WILLOW
My hands have been shaking for ten minutes- since the moment Maya pointed to the pretty brunette girl and said Oh my god, that's Summer Bennett! and my eyes landed on the girl whom I treated like shit just a few hours ago. Of course she has to be Summer-fucking-Bennett. I couldn't stop thinking about her my whole shift, the way she flinched and the hurt in her eyes had been killing me for hours. I'm not a mean person but- she caught me in a bad time, not that it's an excuse but... yeah, I fucked up.
I practiced a lot about what I was going to say to her before I learned who she was. I had a whole speech prepared but of course I had to fucked up my entire future just by treating this girl like shit. I doubt Summer Bennett is a girl who forgives, maybe she is- she seems nice but I'm sure she doesn't forget.
I place my shaky hands inside my pockets, praying that she doesn't notice the anxiety I'm feeling. She already told me she's not going to do this- she has her friend going to professor Queens right this second to let her know she's not doing this and my entire future is now fucked up. Seriously, why her? Why me?!
Summer closes her arms over her chest, raising her brows at me. Her light brown hair falls down her back with soft waves, she looks even prettier in the daylight. The sparkle in her soft brown eyes squeezes my chest.
"So, I guess now you do care who the fuck I am, right?" she presses her lips together and I try hard not to flinch.
I deserved that.
A long sigh escapes my mouth. "I... I wanted to say I'm sorry. I was having a bad day and... you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sorry."
I lock my eyes with hers, feeling like she's sending me daggers through them. "You're sorry because you need me or you're genuinely sorry?"
I try to repress a smile. "I'm really sorry. I'm not like that- I wanted to say sorry the moment the words came out of my mouth."
Her face softens and the freckles over her cheeks and nose are more visible now. She's shorter than me but she is intimidating. Maya was right- Jesus Christ, I'm in front of Summer Bennett.
Never in my life have I interacted with one of the hockey royalties and here I am- asking for forgiveness to one of them because I treated her like shit. Fuck my life- I'm pretty sure her mom could sue me just because I talked to her the wrong way. What? That's what I heard. People say Luna Bennett is very protective of her family.
"I forgive you," her voice is soft, calm, almost angelic and it brings a smile to my face. "Just because I won't do this and I'm also sorry. I guess we're even."
My heart sinks to my stomach and the burning in my chest is more intense. "No- wait. I... fuck. I know you don't know me and you couldn't care less about me but... I need to do this. I really do. Please?"
She takes a deep breath and sighs, like she was waiting for this. "Look- I know you probably think I signed up for this but I didn't. I only wanted to try something new and the dance classes were that, my friend, Mila, convinced me and and now we're here. I'm really sorry- I don't have enough time in my life to do this."
It feels like someone's stabbing a knife into my heart- her, probably- and she squeezes it with each word. "Summer," I say, taking a deep breath and she never takes her eyes off me. "I know you don't need the money nor the scholarship. I know who you are- God, the entire world knows who you are. I'm asking you, please, put yourself in my shoes- I need this and I can't do it without you."
She closes her eyes for a second and rubs her forehead with her fingers. "I could talk to professor Queens so she can find you-"
"No. She won't let us. It's either you're in or out- We can't change partner, I can't do anything if you don't want to do this... I'm asking you... please. That kind of money could change my life and the scholarship... god, I'm pathetic begging you for this. I know you don't understand." my voice comes out shaky and I hate myself for it. I don't even know this girl in front of me- she doesn't own me anything and I'm begging her to help me win a fucking program? What the fuck is wrong with me?
"Willow," she almost whispers, her soft voice goes straight to my heart and I want to tell her to say my name again. "I understand. I can imagine- I want to help you, I do but I really don't have enough time in my life for this."
I bite my bottom lip and feeling my fists clenching. I open them and rub my hands over my face, feeling those big brown eyes on me. She doesn't understand. She doesn't know what it's like to have no money, no home, no love, no food, water or even a warm bed at night. She doesn't know what it's like to have nothing. She knows absolutely nothing.
"You know? I heard a lot of incredible things about you, your family. I heard you were nice, kind, I heard you cared- but you don't. You only care about yourself and you have absolutely everything in your life!" my mouth moves faster than my brain and I can't stop myself.
"You probably never had to beg for anything in your life, not like I'm doing right now but- you know what? It's fine. I don't need your fucking help. You're just a selfish bitch, just like every other famous person who only cares about their money and themselves. Why the fuck would you sign up for dance classes if you don't have time? God! You have absolutely no idea what it's like to fight for the things you want. Why can't you see past yourself? Not everyone has the amazing life you have, y'know?!"
