The other younglings were, unsurprisingly, leagues ahead of me. They'd been at the temple for as long as they could remember, their days filled with coursework, saber training, and force control. And I couldn't even speak basic.
The first weeks in the temple saw me running around all over the place in an attempt to make it to all my classes which I barely understood, which included extra language classes, and fumbling with force control and saber practice. My head felt ready to split on the best of days, the bustling planet around me still very overwhelming without someone else shielding me. Master Yoda and Lergo did their best to instruct me, but it was still difficult to concentrate like that for days on end. This usually resulted in me falling asleep face-first on the table when I tried to study, or snoozing on the meditation cushions. My clanmates knew better than to laugh at me when in the presence of the masters and our clan master, but when they weren't around, it was free game.
The usual group pulled at my tail as I tried to meditate, talked me down when I tried to study basic, and laughed at me when another droid was able to sneak up on me, making me jump into the air, hissing and fur puffing up.
Safe to say I'd become quite the lone wolf in those times, avoiding my other clanmates wherever possible, retreating into quiet corners in order to study and meditate. Of course, master Lergo took notice and encouraged me to try and make friends. He didn't want me to isolate myself. I promised him I'd try. Of course, I wanted to make friends, the problem was that my clanmates didn't want to be friends with me.
It wasn't until I was months underway into my youngling training, and had mostly mastered basic, I'd make one.
Master Drallig, our saber instructor, was showing mine and another clan some basic stances for form three, our training sabers twirling around in an array of colours as we mimicked him the best we could.
"Well done everyone." The master said as we finished another string of movements, all of us now standing in the last defensive pose. "If you all would excuse me for a moment, I have to check on something. Please take a seat and read through the forms before I return."
We all disengaged our blades, and I quickly moved to the corner of the dojo to go over the stances of form three, hoping to go unnoticed.
"See, wolf girl still can't even hold her saber right. No way you'll ever be able to master Soresu like that!"
I perked up. What was that all about?
I turned to see a group of younglings of the other clan surrounding another youngling, a white Shistavanen girl. From the looks of it, she'd taken to the same tactic as me, scurrying away to a corner in the hopes of being left alone. Only, she hadn't been as successful. One of the offending younglings, a green Twi'lek boy, took hold of her book on Soresu and threw it to the side. It made my fur bristle.
Get a hold of yourself, Maxine. Anger was not the Jedi way, as master Lergo liked to remind us all.
The Shistavanen girl looked like she was trying the same, her fur bristling with anger as the boy continued boasting. "It's sad you even need to read those books. Even the youngest of us can master a form as simple as this." He laughed, his three henchmen laughing along. "Why do you even keep trying, we all know you'll be sent to the Agri Corps before long."
All right, that was it! It wasn't hard to sense her distress and anger flowing through the room, blooming in dark blues and reds. Sensitive to others as ever, I felt it like I was the one being berated. The anger, it burned, like a smoldering fire in the night. I shouldn't let it affect me, I knew that well enough, but the oblivious glee coming from the four boys across the room put me over the edge.
Smashing my books closed, and rising from my spot in the corner, I walked over as calmly as I could, my tail swishing dangerously as the other girl was fighting down a snarl. I grabbed the Twi'lek boy by the shoulder and yanked him away from her with a bit too much force, surprise quickly washing away the glee.
"Don't ever say that again." I growled, gripping his tunic as I willed my claws not to rip him to shreds. I knew better than most what we'd had to leave behind in order to join the Jedi order. Joking about someone having left it all for nothing was a new kind of low, and I wouldn't stand for it.
The boy, ever oblivious to the force around him, and mine and the other girl's contempt, only sneered at me. "Or what?"
I narrowed my eyes, letting my claws retract, poking him in the skin slightly. I'd faced packs of Nantang and a Palulukan for force sake, this idiot boy didn't scare me. "Or I'll make sure you'll never hold a lightsaber again."
I released him with a push, before moving forward and grabbing the Shistavanen girl's arm, pulling her along to where I'd been reading in peace.
