[for any courtney stans, here's a trigger warning. i'm highlighting everything courtney does to be unlikeable, and making it plain obvious. mainly because lewis doesn't like her.]
'Cause I had a link with Heather, people weren't judging me for going into the girls trailer. Either that, or because they knew I wasn't really a boy. Although both reasons are fine, I'd rather it be the first than last.
I think they were talking about people that'd been booted off, or something, but I was busy reading a book, so I was only half-listening.
"What about poor Owen? Oh! Or, that boy I liked, Tyson?" Lindsay asked while brushing her hair, but was not slow to be corrected by everyone else. "Tyler!" "Oh! Sorry. I keep forgetting..." She apologized. "Just like someone else we know." Beth said, crossing her arms, which earned a glare off of me. "Well, at least I can remember my own boyfriend's name!"
I actually couldn't. But, they didn't know that.
Leshawna walked past us both, turning to the vanity mirror. "Hey, now, you two. Anyway, girl's all lawyered up. I oughta try it. Get me the big bucks for being locked up in that safe all day!" She angrily pointed at Heather, who narrowed her eyes. "Well, you stole my spa day! Do the crime, do the time." "Oh, please! It wasn't your spa day! Besides, I could've starved in there, people!" Leshawna worriedly responded, looking downwards. "I seriously doubt that!" Heather chortled, walking away.
"And WHAT is it, exactly, that you planned on doing at the spa with that wash-and-go hair?" She snickered, but was stopped by Lindsay gasping. "Oh no! I've got my hair in a knot! Beth, could you-?" "Here, let me." Heather took the hairbrush, and prepared to get the knot out of her hair.
/// Heather ///
"It kills me that Linds-iot has all that hair on her head, when it's practically her fault I lost mine! I would've chopped it off, but all I had was a hairbrush."
/// End ///
"OW! HEATHER! I think you pulled my eyes into the back of my head!" She anxiously spoke, turning her gaze to Heather, who I could obviously see did that on purpose. "Not a bad idea. With Courtney on your team, you'd better watch your back." Leshawna suggested, rolling her eyes at the thought. "She's so bossy!" Beth complained, furrowing her brows. "And, it's not like we needed another know-it-all on the show." Lindsay spoke with a wave of her hand.
"Oh... really?" Heather grimaced, ripping the hairbrush through Lindsay's hair again. "OWW! I was talking about me! And, also Liam!" At first, I wasn't too bothered, but when she mentioned my name, I got offended. And, it was clear Heather was, too, because she ripped through Lindsay's hair again, making her scream, yet again.
"Now that Bossy McSmarty Pants is back, no one's ever gonna listen to me, like, ever again!" Lindsay further complained, and that was proven when Leshawna asked her a question. "Sorry, did you say somethin', honey?"
/// Heather ///
"I have GOT to get me some hair. Not Leshawna's gross weave, or Beth's pathetic ponytail. And... I'm way too smart to be 'Lindsay' blonde. But, Courtney's? Hers would be perfect." She picked up some large scissors with a smile. "I'm just gonna borrow these, 'kay?"
/// End ///
"Hm. I can smell Justin's cheap, crappy cologne from in here." I said, raising a brow at the trailer door. "Oh- Is that a new one!? He told me he'd just replaced his YESTERDAY!" Beth exclaimed, widening her eyes. I folded my arms, and shrugged. "He goes through them quick. 'Oh, look at me, my agent, Jesus, says it's my best feature! Along my neck, nose, chin, blah-blah-blah.' You would not believe how many times he's said that."
[for religious reasons, i need to clarify in the show, he pronounces it like 'hay-zeus', not 'gee-sus']
"I think I can." Heather said, glaring through the window at the boys' trailer. "Actually, wait a second. Since we were talking about Courtney just before, where even is she?" I asked, looking around. "Dunno, don't care. I'm just glad she ain't here." Leshawna said, looking into the mirror again. Heather rolled her eyes, before proceeding to nearly pull Lindsay's entire head of hair off, but even when Lindsay was screaming in pain, Heather continue to pull down on the brush.
