It was early on Sunday morning. Hunter sat in the living room awake, lost in thought. The boy mulled over the conversation he'd had with his therapist yesterday, glancing nervously at the article about autism gripped in his sweaty hands.
Surprisingly, it had given him some useful information. Once he was actually able to focus enough to read it, each page was carefully mulled over. Hunter learned that autism wasn't something that he'd fallen victim to as a result of his time in the Coven, or because of Flapjack's death. The disorder had no cure, no medication, and wasn't really something that could be "treated". Instead, the text offered coping mechanisms and possible causes for certain behaviors.
Mrs. Rose had also annotated the margins of the paper in some places, suggesting potential theories. On page 3, under the "stimming" subsection, she'd written "scratching wrists and picking at fingernails?"
He frowned deeply as he realized that at this very moment, he had been scratching at his wrists using dull nails. Fuck . Despite everything, he still had his skepticisms. A rather defiant voice in his head protested the diagnosis, telling him that he was, once again faking his symptoms.
However, there was another part of him that argued back, saying that Mrs. Rose had spent a long time analyzing his behaviors; that her diagnosis seemed very thought out and deliberate.
Hunter flipped another page, and started reading the text at the top. It described how people with autism have a hard time with new and large changes, including those in schedules, food, and in general life. "Sometimes, it can take longer for people with autism to process certain changes..." It said.
Honestly, he was starting to feel angry. He did struggle with change in things. He had a hard time breaking away from the rigorous schedule that the Emperor's Coven followed; he had a hard time with the drastic change in food in the psych ward; and... he was having a hard time with accepting this diagnosis, as it was also a source of internal change. Fucking shit . Were all of his behaviors just explained away by this stupid diagnosis?!
Luz walked into the room right as he tossed the stapled packet of paper onto the floor and put his head into his hands. Stringbean wriggled out from a pocket in her hoodie and swiped up the paper, depositing it into Luz's hands.
"Don't look at that," Hunter cautioned, peeking through a gap in his fingers.
"Not looking!" Luz said playfully. She padded over to him and slid the paper back into his lap. Then, she plunked down on the living room couch next to Hunter. "How did you sleep?"
"Not the best. Too many dreams about..." Hunter cut himself off before finishing.
"I get it. Me too."
This caught Hunter's attention and he turned his head to look at her. "What do you dream about?"
"Just kinda the same stuff... I dream that I never get to see Eda and King again, that they... died somehow because of the Collector or Belos. I dream that Amity gets hurt or killed, or my Mamá gets injured somehow." She was blatant and honest in her response. "What do you dream about?"
"Flapjack, a lot. That night in the graveyard is always a hot topic for my brain. When I'm stuck in a nightmare, it's terrifying. But when I wake up, I'm just tired of having the same dreams again and again."
Luz heartily agreed. "I know, right?! It's like, get some new material, brain! I've seen this all before!"
Hunter laughed, short but genuine. "I get what you mean." The teenager watched as Stringbean gently drifted into his space, and gently rested her head in Hunter's hand. He massaged her cheek, and he smiled gently when he heard her purr.
"How are you and Stringbean getting along?" Hunter inquired after a moment of silence.
"She's amazing. I love getting to play with her, and flying with her. My only complaint is that she takes up like half the bed at night!" Luz replied, leaning in to raise an eyebrow at her Palisman. "You little blanket-hog, I love you." She finished with a coo. Stringbean chittered in reply before wrapping her lanky body around Hunter's arm.
When he looked back at Luz, he could see the strange expression on her face. He knew that she had so many questions, so much to say, but he also saw that she wasn't sure how to ask any of it.
"I know you have questions," He started.
"What, me?! I don't have questions about anything, what are you talking abo- yeah, I have questions." Luz gave up the ghost almost immediately.
"It's okay. I know that I haven't been the most... honest about everything."
"Can't deny that, but I also want you to know that I'm ready to hear what you have to say whenever you feel comfortable saying it. I have my own thoughts and feelings about everything, but I also want to listen to your side of things, and hear about what's been going on in Hunter's world."
Hunter's head swarmed and scrambled, trying to find just one thing to focus on. What could he start with? What should he tell her? How much did she already know? The teenager had asked all of these questions before, but now they really clouded his thoughts. His hand absentmindedly continued to stroke Stringbean's cheek.
"I really miss Flapjack. It's been really hard without him here. I think about him every single day, and most of my dreams center around his..."
Luz paused to let him finish, but he never said the last word. "I know what you mean. I'm sorry that you have to relive that.
"Y'know, the night before I was hospitalized, I had a dream about him."
"A dream, or a nightmare?" The brunette inquired.