"I could have handled that myself." She growled as I sat down, pushing my nose into the book as another headache bloomed behind my eyes. The room was flooding with a mess of different emotions that I didn't have the energy to shield myself from, the Twi'lek boy staring daggers at me.
"And you would have ripped his head off in the prosses." I said simply. "It's a miracle he didn't run away with the amount of anger that was rolling off of you."
"I had it under control."
I rolled my eyes. "Sure you did."
My tail, still swishing from the confrontation, brushed the girl's leg. She eyed it curiously over the rim of her book, and I quirked up an eyebrow at her.
"You're a Togorian." She stated simply.
"Partly at least. My mother was human."
"You remember your parents?" Genuine surprise coloured the force around her.
I nodded, before looking back to the pages before me, pretending to read. "I haven't been here for too long."
She looked me up and down for a moment, before returning to her own book.
So there we sat, two loners reading Soresu forms in the corner of the dojo, distrust and hostility wafting over us from pretty much everyone in the room. That is, until master Drallig returned, and the Twi'lek snitched on us, like the kriffing douche he was.
Master Lergo was furious. At least, as furious as a Jedi master was allowed to be. I was banned from saber training for two months, had twice as many mandatory meditation sessions to think back on my anger, and was told to study up in the archive so as to not 'waste my time'. It seemed that the Shistavanen girl had been given a similar punishment, as I found myself in her company every time a was sent to the archives. Her name was Ilaria Cyone, and she'd been at the temple since she was two standard years old. She didn't say much, and preferred to be on her own most of the time. But somehow, we just gravitated towards each other, reading in companionable silence as we sat beside each other.
It wasn't too bad. I was able to read up on the planet I'd been found on. It turned out to be a moon called Pandora, one of the many moons that orbited Endor in the outer rim. Turned out the names I'd been using for the creatures that lived there were also their officially given names. How I'd managed that, I had no idea, but I guess strange things tended to happen when you were force sensitive. Ilaria gave me a questionable look as awe wafted off of me, pulling her out of her concentration as I read the same pages over and over again. The day after, I spotted her reading the very same passage before quickly shutting the book when she saw me coming.
When, one day, Ilaria spotted me practicing basic together with master Sinube, she apparently made it her personal mission to help me out. We talked about the most random things, most of them we found during our reading. Encyclopaedias about the flora and fauna of many different planets, star maps showing which systems were located where, or the history of the temple. Ilaria seemed to come alive as she told me about the stories she found. Her eyes were alight with barely held in enthusiasm as she swept me through the tales of the galaxy, the legends of the temple we lived in, and stories about legendary padawans becoming great masters. She'd been in the same boat as me, only for years instead of a couple of months. So I pretended not to notice her shift, letting her joy shine, enthusiastically calling out titles as I let her pull me along as we searched for more tales. Master Sinube watched us with content, glad to find younglings interested in the many stories the archives held.
Before long, I found myself telling Ilaria why I had arrived at the temple at such an older age than the others and the hardships it had brought, about how Obi-wan had found me, and how I'd come to find myself on Pandora in the first place. For the first time since I'd met her, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, her white fur soft as it brushed against my own black fur.
"Maxine, I would be grateful if you allowed me to be your friend."
I stared at her, already feeling the connection between us settle, shining and strong. I smiled at her. "Only if you allowed me to do the same."
After those two months, I returned to my lightsaber training with new vigour. Ilaria and I grouped up together when we could, giving each other pointers on our holds and footwork, improving faster than we ever could have on our own. With my improved basic, my coursework became way more manageable. The many hours spent in the archives also couldn't be ignored, and I was better read than most younglings in my class.
Only my force powers were still lagging behind. Using the living force was second nature to me, with plants and animals reacting to me with a familiarity and kindness that surprised the masters. But the physical force remained outside of my grasp of understanding. Droids were elusive and invisible for me, and lessons in deflecting blaster bolts always ended in a trip to the healing halls. It was frustrating, and I spent many hours brooding over it in the temple gardens, the plant life around me rippling and growing in reaction to my feelings.
Ilaria also became annoyed after so many times of me asking how on earth she did it, and told me I should just find another way to sense the droids. Yoda wasn't much help either, telling me to let go of my emotions and just feel the force.
