"SCATTER!" Innit screeched.
All hell broke loose at Innit's shout.
Kristin immediately flew upwards, Vespa ran to the right, and Ender dashed to the left. The two easily scrambled over the fence and sprinted into the maze of the city.
Innit decided to take the fun route, and instead of playing at Trick's game of tag, he leaped towards Trick, surprising him.
Trick toppled off the fence at Innit's weight, landing with a muted "oof".
Since he was already here, he could take a second to fully admire how bad Trick's costume was (it looks cool as fuck). Its design is simple, but still looks amazing on the fox-hybrid. A flat-faced orange and white fox-like helmet covered his face, but an electronic black screen showed his facial expression in yellow pixels. His usual soft fox ears were covered in their own armor attached to the helmet, protecting the appendages while enhancing their hearing if need be. The rest of his body was a simple armored bodysuit, perfectly fit against his frame, mainly in black, but his arms and feet were colored in orange, and his suit was highlighted with a soft sky blue. In Innit's opinion, the coolest part of Trick's entire ensemble were the razor-sharp black claws that extended from his fingertips.
Honestly, everyone should really value Innit's opinion. He's always right and never wrong. He's just too poggers to be wrong. He's also a child, no one can possibly say no to his big, beautiful, baby blue eyes if he fluttered his eyelashes in the right way (this is false. Many can say no to his "big, beautiful, baby blue eyes").
Innit looked into his eyes and grinned, "catch me if you fucking can, furry boy."
With that, he scampered past the neighboring building and down the street itself. Sure, he was in plain view for anyone to see, but there wasn't really any danger in being caught anymore.
He could hear Trick shout, "I'm a fucking hybrid! By that logic, you're a furry too, you fucking dick!"
But he couldn't hear Trick's footsteps nearing. Curse fox hybrids and their stupidly overpowered sneaking abilities.
Innit almost forgot that Sneak could literally be as quiet as he wanted. He hasn't faced the fox hybrid in some time. Usually he was preoccupied by Philza or The Blade.
He sped up, trying to urge his short little legs to run faster. Considering he was stuck in a five year old body, he was actually surprisingly fast. Most likely thanks to his raccoon genes.
He veered left into an alleyway and up the wall, hoping to throw Trick off his tail for a second.
Once he reached the top, he turned around to peer over the edge and taunt Trick over how dumb and slow he was, but he saw nothing.
Right. Fox abilities.
Innit readied himself to start running again, hoping that he'd still be able to jump across rooftops, but before he could take off, someone grabbed him.
He was lifted off the ground by the hood of his hoodie. He clawed for his attacker's arm, his tail thrashing back and forth behind him as his ears pressed flat to his head in anger. Innit hissed and sputtered many profanities, but his attacker didn't let go.
"What in the world...?" their voice made him pause.
That's the voice of Philza motherfucking Minecraft.
Innit's ears pricked up, and he turned to look up at his favorite person in the entire world (excluding Kristin. Phil was officially demoted). Philza looked cool as fuck, as per usual. A black crow mask covered the upper half of his face, his eyes hidden behind two tinted shades of glass that had steam-punk metal rims around them. His black wings draped behind him like a cape, which matched his black sleeveless turtleneck that had a cute pixel heart printed over his chest. Of course, he had his signature white and green striped bucket hat, which actually tied the outfit together since Philza wore parachute pants that matched the exact shade of green of his hat.
An animalistic chitter involuntarily rose from Innit's throat, which he failed to choke down before it was too late.
"Kid. What are you doing here?" Philza asked him, his head tilting ever so slightly to the side in curiosity. "It's dangerous to be out so late. There are villains about."
Innit stared blankly at the man for a long moment, then suddenly screwed up his nose in disgust. "Are you daft, old man?!" Innit screeched, "I am the villain! I'm literally the hero's number one enemy!"
Philza shook his head, "definitely not. You're three years old."
Holy shit. My favorite hero is a dumbass.
"I'll show you that I'm a villain!" Innit protested, wiggling like mad to try and loosen Philza's hold on him.
"Oh, nice!" Trick's voice suddenly chimed in, "you caught him! I tried to follow his direction and took a shortcut to cut off his path, but he went over a fucking building instead of through the alley like I wanted him to. I should've expected it really."
"Trick. This is a three-year-old." Philza said in such a dad tone it almost made Innit giggle. He didn't loosen his grip on Innit's hoodie though, completely ignoring the way Innit dug his claws into his arms (he wasn't aiming to hurt Philza too badly, he couldn't bear it).
"Look at him, Philza." Trick deadpanned, crossing his arms. "You can't tell me that he doesn't look like Innit."
"I mean... he does, but he's also a child." Philza pointed out, he lifted Innit higher into Trick's line of sight. "Look at him! Does this look like a number one beacon of chaos, or a kid that just has a resemblance to RaccoonInnit?"