It was getting around to the point even I was uncomfortable with it. "OWW!" Luckily, though, it ended sooner rather than later. "Got the knot!" Heather happily announced, but what she held up was an entire clump of blonde hair. Not a knot.
"Hey, girls!" Courtney burst through the door, and everyone turned her way, frowning. Except me, but I wasn't smiling, either. "Um, isn't anyone glad to see me?" She questioned, raising a brow. Heather approached her, acting... weirder than normal. "Great to have your hair... uh- Here! Here! It's- It's great to have you here, Courtney." Out of nowhere, a really loud foghorn rang out through the entire movie lot.
All the girls were pretty shocked to hear it, despite knowing what Chris was like. "Uh, what was that!?" Leshawna asked, causing me to shrug. "The start to this challenge. What do you think?"
*
All the teams, including me, gathered where we were supposed to be, and even though I wasn't competing on the show, I stuck with the Gaffers. I wasn't so pleased to discover that Chris was wearing quite a... 'revealing' outfit. "Talk about your fashion faux-pass..." Heather said, looking him up and down with a frown. "Oh, no. Is that boy wearin' a loincloth?" Leshawna questioned in shock. "Like it?" He asked, which was answered by Duncan bursting out in laughter. "Ahahaha! Oh, it hurts! A lot!"
Chris wasn't happy with that response. "You think that hurts? Wait 'til you hear today's challenges! Now... let's get started!" We couldn't get started. Courtney cleared her throat, and raised a brow at Chris. I knew that she was referencing the legalities that came with the lawsuit I'd been told about. "...As soon as I take care of a few formalities. Thanks to Courtney's lawsuit, she'll be playing by a different set of rules!" He looked pretty ticked off, for a guy that changed the rules as he went along, anyway.
"You said there are no rules!" Duncan argued, raising a brow. Courtney smiled, satisfied that she was finally being recognized. "There are, when you have a good lawyer." "Chef, let's get this over with." Chef walked over, and handed Chris a book, before walking away. Chris cleared his throat, and began to read through the rule book. "Ahem! Rule 1. Notwithstanding that contestants are not permitted contact with the outside world, the constants hereafter referred to as 'Courtney'... may retain a person digital assistant, a.k.a, her PDA."
Beth didn't like that. "WHAT!? That's so not fair! I'm the one with the boyfriend!" She complained, but Chris did not have the energy to deal with it. "Care to take that up with our legal department, Beth? Huh?" She gasped at the realization that Chef was leading the show's legal department. "Didn't think so. Rule 2. Whereas contestants shall continue to receive allocated meals provided by Chef Hatchet, Courtney shall be entitled to a gourmet dining experience with parties consisting of producers and myself, as applicable. I hope you like lobster!"
Almost immediately, every single member of both teams began to argue with Courtney, and they protested that it wasn't fair how she was getting all of these advantages. To be honest with you, I didn't find it fair either, so I was also protesting, despite not even competing in this whole thing.
I found it unfair that my friends weren't getting them, too.
"Let's see your lawyers get you out of this one!" Chris exclaimed, savouring the drama. Courtney tried to save herself. "What? I'm still sleeping in the girls' trailer!" But... she didn't get far. There was a rule tied into that, too. "Where she will have a pure goose-down pillow, extra-lofty comforter, and 700 thread-count sheets. Oh! And, I can't forget, her own... private... bathroom." In that instant, everybody started getting actually angry over the unfair advantages she was getting.
Chris threw the book after slamming it shut, and decided to mock Courtney. "Those are the new rules. Let's call them... 'Courtney's Rules'... in honour of Courtney... who gets special treatment... and an unfair advantage." Duncan scowled, and pointed over to Courtney. "Nice! Our spoiled princess didn't waste any time hooking herself up!" "And YOU didn't waste any time hooking up with Gwen after I left!" She prodded his chest with her finger, which only seemed to make him more confident.