An entire year passed, and I still could only barely deflect blaster shots, so colour me surprised when I'd been picked to go to Ilum along with two others of my clan, Ilaria, and two of her clan. It did not go as expected, at all.
I entered the caves with everyone else, though Ilaria and I were quickly left behind by the others. Though, we also quickly parted ways, both of us pulled in different directions by the force flowing freely through the icy halls.
I wandered about for some time, the many Kyber crystals embedded into the ice walls pulsing around me. And though it was faint, through all of the pulsing energy, something pulled at my gut.
As the tunnels grew darker and darker as I went further into the caves, I wondered how long it'd been since I first set foot in here. In some ways, it felt like eternities. Alone, surrounded by ice as my breath came out in puffs of white smoke, time seemed irrelevant.
There was a growl from behind me, warm breath brushing past my cheeks, and I whipped my head around.
The tunnel was gone, replaced by a solid ice wall. I placed my hand on it, hissing as I quickly pulled away. It was cold, so cold it felt like something had burned me.
Another growl, followed by a bang, and then nothing. The Kyber crystals stopped their humm, the gentle breeze that permeated the halls seized, and the light dimmed as ice surrounded me.
I glanced around frantically in the dark, breathing hard as the world closed in around me, ice walls pressing down on me. Everything around me faded away, into an inky darkness that was spreading further and further, drinking up everything that came too close. It was cold, and I shivered as I reached into myself in the hope of finding some comfort. I gasped at what I found.
Master Yoda, Master Sinube, Master Lergo, heck, even my clanmates. All of them were gone, their presence drowned into the darkness, snuffed out like a candle in a storm, sudden and harsh. It made me stagger back, my back colliding with the solid ice wall. I slid down, gasping as Ilaria also disappeared, our connection ripped to shreds, bleeding cold as it vanished. I searched deeper, for the thin bond Obi-wan and I shared, but it was no use. Everything, everyone, had disappeared, swallowed whole by the dark.
A sob escaped my throat, raw and painful. Everyone was gone. I was alone again, the cold unforgiving as it took away the people I'd just started to see as a family. It scared me, made me angry. Why did everyone leave me in the end? It wasn't fair!
I knew I shouldn't let this sadness and anger control me, but that was difficult to remember in this cold darkness. I pulled my knees to my chest, taking a deep shuddering breath. Something dug into my neck, and I looked down.
There lay the crystals, gold and shining as always, like the golden eyes of the Bha'lir that had gifted them to me. In that moment, we'd both been alone, grieving the ones we lost, but it had still found the strength to come to me and comfort me.
I grasped the crystals in my hand, firm and sure. These feelings were valid and raw, but they shouldn't cloud the path I tried to follow. They should encourage me, let me help the ones around me, to never let them feel this sense of loss. I should protect these connections to the force, and cherish them while they were still there. Not fear their loss.
The crystals glowed warm as I stood, burning the cord around my neck away. The crystals then fell into my palm, the shards forming a greater whole, the streaks between the cracks shining brightly as they illuminated my surroundings in a brilliant golden hue.
I took a steadying breath as I looked around. The ice was melting away at the light of the new Kyber crystal in my hand. A cold breeze fluttered around me, ruffling my hair, and I felt the connections snap back into place. Tears of happiness fell unbiddenly into my cheeks as I felt them return, my breath shuddering as I smiled.
When I exited the caves, Yoda was waiting for me with the other five younglings, all of them with a crystal in hand. Ilaria, relieved that I had finally returned, ran to me and gripped me by the shoulders, shaking me slightly as she berated me for taking so long. The sun had almost gone down, and I would have been trapped inside if I'd taken any longer.
I smiled apologetically at her, before showing her my crystal, cracked and magnificent.
On the way back to Coruscant, Ilania and I laboured over our saber hilts. Huyang was perplexed at my cracked crystal, the shards held together by the force alone. I stared at it while the others bustled around me, contemplating what I should do.