"I am RaccoonInnit you fucking dumbass!" Innit insisted, increasing the force of his struggle.
"I seriously doubt that." Philza said simply, then continued arguing to Trick about how RaccoonInnit was definitely not RaccoonInnit.
If Innit was in his teen body, he would've already escaped Philza's hold. But he just... couldn't. He was weak and small, and no matter how much he thrashed or kicked, Philza's hold wouldn't loosen.
There was even a point where Innit was able to reach Philza's ribcage with his legs, and kicked the guy as hard as he could. But Philza didn't even flinch.
He was about to give up. Then he remembered.
Lady Omen!
"You messed with the wrong villains tonight, old man." Innit said ominously, allowing himself to stop struggling.
The two heroes stopped arguing at Innit's sudden declaration, looking almost unnerved as he grinned at them.
Then Innit let out a high-pitched human scream that quickly became a more raccoon sounding one.
A call of distress.
"What is he doing?!" Trick asked, clamping a hand over Innit's mouth and cutting off the scream.
"How do you expect me to know?!" Philza exclaimed, obviously distressed.
Several things happened at once.
A beat of wings alerted the heroes to a new arrival, but before either of them could react, a weight toppled Philza over, forcing him to drop Innit in surprise.
Partially distracted, Trick reached to restrain Innit, but Innit simply bit his fingers and scrambled away, glancing back to see Lady Omen wrestling Philza to the ground. Their wings beat against one another, both of them trying to catch wind so they could fly upwards, but with how hard they were struggling, it wasn't working.
"Innit!" Omen shouted at him, "go help Ender! I saw The Blade chasing them!"
Innit nodded, even though he knew Omen wouldn't be able to see it. As he started to race across buildings to search for his friend, he caught one last glance as Lady Omen suddenly pulled Philza into the air and out of the reach of Trick, who was approaching them to try and help Philza.
Innit quickened his pace, scurrying rapidly across the roof and leaping onto the wall of the next one, climbing to the top with ease.
Thank the ever loving primes for his raccoon abilities.
He could hear Trick shout in frustration when he noticed Innit was gone, and started to give chase, struggling to keep up since he couldn't climb walls like Innit.
Thankfully it didn't take long for Innit to find Ender as his friend let out a horrible echoing screech that seemed to stick in his head no matter which way he turned.
He shook his head, he heard the initial direction thanks to the start of the call, so he immediately changed his route, skidding a little before bolting to the left.
Innit leaped over three more alleys, then slowed his pace to peak over the edge of a building, spotting Ender being cornered by The Blade.
The Blade was approaching slowly, his axe put away. His voice was low and soft, like he was trying to coax Ender towards him.
Ender however, looked frightened and exhausted.
With how many purple particles flew around him, Innit could easily assume that he had been teleporting like mad to escape, but he clearly pushed themselves to his limit.
Innit prepared to leap down, instinctually, his tail wiggled in preparation to pounce, like a cat would. A death wiggle, he believed it was called.
He didn't dare process this fact, and instead leapt down, aiming for Blade's shoulders.
"Don't touch Ender!" He hissed as he hit his mark, causing Blade to grunt in surprise, but he wasn't taken down by Innit's sudden weight.
"Innit!" Ender cheered.
"I'll deal with this fucker! Find Vespa!" Innit shouted.
But before Ender could run off, Trick had finally caught up, and leapt down from the rooftops. Landing directly in front of Ender and cutting off his escape out of the alleyway.
"Why the fuck are you all children! And since when have you had a mom?!" Trick yelled, "I thought you were orphans!"
Ender shrugged, "life changes." Then he tried to bolt between Trick's legs, but was easily caught and yanked to a stop as Trick grabbed hold of his hood.
Any conversation that might've happened was immediately cut short as the Blade threw Innit off of him.
Innit hit the side of the building with a surprisingly loud thud. He whimpered as he fell to the ground. He couldn't breathe, his body was desperate for air but he couldn't drag it into his lungs. His limbs were in complete shock as he processed what had just happened.
His little body wasn't built for such a hit. But at the same time, kids are pretty resilient, so somehow he wasn't dead on impact. As much as he wanted to cry out at how his body thrummed with heat as blood rushed to fix his surely bruised back, his muscles and bones felt as though he was... well. Flung into a building.
Finally, he was able to take in a sharp breath, his body deciding to work with him once more. He curled onto his side, his back facing away from his audience as he focused on trying to breathe normally. It hurt like hell to move, but it was also comforting in a way.
However, this could be incredibly useful.
It's time for a little guilt trip.
Innit forced a wheezing breath from his throat, which started to stutter into a gut-wrenching chitter. Aiming to sound like he was hurt to the point of death. Then he secretly took a deep breath, but pretended to let all the air out of his lungs.
He let his body go limp, then remained as still as possible.
A long pause ensued. He could feel the heroes stares, but he was about to be the best actor of all fucking time.