I finish with a heavy chest and my entire body is shaking. Summer stares at me with her puffy lips slightly open, her brown eyes filled with tears and I notice her bottom lip quivering, she doesn't say anything- none of us do and I take a deep breath, ready to ask for forgiveness. What is wrong with me? Why can't I fucking think before speaking?
"Sunny- what are you..." we both turn our heads at the third voice in our space and I find a redhead with blue eyes staring at us with confusion.
"Summer? What's wrong?" her voice softens, and she's quickly in front of Summer. "Hey, Sunny. What's wrong? Talk to me." Summer doesn't make a sound and the girl turns around to me.
Her light blue eyes glow with anger. "What did you do?" she roars. "What did you say to her?"
"I... uh... I-" no words comes out of my mouth.
"Nothing," Summer says, her voice cracking at the word. "She... she didn't do anything, Rory." her brown eyes, filled with tears go from me to the girl. "Can you take me home?"
Rory.
Something in my mind clicks, connecting the dots. The girl in front of me, looking like she's about to kill me is Luna Bennett's oldest daughter... Summer's sister.
Aurora Bennett is standing in front of me, if looks could kill I'd be six feet under.
I part my lips to say I'm sorry but Summer's sister nods, forgetting about me. "Are you okay? What happened?"
"Nothing, I promise." the brunette whispers. "I'm okay- I just... I'm tired I wanna go home."
"To the apartment?"
Summer shakes her head. "No, home."
Neither of them look at me when they leave. Aurora wraps an arm around her sister's waist and Summer lays her head on her shoulder, I notice the way she plays with the rings on her hands before leaving. "Summer..." I call after her, not loud enough for them to hear me but the brunette attempts to stop- her sister doesn't let her.
And now I know I've completely fucked up.
❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅
don't answer: you have 30mns to send me the money or im coming to ur dorm
I've been staring at the message for fifteen minutes. Going back and forth between the text and my bank account- It'd be so easy just to transfer the money but every time I look at the 500 dollars in my account, my chest hurts. I was so sure I was going to do the Winter Showcase- I needed that kind of money more than anything to get out of here and start building my future and now everything is ruined.
Of course Summer wouldn't have understood what it's like to be me. 1) she doesn't know me. 2) she's a billionaire probably since the day she was born. Just like she doesn't understand my world, I don't understand hers. I don't know what it's like to have everything. Money, food, love, without even lifting a finger for it. She doesn't know what it's like to grow up without any of those things- and I can't blame her. It's not her fault we were born into different worlds and, once again, I treated her like shit for it. I'm completely heartbroken that I won't get to participate in the program but I guess I can try again next year. I should apologize to Summer and let this behind me- accept that this year wasn't for me.
"Ugh. What a bitch. I can't believe I liked her." Maya groans, stomping her feet on the floor like a child. "Seriously. She doesn't have time?! C'mon. What does she have to do? Bathe herself in money and go ride her ponies into the English Bay beach?!"
I can't help but chuckle as I shake my head. "I was so rude to her- I hate myself for it."
"No," her eyes narrow. "Don't feel bad for her. She's the one who has more money than... probably, the fucking Prime Minister right now and she left you with nothing. You deserved this. You were going to win- Ugh!"
"It's okay, May. I can participate next year." I say more for myself than her. "It's not big deal."
It's not big deal. I repeat as I turn my gaze down to my phone and I send the money to my mom. My heart squeezes when I see the 200 dollars in my bank account.
It's not big deal. I can survive without that kind of money, I've been doing it since I was born and I can still live in this tiny dorm for the next year. It's not big deal.
My phone buzzes again just after I put it on my nightstand but I ignore it- it's probably my mom saying thank you or something shit I don't care about. Maya keeps pacing the room, angry at the girl who turned me down but my mind only repeats the conversation we had and how badly I treated her.
I'm not usually like that- it only happens when I'm mad, my words shoot to kill and I can't even control them. It's like my mouth moves faster than my brain, not even thinking what I'm saying and sadly, I took it out on a nice girl who did absolutely nothing to me. Summer Bennett doesn't owe me anything. We don't know each other, I don't know her life just like she doesn't know mine.
Now, my question is how the fuck am I going to apologize to her?
"I have to apologize to her." I announce, sitting on the edge of my bed. Maya stops abruptly and stares at me like I just told her I killed her cat (she doesn't have one)
"No, you don't."
"I made her cry."
"You... what?" her eyes widen. "You didn't tell me that."
I nod. "I mean, she didn't cry but she looked like she wanted to." I hide my face with both hands, letting out a small sigh. "Her sister showed up and took her home."