"For once, a dream. Just before the Day of Unity, we used to have a little bit of time to fly around with each other, right at sunset. It was kind of rare, but when I got the chance to enjoy that brief freedom with Flap, I was so happy. We would fly everywhere , and our favorite spot was the forest. I think he felt at home there. I just loved watching the sunsets with him. I dreamt about it, on that night."
"That sounds... beautiful, actually." Luz said, voice tentative and quiet.
"It was like I was really with him again."
Around them, a gentle golden sunrise pierced through the windows of the house, bathing everything in a peaceful glow. The other occupants hadn't woken yet. It was only Hunter, Luz, and her palisman enjoying the solace of old memories. Stringbean's purrs filled the air.
Luz sighed heavily after taking her own moment to appreciate the brief slice of domestic simplicity. "I want to tell you that I'm sorry, but... I know that won't help."
"It's not your fault. For a while, I think I wanted to be angry at you. Then, I just got angry at everything. Only now, I think I'm realizing that I'm angry at Belos the most."
Luz smiled, though it was pained. "Can't blame you on that one, I'm angry at him too."
"Mostly, I'm angry that he's dead." Hunter spoke, a new revelation coming to mind.
"Why? Shouldn't you be happy that you never have to be afraid of him again?"
"You'd think so, but... I guess I'm mad because he'll never know or understand the terrible things he's put me through. He'll never feel that fear, that anger, or that shame that I feel because of him. I'm glad he's dead, but I'm mad that he'll never understand what he put me through."
And suddenly, all at once, it clicked for the both of them.
"I think I get it. Honestly, now that you say that, it makes me mad too. Belos made so many people suffer, and it's like he escaped that guilt by dying." Luz rolled her eyes, and then continued her rant.
" Hey, at least we stomped him to death. At least for a moment, he did get to taste the old gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe." She nudged her friend in the side, and he smiled.
"I'm glad that he's dead, but there are so many other feelings that come with that relief."
"I know that you're not human, but that's just... part of being human. Or Grimwalker... Or whatever. You know what I mean."
"It's part of being alive," Hunter finished for her. He leaned against the backrest of the couch, and let his eyes drift closed. "These last few months, I've felt so numb and dissociated because of my medication and because of my trauma. This is the first time in a long, long time that I've felt... present. Like a real living person."
"I won't lie, it was scary watching you crumble and fall apart. When you went to the hospital, everyone was so scared for you, we didn't know what was going to happen, or if you were gonna make it. This is the first time that I've talked to you in a while where you really seem like you're doing okay."
"I bet you were probably pissed at me for stressing everyone out, huh?" Hunter questioned cautiously, but he smiled a little bit. Magenta eyes stayed shut.
"Yeah. For like a week afterwards, we all were a little mad. I don't want to speak for anyone else, but we all felt like we were in the dark about what was going on. I was so scared that you didn't trust us enough to be honest with us, or that you felt that you had to face everything alone."
The blonde grimaced. "I did kinda feel that way, but not because I didn't trust you. I just didn't want to drag everyone else into the depths of hell that I was trudging through. You guys were dealing with your own stuff, and I wanted to avoid putting more stress on everyone."
"I see your thinking, but that's what friends are for, Hunter! I know that we were all stressed, but we were worried about you too."
"I'm sorry for worrying you, Luz. I didn't mean to do that."
"I appreciate your apology. Will you promise me that you'll let us know when you're having a hard time?" She said, nudging him again. He opened his eyes to find her sticking her hand out. Each of Luz's fingers were curled up with the exception of her pinky, which stuck out; waiting.
"What am I supposed to do with this?"
She giggled. "It's a pinkie promise. You loop your pinkie finger around mine, and it seals the promise. It's kinda like an eternal oath, but without all that magic stuff. Mostly, a pinkie promise is just a trust thing."
Tentatively, he stuck his pinkie out, and threaded it with her's. She tightened her grip on his little finger with a harrumph .
"You promised! Now you can't break it, not for as long as you live." Luz beamed. Then, in a softer voice: "I'm always here for you, Hunter. All of your friends are. We want to help you, just as much as you want to help us. We care about you so much."
Tears stubbornly came to his eyes. Never in his servitude to the Coven had he felt such love, such care. How could a human girl show him , a stranger from another realm, such incredible kindness?
"Awh, don't cry! You're gonna make me cry!" Luz shouted, scrubbing at her own reddening face. He laughed at that, and gently shoved her away. Stringbean sprang up from her comfortable spot on Hunter's lap, and made circles in the air. They watched as she danced.
Soon, Camila and Vee came down to start making breakfast. With the help of each of the house's occupants, they made a simple but beautiful meal to share. As Hunter ate, savoring the taste of the food on his tongue, he made the resolve to tell his friends everything. They deserved answers.