Ender suddenly screamed, "INNIT!"
Innit could hear a struggle, a curse from Trick, then Ender's small footsteps running towards Innit's side.
"Innit?" Ender asked, his voice wobbling.
Innit, knowing that his arm that was currently pinned beneath his body would be out of sight of the heroes, gave Ender a quick thumbs up and a hand signal to roll with it. The quiet sigh of relief from Ender almost made him feel bad for tricking his friend into thinking he was dead.
Ender understood immediately, and signaled this to Innit by subtly tracing the letters O and K on the closest of Innit's arms.
He collapsed onto Innit's body with a loud sob, still trying to keep most of his weight off of Innit so he didn't cause any more pain. "Innit! Wake up! Please wake up!" Ender cried out, his voice thick with grief as it cracked and softened. "We have so many plans... so many fun things to do together."
Holy fuck, Innit is being out-acted. Ender is way better of an actor than he is.
Innit will take that fact to his grave before admitting it out loud.
To out-act Ender, Innit stayed so dead, he might as well be dead.
With a feather-light touch, Ender carefully brushed Innit's hair from his forehead, then cupped his little hand on Innit's cheek as though he was hoping to either rouse Innit or just look at his sleeping face one last time.
Ender let out a horrible, pained wail into the night sky. He tried to cradle Innit to his chest, but at Innit's quiet hiss of pain, he settled to just move so he could rest Innit's head in his lap, brushing his fingers through his curls as his sobs softened to a silent cry.
There was a very quiet hiss during this, and every once in a while, Innit could feel a tear fall splash onto his cheek. Ender was going all out, crying on demand and forcing tears to drop despite the fact that he literally gets burned from the damn things.
"Ender-?" Trick broke the quiet mourning.
Without a word, Ender bent down to kiss Innit's forehead in goodbye, then carefully set Innit's head back on the ground. By the sound of his footsteps, Innit could guess that Ender stood up by now.
Suddenly, Innit could hear him whirl towards the heroes, his tail accidentally hitting Innit as it lashed back and forth in mock anger.
"He's dead." Ender hissed, dangerously quiet.
There was a pause that lasted much too long, the heroes unsure of what to say.
Ender screeched in rage, "YOU KILLED HIM!"
"W-what?" The Blade stuttered out in shock, "no- I didn't- I didn't mean-"
"You killed my best friend!" Ender cut him off, his voice starting to break.
"We can take him to the hospital, he can't be dead." Trick insisted in disbelief, stepping forward.
Ender hissed, forcing the hero to stop in his tracks. "Does it look like he's breathing?! Does it look like a three year old could survive being flung full-force into a wall?!"
"Ender, it'll be okay. There's still some time-" Blade tried to sooth him, but Ender wasn't listening. He let out a monstrous scream, the same type that rang in your ears and seemed to stick in your head.
During this, apparently The Blade and Trick had silently communicated something between themselves, and before Innit could even process what was happening, someone lifted him into their arms, tucking him close to their chest and keeping a gentle but firm hold on his head to support it. Simultaneously, he could hear Ender screaming at them to stop, but Innit thinks he was picked up too, based on the fact that his footsteps suddenly vanished.
When Innit was lifted, it was so sudden that he couldn't keep in a pathetic little whine of pain.
The person carrying him suddenly stilled, and angled Innit up so they could press their ear to his chest.
Welp. The jig was up now.
Innit opened his eyes, and attacked the first thing he saw, which happened to be Trick's head as the man tried to listen to Innit's heartbeat. Innit couldn't bite the dude's head with that dumb helmet on, so he opted to bite Trick's shoulder as hard as he could, then wiggled himself out of Trick's shocked grasp, dashing back towards Ender and flinging himself onto The Blade when he saw the man holding a struggling and screaming Ender to his chest to keep him from attacking Trick. His back burned with the fury of the sun, but he desperately ignored it in favor of saving one of his best friends.
Innit caught The Blade off guard, bit his arm, then quickly leaped back off the man, grabbing Ender's hand and sprinting as fast as he possibly could to book it out of the alleyway as Ender dried the tears off his face with his free hand, beaming as they ran.
They barely dodged around Trick, but just as they were about to exit onto the street, fucking Vespa appeared at the mouth of the alleyway, obviously angry as he followed Ender's terrifying screams of fear and grief. Vespa didn't know it was an act after all.
Innit simply grabbed Vespa's hand too, and together the trio ran down the street.
"What the fuck did I miss?! Who died?!" Vespa asked as they ran.
Innit sent him a mad grin, "me, bitch!"
"Nice!" Vespa said simply, giving Innit a high-five as he understood the vague answer. "That was some insane acting Ender! I genuinely thought you were grieving over someone!"
"Thanks, man! I forced myself to believe Innit was dead!" Ender laughed, "that's definitely not going to haunt my dreams for the next week!"
