A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!!!! <3
Trigger warning: Panic Attacks.
I shuddered with the realisation that Biana's actions were true. I had so desperately hoped they weren't...in fact I actually convinced myself I'd seen her mischievous glance toward Marella when she walked in. But no...no no no. I was standing there. Looking like a fool.
"Just stop!" I hastily exclaimed, mainly to my thoughts and partially to Biana. "I just...need to go. I just needed to hear the confirmation from the mouth." My tears were flooding my eyes and my chest was caving in and I felt panicked... like so pathetic. My chest heaved and I put my hand over my heart. My tears blocked my vision as I stumbled aimlessly through the hallways outside in the fresh air...where my head suddenly cleared and I could finally get a thought out or two before completely collapsing.
It was finally catching up to me...all that water...that had been following me around..my whole stupid life, like a big tsunami, it finally caught up to me, and now just like everyone else, was drowning in it. And then when Keefe came along, it finally felt like someone was making the effort to save me, but then he let go, and I'd always had Bia right there, trying to save me and now she's let go and I have no one...no one but myself. No one...I'm alone, and maybe that's how its supposed to be.
I could feel my hands shaking desperately needing help but not knowing how to get it. It felt like one my attacks started they would never stop. I took some deep breaths but it just got worse and soon my old family had infiltrated my mind and next it was their bodies in the cemetery and next their funerals and their gravestones and the pitying stares and the colour black....GOD I HATE THAT COLOUR.
The thoughts got more erratic and terrible. I shook with sadness and fear. And then the police station and then Amy...her face, she was too young. Too young. Too young. I tried to find an object to focus on in the expanse of the campus but my thoughts were too sporadic.
I bent down covering my ears trying to block out what I knew was a hallucination of a police siren and a crashing noise.
My knees planted on the ground, the gravel painful against my knees. But I didn't care, I couldn't care because I couldn't feel anything.
"You'll be okay Sophie." I repeated. "You'll be okay Sophie. This is not forever." Over and over I repeated those same sentences until my thoughts dulled to the point where my head stopped throbbing from the pain.
I loosed a heavy breath. I looked around for 3 things I could see, identified 3 sounds and then 3 body parts and soon my mind stabilised and I loosed a shaky breath...ten of them before completely being back to my present self. Although my hands still shook and I bit my lips so hard it was slightly bleeding.
I tilted my head up to the sky and breathed in and out, my body lowered to the floor, sitting crossed legged on the floor.
"God." I wiped any remaining tears. "Pull yourself together Sophie." I stood up slowly, but a wave of dizziness hit me, so I grabbed hold of the wall. "Come on Sophie you've got this." I encouraged.
Soon I was lightly strolling by myself without any problem when I spotted a girl with curly brown hair, wearing a green cropped top and baggy denim jeans. The girl looked at me and must have sensed my sadness because she walked over to me.
"Hey...are you okay?" She looked concerned.
"Oh. I'm fine. Just had a bit of a breakdown." I tried to brush it off.
"It happens to the best of us." She shrugs. "I'm Stina Heks. I'm studying Architecture. What about you?"
I loosened up a tiny bit. "I'm Sophie Foster. I'm doing some studying in the Science field."
"That's cool." She nodded. "So...you going to that big party tonight?"
"Maybe I mean one of my friends invited me but...I don't really know if I'm in the mood anymore." I admitted.
"Well I'll be there so maybe if you decide to come I'll see you there." Stina said.
"Yeah...maybe." I thought about it.
"See you later!" Stina walked off onto another path.
"Bye!" I called out. I heaved out a sigh of relief but a part of me also was happy I'd opened myself up to another person. I smiled. I could slowly feel my panic subsiding and slithering off to where it usually lay, planning its next strike.
I walked to some café near campus where I usually got breakfast...on my way there a vibration lit up my phone. An anonymous message. I frowned when I saw it not recognising the number. The message read.
I'm always here watching you Sophie Foster. And when you slip up. I'll be there to watch you fall.
I shivered, ugh freaky prank texts were honestly pathetic. Who would be this bored? I rolled my eyes and stuffed the phone into my black coat pocket and scoffed.
Vibrations of more likely more texts sounded by I ignored them and ordered a coffee from the front desk with a familiar looking cashier.
"Dex?" I asked.
"Oh....Sophie right? Sorry, most people would recognise their cousins." He laughed nervously. Dex and I weren't what you would call close friends but we were comfortable with each other but not in a oooh-he's-my-bestie-and-my-cousin-in-one.