"While I'm touched you're obviously still hot for me, my relationships are none of your business." "YOU'RE ON TV! They're everyone's business!" She argued back, pointing to the cameras. "Well, then, the whole world knows that at least I play by the rules." I raised a brow at him. "...Most of the time." He finished off, seeing my reaction. But, for some reason, he wasn't done? "What, don't think you can win the million bucks, fair and square?"
She slapped his hand away, frustrated. "I could kick your two-timing butt with my eyes closed, and both hands tied behind my back!" He frowned, pointing at her wrists. "Gonna be pretty tough to eat lobster like that." They both pressed up into each other's faces, growling angrily.
Chris walked past them, smiling. "While I'm loving this show of hostility, I think today's challenges will help bring out your more... 'primal' instincts. Today's genre, the period movie!"
Wait, period as in... 'Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret', or period as in... 'killing off my wife 'cause she didn't have a boy'?
Beth happily squealed, and put her hands on her face. "Ooh! I love period movies! All of the pretty petticoats, and dressed with puff sleeves..." "Do we get wigs?" Heather asked, suddenly paying attention to the things Beth was saying.
Oh! So, like, it's just the caveman era...
"Chef, do we have a wig?" Chris asked. Chef grabbed one off the clothing rack, and threw it at Heather, who wasn't particularly thankful for it. "Ugh! It smells like... raw meat!" "That's because our period is the Palaeolithic period! ...Which I thought you dum-dums might've guessed from my... loincloth."
"Palaeo... lipstick? Is that a new brand?" Lindsay questioned, tapping her chin. Beth turned her head in Lindsay's direction, and explained. "It's the Stone Age. We're going to be cave girls." Chris hastily shushed them, while also insulting them. "Cave people grunt and look confused, which means, for once, you're all perfectly cast."
Heather grimaced at the dirty wig down in her hands. "As much as I want hair, I am not putting that sick thing on my head!" Chris snatched the wig with a smug grin. "No problem. You look pretty savage anyway." He began walking away with it, but Heather had changed her mind. "Wait!" She took it back, and put it on, angrily walking away.
Seeing as that was taking care of, Chris continued. "Okay! Cave people in prehistoric flicks do two things. Make fire, and use tools made of bones. Technically, you should also know how to bring down a mammoth with a stick, but since Owen's no longer here, no mammoth, no challenge."
/// Lewis ///
"...Who wrote these plots!? Cave people didn't attack the mammoth with sticks, it was a common strategy back then to scare them off of a cliff, and then they'd fall to their deaths, so they didn't have to waste energy hunting! Oh, and also? Cave people didn't wear loin cloths! They made, like, ACTUAL clothes out of animal skins! Like- Like pants, and stuff!"
[ignore me, i'm just a massive history nerd]
/// End ///
"Here are your costumes! Get into character, people!" He pointed to the rack of extra loincloths, and nobody was pleased, especially not Duncan. "You've... gotta be kidding me." "I never kid." Chris said blandly, before he began to laugh for no reason. "Actually, I do, but never about something this funny!" Courtney smirked, and folded her arms. "You'll look perfect, Duncan! You're already a total Neanderthal." He was about to say something, before Courtney threw one of the costumes in his face, cutting him off.
*
I didn't have to wear one 'cause of my... uh, 'body', but everyone else did. Well, the camera crew didn't, although that was an option brought up to them. I was just hanging out behind the scenes for now, since all the contestants were supposed to be doing was, like, acting like cave people.
"Hello, cast! Nice to see you all decked out for the competition. And, might I say you all look pre-hysterical!" Chris cracked, yet another, joke as Harold admired himself in his singular piece of fabric. "Who knew I'd look so hot in leopard skin?" He flexed his arms, despite not having any muscles. Courtney suddenly yelped, and felt her skirt. "Ow! Ugh! I think mine still has a claw...!" I glanced towards Chris with a raised brow.
*
"Please note that no animals were harmed in the making of this television program. ...Okay. We good?"
*
Heather was about to snip off a chunk of Courtney's hair, but once she noticed that Courtney was looking, pretended that she was about to cut off the claw, and did so. "Um, there! Got it!"