Innit changed the subject by shouting at them, "why the fuck didn't we bring our cars?!"
"It's more fun to run!" Vespa replied, his voice filled with excitement, "Besides, this is mine, Omen's, Ender's first official outing! Most of the time, I'm the chair guy that no one sees, and Ender is your emergency escape! This is good for us to get seen and chased around!"
Innit laughed, "you're crazy, Vespa!"
"Hell yeah I am!"
Without warning, Trick suddenly sprinted from an alley in front of them, still looking slightly traumatized from Innit and Ender's acting, but trying to keep a level head about it.
The trio skidded to a stop, still holding one another's hands as they faced the hero.
The Blade's footsteps caught up behind them, causing Vespa to whirl around to face him. He pressed his back to Innit's, and the two pulled Ender to face his back against theirs as well, forming a rough circle.
"Can we pause for a second here?" The Blade asked, surprising everyone.
Usually the hero was pretty merciless when it came to villains, causing the most harm out of all the heroes. Though there are times that the injuries he causes are not intentional, like Innit being flung into a wall (this has happened before, but those were times when Innit wasn't stuck in a three year old body. Those times didn't hurt even half as bad as this one did).
The villains didn't speak, keeping their eyes sharp for any sudden movements.
Blade relaxed his posture, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to show that he wasn't a threat at the moment. "I just want to know why the top three villains are suddenly toddlers."
"Oi!" Innit shouted at him, ready to argue that they weren't that young, but Ender beat him to it.
"We're not toddlers. If anything, we're probably around three years old, and toddlers tend to be around one or two. We just... look like kids."
Trick hummed in contemplation, resting a hand on his hip and also forcing his body to look more relaxed and less ready to attack the trio at any given second. "And your brains obviously didn't get any younger either. So whatever you did is only an external effect." He shook his head, "though that doesn't explain how you suddenly got a mother. You three have been pretty adamant from day one that you're orphans."
"Heh?!" Blade sounded, "bro- you're telling me you're not orphans anymore?! I literally named my axe the "Orphan Obliterator", how am I supposed to explain that anymore?!"
Innit cooed, "aw, you named your axe in honor of us? You shouldn't have!"
"Did you not process the Obliterator part?"
"Let's not get into that." Trick interrupted. "How did this de-aging even happen? Is it permanent or just temporary?"
"We're not telling you, bitch boy!" Innit exclaimed, earning himself an approving nod from Vespa.
"I will tell you that our new teammate is not our mother." Vespa said, "her name is Lady Omen, and-"
"She's the poggest woman in the whole fucking world!" Innit cut him off excitedly.
"She is very cool." Ender agreed.
"So you just met this random woman and asked her to join in on your villainy?" Trick asked slowly.
"Basically, yeah." Vespa replied, "like my friends said, she's pretty fucking cool."
Speak of the devil and they appear.
Out of nowhere, rocketing towards them in a flurry of snapping wings, came Lady Omen and Philza. They were still fighting, but Omen was clearly winning this battle as she slammed Philza into the ground, dazing him.
Lady Omen's hair was wild and loose at the top of her head, smaller baby hairs frizzing out at the adrenaline-inducing movements of a fight. She was panting heavily, but she looked like she was having the time of her life.
She hopped off and away from Philza, coming towards the trio with her usual kind and easy smile, ignoring the fact that they were now surrounded by heroes.
"Is everyone okay? I heard some heartbreaking cries while I was up there, but Philza wouldn't let me go check on you." Lady Omen said, sending a glare to the man in question.
Trick and Blade were so shocked when Omen and Philza came barreling to the ground that they completely froze for a minute. Now they were spurred to rush towards Philza's side to make sure he was okay.
"I played dead!" Innit said proudly, showing off his amazing acting skills that Ender did not in any way actually make it believable (Ender is the only reason it was believable in the first place).
"I cried!" Ender added with just as much energy as Innit. "I'm going to be emotionally scarred for life!"
"Meh," Innit shrugged, "Ender's acting was alright. Those idiots believed him."
"I cried for you!" Ender argued, "at least give me some credit! Do you know how much it hurts to cry when you're enderian?! It's not pleasant!"
"Stop being such a bitch about it." Innit said with a roll of his eyes, "you're-"
"Innit." Kristin cut him off with a warning tone, giving him a look that told him that he was being way too harsh.
Sheepishly, Innit looked to the ground, wringing his hands together as guilt filled his very soul. "Sorry Ender..." He apologized without much of a fight, "that was too mean. You did good, big man."
"You being nice will never not be weird to me." Ender stated, but shook his head. "Thank you for the apology. You did good as well. You made a... um- very believable dead body."
Kristin sent them both a warm smile, making a sort of pride fill their chests. It felt good to know that someone was proud of you for something as simple as apologizing.