"No problem. So what's up?" I tried to make some conversation
"Oh nothing really just hockey practice, cramming information into my head the usual. And this job...y'know trying to earn some extra cash so I don't go completely broke"
I smiled at his all too relatable comment. "Oh same. Minus the job and hockey...I'm painfully uncoordinated."
Dex laughs. "I know. Remember Christmas 2019? Our little basketball game? You broke your arm and had to be rushed to the hospital."
I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah yeah whatever. I'll let you get back to your job....see you around? We should catch up sometime" In introvert language that meant lets not.
"You coming to Wylie Endal's big party tonight?" Dex asked clicking away on the cash register, if which I did I would jam my finger.
"Everyone seems to be going so maybe."
"S'posed to be huge party." Dex commented.
"I'll think about it." I said eventually. I walked to collect my order which shortly after was called out. I sipped it on the way out slightly burning my tongue and wincing. My phone would not stop vibrating so I decided to pull it out to silence it.
I skimmed the messages. 7 to be exact all saying ominous things like.
I'll expose you Sophie. I'll watch everything you do if you don't step away now.
Fine then I'd play along
OOOOH so scary. I'm shaking. I wrote sarcastically. And step away from who or what?
You know who Sophie Foster....step away now or you'll regret it.
Marella? I took a shot in the dark Are you seriously threatening me again?
Guess again.
The caller just blocked my number. What the actual-
Not soon after I got a call from my parents. Not wanting to deal with anything else I ignored it for now and just texted them.
Can't talk now. Talk later?
Dad responded with a thumbs up...which I partially sniffled and laughed at because its probably a universal dad experience. And I was a little homesick.
I just rubbed my temples put all the calls, studying, panic attacks and prank texts behind me and just thought about nothing. It was surprisingly refreshing.
I checked my phone whilst slurping down the last bit of my drink and throwing it into the nearest trash can. The party would've started by now, so I deemed it safe to retreat back to the dorm in peace, unobstructed. I carefully walked back to the dorm room and creaked open the door to find...no one. I loosed a breath and walked in and set my things down on my bed before flopping back onto it. Next order of business. Take off my shoes. I removed the shoes off my aching feet and walked over to the fridge and opened it to find, a few slices of pizza. I practically forced one down my throat because of how hungry I was.
I bit my lip as I considered going to the party or not. I tore a blank sheet of paper out of my workbook and drew a line down the middle and in bright red marker wrote on each side in capital letters. PRO, CON in their respective columns.
PRO, I could see Biana and talk it out.
CON, I'd see Keefe (and/or possibly Marella.)
PRO, Free Food.
CON Awkward conversation with Biana
PRO Talk to Dex and Stina.
CON Get those judgy looks people love to give me nowadays.
PRO I could avoid everyone and have fun by myself. Maybe find Linh.
I sighed. That's pathetic. I decided not to go and grabbed my laptop and flicked to the little red N icon at the bottom left of the screen.
Ahhh Netflix, the only thing getting me through life.
I clicked on the episode of Gilmore girls I was currently watching and resumed it. I laid back while I watched while my pro con list was mocking me in the corner. I stopped the episode after 20 minutes of sulking and got up to change my outfit into a red top and white shorts. This is so stupid...I don't even have to go to the party.
But you promised Linh! A voice insisted.
Yeah well Linh has Biana. A voice retorted.
Linh never did anything to you. Go help her get her man! Be a good friend Sophie.
I grabbed my phone before the other voice could make a good point which would make me return to my glamorous and envy worthy life of watching and ogling over Jess Mariano for hours on end. And yes that is what my conscience sounds like.
I used my fingers to brush through my hair hastily, whilst walking to party location before knocking on the door before my social anxiety could give me a good ol kick up the butt of common sense. A taller guy opened the door which dark tanner skin and electric blue eyes.
I forced myself to say something before I looked like a mime.
"Hey I'm Sophie Foster. Uh Linh invited me."
"Ahhh yes. Linh told me about you. Yeah come on in. Things are getting heated." He laughed.
"What do you mean-" I spotted a crowd. "Oh."
Wylie laughed. "Some dudes fighting over a chick. Serena? I have no idea. Parties never end well y'know."
I nervously laughed at the social confrontation "Yeah. Parties. Pfft I go to tons." I lied.
"Okay see you around!" Wylie called before walking off to talk with some people.
I tried to see into the crowd because chances were Biana would be there. She practically sniffed out parties for drama.
And sure enough she was standing at the edge of the crowd in the center but it seemed like she was trying to mediate between who I couldn't see. All I knew was that they were yelling at eachother.
I honestly felt bad for the girl they were fighting over. Can someone say embarrassing?