"Chef! The tools for the first Stone Age challenge, please!" Chris ordered, and Chef blandly complied. He handed each contestant a rock. Like, a literal rock that probably took a minute to find. "Rocks?! Aren't we taking this Stone Age thing a little too seriously?" Duncan asked, but Harold answered him, being a nerd again.
"Shows how much you know, Duncan. Rocks are an awesome resource! Inuit hunters used them to build inukshuks. Plus, they make great paperweights!" I headed over, and decided to shine a little light on Harold. "Yeah. Rocks can be useful. Y'know, in certain cases of Judaism, people were stoned to death for being associated with magic." I seemed to have successfully freaked him out, but he tried to diffuse the situation. "They... also make great paperweights!" Seeing his chance, Duncan threw his rock at Harold, laughing. "OWW! THAT HURT!" "Huh! What do you know? Rocks are useful."
"First team to collect the hidden firewood and use the 'flintstones' to make fire, earns something to help 'em with the second challenge. Ready? And... ACTION!" Everyone ran off to find the firewood, but something in Duncan's pocket caught my eye, just before he ran off. So, naturally, I was there to put a stop to that before he cheated.
It didn't take long for me to catch up with him, and he didn't even realize I was following him. I pulled him a few steps back, causing him to freak out. "Hey- Hey! Easy there! Not a lotta fabric here!" I simply rolled my eyes, and ordered him around. "Nice try. Hand it over, Duncan." He sighed, and complied. Somehow, he'd had more than just a lighter. He had a pocket knife, a stick of dynamite, the lighter, and a fire... extinguisher?
I could see that wasn't all.
"I mean all of it. Now." "Alright, alright!" He took it out of his pocket, but suddenly stopped when we both heard Harold screaming. "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!" It turns out that 'it' was a Castoroides. Or, uh, as Chris liked to call them, 'giant woolly beavers'. I let Duncan go, but only to check my journal to see if that was actually what I thought it was. Mainly, because I'm pretty sure they went extinct, like, 75,000 years ago.
"Uh- oh. That's not... hm." I was going to say that it wasn't possible, but I was proven wrong, because according to this, they still existed. And two of them were chasing Harold around currently. "Hahaha! Looks like Harold found the wooden beaver dam on the set of Rodents Who Kill!" "...So... we're just gonna... let them kill him? Isn't that a risk to 'Miss Lawsuit' over there?" It was obvious I meant Courtney. Still, Chris didn't do anything. "Nah! They're wild animals. Can't sue an animal, dude."
Duncan turned to the both of us, pointing at the beavers. "Those killer beavers are animatronic, right?" "Actu-" I tried speaking, but Chris cut me off. "Animatronic? Of course!" Seeing as Harold was apparently 'safe', Duncan decided to tease him, too. "That's it! Keep those knees up!"
/// Harold ///
I was patching up his arm while he talked. "Duncan and I have our differences. For example, whereas I hate him, he can't stand me. But we're guys. And guys can put stuff like that aside for the sake of the team. We can also pee standing up." I glanced down at him, slightly confused.
/// End ///
"HELP ME!" Harold continued screaming, and getting chased around. Duncan and I watched him, and we were just standing around. All of a sudden, Duncan stuck out his leg, and tripped Harold over. He hit the ground with a grunt, before being dragged away by the woolly beaver. "Way to get the wood, teammate." Duncan said, stealing the firewood Harold had collected, while he screamed. "COMIN', BABY!" Leshawna yelled, as she chased the beaver.
The girls beside us were sitting around an unlit campfire, and they didn't get how to start a fire. Lindsay held two rocks in her hands. "How do you make fire with a rock?" She saw that Heather was trying to cut off a chunk of Courtney's hair again, and took it as a hint. "Oh! Is this like that game of Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Heather quickly backed off, so she wasn't caught.
I turned to Duncan, who had just finished picking up all the wood. "Mind if I show 'em how it works?" I asked, which caused him to look up. Seeing what I meant, he shrugged. "Knock yourself out. I don't need help starting fires. I do that every week." He walked off to find another place to set up camp, leaving me alone.