This contemplation resulted in me dumping an unseemly amount of parts before me, closing my eyes, and picking out the parts that called out to me. This resulted in a strange combination of a saber. The main body consisted of a leatherbound hilt containing the larger parts of my crystal, and a silver emitter with intricate carvings. But, instead of ending the saber with a pommel, it continued into a separate, smaller hilt, containing the smaller shards of the crystal, and a similar emitter. When together, the closeness of the crystal shards resulted in a single, powerful golden blade. But when pulling the two hilts apart, I could activate the smaller blade separately, giving me a second, smaller blade to work with.
As I laid the finished saber before me, I could feel the warmth of the crystal, filling me with a certain sense of contempt.
Force practice became considerably easier after Ilum. Though the physical force was still a difficult thing to grasp, it felt like the awakened Kyber crystal in my lightsaber lifted some of the fog. Instead of focusing on the solid cold of a droid, as the masters had instructed me, I focussed on how they moved the force around them, and how they actively changed the living force, like how I'd done on Pandora.
I was still rubbish at deflecting blaster bolts from droids, but not nearly as bad as before, and droids could no longer sneak up on me.
As for lightsaber training. With some considerable pushing on Ilaria's side, I took up form four, Ataru. I was small compared to the average youngling, but also faster and stronger than most thanks to my dad's Togorian side seeping through. Though, I still had a special place in my heart for Soresu. It was simple yet effective, and you could be an immovable wall if done right. For someone of my stature, I couldn't help but dream of becoming such a force compared to the practical giants most Jedi seemed to be. A wall that could guard what I found most important.
Two more years pass by in a flash of study and hard training. And then, one day, unthinkable news reached the temple. Many Jedi masters had fallen on the planet of Geonosis, at the start of what would be known as the clone wars. I was in the middle of my final initiate trial, a customary competition between clanmates, when the news reached us. It was safe to say the trial was put on hold.
Many Jedi were needed to support the grand army of the republic, and my clan was bustling with chatter about becoming padawans. A lot of them had masters and knights interested in them, but throughout the trials, none had shown any interest in me. Many still viewed me wearily, having come to the temple as late as I did.
Some months into the war, Ilaria finally received the good news. She was to become master Gallia's padawan, a great honor. Though, with the war going on, it also meant we wouldn't see much of each other anymore. Resulting in me spending many days on my own, going through the motions of attending classes and training.
It was on one of those lonely days, that master Drallig pulled me out of one of my kata's.
"Maxine, master Yoda has requested to speak with you." He said as I deactivated my saber. I bowed to him "Thank you for letting me know, master. I will go to him immediately."
I made my way through the temple towards the grandmaster's rooms. Coruscant was still the same as the day I'd arrived here, bustling with people and emotions, though my shields had developed throughout the years and were now firmly in place to protect me from them. I sighed contently, the sinking sun warming everything around me to a pleasant temperature, before quickening my pace as anticipation built. I hadn't spoken with master Yoda in a while. What would he want to talk about?
I knocked on the master's door, and it slid open to a surprisingly stuffy room. Moss covered the floorboards and overgrown plants were taking over practically every free surface. The blinds were slightly drawn, letting only the tiniest slivers of orange sunlight through. But despite the darkness, I felt at peace here. The earthy smell reminded me of my old home, and the force flowed thickly here, drowning out the chaos of the outside.
The tiny green master was waiting for me in the middle of the room on one of his meditation cushions, pouring tea into slightly cracked cups.
"Ah, young Maxine. Glad to see you, I am." He smiled at me.
I smiled back, crossing my legs as I sat down on a cushion across from him, taking hold of one of the tiny cups.
"The pleasure is all mine, master. Master Drallig said you wanted to speak to me?"
Master Yoda took a tiny sip of his tea, me following his example. I fought a grimace. The tea was bitter, and it seemed like some soil had found its way into the teapot, little grains of sand now swirling in my tea.
"Hmm, yes. Good news I have. A new padawan, a master has requested. Go to his aid, you will."
I was shocked, the ceramic of my cup clinking loudly in the quiet. A padawan? Me? But none of the masters I knew had approached me. Yoda chuckled at my reaction. "Ready, you think you are not, hmm?"
