I couldn't even fathom getting up to get coffee. You would think after escaping hell on earth, I wouldn't have to think about those times ever again. And yet, my mind seemed to love to remind me.
My trauma folded me into the person I was, for better or for worse. Some days it felt like everything was a reminder of the pain I've been through. It was miserable sometimes when it seemed to consume my mind. I just wanted to cry my heart out, knock out, and dream of nothing. But I couldn't. I had shit to do. A life that couldn't just be put on hold because I was having a rough day.
With a long groan, I slowly rolled out of bed and onto the floor. Thankfully, the rug softened the fall and the bed wasn't high enough for any damage to be done. Unfortunately, the rug felt really good so I may have laid there longer than I should've. No one needs to know about that though cause I think I would die from embarrassment.
Slowly, I made my way to the dining hall to meet my pack for breakfast. I may have accidentally hit the wall a few times but no one saw so it didn't happen. Clearly, my luck wasn't in my favour as I ended up running into Queen Esmeralda. Not literally, thankfully. Goddess, that'd be even more embarrassing than laying on my rug or running into walls. I really would have to live in a hole if that happened.
"You look– well, you look not so good," the Queen said as she took in my appearance. I was going to make a joke, but my mind was too fuzzy to actually think of one. "Are you okay?" She asked concern laced her voice. Zaine would never be concerned about me. I was nothing to him.
Damn, the depressive intrusive thoughts coming out of nowhere.
Zaine's opinion doesn't matter to me anyway. He doesn't want me, and I don't want him. Goddess, that's a lie. I love the arse and I don't even know that much about him. I love Olivia too. She's amazing. Nothing like her devil of a father. She is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Even better than the one time I got a free doughnut the size of my face. That was awesome. I took Olivia to Disney World for her birthday and she loved it. That's where the doughnut is from. Disney World. Maybe we should go back. I could get another doughnut. And coffee. Why didn't I drink my coffee earlier?
"Miss King," the Queen stressed, snapping her fingers in my face. That was rude. What did I do? Wait, what were talking about? Was she talking to me the whole time I was zoning out? Shit.
"Um, sorry. I wasn't listening," I blushed from embarrassment. A hole sounds so nice right now. I can make it like my own little hobbit hole for just me and Olivia, where I could never be embarrassed again. Comfy dark little hole. Sounds nice.
She sighed and mumbled something. I was too tired to listen to what she was saying. Wonder if I could fall asleep without her noticing. Probably not. A sigh left my lips as I leaned against the wall, thinking of sleep and pretending to listen to Queen Esmeralda. Her hand felt my head then took my pulse from the wrist. I let her do whatever she wanted. Who cares. Ooh, my head is so fuzzy.
She snapped her fingers in front of my face once more, bringing me back. "We need to get you to the royal pack doctor," she said in a motherly tone.
I shook my head but stopped as I felt a wave of nausea hit me. Gooddes, I have no clue why feel so bad. I've never felt this way from a nightmare except when I was pregnant, and I know I am not pregnant again.
"I'll go to Dr Lee," I informed her. "I was planning on going later anyways"
She frowned at me as I got off the wall. She had so many things to say but all she said was something about my health being more important. The Queen led me to Emma's new office. The walk seemed long and worthless. So my mind, slowly drifted off as did my vision. I tried forcing my eyes open but they were just too heavy. My body soon followed, slowly slacking until I fell down and everything went black.
***
Worn out. That's how I felt. I know I passed out for at least a day according to Alpha Zaine. I've been in Emma's office since there was a bed in there and we were close by. I thought it was nice that Zaine was there for me. I thought maybe he actually did care about me even if he didn't show it well. However, that thought quickly diminished when I realised all he did was argue with Emma. All I wanted to do was stop it but I was frozen. Everything was still dark. My body refused to move no matter how hard I tried. The only thing that seemed to work was my ears. So, I had no option but to listen to them argue.
It was fucking annoying.
When Emma wasn't around, he'd talk to me. Most of what he talked about had to do with the Royal Pack's troubles. Honestly, he was a shit storyteller. But I did prefer his boring stories to the arguments he has with Emma. I've also learned quite a lot about how the King's pack works. It's actually interesting if it wasn't all I've heard from him. Like seriously, does he have no other interests?
Oh Goddess, what does he talk to his fiancee about? If it's like this, I have no idea why she chose to get engaged to him. Maybe I'm lucky he's rude to me.
Nope, I'm still jealous. Stupid emotions and shit. Match with my head for once.
"Why isn't she waking up?" He growled. Immediately, I knew Emma walked into the room. He asked the question every damn time she walks into the room, then starts an argument with her. I've had enough. His arguing doesn't get him anywhere. I willed my body to move and, much to my surprise, my fingers actually listened. Fucking finally.
Do I say fuck too much? I might, shit. At least, I taught Olivia when to properly curse.
