Mary
My hopes plummet the moment I set eyes on the wreckage before me. How could this be happening? If I ever make it back; I'll be sure to never take my dad's advice again.
"I can fix it."
Brandon appears out of nowhere and begins to pull the wreckage from the water. I watch the muscles in his back flex and strain under his sun-kissed skin before quickly looking away.
My guilt overshadows any other emotion I feel. I have to have broken some kind of code, kissing my dead husband's brother. No wonder he left. He's probably sickened by me. What does it even say about me? That I'm more turned on by someone I've despised than I ever have been in my life. And the man that rocks my world is my late husband's brother. Maybe I still need therapy. I can't stand being so close to him, yet so far away. It's the perfect time to do my business. I walk off the beaten path to find a private spot to tinkle. On my way back, I see Brandon cutting slabs off a tree. Before I realize it, I'm standing in front of him. Well, no use avoiding him now. He knows I'm here, I'll have to say something. stupid feet.
"Whatchya doing?"
Seconds pass, and I begin to think he didn't hear me.
"Collecting sap."
"Oh?"
He sounds annoyed.
"Can I help?"
"Nope!"
I flinch at his tone. Forget annoyed. He's definitely mad at me. I leave without another word. All day long, he works; taking minimal breaks for water and food. Steven comes over to the shore, where I'm sitting, and plops down next to me. After they each freaked out in their own way. Albert walking around for hours, mumbling to himself with his hands on his head and Steven crying. They began to look toward Brandon for answers. They both offered to help him. He wouldn't allow Steven, but he sent Albert into the jungle to gather broken bamboo.
He really is handy. I watch him wipe sweat off his forehead, throwing back water. My eyes follow a few renegade drops that slip past his chest and travel the ridges of his abs. I bite my lip in response as wetness pools between my thighs.
"Are you guys together?"
Stevens' voice distracts me. He has been here the whole time, and I haven't looked at him once. How rude.
"Sorry what?"
"Are you two a couple?"
Oh, no! He's interested in me, Steven smiles, looking hopeful. This is the last thing I need. How to discourage him without hurting his feelings?
"No, I recently lost my husband... I'm in no condition for a relationship."
He looks disappointed, although I feel bad, it's better I crush his interest before he gets the wrong idea.
"That's too bad. You're a handsome woman."
I think that was supposed to be a compliment. I manage to nod and smile.
"Thank you."
When I turn back to Brandon, he's gone. I don't even register that Steven has left. I'm too busy looking for Brandon.
"Looking for someone?"
I jump, letting out a high-pitched squeak. That's why I couldn't find him, I wasn't looking behind me.
"No, not particularly. just... thinking."
Brandon grunts, walking past me to gather the rest of the wood. I get up and begin piling it in my hands, attempting to help.
"What are you doing?"
I narrow my eyes at his already angry tone.
"Helping you!"
He snarls,
"Don't bother, I'm fine on my own. it's the way it's always been. Why don't you go see if Stevie-boy has any shirts you can press or pencils that need sharpening?"
My lips spread in a thin line. I drop the wood, glaring at him.
"Fine! Be that way... you're an asshole, you know that?"
I walk away before I cry in front of him.
"That's not an insult, sweetheart. It's just the truth."
I ignore him, veering off toward the opposite end of the beach...
I walk for what I think is hours. When I get back, Steven is warming some beans over the fire. He smiles, passing me a bowl. I force it back because I'm hungry. I never cared for them. Brandon is still hard at work. The pile of materials is looking like a boat. I wonder if there's anything he can't do. I want so badly to start over. Not just today, but long before. Maybe if I had been nicer to him, given him a chance. That kind of thinking is destructive, useless. I spent two hundred dollars an hour learning that.
"What's wrong?"
I can sense Steven gaping at me. The moment I'm about to pull my eyes away. Brandon looks up. His gaze zooms past me to settle on Steven. He slams down the piece of bamboo he's working with and takes off into the jungle. The sun is setting, and even though I know it's a bad idea. I follow him anyway; mumbling to Steven ,
"I'll be right back."
He's at the same rubber tree, skillfully collecting sap. I quietly watch him, entranced by his hands at work.
