One week before-Addison
I wake up at the morning sun, voices are coming from the living-room. Everybody's already up. I get out of bed and open the curtains hiding the vue we have from my bedroom window: trees, houses. And I notice this morning that there are not only leafless trees and a grey sky but also a thin coat of snow. I smile: I love snowy days, especially because here it happens less frequently.
My phone buzzes with a new notification, bringing me back to reality.
"14th February: Valentine's Day", displays my phone screen.
A tear falls along my cheek as my smile disapear.
It's been one year.
I shake my head, trying to forget it and slide to the left to delete the notification.
I take a deep breath. I'll live this day just like the others, because it is what it is: a simple Sunday.
I get downstairs and join mom and dad in the kitchen. Dad is making pancakes and mom is sitting at the counter, laughing at dad's non-funny jokes.
"Good morning, sweetie", she smiles as she sees me coming.
"Good morning", I reply, forcing a smile.
"Good morning, sweetheart. Are you alright?"asks dad.
"Yes", I answer,"I'm fine."
I sit beside mom.
"We know this day is hard for you", mom continues.
"It's just a day", I reply, not thinking half the things I say.
"We thought you'll need some company", dad says.
"It's okay, I reply. You guys go have dinner or whatever; it's Valentine's Day."
"We don't want to leave you alone", mom insists.
"I'll be alright. Anyway, I have a lot of homework to do."
"Are you sure, honey?"
"Certain."
Dad serves the pancakes into three plates. I add maple syrup on mine and dad joins mom and I at the bar to eat. Once I have finished breakfast, I hurry upstairs, pretending to "go do my homework". In truth, I have not any homework to do. And even if I had, I will not be able to focus.
I hate being distracted, and I hate to remember the unlikable things that happened in the past. And I don't want to make this day about all of this. On the contrary, I want to forget all this problems, I want to put the past right back to where it was. I guess it's easier to hide the "dark side" of your life so deep that no one notices you have one than to admit you had a past with a "dark side".
People use to say time heals all wounds. And I thought it was true, until exactly one year before. This day changed my perspective of my whole life, and of the world. It brought me change even if I didn't ask for anything. And I know change can be good in a certain way but THIS change wasn't "good".
I lean against my bedroom door and l sit, my back against the door and my arms around my knees. I let tears fall, incapable to catch hold of them. During a few minutes, I stay like that, silently crying. I see the accident happening all over again before my eyes and cry harder.
But when I open my eyes again, my look is caught by my dream board posted on the wall.
I almost smile, reading the quote: "The mistakes are here to remind you you can always try" or "Crying only means you are alive".
On this poster, I rewrote some of my favorite quotes and quotes which make sense to me. Now, that's these few words which help me get up and dry my tears.
"Are you leaving, Addison?"asks mom as she hears me step into the living room.
As she turns around and sees my outfit, she adds:
"You're going out for a run?"
"Yes", I reply.
"Didn't you have homework?"
"I will have the time to do them this afternoon, don't worry."
"Alright. But be back for lunch."
"Okay. See you later."
"Be careful."
"I'll be."
I lace up my sneakers before leaving the house.
I made running a habit when I discovered it does you a world of good. It helps me to forget these heavy thoughts. Of course it can't erase them from my memory but it makes me feel so good to run until I don't feel my legs at all, until I don't have any oxygen left. This must sound weird to expose it like this, surely because it's something you need to feel to understand.
I put on my earpods with my "motivation playlist", that's what I call the playlist which gathers all my favorite songs and helps me to stay motivated no matter what.
The snow already melt and the grey sky filled with big clouds made way for a blue sky without a cloud in sight. I run, letting the cold breeze blow on my face.
Maybe it wasn't the best idea to go out running even though it's thirty degrees. My fingers are so frozen that I can barely move them. Once I went around the block, I go back home, freezing.
After a warm bath, I get dressed for the day and begins to sing as I put make-up on. My phone rings, stopping the song I listened to. I look over at the phone: "Liv♥".
I rush to answer the face time call, sitting on my bed.
"Hi, Liv says. How are you?"
"Fine. And you? It's been so long since we called."
"Yes, I know. I'm sorry, it's just that I have a lot going on."
"No problem. How are you?"
"Fine."
"What about Oliver?"
"He's good too, just a lot of work."
"I miss you so much."
"Me too, I miss my little sister."
"Actually, she continues, I talked to mom and dad, they agree for you to come visit us."
"Are you kidding?"
"No", she laughs at my reaction.
"I can come visit you in New York?!"
"Yes. You'll discover the city at the same time. And Charlotte will be thrilled her favorite aunt is coming to see her."
I smile at the memory of the last time I saw Oliver, Liv and Charlotte. Charlotte was only two and it's been two years since I saw her and Oliver. Liv came when I had the accident so our latest meeting was only one year ago but it wasn't the more joyful one.
Suddenly, I realize that it's been exactly one year since the accident and Liv and I don't call that much. A tear is ready to fall.
She only called me because she feels bad for me. That's why she invited me in New York too.
After we hang up, I lie on my bed, crying. When my eyes shut down, I have a flash.
I was driving to Noah's birthday party. I saw only his red truck, unusually clean. I walked to the door, a twenty-year-old woman opened it.
Who is she? I asked myself.
"Are you lost?"she requested.
"No. I came to see Noah."
She laughed.
"What is so funny?"
"He is not waiting for anyone."
"How can you know this? You don't know who I am."
"Right. Who are you?"
"Addison."
Noah's girlfriend, I was going to say it but the woman interrupted me.
"Ava, Noah's girlfriend."
I laughed nervously.
"Good joke", I said without meaning it.
"It isn't. Noah and I are dating since six months and twenty-two days."
Wow, she even counted the days, she's obsessed with him, I thought before returning to the original issue. He had a girlfriend, he already had before starting to date me.
I turned around to go to my car, tears flowing along my cheeks.
"Addison", Ava called me. "Aren't you staying? Noah is coming. He will be there any minute."
"No, I'm not."
"Do you want me to say to Noah you came over?"
"No, it's okay."
I walked to my car and started the engine, throwing the gift I was stupidly going to offer him on the passenger seat.
I swiped my tears away with my sleeve, but it didn't stop the tears to continue flowing.
I left the house without a last look. My heart continued breaking in silent tears. Once on the road, I opened my window and threw the present out as far as I could.
I already felt better, as if I just threw out the ancient story. But deep down, I knew it wasn't true, I knew it hurt me and that it would continue as long as he will live in my thoughts and in my heart.
I turned on the radio, thinking some music would make me happy. But every song was about a perfect love story. I turned it off.
Tears were still flowing on my face. All the songs I used to love, now I couldn't bear to listen to them. I loved them because they made me think of me and him, now I hated them.
When I think that I was coming to see him on Valentine's Day and that I was about to offer him a gift.
I take off my head band which hurt my head.
When I consider that I had fallen in love with him.
When I think I though he was the one.
I was stupid, blinded by love.
Was it even love? If he loved me, he would not have done this.
I closed my eyes to let tears fall. When I opened them, I saw a car across from mine plow into me. I tried to apply the brakes and turn on the right. But this was too late. The car was just one inch from crashing into my car.
BOOM!
That was the last thing I heard, as I saw the red car crashing into mine. The windshield broke and my head was throwed into the back of the seat.
Hey! I hope you liked this first chapter. Don't hesitate to leave a comment, I will love to answer you. Thank you for taking the time to read, it means so much to me.
:)