I pushed into the crowd trying to get to Biana. The voices sounded eerily familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it.
I pushed to the front where I stopped in my tracks. Keefe and Fitz, being held back by some guys that honestly I could not name.
"YES OH." Fitz exclaimed, pissed. "Dude, I can't believe you would think-"
I raised my voice. "What's going on here?" All eyes turned to me. Jeez I didn't think it was that loud. Then the whispers started and I felt myself flush. Oh my god.
They both turned to me. Fitz looking annoyed with Keefe and Keefe looking sheepish with embarrassment.
They said things to me but my head was spinning. From the looks of it they were fighting over ME. Sophie Foster? Me? I mean if I was a dude I wouldn't fight over me... I started to ramble in my head.
The voices were too loud. I turned on my heel and ran out of the party. My head was throbbing like crazy and I couldn't think, someone turn the music down please. I can't breathe.
I realised I had not said this all in my head but aloud. But I couldn't stop myself.
Fitz and Keefe were bent down to my eye level trying to help me. But once they started they never stopped. I rocked myself back and forth.
"Calm down Sophie." I cradled myself. "Please calm down." I was on the floor outside a party having a panic attack. There is a sentence that I never thought I'd say.
"It's too loud." I repeated. Keefe was yelling at someone to turn the music down and Fitz looked scared trying to help me calm down. I shut my eyes tightly.
"Make it stop." I suddenly felt weightless and hot...super hot....like it 5000 degrees. I felt my conscious slip away and I fell with a thud. My eyelids drifting close. Great, fainting, another addition to my fabulous day.
~~~~
I awoke with a start, shooting up, which proved to be a mistake because my head started buzzing. I clutched it. Fitz steadied me as I sat up.
"You're okay." He assured. "You blacked out. But we got you straight to the medical center. The campus physician Elwin has been taking care of you.
And sure enough a man who looked around 25 came out of an office, lab coat, tilted round glasses, messy curly brown hair and freckles dotted on his cheeks.
When he saw me conscious he was startled.
"I don't think we've met. I'm Elwin. The physician. I've been taking care of you. Nothing to worry about. A little black out, could be caused by stress, noise, alcohol, that party. Pretty usual for what I get around here. Tell me are you dizzy?"
The guy was a big bundle of energy and rambling. "Um not really-"
"Good. Good." He pointed to Fitz. "This guys been here all night." And I did note that Fitz looked mega tired.
"All night? So..."
"Yeah its 9am." Elwin clarified. I turned to Fitz.
"Fitz... you didn't have to-"
"Sophie please. You're like my sister....actually a more favourable version of Biana. I couldn't just leave you here. I needed to know you'd be okay. Despite Keefe's and my little physically abusive encounter."
I sighed. "What happened while I was blacked out."
Fitz winced. "Um..."
"Fitz?" I said worried. "What happened?"
"Don't worry about it Soph."
"No, tell me." I demanded.
"Well its come to light that there is....um someone on campus spreading rumours about you on a gossip page. And the rumours are spreading like wildfire."
I winced. "Really?" He nods slowly.
"And you do not want to hear what happened with Keefe." He nervously laughed.
"Uh...yes I do."
He bit his lip. "Well...first Keefe and I tried to help you but when you passed out he got freaked out and like started blaming everyone and anything. So I called Linh and Biana but that did not stop him. He started kicking things and soon when I was getting you to my car to take to Elwin he grabbed a bottle of vodka and just left off somewhere...I mean its not his fault....he's had a hard life and these things kind of make him emotional...and I know you're saying your done with him but...I want you to know he's a good guy. Who likes you... a lot."
"Fitz, he punched you and left me, and he runs from all his problems. I can't do it with him."
Fitz's smile was crooked but he still said. "Keefe has gone through so much...you just had to be there to understand. And what's happened with Biana....Soph, you know her. She's deluded I agree but YOU ARE her best friend. And I promise you she'd do anything for you. You know how you had the biggest crush on Liam Grand in high school and he asked you to prom? Don't tell her I told you but she basically told Liam to ask her out or she'd make him pay. And didn't you and Liam date for ages after that? You might've never come to genuinely have a relationship with him if my sister no matter how misguided her actions were, hadn't meddled."
"Really?" I whispered.
Fitz nodded. "And I'm telling you, she's beating herself up over it."
I looked down. "I'm such an idiot."
Fitz chuckled softly. "No, you're not. But you have an opportunity to fix things with both her and Keefe. Once you get out of here that is."
A while after that Elwin discharged me and Fitz and I got up to leave.