"What?"
His tone is different this time. He sounds defeated, almost... sad.
"We need to talk."
Brandon shakes his head.
"We need to get off this island. Besides, I have nothing to say to you."
I place my hand on his shoulder.
"Well, I have plenty."
He turns toward me, looking tired. This is it, I'm really going to do it. My eyes tear from the pain I feel at what I'm about to say.
"It wasn't my fault."
"Why didn't you choose me?"
We both talk at the same time, and I'm not sure I heard him right.
"What?"
"What?"
We do it again, and he gets frustrated, finally turning to face me.
"Just shut up and listen... Please."
Reigning in my anger is easy when faced with his pained expression. That and the genuine plea. I do as he says, closing my mouth and give him my full attention.
"I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. I didn't mean anything I said... it's not your fault he died. We both know that... God!"
He shakes his head, pulling at his hair.
"I can't change our past... how I acted toward you, the things I've said. Even if I wanted to and believe me, I do. Shit! I'm no good at this."
"It's okay-"
"No! It's not. You deserve better and not just from me... Jeremy was a brilliant man. He was good at what he did. He was as smooth as butter and stole the attention in every room... I could see why you loved him. Everyone did."
My tears flow at the memory. He really was special.
"But let's face it... He was a shitty husband, worse I've ever seen."
I begin to defend him, but he stops me, placing a finger to my lips.
"You may not know any better, but I did. Your dad did, too."
My eyes widen at that.
"It was five years ago... you were in that tavern with your friend. What's her name?"
"Angela?"
I supply the name, confused as to why he's talking about the day I met Jeremy.
"You had on that dark denim skirt. With the little ruffles that would just graze your knee every time you walked and a white t-shirt that said: Thou shall not try me."
I gasp, I can't believe he remembers.
"Jeremy was interested in your friend at first. It wasn't until her boyfriend came he turned his attention to you. I was never as smooth as him, and I thought, what a shame because I couldn't take my eyes off you. I wanted you something fierce from the moment I laid my eyes on you, but I was no match for my brother. He had the brains, the looks. Had always been the family favorite. I was just a dropout, unemployed, and going nowhere. Every time I saw you... it ate at me. I secretly hated my brother for marrying you and the way he treated you. How he would lie... you deserved better. I tried to move on. I really did. He'll I fucked my way through the alphabet, but all the women in the world couldn't fill the whole you left! I was never angry with you, Mary. I was angry with myself, with him. I guess I took it out on you because... I was a coward."
I'm speechless... all these years. He's right, Jeremy sucked at being a husband! I had to work so hard to get his attention. When I knew I never had it to begin with. He didn't deserve me, and I don't need to feel guilty admitting it. His death doesn't change the fact. It's a tragedy he's gone, but that doesn't mean I have to feel dead inside. I finally get it.
Brandon has his back to me. I've been silent since I said Angela's name. It must have been hard to admit that after all these years... he expects me to hate him, God knows I should, but what I'm feeling is the complete opposite.
"Brandon?"
When he doesn't listen, I move to stand in front of him. His eyes are cast down, and he's avoiding my face.
"I choose you!... I can't change the past either but we can start fresh, here, now."
His head snaps up looking so hopeful, tears threaten to fall, again.
"Your serious? No kidding, you would truly want to be with me?"
I laugh out loud. He really needs to reassess his view of himself.
"Brandon, if I was being honest... I've never felt this strongly about anyone before."
He's skeptical.
"Even Jeremy?"
I sigh loudly
"I don't think I ever loved your brother. I was to young to even know what it was... I loved the way he made me feel, and he was always caring... With you it's different."
He closes the space between us.
"Stop right there... that's good enough for me."
Brandon pounces on me, cutting off my words with his mouth. I moan into the kiss, indulging in the sensations. His hands find their way to my butt as he lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and he backs me against the tree. I whine in disappointment when he breaks away. Brandon looks down at me. Our heavy breathing is the only sound. He slowly removes my sweater, discarding it behind him and tips his head, looking into my eyes. I think he's asking permission... biting my lip; I hesitate. Then something inside me breaks. A flood of emotion overtakes me. I nod, a full smile spreading my lips.