Innit could get used to that feeling. If he could make Kristin proud with something that can be so easy, maybe he could get into the habit of being nicer, or apologizing sooner if he hurts someone's feelings. Even if he doesn't mean to.
He shook his head aggressively. What the fuck?! Where are these thoughts coming from?! Since when does he want to try being nice? He's the biggest and coolest man ever! He's learned his life lessons already! Why is his stupid baby brain trying to change all of that?!
"I dunno about you guys," Vespa cleared his throat to break the softer moment, "but I'm kinda hungry. Are any of you up for getting some pizza or something?"
"Can we get spaghetti?" Ender asked, perking up at the idea of food.
Innit groaned, "Ender, full offense, but I can't stand watching what you decide to put in your spaghetti. You're like Buddy the elf. You would be the person to add maple syrup to noodles."
Ender shrugged, "it's honestly not that bad. I made the entirety of the meal from the movies. But I don't recommend it."
"That's disgusting, big man." Vespa said with a wrinkle of his nose.
"If I promise to just eat regular spaghetti, can we please get it? I haven't had it in weeks." Ender pleaded, threading his fingers together in a begging motion.
"I know a great recipe if you would prefer a home cooked meal." Omen piped in, "we can stop by a grocery store on our way."
"Can you four stop talking about dinner plans?!" Trick suddenly demanded, pulling their attention back towards the heroes where Philza was now being helped to his feet by Blade. "We're literally in the middle of battle!"
Innit shrugged, stepping forward. "I dunno, the winners feel pretty clear to me. Face your loss, furry boy."
"For the love of Prime, stop calling me that." Trick groaned, "if anyone is a furry around here, it's you. You're the weirdest hybrid I know."
"Okay, and? L plus ratio plus you fell off. Not my fault." Innit replied simply.
"What the fuck does that even mean?!"
Blade laid a hand on Trick's shoulder, "don't bother, Trick. The lingo these days never makes sense. You just have to use it and hope it fits."
"Why would I do that?!"
Blade shrugged, not bothering to elaborate. "C'mon, let's just go home. Philza is injured from the fall, we should bring him to medical and make sure nothing's broken."
"I'm not that injured," Philza assured them, glaring lightly at them. "You speak as though I'm old and frail."
Vespa leaned towards Innit's ear and loudly whispered, "isn't he in his like- late eighties?"
"You little shit!" Philza exclaimed, his head whipping towards the villains, "I'm only in my thirties!"
Innit nodded solemnly, "he's very old. I've heard rumors that he's actually as old as the earth itself."
"Human life has not existed for that long!" Philza insisted.
"Depends on if you're going by religious rules or evolution rules." Vespa pointed out casually. "Either way I'd believe it. You're practically dust at this point."
"You're all terrible," Philza said with a tired sigh, "that's it. I'm going home. Congrats on your win, we'll arrest you some other day or whatever."
With that, Philza launched himself into the air and flew off towards the heroes tower.
"Our lord has spoken." Innit said with a solemn nod, saluting to Philza as he flew away. "We have won this battle once again. We're simply too talented to ever lose."
"Blade?" Trick suddenly asked, "how morally wrong would it be to kidnap a villain who's a feral child?"
Blade hummed, thinking to himself for a moment. "Morally? Horrible. Other than that, it'd look pretty bad. The public definitely wouldn't take it well if word got out."
Lady Omen stepped forward, flashing them a strained smile as though she was holding herself back. "If you lay a single fucking finger on these kids, you will answer to me." She told them, her voice light despite the threat. Though she'd never actually hurt her own children. Even in her fight with Philza, it was obvious that they had both been trying to do minimal damage to the other. Philza didn't like hurting anyone, villain or otherwise, unless he knew the full extent of their crimes and abilities. Kristin, on the other hand, simply loved her family and didn't want to cause them harm, even when she was acting as a villain.
She turned around to face the trio again, "how far are the cars from us?"
"Cars?!" Trick gasped, "they're three!"
Kristin ignored him, "I can fly us over there if you'd like."
"Yes please," Ender said, his voice thick with exhaustion. "I teleported too much trying to escape The Blade over there. I think I'll explode in a flurry of particles if I teleport again."
"I'd prefer if you didn't explode then." Omen said with a gentle smile.
She crouched down, opening her arms as an invitation for the trio.
They didn't hesitate for a second. Tubbo carefully climbed onto her back, making sure to not pull at her hair or dig his hooves into her. Ranboo snuggled himself into her left arm, a smile on his face as he looped his hands around her neck, weaving his arms through Tubbo's so neither of them had to let go. Tommy snuggled himself into her right arm, relishing in the scent of dark roses and something that reminded him of the night itself.
Kristin stood back up, not struggling to hold the extra weight in the slightest. She nodded to the heroes and ominously told them, "see you soon!"
Before they could reply, she lifted off the ground with a beat of her mighty wings, pulling her and the trio into the night sky, flying them away to safety and soon, a warm meal.