I walked over to the girls, tilting my head. "Need me to show you how?" They all turned my way. Lindsay was quite eager, for some reason. "Oh, if you don't mind! Yes, please!" However, Courtney pushed in before I could take the rocks to demonstrate. "Give me those! We don't need YOUR help!"
/// Lindsay ///
She angrily folded her arms, and rolled her eyes. "Courtney thinks she knows everything! But she doesn't know that when I was 12, my flat iron once accidentally set fire to my grandma's house. Twice! Liam knows that!"
/// End ///
"Hmph. Suit yourself. I'm still crashing here, though." I sat down, getting comfortable. "Whatever. I'll have this thing ACTUALLY going in no time. I was a C.I.T, you know." Courtney stated, crashing the rocks together. I grimaced, watching her do it incorrectly.
/// Lewis ///
"Now, not a lot hurts me, mentally, I mean. But, that? THAT hurt to watch."
/// End ///
"Oh, she is not back on that again!" I overheard Leshawna speaking. "This isn't camp, it's a movie set!" She finished. "She IS a total drama queen." Duncan said, actually causing sparks. Courtney overheard this, too. "Why? Because I think you're a dog for hooking up with Gwen?" Seeing as she wasn't paying attention, I stole the two rocks from her, without her noticing. I then began to show Beth and Lindsay how to start a fire easily.
/// Duncan ///
"I did NOT hook up with Gwen!" He growled, and slapped his forehead. "Having Courtney back reminds me how much she drives me crazy!" He then sighed dreamily. "And... how much she drives me crazy..."
/// End ///
/// Courtney ///
"I watched the show, I know what I saw in between Duncan and Gwen!" Heather snuck in, and snipped a chuck of Courtney's hair off. "Nothing gets past me."
/// End ///
/// Heather ///
"I got some! Courtney's hair!" She held up the cut-off chunk. "Soon, it will be mine... all mine!" She began to laugh maniacally, kicking her legs. She suddenly calmed down, and placed her hands on her hips. "What? I'm not crazy. I'm just bald."
/// End ///
"'Kay, you wanna try now?" I asked, holding up the two rocks to Lindsay. She seemed unconfident. "Oh, I- I don't know. I won't be as good as you." She spoke, rubbing her head. Courtney had finally realized we had the two rocks, and snatched them, quite violently. "I didn't say you could try!" "Woah- Calm down!" I argued back, but she ignored me with a simple eye roll.
"Things are finally heating up!" Now, it was Courtney against Duncan. They were both smashing their rocks very hard, and it was only getting harder as they glared at each other. "Go, Duncan! Burn her!" "Whoo, alright!" "Yay! Go, Courtney!" Courtney only got angrier at her team actually cheering her on, and released the anger on her rocks. Still, no fire. "I love it when sparks fly." Chris commented.
Duncan, who noticed that he wasn't getting anywhere, decided to lose the rocks, and take a lighter out of his loincloth instead. He held it over the campfire, smirking at Courtney, who only thrashed her rocks together harder than before. In little to no time, the campfire had turned into a bonfire, and the Gaffers happily cheered for themselves. Duncan was especially excited. "YES! I make fire!" He proceeded to pound his chest and grunt like a caveman, teasing Courtney about him being a 'Neanderthal'.
I folded my arms, leant back, and raised an eyebrow at Courtney. "If you actually gave your team a chance to be confident in themselves...?" I questioned, with an underlying tone of anger. "Courtney! I thought for sure, you'd be the first to burst into flames. Gaffers win the first challenge!" Chris announced, walking over to us.
She angrily stood up, and stomped her foot. "Ugh! You OBVIOUSLY gave me fake flints! Nobody could start a fire with these ridiculous things!" Seeing my chance, I handed the flints over to Lindsay. With a single clash, the entire campfire was set alight. "FIRE!" She exclaimed happily. "Aha! Nice job, Linds!" We high-fived, which got Courtney angry. "Ooh... gah!" Courtney proceeded to storm off, grumbling to herself.