I smiled sheepishly. "Well, none of the masters showed any interest in me during my trials. I expected to have to participate in them again before someone would want me as a padawan, if any would want to take me on at all."
Yoda smiled a knowing smile, something mischievous hiding in his wrinkles. "Interested, this master, is. Ready to train with him, you are."
I nodded slowly. Surely master Yoda knew what he was talking about. What was the worst that could happen? "Thank you, master. Should I go to him now?"
"On Christophsis, your new master currently is. Travel with another padawan to him, you will. A message, you must deliver. Needed back here, he is."
As if on cue, the door slid open again, to show a Togruta girl about my age.
"I'm sorry I'm late master, I was in the middle of a lesson." She hurried inside. She seemed a bit frantic, she'd probably ran all the way here.
"Worry not, young Ahsoka. Just on time, you are. Travel to your new master on Christophsis with young Maxine, you will." Yoda said. "Ready in two hours, your shuttle will be."
"Yes, master." Ahsoka and I said at the same time, before I quickly downed my tea and stood up.
"May the force be with you, master." I said as a goodbye, bowing low, Ahsoka following suit.
"And with you, young padawan." Yoda nodded.
Ahsoka and I walked out together, making our way towards the youngling dorms to get ready. She was quite a bit taller than me, but then again, pretty much everyone was. Living by yourself on an uninhabited moon for years is not really great nutrition-wise.
"I'm so excited! What do you think our masters are like?" Ahsoka exclaimed.
I shrugged, smiling. I tried to dim my own excitement, but Ahsoka was infectious. "I honestly have no idea. I don't even know who my master is."
Ahsoka frowned at me. "Master Yoda didn't tell you?"
I quirked up an eyebrow. "He told you?"
She nodded. "He told me yesterday. I'm assigned to master Skywalker."
I perked up at that. I'd heard that Anakin had been knighted not long after the start of the war, but to already start training a padawan so soon after wasn't common.
"I guess I'll just have to wait and see." I shrugged as we approached my dorm. "I'll see you in the hangar in two hours?"
"You bet! I can't wait!" Ahsoka whooped, practically skipping away toward her own dorms. I chuckled slightly as I watched her go. She would certainly make an interesting padawan.
The door to my room slid open with a hiss. The orange and pink lights from the sun outside seeped through my open window, a gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the plants cluttered throughout my room. My collection wasn't nearly as abundant as master Yoda's, but I was fond of the friends I had collected over the years. My favourite was the bright yellow sunflower on my windowsill, petals open and proudly pointed at the sun.
On my bed lay a fresh set of robes, probably courtesy of master Lergo. I smiled as I took the brown undershirt in my hands. The fabric was surprisingly soft, and I quickly changed into them. When I was done, I looked at myself in the mirror with a smile. The brown undershirt was short-sleeved, the tight sleeves only going halfway up my biceps. Over it, I wore a dark green tunic with a brown tabard for extra protection. My pants were the same brown colour, followed by leather boots. My saber hung from a leather belt, under which a green sash tied everything together.
I turned to my desk, books and papers cluttered in a chaotic mess. In this mess laid my armguards. I strapped them around my arms as I eyed my old bow hanging above it all. Should I take it with me?
I shrugged. I hadn't used it in a long time. But I also hadn't fought any real battles in a long time either. Some familiarity couldn't hurt.
I pulled it from the wall, activating it. The familiar glowing blue bow string came to life, coursing with electric energy. I pulled it back experimentally, smiling when an arrow sprung from my fingers, ready to be fired, electric shocks tickling at my fingers.
Satisfied and everything in order, I opened the door. Looking back one last time, I couldn't help but laugh at the feeling blossoming in my chest. Once more, I would be leaving my home for a new one, though this time, the feeling wasn't laced with sadness and loss. I was bursting with joy and excitement, a grin splitting my face.
The door slid closed, I slapped my cheeks slightly to focus and made my way to the hangar.
...
A/N: So here we are! In Clone Wars territory at last! I haven't started writing the last couple chapters yet, uni is actively kicking my ass right now, but as soon as I have some time off I'll get started on those. But not to worry, there's a bit of a buffer until then :)