I tried my arms, toes, legs, and finally my eyes. Opening my eyes led to immediate regret as the light in the room stung my eyes. Fuck. That shit hurt. My eyes feel like someone took The twat and Emma were still fighting so they didn't notice I got up. Their voices were giving me a headache. "Shut up," I croaked. That hurt so bad, but it was so worth it.
Emma rushed over to me with a glass of water in her hand which I gladly took. After chugging it, she got me another glass but I insisted I needed coffee instead. "For someone who took a long arse nap, I'm exhausted," I joked. My headache was nearly gone but now I was more aware of how light my head felt. A wave of dizziness hit me hard, causing me to nearly fall off the bed; however, my mate had quick reflexes and caught me.
Sparks sent through me causing a slight shiver. I scolded my body for reacting in such a way. "You need to be careful. You could end up passing out again," he scolded me. "I don't need you to distract me from my duties again." He definitely added the second part to make sure he didn't sound like he cared about me. But it had the opposite effect. He did care even if it was just a little. Technically, he had to because you can't hate someone without caring about them. Because if he didn't care, then he wouldn't feel anything towards me. My twisted logic works in my favour this time. Though I'm pretty sure my twisted logic is the reason I wanted him to like me in the first place. So I guess in this case it actually screwed me over.
"You didn't have to stay here. I didn't force you to come," I reminded him. I didn't expect him to listen to me, though when he did, I couldn't say I was shocked. My eyes were trained on him as he silently left the room. My heart silently called out for him but he wasn't worth it. One day I'd remind myself enough to actually feel it.
"Am I okay to leave, Doc?" I asked Emma as soon as my mate was out of the room. Was it unlikely she'd actually let me leave? Absolutely. Was I asking just to see if she'd roll her eyes at me and give me her classic "Are you fucking with my face"? Absolutely.
I nearly laughed at her expression. I've seen it way too many times to count. Usually, me asking to leave or to skip an appointment was met with that look, and every single time I laughed. "I can't believe you still ask me that," she mumbled while getting her stuff to check on me.
"I'm sorry, but I've been sleeping in here for Goddess knows how long and I miss coffee," I told her, fake pouting. Passing out was not part of the plan and now I've got two days of work to do. The only way I'm getting my work done is with some coffee so I can pull an all-nighter.
She gave me the same look as before and said, "I'm banning you from coffee. You need sleep and the coffee will just keep you up. I am begging you to try and get eight hours of sleep from now on. I know it's hard for you because you are so busy all the time but please! It's important for you to get better. I rather not see my Alpha pass out again."
"I second that," Rosa said, standing in the doorway. "How's she doing, Em?"
She knows I'm right here, right? I am perfectly capable of answering. "I'm doing perfectly well, Rosa. Thanks for asking me, Rosa," I said, pretending to be hurt. She stuck out her tongue then flipped me off. I returned the finger as Emma explained what happened to me. Their voices started to drown out as my head started pounding. I groaned in pain and closed my eyes.
My head felt like someone was drilling a hole through it. I was afraid that I hit my head and now I've caused brain damage. I've never had a headache this intense before. All I could do was focus on the pain which somehow made its way to my stomach. So, now I had to deal with a headache and a cramp. Lovely. I'm having the time of my life over here.
"What's wrong with her?" A voice asked. Forcing my eyes open, I saw the owner of the voice. I vaguely recognised her from a random photo I had seen before. Was she my mate's fiancee? Damn, what's she doing here?
Doctor Lee sighed and shined a light in my eyes. I growled at her and closed them. I heard her mumble what I thought was an apology but my head was louder than her voice. The pounding was even too loud for me to hear my thoughts. I rested my head in my hands and groaned again. Why won't it go away?
"Sadly, I think she might be in withdrawal but I'm not a hundred per cent sure. She drinks a lot of coffee and I'm pretty sure she hasn't had any in a few days. However, I need to be sure before allowing her to have caffeine because she needs to sleep," Emma informed her.
Am I going to have to never drink coffee again? How will I survive?
With the love of my child and pack. That sounds like a cheesy Disney movie. Wait- shit-
I quickly sat up, which I highly discouraged cause my head went woooo, and groaned anxiously, "Where is Olivia? Is she okay?" If something happens to her, I will kill the fucker who hurt her.
"She's with Aurora. They're doing fine," Emma answered calmly before motioning me to lie down.
Thank Goddess. I feel so bad for being in such a state. How am I supposed to be the "best mother everest" — her words, not mine — if I'm like this? If I'm going to have to choose coffee, obviously I would choose my daughter even if I will miss my lovely coffee.
"She's worried about you," Rosa states, causing Emma to give her a look. My best guess is she doesn't want me to worry too much cause of something about emotions and healing and medical talk. Though I would always be at least a little bit worried about my daughter, so she's going to have to get used to it.
"Can you tell Olivia I'll be out in no time and give her the best cuddles ever?" I mumbled. My eyes wandered towards Miss Fiancee — I'll eventually learn her name probably. She was staring at me as if I was an animal and she couldn't tell if I was a threat or not. Studying me which was uncomfortable especially when I was in this state. Something told me she knew. It was just a gut feeling. Nothing logical about it. But I just felt as though she knew I was her fiancee's mate.