---------
They made a stop at the grocery store, remaining in their villain gear and ignoring the gasps of fear as they casually strolled inside.
Kristin grabbed a cart for them and helped them into it, then weaved her way through the store like a woman on a mission.
After all, they needed to get out of here before the heroes were called to stop them yet again.
The boys were too tired to cause any real mischief, though Tommy would lean precariously out of the cart to steal random things to stuff in his hoodie. Each time he was caught by Kristin, but she simply shrugged and allowed it to happen.
It was a corporate business after all. If they're not going to pay their employees, then they're gonna lose money in other ways.
Tommy had to admit that it hurt a lot to move around, but at the same time he couldn't stay still. There was still too much energy running through him despite his body fighting against his hyperactivity for rest. His back stung terribly, sore and definitely bruised after his collision with the wall.
Tubbo and Ranboo sleepily leaned on one another throughout the shopping. Ranboo looked worse for wear in the eerie fluorescent lights of the grocery store. His skin, even though it was all black and white, somehow looked paler than it should be, and even with Ranboo's sunglasses, Tommy could still see that there were concerningly dark and heavy bags beneath his eyes.
The series of teleportations really took it out of him.
Tubbo looked fine though. He didn't have a personal one on one with the heroes tonight, so he was spared most of the overextension of his body. Though he couldn't avoid the exhaustion of the rush of adrenaline from crime and being chased. He'd definitely run around a lot tonight.
Tommy couldn't see Kristin's face and judge her on her exhaustion. He knew his friends like the back of his hand. They were brothers after all. But Kristin is still new to him, and he still had to learn all of her microexpressions and movements.
However, Tommy could at least tell that she was tired too. Based on how she was walking a little slower than usual, and the fact that she was slouching ever so slightly.
Kristin was a fast shopper though, and soon enough she had a mix of spices and ingredients for homemade spaghetti.
She made her way up front and greeted the person at the register like it was a completely normal night.
The cashier seemed a little afraid, but they also looked as though they had seen it all, and were so used to it by this point that life was simply gone from their eyes. They helped Kristin bag her groceries, not bothering to scan them since they knew that these villains would be out of here quicker if they didn't put up a fight.
For their trouble, Kristin had Tommy sneak around the counter and secretly stuff a couple hundred dollar bills into the side of their shoe since they weren't allowed to receive tips, even at the threat of a villain.
Next thing Tommy knew, they were back outside holding grocery bags in their arms while Kristin took off into the night sky once more.
No heroes chased after them.
--------
Tommy parked his car with a yawn, clambering out of it and leaning heavily against Kristin's leg as she joined them again. She had to detransform and dress into casual wear before she could enter the parking garage, but she was back with them quickly enough. She seemed surprisingly undamaged as well, though Tommy wouldn't be surprised if she had more than a couple bruises from her fight with Philza.
She chuckled, "do you need to be carried upstairs, or are you fine on your own?"
Tommy shook his head in silent response, too stubborn to be carried up a few flights of stairs. He was already carried to his car, he could do the last stretch on his own.
"Can you carry me?" Ranboo asked, his voice so soft it could've made a heart break. "Please?"
Kristin only leaned down and scooped him into her arms, pressing a short kiss to his forehead before tucking his head into the crook of her neck.
Tubbo stayed on the ground with Tommy, choosing to lead Kristin to their apartment.
Tommy groaned when he saw that there was still an out of order sign on the elevator. This would've been a great time to actually use the thing for once. Then again, the elevator has been out of commission almost the entire time the trio has lived here.
They walked up the stairs and soon enough stumbled into their apartment.
Tommy shut the door behind them with a sigh, pressing his back to the door intending on sinking down it to sit on the floor, but as his back touched the wood, a sharp stab of pain ran up his spine, causing him to hiss as he stepped away from the door. Instead he opted to lay face-down on the floor, groaning miserably into the carpet that was most likely disgustingly dirty.
Kristin messed around in the kitchen, every once in a while, she'd let out a surprised but amused laugh. Probably not expecting to find so much kitchen supplies.
What could Tommy say? He likes to steal. Besides, people throw away too many useful things. So Tommy just gives them a second chance of life.
Tubbo approaches Tommy and kneels at his side. "Ranboo tells me you got thrown into a wall. How bad is your back?"
Tommy groaned in response, prompting Tubbo to lift away Tommy's shirt.
Tommy heard his friend hiss sympathetically. "Is it really that bad?" Tommy asked, his voice muffled with his face pressed to the floor.
"I'm afraid so..." Tubbo told him, "there's not much we can do for bruises other than rest and wait for them to heal on their own."
Tommy whined pathetically, "you mean I can't commit crimes?"
"It's best if you stay home for a couple days."
"Who am I if I can't cause trouble!" Tommy huffed dramatically. "Oh woe is me! For I am nothing without the sweet embrace of chaos. This is so not poggers."
