After taking a long and hot shower that helped him relax from an emotionally charged day, Su Yu entered the room as if nothing had happened. He planned to pretend that the previous conversation never happened. He was afraid that he would say something that he'd regret and didn't have the strength to argue with Wu Bi. But it turned out that the room was empty.
Su Yu saw a small note on his desk: "I went out for karaoke with friends. I made dinner earlier. It's in the fridge." Su Yu sighed as he headed to the kitchen.
During the night, he was awakened by a noise in the hall. Still drowsy, Su Yu turned on the bedside lamp and checked the time on the small clock next to him. It was after midnight. He quickly got out of bed and moved towards the sound. He turned on the hall light and saw Wu Bi. Completely drunk.
Su Yu watched speechlessly for a moment as Wu Bi struggled with his scarf to take it off, while trying his hardest not to fall over. However, Wu Bi was losing this unequal fight. In his current state and without Su Yu's help, it would either take him an hour to take it off or he would end up lying knocked out on the floor. The latter was more likely.
"Here, I'll help you," Su Yu said. Wu Bi froze for a moment and then continued staggering. If it weren't for the wall behind him, he would have fallen by now.
"Suuu Yuuu...why aren't you sleeping?" he stammered in a whisper.
"Someone woke me up," Su Yu replied, rolling his eyes as he unwrapped Wu Bi's scarf from around his neck and unbuttoned his jacket.
"Who? Who dared to wake you up?" Wu Bi asked in a conspiratorial whisper, clearly not understanding the sarcasm in his inebriated state. "Who dares to wake up my Su Yu?!" he suddenly shouted with full energy.
"Quiet! Others want to sleep!" Su Yu scolded him, as he continued struggling to remove his jacket, while also holding Wu Bi to keep him from falling to the floor.
"What others?!" Wu Bi took a hesitant step forward, as if to check if anyone was in their room. Su Yu had to use more force to get Wu Bi to lean against the wall, using it as a support.
"The other students who live in the rooms next door, Wu Bi," the older boy replied. "Lean against the wall and don't move." Su Yu made sure that Wu Bi held onto the wall for leverage as he helped him take off his shoes. "Come into the room now. Time to sleep."
"I don't want to sleep," Wu Bi complained. "Let's go visit Duo!" he suddenly shouted with drunken enthusiasm, and then tried to turn towards the exit.
"The only thing you can visit now is your own bed." Su Yu's patience was quickly running thin. He eventually dragged Wu Bi to his bed, but with great difficulty.
He could still hear Wu Bi muttering something under his breath in his drunken frenzy. "Su Yu is mine. Su Yu is only mine," Wu Bi repeated. But Su Yu didn't think much about these words. Perhaps it was because he had never seen Wu Bi in this state before. Completely plastered. Su Yu was already mentally scolding himself for what he was about to do, but he desperately wanted to find out what was wrong with Wu Bi lately. And since the sober Wu Bi didn't want to talk to him, Su Yu decided to seize this opportunity.
Su Yu sat Wu Bi on the bed and started pulling his sweatshirt over his head while asking, "Wu Bi, do you want to tell me something? Like, is something bothering you?"
"I can't," Wu Bi muttered.
"Why not?" He lifted Wu Bi's other arm, finally freeing him from his warm sweatshirt, leaving only his undershirt on.
"Because it's a secret. Shhh. Su Yu can't know. Don't tell Su Yu about this." Wu Bi tried to put his index finger to his lips as a sign of secrecy, but he fell back onto the bed.
"Why is it a secret?" Su Yu asked quietly. But Wu Bi had already fallen asleep and was breathing loudly.
Su Yu covered the younger boy with the blanket, allowing himself to stare at his sleeping friend for a brief moment longer. His bangs falling into his eyes made Wu Bi look more innocent and gentle.
Su Yu finally got up and went to the kitchen, returning with a bottle of water and painkillers, which he placed on the table. He suspected that Wu Bi would need them in the morning.
