Buck was nursing a beer, feeling more than a little awkward, as he listened to his mother and Maddie talk by the time Chimney arrived home with bags full of groceries. As soon as Buck saw him, he jumped up to help, any excuse to break away from the conversation, no matter how brief. Of course, Chimney insisted he was fine as he looked between each of them, confusion in his eyes. But Buck refused to take no for an answer and wrestled one of the bags from Chimney, following him into the kitchen.
For one single moment, he thought he had escaped, until he heard his mother’s voice calling to him and Maddie rounded the corner, placing a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
“So, when are you going to invite us over to this new place of yours, Evan?” his mother asked, and he sighed, dragging himself back into the main part of the room in time to see his father also returning.
“Actually, it’s Eddie’s place,” he answered, tight and unsure of what else to say.
His father frowned at him. “Is it money? I know times are hard right now, but you can always come to us.”
“It’s not about money,” Buck sighed, his shoulders falling.
“Buck helps out with Chris,” Chimney supplied for him, joining them all and clapping Buck on the back. “Right?”
“Right…” Buck breathed out, and he could practically feel his chest hollowing out at the half-truth. It felt too much like a lie, and he hated it. He hated how much of a coward it made him feel, how much of a disappointment he felt, hiding Eddie away as if he was some dirty little secret.
“That must make dating very awkward for the pair of you,” his father added, before accepting the drink from Maddie as she returned and turning his attention to her. “Jee passed out, so I tucked her up and left her to it.”
“Thanks,” Maddie answered, then she cleared her throat and looked between her guests, attempting to steer the awkward conversation away from Buck and Eddie. “Are you staying for dinner? We’ve got more than enough.”
“Oh no, we couldn’t,” their mother answered, fretting slightly, “we wouldn’t want to intrude.”
“It’s no intrusion,” Chimney answered with a big grin. “We’re family.”
She let go of a small chuckle and nodded. “Okay then. If it’s no trouble.”
“Mom,” Maddie rolled her eyes as she spoke, “we would love you to stay for dinner.”
“What about you, Buckaroo?” Chimney asked, raising his bottle of beer to Buck slightly.
“Actually, we’re taking Chris out to pick up a Christmas tree.” Buck shuffled from foot to foot.
“You and this Eddie?” his father questioned, and when Buck nodded, his father let go of a light chuckle. “Just be careful, people might start to get the wrong idea.”
“Yeah, Buck,” Chimney added, clearing his throat a little as he teased. “People might get the wrong idea.”
Buck took a breath, shaking his head at Chimney as Chimney deliberately avoided his gaze. But all that frustration and nervous energy that had been building up inside of him since his parents had showed up the night before was becoming far too much, bubbling over, making it impossible to contain, making it impossible for him to stop the next words that slipped form his mouth. “And what would that be?”
His father looked confused, tilting his head as he furrowed his brow. “That you’re a couple.”
“Buck…” Maddie breathed from beside him, but it was too late.
“Would that really be so bad?” Buck asked, looking between his parents.
They shared a cautious look, their smiles faltering, and then his mother spoke. “No, no… of course not. But it wouldn’t be true.”
He felt Maddie’s fingers wrap around his wrist, but he pulled free and stepped forward. “Well, maybe it is.”
“What are you saying?” his father asked, and without even looking, Buck could imagine the disapproval in his eyes.
“The reason I moved into Eddie’s is because he asked me to… because he’s my boyfriend and that’s what you do when you love someone.”
He chanced a glance between them, taking in the shock so clear on their faces, in their wide eyes that seemed to be having trouble understanding what Buck had just said. Maddie and Chimney were silent, and Buck just wished someone would say something. Anything. Even if it was to change the subject. But no one offered him such a reprieve and his heart continued thudding in his chest, the agitation causing him to ball his hands into fists at his sides. He looked down, working his jaw for a moment, then looked to his parents one last time, very much aware of the tears burning at his eyes, before pushing past them and towards the front door.
“Buck!” Maddie called after him, the name mixing with his mother’s somewhat strangled ‘Evan…’ that followed him out.