"I was actually talking about—" Emma slightly elbowed her wife, signalling her to shut up.
Wait, did she mean— "Who? Aurora is worried about me?" I inquired confused. "We barely know each other. Though I guess she's a pretty nice person so she probably cares about strangers a lot."
"Well, I mean yes but you two also are definitely going to be good friends—" Emma elbowed her again — "Hey! I have done nothing wrong, Ma'am. You totally know I'm right."
"Rosa," she sighed.
This is a weird interaction, right? It's not just my headache making me question normal things. I have no clue. I want coffee. That'd make my head feel better and my eyes stay open longer for me to catch up on some fun paperwork.
A flash of pain decided to hit my stomach, causing me to groan. Emma and Rosa both quickly stopped talking to look over at me. I could see their worried looks but I knew I was going to be fine. Didn't feel like it but I would be. I've been through way worse.
"I think we should both go so you can work," Rosa said, nodding towards Miss Fiancee.
Beads of sweat started rolling down my face but I was in too much pain to wipe them away. This wasn't the worse pain I've ever felt but damn was it terrible. "I'm surprised you haven't passed out again," Emma mumbles. "How many cups of coffee do you drink a week?"
"28 at the least," I said through the pain. I don't think I'm addicted to coffee even though everyone says it. But it's all jokes. I just have so much to do and coffee keeps me going. I'm a busy person. Busy busy busy bee. Buzzzzzz.
Emma studied me. Silently trying to figure out if I'm lying or not. "28 is not as bad as I thought but it's still unhealthy. You can have a cup of coffee right now but for the rest of the week, you can only have 2 cups. You still need to sleep so use your coffee wisely," she sighed.
"Will coffee make the pain go away?" I groaned.
She gave me a sad smile. "It will lessen it but for the pain right now, you'll need some medicine. While you take this, I'm going to get you some coffee," she said, handing me some medication.
"Get my paperwork too and Olivia!" I yelled after her causing her to shake her head. Pills, coffee, and work. Sounds like a time.
***
"Am I interrupting something again?" The Queen's voice filled the room. I was quietly doing paperwork while Olivia tried to braid my hair so she wasn't really interrupting anything. Though I did have a lot of paperwork to get through. Lucky for me, all the pain was gone and I had a cup of coffee so I am on a roll. I managed to get all of yesterday's work done in just three hours at an unnatural speed. Of course, I'm going to ask someone to check it because I wasn't 100% sure if I made any mistakes. I don't think I did but it's always nice to have someone check for me. Even I'm not perfect. Insane. I know.
I smiled at the Queen and motioned for her to come in. "We aren't really doing anything. How may I help you?" I inquired. Please, please, please don't bring up the fact I passed out in front of you. Goddess, I can feel my cheeks getting hot from embarrassment just thinking about it.
Olivia stared at the Queen's crown with bright eyes. I felt her stop playing with my hair before she rushed over to the Queen. She was too fast for me to stop her. "Are you a princess?" She asked her, tugging on the end of her dress slightly.
"Squirt." I shakily got off the bed and picked up my daughter. "Don't pull on her dress it's rude. My apologies, your highness."
She smiled at Olivia, took off her crown, and put it on my daughter's head. "It's quite alright. I am not a princess. I am a queen which is much better," she smirked at Olivia.
"Really?" Olivia squealed. The Queen nodded her head. Olivia excitedly jumped out of my arms, causing the crown to fall and me to cringe. That crown is probably so expensive. Thankfully, she picked it back up and it was fine. "That's so cool! I want to be a queen when I'm bigger just like you!" She giggled.
"I bet you'll make a wonderful queen," the Queen told my daughter. "I heard that my daughter has been teaching you how to be a princess, which is the first step to being a queen."
Olivia nodded her head frantically causing the Queen's crown to fall once more. Goddess, please don't let that crown break. "I love Aurora! She's so funny and smart!" She exclaimed.
"You know I heard she is currently setting up for a tea party and has some fresh biscuits! She might give you some if you ask," Queen Esmeralda told her causing my daughter's eyes to grow wide.
"Can I, Mom? Pleasssssssseee?" Olivia begged, shaking my arm.
She's going to be so hyper later, but she deserves to be. I know these couple of days have been stressful for her. "Sure, but! You have to give the Queen's crown back first. You may accidentally break it," I told her.
"Okie!" She handed the Queen her crown before kissing my forehead and rushing out of the room. Clearly, she seemed to know where she was going. Or at least, I hoped she did.
The Queen watched my daughter leave, then turned to me with a fond look. "Your daughter is adorable. I remember when my children were that young. Such good times," she told me with a bright smile.
"She is. I love her a lot," I responded with a smile of my own.
"She's not why I came here though," she proceeded to say. "I had an idea, and I think you'd benefit from it greatly."