***
On Sunday, without waking Wu Bi, he left him a note saying that he was going home. The weather was unexpectedly nice. Although it was still too cold to call it fully spring, the sun was shining intensely in the light blue sky, letting us know that winter was slowly drawing to a close.
"Su Yu gege!" Duo called out, spotting Su Yu first, as he opened the gate leading to the backyard of his family home. Su Yu took his sister up on his shoulders, as she wrapped her small arms tightly around his neck for support.
"Aaah, someone is trying to strangle me!" Su Yu joked. Duo laughed into his ear, happy to finally see her brother.
"Son, I've almost forgotten what you look like! Why do you visit us so rarely? Ah, let me see you properly. Ah, Son, don't you eat anything at this dorm?! Why do you look so miserable? Looks miserable, doesn't he?!" He addressed his last words to Aunt Zhou, who had just opened the door to see what the commotion was about.
"It's not that, Dad. Wu Bi doesn't let me starve. It's probably because I didn't sleep much," he replied, still holding little Duo in his arms. It was true; Su Yu couldn't fall asleep for a while, as Wu Bi's words continued swirling in his head. What secret did Wu Bi keep that he couldn't share with him?
"Where is Wu Bi gege?" the girl asked, looking around as if Wu Bi was going to jump out from behind the gate and surprise everyone.
"He has a lot of studying, so he couldn't come today," Su Yu's heart sank when he had to lie to his family. "But he misses you very much and said he'll try to see you as soon as possible," he added after seeing his sister's sluggish expression.
Su Yu gently set Duo on the ground without letting go of her little hand, "Why don't we go somewhere together?"
"Yeah!" she exclaimed excitedly.
"Just come back for dinner," Aunt Zhou called after them, as Su Yu and Duo ran out the gate.
***
In the afternoon, Su Yu walked home with little Duo. His sister was drinking her chocolate bubble tea and admiring her new plastic gun that they had just picked out together at the toy store. Su Yu envied his sister for the carefree attitude that every child her age had. No real worries. Free from adult problems.
"Su Yu gege, did Wu Bi gege lose his way home or forget it?" Duo asked unexpectedly.
"What? No, where did you get this idea?" The girl's sudden question pulled the boy out of his conflicting thoughts.
"You once said that Wu Bi gege lost his way home, but he managed to find it. What if he hasn't been here for so long that he forgot the way?"
Su Yu noticed a playground with a nearby bench and asked Duo to sit. In the past, whenever the two of them quarreled, Su Yu said something similar to little Duo. So, it wasn't surprising that the girl followed his line of thinking with no questions asked. His sister looked at him with big, innocent eyes, waiting to see what her older brother would say.
He took her little hand in both of his hands and said in a low voice, "Duo, Wu Bi has not lost his way. He will never lose his way home to his sister." She smiled broadly at his words, showing a row of small white teeth. He could see the twinkle of happiness in her eyes that her other gege would still be able to play with her.
"The point is that as we get older, we meet new people who also become important to us, and we don't always get to spend as much time with our old friends as we would like."
The little girl puffed out her cheeks in thought.
"Does Wu Bi gege have a girlfriend?" little Duo suddenly blurted out. Su Yu was so shocked that he didn't know how to respond for a moment.
"Why would you think he does?"
"Dad and Mom said so. I once heard them say that you and Wu Bi gege are so big now that you'll fall in love with girls and you won't have time to visit home as often! But Wu Bi can't fall in love with a girl!" she explained.
"Where does this idea come from that he can't?" Su Yu laughed heartily at his conversation with the little girl.
"Because he once told me that he won't love any girl since he has Su Yu gege!" All of a sudden, something caught Duo's eye on the playground, and she ran off to join the other children, laughing happily.
Su Yu was left alone, speechless, sitting on the bench, trying to unravel what this child could have meant. And above all, what did Wu Bi mean when by telling a little girl such things?
***
In the evening, when the sun had already set and the stars were slowly emerging in the darkening sky, Su Yu sat on the gate roof of his family house. He thought about the past weeks and the turmoil between him and Wu Bi. He tried to understand how his daily routine and relationship with Wu Bi had veered so far off from the seemingly straight path, that they had lost their way back to each other. He thought about his feelings that he had kept hidden for so long.