The fresh air hit him hard, threatening to take his breath away, and he struggled to pull his keys from his pocket. He hadn’t realised how badly he was shaking until that moment, cursing lightly and closing his eyes as his keys fell from his grip and down onto the ground.
“Evan,” his mother’s voice echoed out from the doorway, “come back inside, please.”
He ignored her, scooping down to pick up his keys, but he could already hear her footsteps getting closer.
“Evan, please,” she all but begged, her voice sounding so broken.
“Why?” Buck asked, without turning around, refusing to look at her. “So, I can find more ways to disappoint you both?”
She let go of a small, choked sigh, and he imagined her hand to be hovering near his back. “Buck, I’m… I’m sorry.”
His tongue snaked out across his lips and he swallowed hard, tension running throughout him and causing his shoulders to square up. But he said nothing.
“We were just shocked,” she continued. “It took us aback for a moment. We… we didn’t expect…” But she paused, taking a breath before continuing on. “I’m sorry we made you feel like this wasn’t something you could tell us. I am so proud of you, of the man you’ve become. Please, come back inside.”
Buck’s head spun, leaving him feeling lightheaded as he tried to take in her words, trying to understand them. His keys were already in his hands, all he needed to do was take the next few steps and he would be right at his car. He could leave, drive away without a second thought. Except, he couldn’t. His body wouldn’t move, wouldn’t take that first step.
He flinched when his mother finally put her hand on his shoulder, but forced himself to still, looking down and to the side enough to see her looking back up at him, eyes pleading, full of tears that reflected his own.
“Let’s go back inside,” she said, soft and cautious, nodding her head gently.
He said nothing, simply swallowed hard before slowly allowing himself to be led back into the house. The air was still and quiet, and as soon as the door closed behind him, he was beginning to regret his decision. Maddie looked to him with a soft smile, relief written across her face, and her eyes shining with tears.
-.-.-.-.-
Eddie told his mom as much as he could in the short time they had for lunch. Somehow, once he started, he found himself unable to stop. He told her about how Buck had always been there for him and Christopher, about the way he looked after Chris when Eddie couldn’t, without ever needing to be asked. He told her about how effortlessly Buck fit into his life, how it felt right, how even before they started dating, being near Buck made him want to be a better person.
“He has this way about him,” he said, gaze distant but soft as he thought about Buck. “When I’m with him, I feel…”
“Complete?” his mother offered up and he nodded.
He sat a moment, silently contemplating. With Buck, everything was exciting and terrifying all at once. Knowing Buck would be there when he woke up in the morning settled him, whilst the thought of losing him felt like it would cause his heart to be ripped from his chest. And yet, whenever he saw Buck’s smile, felt him press against him as he passed him by, heard him chuckle and tease… Eddie refused to lose out a single moment of it all.
Giving Buck up would never be an option for him.
“He’ll never change, will he?” Eddie asked, voice turning solemn, and though he didn’t say it out loud, they both knew who the ‘he’ in question was. His father.
“You’re his son and he loves you.” His mother patted his hand, searching his eyes. “Give him time.”
“You think I should tell him, don’t you?”
She sighed and pulled back a little. “That’s not up to me.”
“But…?”
“You should give him the benefit of the doubt. He might surprise you.”
Eddie scoffed. “Right.”
“Eddie…”
But Eddie shook his head. He didn’t want to argue. He didn’t want to ruin this moment of peace, a happy memory of his mom’s acceptance that could sit with him for years to come. So, he swallowed the anger towards his father and turned his thoughts back to Buck as he wrapped his hands around his cup. A small smile tugged at his lips and he let go of a snort.
“You must be excited,” his mother said, and Eddie looked to her, offering up a blink in confusion. “Your first official Christmas together. You probably already have the whole day planned out.”
Eddie couldn’t deny he had thought numerous times about waking up beside Buck on Christmas Day, or of a lazy morning opening presents and watching Christopher explode with joy, but he began to realise that whilst he had thought about such things, he had never actually spoken to Buck about it. The last few months had gone by so quickly and now Christmas was just around the corner, but they had yet to make any formal plans of how they would spend Christmas Day.