"Woah. What? Her sister showed up?" Maya practically screams. "Her. Sister. Aurora Bennett? That sister? You made Summer Bennett cry in front of her..." I lock my eyes on her and she presses her lips together, brushing her hands through her hair. "It's over for you, babe."
I lay my back against the wall, bringing my legs to my chest as I wrap my arms around them. "What do you mean?"
My best friend chuckles and kneels at the edge of my bed, staring right into my eyes like she's about to tell me a secret. "I mean, you really screwed up. I don't think people can make Summer Bennett cry, in front of one family member, and live to tell it."
"Well, I just told you."
She presses her lips together, standing up with a long sigh and she pats the top of my head. "It was nice to meet you, James."
I sit up straighter. "What's wrong with you?!"
"I'd sleep with an eye open if I were you." her nose wrinkles and I see the flicker of amusement in her eyes. She's enjoying this. "It's okay. I hear everything, you don't need to worry."
I shake my head and I get out of bed, grabbing my hoodie and placing a beanie in my head and I lean to grab my keys and my phone before I reach the door. "Where are you going?"
"I need some air and we should probably eat something. Want some dinner?"
Her eyes shine at the mention of food and she nods. "Oh! yes! Can you bring some pizza?."
My lips try to curve into a smile but I simply nod and turn around to leave the dorm. It's barely seven pm but there's absolutely no one in these halls- probably because it's Tuesday. I make my way outside, the September light breeze blows on my face when I open the front door leading me to the streets.
I start walking with my hands in my pockets, thinking about Summer Bennett- it's like she's been on my mind since before I knew she was even Summer Bennett. Yesterday, I couldn't care less about her but today? She's all I can think about- she probably hates me right now but who can blame her? Instead of asking nicely, I freaked out, I begged and when she said no, I took it out on her.
You're just like your mom.
My heart skips a beat at that thought and I immediately brush it away. I'm not like my mother. I'm absolutely nothing like her.
Delilah James is a piece of shit that doesn't care about her kids and takes advantage of them any time she wants. She's been giving me nightmares since I was two years old, since I was a baby.
I remember vividly when I got home with the first money I made waitressing- she snapped it out of my hand and I thought it was okay- maybe she was going to buy food for Leo and me, how wrong I was. She left us all alone and came back home by 3am, so high and drunk that she didn't even make it to her bed. She fell asleep on the living room floor.
I'm nothing like her.
I keep walking, feeling my chest heavy but I ignore it- I cannot have another panic attack because of my mom. I stop when I get to the park near campus and I sit down in one of the benches. A few people with their families are here, just chatting and having fun while my thoughts are eating me alive.
I quickly place my AirPods in my ears, playing my favorite playlist called I'm not asleep, my mind is alive-thank you Taylor Swift for that one- and I get lost in the first song playing. Closing my eyes, just feeling the melody and the lyrics going straight to my chest.
If someone tells you music doesn't save lives, they're lying to you. It does. It absolutely does. Music is the only way I can turn off my brain and think about nothing else.
There's a song for every situation of my life and knowing that someone is-or was- going through something similar to me and they were brave enough to make art of the situation brings some kind of joy to my heart. I want to do that. I want to turn my pain into art, into melodies, into music- I want that more than anything in my life. Just be free.
The need to write something takes over my mind and I quickly open the Notes app in my phone. My fingers move faster than I can process- just writing what feels right on my brain.
she thinks it might be in my head
how i'm overthinking everything i never said
how it's killing me a little to be different
i'm so scared of losing contr-
The email notification I get almost makes me drop my phone. I suck in a breath, reading the subject of the email.
Welcome to the Winter Showcase!
What the fuck?
My heart beats hard- so hard that I can the loud thump thump thump in my ears. Pressing click on the email, I feel like I might throw up or pass out- I don't know yet, but something.
From: MUSIC-DANCE DEPARTMENT
to: willowjames35@gmail.com, summerbennett@gmail.com
Welcome to the Winter Showcase, Willow James and Summer Bennett!
We are very happy that you two decided to give it a chance for our next Winter Showcase!
We've received your inscriptions and they had been accepted into the program.
As you might know, we are having meetings every three weeks just to see how you're doing but if you have any questions you can come to us anytime. We are here for you but we trust you both to work professionally in this three-month-journey.
You will have through September until December 15th to work on your song and dance and we'll give you more details close to the date.
This program is for you and for you only! To help you grow into your professional career.
We are leaving the rules and conditions for the songwriters and the dancers right under this email.
Good luck and happy writing/dancing!
Professor Hailey Queens.
Well, what the fuck just happened?
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the song lyrics are from: Hard to Sleep by Gracie Abrams.