"You started that really poetically there. It was almost impressive." Tubbo observed out loud, "then you ruined it by saying poggers."
Tommy glared at the boy, "you're ruining my moment here."
"Tubbo?" Ranboo interrupted, poking the goat hybrid on the shoulder, "can we start planning for our next outing?"
Tommy grinned at the boy, only able to look at Ranboo from the corner of his eye as he kept his cheek on the floor. "The addiction to crime spreads!"
"Oh hush you." Ranboo stuck his tongue out at Tommy before turning his attention back to Tubbo, "it was just really fun to run around with you guys. Even if it was a little scary for a minute there. Being cornered by The Blade is a terrifying experience."
"At least he wasn't attacking you." Tommy said with a shrug, immediately regretting said shrug as his bruised back throbbed with a fresh wave of pain. "It looked like he was trying to calm a wild animal."
"My teleports weren't working as well as they should've." Ranboo admitted with a shake of his head, "I was too panicky to actually focus on where to teleport, so I'd only get a little away from Blade before being cornered by him again."
"That's okay boob boy." Tommy tried to search for a hold on Ranboo, to which the boy leaned down to hold Tommy's hand with a roll of his eyes. Tommy gave him a pat of pure comfort, because everyone loved Tommy's presence at all times and he was the most comforting guy he knew. "It was your first outing. Don't be too harsh on yourself."
"I wish I could, but it's difficult." Ranboo sighed, "you make it look so easy."
"I make everything look easy."
Tubbo placed a hand over Tommy's mouth, stopping him from blabbering on about how fucking poggers he is. Tubbo's just too insecure to know the truth.
"Off-topic, and I hate to admit it," Tubbo started, ignoring the fact that Tommy was trying to lick Tubbo's hand in order to force the boy to release him. "But I'm actually lost on what to do next. My bigger plans won't work when we're like this. At least- I want to save them for when we're back to normal."
"That's new." Ranboo said with a hum, "you're never without a plan of what to do next."
"Can you blame me? I've kinda been distracted with the whole potion issue."
Tommy finally maneuvered his mouth enough to get a chance to bite Tubbo's hand, causing the boy to flinch away. "Have you made any progress on that? I'm starting to miss my actual body."
"You're still in your body, Tommy." Tubbo pointed out as he cradled his bitten hand to his chest, "it's just younger."
Tommy groaned, "I was so so handsome though. All the ladies were swooning for me left and right!"
"More like they were running away." Ranboo snickered, "you're too chaotic."
"This is bullying and I will not stand for it!"
"You are lying down right now. So I guess that's correct."
Tommy cursed him out, ignoring the way Ranboo was laughing about it the entire time.
Tubbo and Ranboo stayed around Tommy and kept him company while he was stuck remaining in one place. Occasionally, Ranboo would wander off to ask Kristin if she needed help with anything, but he'd always come back after a short while.
They tried and failed to brainstorm some ideas of what to do next, but they were struggling. Robbery sounded boring, vandalism would be fun but it wasn't the big crime they all wanted, breaking and entering houses would be nice, but they only did that to targeted fools. Like Quackity. But Ranboo told them that he wasn't quite ready to break into such a well guarded casino, and Quackity had won their favor for at least a week or so.
Their planning got them nowhere but before they knew it, Kristin called them to dinner.
Tommy struggled to stand up, but he slowly wandered towards the blissful smell of home cooked food.
Kristin shooed them all back to the living room to sit around the coffee table since their dining table was too small and was currently covered in random shit. She especially made an effort to keep Tommy in one place so he didn't strain his injuries even further.
They ate their dinner together, and Tommy wasn't expecting to be moved to tears by a meal of spaghetti, but here he was, his eyes watering as he ate probably the best warm meal of his life. It wasn't pre-frozen or in a can or from a restaurant, or even a shit attempt of cooking by himself or his friends.
Tommy forced himself to eat slowly, resisting the urge to scoop the entire plate into his mouth. He wanted to savor the moment, to really taste the beautiful blend of herbs and spices. When he finally opened his eyes, he was greeted with the sight of his friends eating slower than usual as well, most likely doing the same as Tommy was. Kristin was already finished with her meal, but she watched all three of them fondly, her elbow resting on the table so she could hold her cheek in her palm.
"Thank you for dinner, Kristin." Tommy said, breaking the silence over them. "I don't know how you made this, but it's really fucking good."
Tubbo and Ranboo chimed in with their own thank you's before turning back to their plates.
Kristin gave them a warm smile, "I could always teach you the recipe. It's really one of the easiest meals to make, you just need to know your spices."
Ranboo perked up at that, his tail flicking with interest as he looked her way, "I'd love to take you up on that offer someday. I've always wanted to learn to cook something properly."