Chris had to have another go at the foghorn, because according to him, he 'still loved the crazy thing'.
*
"Time for our second caveman movie challenge! But first, Chef will pass out your rewards from this morning. Chef, weapons, please!" Chef pulled off a sheet off of a pile of stuff, to reveal it was bones. Human or animal, I don't know, fortunately. Leshawna widened her eyes. "Excuse me? Our reward is bones?" Chris raised his finger. "Hey, for cave people, bones were cutting-edge technology! And... they're not YOUR reward."
Chef handed out small bones to the Gaffers, and big bones to the Grips. Duncan widened his eyes with a scowl. "Hey, what gives?! WE won the challenge, I made fire!" Chris raised a brow, seeing Duncan's mistake. "Actually... you didn't. We reviewed the footage caught on camera, and you made fire with a lighter. Which is NOT a Stone Age tool! Which also means... Lindsay made fire first! The Grips are the winners!" The Grips cheered, and Courtney found an opportunity to be snarky.
"Well, well, Duncan, 'I play by the rules', cheated! Big surprise." "I've got many more for ya, sweetheart." Courtney growled at Duncan angrily, but was cut off by Chris, who cleared his throat loudly. "The props department for caveman movies are bare-bones. Which means these are all actors have to fight their on-screen enemies with." Leshawna angrily raised a brow. "And WHO might these enemies be!?" "Each other, of course! Grip tribe, versus Gaffer tribe."
Duncan laughed, and looked at his bone smugly. "Cool! We have to fight each other with bones?" He was struck over the head with Courtney's large bone, much to his pain. He yelled out, and sucked air through his teeth, and Chris approached Courtney. "I like your enthusiasm, Courtney! Only, you'll be fighting over THERE!" We all looked over to see two platforms in the middle of a massive pool of fake tar. "Each player that knocks his or her opponent off the column into that fake bubbling tar pit, scores a point for their team! To the tar pits!"
*
It was Lindsay against Leshawna first. Leshawna seemed worried because of her weapon, but Lindsay seemed worried because of what she might fall into. "I'm supposed to knock her off with this teensy-weensy little bone?!" Lindsay turned her head to Chris. "How do we know when to start?" Chris, who was standing by the foghorn, smirked. "Oh, don't worry! You'll know!" He laughed crazily, which I thought was pretty weird, but what was weirder was why he put so much effort into making sure the foghorn was as loud as possible.
Because of this, Lindsay stumbled off of her platform, and immediately fell into the pit of tar, screaming. The Gaffers cheered happily, cheering Leshawna on. "Woohoo! Yeah!" "Way to go, snookums!" "Aw, see? Now, that was just way too easy!" Leshawna bragged, looking down at Lindsay. "That's one point for the Gaffers."
Me, Beth and Justin gathered around the pit, looking for Lindsay. "Linds, are you okay!?" Beth worriedly asked. Lindsay stood up from the pool, completely drenched in, what I think was, black-dyed skin paint. . . ? "It feels like a cool mud bath! I wonder if it's good for the skin?" I held out my hand to her. "Here." I pulled her out, and Justin looked at her. "Be sure to let me know."
"Next up, Beth and Heather!" Chris was interrupted by some deafening roars from above the platforms. I looked upwards in concern, to find some giant Canadian geese. And, oh boy, they were ANGRY. "Oh, crap. . ." I muttered, knowing the tendencies of angry geese. "Looks like Lindsay's bloodcurdling screams have attracted a swarm of prehistoric pterodactyls! This should make things interesting." Chris announced, grinning more than before. "Cool special effects, man. High-five." Justin said, holding up a hand to Chris. Chris, though, didn't return it, and instead backed off. "Oh, totally special effects."
Heather and Beth got up, and Heather refused to drop her persona like yesterday, despite being scared. "Why don't you just jump off now, and save us all the time?" One of the geese swooped down, and grabbed a hold of her wig, but Heather wasn't prepared to let it go that easy. "MY HAIR! UGH! LET GO, OR YOU'RE DEAD MEET, TWEETY!" Well, 'Tweety' didn't let go, Heather did. The goose took the wig, and made Heather lose her balance and fall forward.