Were they the cause of what has been happening between him and Wu Bi recently? Su Yu knew that Wu Bi was withholding details of his life from him, but he wasn't blameless either. Wasn't he a hypocrite to want to find out Wu Bi's secret, while also hiding such a huge one of his own that could destroy their friendship forever? Su Yu felt guilty about wanting to find out the truth so badly that he resorted to using deception by questioning the drunk Wu Bi. So, he decided he wouldn't bother the younger boy with questions anymore. If and when he was ready, Wu Bi would tell him what was on his mind himself.
Suddenly, a noise interrupted his thoughts, bringing him back to the current moment. When he turned around, he saw Wu Bi climbing the wall. Wu Bi climbed up without any effort and sat down next to Su Yu, leaving no space between them. He straightened his long legs and his arms rested on the roof tiles behind his back, looking completely relaxed. His outfit, which consisted of black trousers, a black turtleneck, and a black coat, made him practically blend in with the dark sky behind him. Su Yu admired his appearance.
After waiting all day, Su Yu couldn't stand it anymore, "Why are you so late?"
Truthfully, when he left the note for Wu Bi this morning about where he was going, it was implied that he should join him later. However, when he received a text message later from Wu Bi that said he was at his father's company, it made Su Yu feel disheartened. He didn't know if Wu Bi would be able to join him. But now, with Wu Bi next to him, Su Yu felt a surge of warmth. In fact, he didn't even want to imagine how it would have felt if Wu Bi hadn't come.
"Don't even ask," Wu Bi sighed. "I was about to leave the dorm to join you, but my father's security guards knocked on the door." Wu Bi rolled his eyes, "So, I had to follow them to the company. Who works in the office on Sunday? Well, of course, my father does. And he ordered me to come immediately." Wu Bi continued, irritated at the thought, "Of course, he gave me a million things to do, saying I would have to learn them for the future, so no better time than the present. Deadline is today."
"And what? Have you completed all of the tasks?" Su Yu asked.
Wu Bi looked at Su Yu and said with an arrogant smirk, "Of course not. It can wait until tomorrow."
"Your dad will be angry," Su Yu responded.
"Let him be angry. Not the first nor the last time." Wu Bi's mischievous smile never left his face, "I'd rather be here with you."
Su Yu's heart beat faster. They sat like that for a while, side by side, watching as more twinkling stars emerged in the night sky. But then, Su Yu heard Wu Bi unexpectedly speak in a serious tone.
"Su Yu... I'm sorry. I know things haven't been going well for us over the last few weeks. I...want to fix this. Fix us. I want to go back to how it was. The truth is, I've been spending time with others these past weeks because-"
"Stop right there, Wu Bi," Su Yu interjected. "I'm the one who should be apologizing for putting so much pressure on you. I'll wait until you're actually ready to share what's been bothering you. So, please don't force yourself. Just know that I will always be by your side," Su Yu encouraged. "And of course, you have the right to spend your free time with whomever you want. We are adults now. If there is someone you like, you don't have to hide it. I would love to meet this person," Su Yu added. Su Yu saw emotions flitter across Wu Bi's face that he couldn't decipher.
At that moment, they heard Duo's voice calling her brothers in for dinner, laughing happily and waving her little hands as soon as she spotted Wu Bi.
"Come on, don't keep Duo waiting. She missed you!" Su Yu called to the younger boy, as he quickly descended from the roof.
That night, the boys slept in the same room at SuYu's family home, cuddled up under one blanket, facing each other. Su Yu sleptsoundly. With the moonlight shining through the window, bathing the room in asoft glow, Wu Bi watched as the older boy slept. He gently pulled the blankettighter over Su Yu's shoulders. Wu Bi thought about their conversation on theroof. In the silent room, he whispered, barely audible, "It's you, Su Yu. Youdon't have to meet or get to know anyone, because it's you. It was always you."