She nodded, "consider it done." She took a breath, straightening up, "I heard you three were trying to make plans for your next big outing."
"Do you want to help us brainstorm?" Tommy asked, still chewing a bite of spaghetti, "we could definitely use a bit of inspiration."
Something gleamed dangerously in Kristin's eye. "I have the perfect idea. But it'll take a bit to put it together properly. Can you three keep yourselves occupied for the next few days or so?"
"Depends," Tubbo said, his eyes squinting in curiosity, "what's your idea?"
Kristin grinned, "I know how much you love the heroes. What if I told you, I can get you three inside the heroes tower?"
The trio's jaws simultaneously dropped.
Tommy spoke first, slamming his hands on the table in pure excitement, "you can do that?!"
"Of course I can. I'm the wife of the number one hero." Kristin told him, her eyes dancing with amusement. "I just need to introduce the idea of you three and get you some access cards. I'm certain I can sneak a couple out of heroes pockets so that they're blamed for whatever trouble you three get up to."
"Kristin. I don't care what anyone else says," Ranboo speaks up, "you are the best person to ever grace this earth."
Tubbo cleared his throat, "don't get me wrong. I love this idea but, how in the world would you get us inside? We just made our debut as child villains. I'm pretty certain someone would recognize us."
"You'll be civilians in there." Kristin replied simply.
"People will still recognize us." Tubbo pointed out calmly, spinning his fork on his plate for another bite of his meal. "We're very distinct characters. Even when we went to the thrift store, people called the heroes on us because Tommy looked like RaccoonInnit."
"I covered for you. Though I will admit that it'll be more difficult to get others to believe that you're different people now that you've been in the field again."
"Darn!" Ranboo cursed suddenly, lightly slamming their fist on the coffee table. "If I were in my teenage body I'd be able to alter our memories and make it seem as though we didn't even know what RaccoonInnit was!"
Tommy gawked at him, "why in the world do you have that ability?! What would that even be used for?!"
Ranboo shrugged, "I dunno. Maybe we'd take away one of our memories and get purposefully caught by the heroes. Then the one who forgot would be "saved" since the other two were villains and they never realized. If they're brought to the heroes tower for questioning or to be held in safety, then we'd have someone who could cause havoc on the inside, as well as break into the tower and steal whatever gizmos and gadgets they find. Then they could save the other two when they're taken to the prison."
"How would that even work?!" Tommy squawked, his tail puffing up.
"You could revive the memories with a simple phrase or something." Ranboo replied simply, as though it made perfect sense.
"No offense man," Tommy started his sentence, which was dangerous since he was probably about to offend the guy, "but that doesn't make any sense. There's so many things that could go wrong with that plan. If I'm the one saying that, then you know that's an issue."
Shockingly, what Tommy said wasn't all that offensive.
"I think it'd work just fine." Tubbo butted in, "the heroes are pretty predictable. It's a shame we can't go along with it."
"I can still get you inside." Kristin chuckled at their petty squabbling. "We can just make some disguises for you. Dye your hair and hybrid features with temporary dyes. Ranboo can be fully enderian, Tubbo can get some sort of wig if he doesn't want to dye or bleach his hair, and Tommy, we can temporarily get your hair brown and darken the tones of your tail and ears. I'm certain that will help disguise yourselves for quite a while. It'd give you enough time to cause as much trouble as you'd like, and see how long you can stay until you're sussed out."
"That would be fucking amazing!" Tommy cheered, his tail swishing wildly behind him in excitement, "I want to steal weapons from the blade!"
"You could get that signature you've always wanted as well!" Tubbo pointed out brightly. "Maybe you could get Philza to sign whatever weapon you steal."
"Tubster, you are a genius my friend."
They chatted with one another for a while longer, excitement and a newfound adrenaline rushing through their veins. They'd have to wait a few days of course, but they can easily keep themselves occupied.
Kristin had to leave after dinner, and the boys promised to clean up so she could go home earlier. She told them that she'd be back in three days, and if anything happened to simply contact her and she'd be there.
She left their apartment from the balcony, jumping off and out of sight before spinning upwards into the air as her wings caught her from her fall.
With one last wave, she flew back home, leaving the boys on their own.
They cleaned up their dinner and said their goodnights, each of them marching off to their own bedrooms.
Tommy trudged into his room, sleep already threatening to consume him as he clumsily took off his villain gear and traded it out for some footie pajamas that were made to look like a raccoon body (he got them during the thrift store trip with Kristin due to Tubbo daring him to get them. Surprisingly, Tommy found that he actually quite enjoyed them). He smiled at the recollection of that thrift store trip and how they met Kristin for the first time. She really had changed their lives drastically within barely any time at all.
With a happy little purr quietly building in the back of his throat, Tommy collapsed into his bed, curling himself into a little ball of blankets and a warm fluffy tail as he tucked it around his body.
His purr continued even as he drifted into a quiet slumber.