I gasped, and took a quick step forward in fear. She'd managed to grab onto Beth's bone to stop herself from falling, but Beth wasn't happy. "LET GO!" Heather fought back angrily. "YOU LET GO!" "Okay." Beth, seeing her chance, let go of the bone happily. Heather fell from the platform, into the massive pool, much to my concern. "Heather!"
/// Beth ///
"They make us do a lot of horrible, humiliating things to each other on this show, and I haven't been very good at most of them. But, when I knocked Heather off her high pedestal, and made her fall into a pit of bubbling tar? Well, that was my point of the competition." She laughed evilly. "Maybe my whole, entire life!"
/// End ///
The Grips cheered for their victory, which was expected, but what wasn't was Leshawna cheering, too. I shot her a dirty glare, and so did Duncan. "Hey! Whose team are you on, anyway?" "Yours. And hers. But, it's kind of lose-win, no?" Duncan didn't seem to agree. I heard Heather standing up in the pool, which caused me to return my focus. "I-Isn't anyone gonna help me out of here?" "I'm coming, don't worry!" While I rushed over closer to help, Chris thought it would be a perfect time to cut to commercial break.
THIS LATE.
"And that evens the score at one-all for the Grips and Gaffers! Who will win? And who will both drown in tar, and get booted off? Find out, when we come back!"
*
I'd literally used my jacket to both help clean the stuff off of her, and help her warm up, since she was practically shivering. Strangely, nobody thought to bat an eye. At least, that's what I thought.
"Next up, Justin and Harold!" Chris announced, and despite Harold being eager to battle it out, Justin was more focused on posing for the camera.
/// Justin ///
He was completely drenched in black tar. "I'm gonna win the million, but that shot of me standing atop the stone column is worth even more. It's gonna be an iconic image for the series." He then began to admire both of his wrists. "Hey, Lindsay was right about the tar. My skin does look even better."
/// End ///
When it was time to start fighting, Justin growled, and switched his bone from the left hand to the right, before swinging at Harold. Harold, fortunately, ducked out of the way just before he could get knocked off of his platform. He dodged multiple times, eventually bending backwards, but he wasn't too excited to see the woolly beavers waiting at the bottom of the pit for him.
Duncan yelled up to him. "Don't blow this, Harold! They're not real beavers!" Harold trembled more than I'd ever seen him before, as he thought about what to do next.
/// Harold ///
"I never thought I'd say this, but. . . I'm scared of. . . beavers! Especially fake, prehistoric beavers!"
/// End ///
Justin swung at Harold again, which caused him to stumble back, and lose his balance, but not enough to fall off of the platform just yet. Duncan wasn't finished trying to encourage Harold, though. "Just don't go and lose this challenge for us! Beavers can't swim through tar!" Duncan was quickly proven wrong when both beavers jumped into the tar, and began to swim incredibly well towards Harold's platform.
Harold hastily regained his balance, and ducked again in order to avoid Justin's attacks. He looked down at them, growling at the base of his platform. "T-Their teeth are the size of railway spikes!" Leshawna decided to help encourage Harold, calling up to him, too. "You'll be okay, baby!" "DON'T BE A WIMP!" Heather called up from her seat beside me. Duncan continued to spread misinformation on the beavers. "The columns are plaster, not wood, and beavers can't climb!" Turns out, yes, they can. "Huh. I guess my knowledge on prehistoric beavers is a little rusty."
Harold desperately tried to shoo away the beavers. "Down, beavers! Down! Get back to your dam!" The beavers did not falter from being hit, though, because they caused Harold to slip. Before he could fall, though, he grabbed onto Justin's loincloth, and dragged him down into the tar pit, along side him.
Chris just could not get enough of this, though. He burst out laughing, tears forming in his eyes. "Hahaha! That was. . . awesome! Haha! Ah. . . would have preferred to see some beaver carnage, but hey, you can't have everything. Anyways, that leaves the teams tied. . . and us with a grudge match between Duncan and Courtney! . . .On the same column! You just can't write this stuff!" He giggled, putting a hand to his forehead.