"Oh. Daisies." I turned back in the doorway and told Fitz.
He raised his eyebrows confused. "Those are Linh's favourite flowers. Daisies." I walked out leaving Fitz to think about that.
I called Biana which went to voicemail but I didn't care I practically ran back to my dorm and knocked on it like crazy.
Eventually some opened, but my fist didn't get the memo and I knocked for 3 seconds before realising I was to stop.
"Oh." I stopped and looked at who answered the door. "Hey Linh. Is Biana here?"
Linh looked at me worriedly. "Yeah but how's your hea-"
"Biana!" I yelled running in. Biana came running out at the call of her name.
"Sophie." She breathed. "I'm so so-"
I wrapped her in a tight hug. "Bia I'm so so sorry. I was horrible to you. You're my best friend and I know you only meant well."
She hugged back. "Sophie where is this coming from?"
"Nowhere. I just...I'm so glad you're my best friend. Meddle whenever you want."
"You mean that?" Biana raised her eyebrow.
"Within reason."
"With you're permission I'd like to fix one tiny thing..." she smirked evilly.
"Oh no...should I regret that?"
Linh chirped in "Yep. But seriously how's your head?"
"Tolerable." I replied.
"LADIES." Biana interrupted. "WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS ON HAND. LINH HAS A DATE."
Linh flushed red. "LINH?!" I squealed. "With who?!"
"Wylie!" She squealed. I quietened remembering about Fitz. "Oh"
"What?" She said worried. "What's wrong?"
"I just- someone else wanted to ask you out."
Biana gasped "WHO?!"
I made a motion of zipping my lips. "Just don't commit to anything kay?" I pleaded.
Linh nodded still pondering.
"Oh um....also guys. I have-" Biana mumbled something.
"What was that?" I couldn't hear.
"I have a ----- Dex."
"You have a Dex?" I said confused.
"No no no I have a date with Dex." She said shyly.
"Okay now you're just targeting me being single." I laughed.
Biana and Linh both went red but Biana composed herself and shot back. "Says the girl who had the most wanted guy in school physically fighting for her yesterday."
I scoffed. "He did not-"
"He called you 'my girl'" Linh chipped in.
I flushed red.
"Go kiss and make up." Linh said.
"Or make out." Biana mumbled
"Biana!" I smacked her arm. "What about Marella?"
"Don't you worry your pretty little head about her." Biana grinned evilly.
"Just talk to him!" Linh encouraged.
I sat on my bed. "I don't know, follow up question. What do you know about that gossip page?"
They both winced.
"It's terrible. They're spreading rumours about all of us. Except Linh." Biana groaned.
"What did it say?" I inquired. Biana pulled out her phone and showed us the posts from the night before. I flinched.
"I'm going to talk to Keefe. Clear this up." I groaned making my decision. I stood up.
"Yay!" They both said in unison.
I flipped them off and walked out the door to find Keefe.
A thing about gossip? It makes for good reality TV, but I was starting to see that it sucked to be at the centre of it. When I made it to Keefe's door, a vibration lit up my phone. As I opened my phone I was receiving texts from an unknown number again. It read.
Know who I am now ;)?
I clicked the link below to open to the gossip page where it had a picture of me walking down the hall.
Our favourite play girl is going to confront her feelings. How cute. The question is...what will happen once she does?
The post didn't scare me. It was the fact that someone had taken my picture. I looked around. No one and yet the hallway was eerily silent. I shivered at the thought of someone watching me and decided for my own safety that I had to knock on Keefe's door regardless. I blocked the number and switched off my phone and rapped my knuckles against the door, closing my fists, preparing myself for what was to come.
Somewhere off in the distance, Biana's phone rang and went to voice mail. The person had left a message. We wonder what it says?
A pair of red lips spoke into the phone "Hey Bi? Change of plans. I've decided to come after all. I can't wait to see my favourite girls again...don't worry I'm on board with your plan after all. I know you told me not to come but I can't resist. I've just got off the plane. I can't wait to see my best friends again. See you soon. Toodles biatch"
You know what they say about revenge. It's sweet. But you know what's sweeter....the drama that comes along with it. And trust me, the play is only starting. This play makes Shakespeare look amateur. Get settled in your seats ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the show.
A/N: UMMMM HELP THE FACT THAT THE LAST PART TOOK SO LONG AND YET I LOVE IT SO MUCH?! THIS HAS GOT TO BE MY FAVOURITE BOOK I'VE WRITTEN. MY OTHER ONE WAS ME BASICALLY TRAUMA DUMPING.
VERY CLOSE TO UNLOCKING A NEW CHARACTER