He just took for granted that Buck would be there, with him and Christopher.
Except, Buck’s parents were in town and Eddie vaguely remembered a conversation with Chimney about Maddie wanting to go the full nine yards this year after everything they had all been through. He felt his chest hollow out, imagining how Buck would likely want to spend Christmas there, with his family. And as much as Eddie wanted to keep Buck all to himself, he wasn’t selfish enough to expect Buck to forget his own wants.
So, Eddie forced a smile and met his mom’s eyes. “We’re still figuring it out.”
-.-.-.-.-
The room was silent for the longest time and Buck sat with his forearms resting against his knees, wringing at his hands and unable to look up and meet anyone in the eye. He could feel them watching him, could see, from the corner of his eye, his father hovering behind the couch his mother sat on, whilst Maddie took the armchair opposite Buck and Chimney stood by the entrance to the kitchen.
“Would anyone like their drinks refreshing?” Chimney finally questioned, his words uncertain in the air. “Er, Margaret, another orange juice, maybe?”
But she cleared her throat and shook her head, and when no one else answered, Chimney didn’t press it, instead shuffling from foot to foot and clucking at his tongue lightly.
Finally, Buck’s father spoke up, slow and cautious. “How long have you been er… have you…?”
Buck didn’t look up, unable to as his father struggled with his words.
“Been dating Eddie?” Maddie supplied for him, giving him a way out.
“A few months,” Buck forced out, his mouth feeling incredibly dry, each word like sandpaper, scratching at his throat.
“And the other thing…?” his father continued, and Buck looked up then with a raised eyebrow.
This time it was his mother that came to his father’s rescue, and as she spoke, he placed his hand on her shoulder, looking to Buck with what Buck could only describe as confusion. “I think what your father is trying to ask is, how long have you… how long have you known you were… this?”
“Bisexual,” Buck supplied for her. “I’ve known for a while.”
He had known since he was young, but he never understood it until he hit his mid-teens. That was when he realised that most boys didn’t look at other boys the same way they looked at girls. That was when he realised most boys didn’t think about kissing other boys or being with them in the ways Buck had started to. And since most other boys didn’t seem to feel that way, Buck mostly hooked up with girls.
It didn’t help, of course, that Buck knew he was terrible at making the first move. Especially when he really liked someone. So, he went with the flow. Growing up, he flirted with the girls that flirted with him. The one-night stands, the occasional girlfriend here and there… they all initiated it. Even as he bounced from state to state, it was always the women to make to the first move.
He was so used to being overlooked by men that when TK had seen right through him that time in Texas, it completely caught him off guard. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t experienced. Just, not in the same way he was with women. Until Eddie.
“Bisexual,” his father repeated. “And that’s the one where you… where you…”
“Are attracted to men and women,” Buck answered.
In all his years, he never imagined that the sex talk with his parents would be happening at this age… and that it would go like this, with his sister and friend in the same room.
“And this Eddie, he is…”
“Still figuring it out.”
His father narrowed his eyes, tilting his head. “What does that mean?”
Buck took a breath, but it was Maddie who spoke, giving him a small sense of relief.
“It means it’s not up to us to decide what other people are.”
“We’re sorry,” their mother spoke, patting their dad’s hand as she looked between them. “This is all so… we never had any of this growing up.”
“You mean you were never aware of it,” Maddie corrected, sitting up straight and meeting her mother’s eyes, her tone gentle.
Their mother nodded before turning her attention back to Buck, her own words gentle and pleading. “We love you, Buck. Every part of you, for who you are.”
Buck didn’t fail to notice her deliberate use of his nickname and he shrank a little under her gaze, unsure of what to say.
“We might not fully understand,” his father added, “but this is your life, and we… we want to continue being a part of it.”
“Please, don’t push us away.”
Buck swallowed hard before finally looking up to look them both in the eye. “I love Eddie. Yes, he’s my best friend, but he’s so much more than that.”
His mother reached out her hand, placing it over his. “Then we can’t wait to meet him. Properly.”