Courtney and Duncan walked over, both on either side of Chris. "Don't get too hyped. Duncan won't last more than two seconds!" Courtney bragged, swiping her hair over her shoulder. "Oh, yeah? Wanna bet, sweetheart?" Duncan threatened, raising his fist up at Courtney. Chris, though, split them up. "Woah! Save the lovin' for the platform!"
*
Courtney was shuddering into Duncan, due to there onto being room on the platform for one person, although Duncan was just savouring how pathetic she was being. "Haha! Quit trying to make out with me." Courtney didn't find it as funny as Duncan did. She shoved her bone into his face, pouting. "All you're going to kiss. . . is the end of my bone!"
I nudged Heather lightly, making a quick innuendo, just because I could. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, though I could see she laughed quietly.
The foghorn was blown into, signalling the beginning of the fight. Instantly, both Courtney and Duncan tried to push each other off, only to lose their balance, and tumble back. However, they were holding each other's hands, which brought them back up. Ironically, Courtney immediately kissed Duncan. I thought it must've been on purpose, because she looked so confident while doing it, but only feigned once pulling away.
Duncan widened his eyes with a flirtatious grin. "Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Now, that's the stuff!"
/// Duncan ///
"I-It's like there were two Courtney's up there! The nut-job I wanted to knock right in to that tar pit, and the hottie in the fur bikini!"
/// End ///
/// Courtney ///
"Sure, Duncan has this primal, animal magnetism. But, he also makes me want to hit him where it hurts."
/// End ///
/// Lewis ///
"Yeah, uh, watching their confessionals. . . it sounds to me like those two are in heat."
/// End ///
In an instant, Courtney let out this animalistic yell, and used her bone to hit Duncan, directly in the nuts, where it hurt him most. He immediately yelped, and tumbled back, falling off of the platform, directly into the tar pit. Chris was quite entertained, because he even went as far as to check it out on the instant replays.
"Well, I'd say the Gaffers had a better chance at the one million B.C. 'B.C', meaning 'Before Courtney'! Although, it just isn't their time to shine anymore. As for the Grips, they win today's reward! A mammoth-sized prehistoric barbecue!" The Grips happily cheered for their gigantic piece of meat, while the Gaffers sighed in defeat. However, Chris had something for them, too.
"Don't worry. . . the Grips may have won today's reward, but we're not gonna let the Gaffers go hungry!" Chris said, as he threw a giant goose egg over to Harold, who raised an uncertain brow at the thing in his hands. "A. . . pterodactyl egg?" "Should be enough for four! You do have fire." Although, in that moment, the Gaffers' fire was extinguished. "Maybe if you're lucky, the Grips will throw you a bone when they're done." Chris shrugged this off, as the Grips cheered happily again.
"Ha, ha, ha! Barbecue time!" Although, as soon as Chef got out of the car, it rolled back, and fell into the tar pit, making it completely inedible, now. "Oops." He blurted out, as all of the Grips gasped. Chris walked over, still savouring their misery. "Look on the bright side! You still have your bones. You could use 'em to hunt for dinner."
"Or, in Courtney's case, pick your teeth after your lobster." I muttered, causing Heather to laugh along with me. She responded to me, covering her mouth slightly, although speaking loud enough to be heard. "Now that HAS to hurt!" The 'pterodactyl' roared angrily at the sight of its egg in Harold's hand, which caused Chris to get not-so confident. "Uh, Harold. . . ? I think the pterodactyl wants its egg back. . ." Harold tried to drop it, but the tar that covered his body stuck to it, and kept it with him. "Wah-! Get this thing off of me!"
Heather spotted that it was the same goose that had flew off with her wig, so she forced the jacket she was wearing into me, and immediately ran for it. "GIVE ME BACK MY WIG! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY HAIR!" I was extremely concerned to see her wrestling the giant goose for the wig, considering they were meat-eaters, and it was already agitated. Although, to my surprise, she'd beaten it black and blue, and literally knocked it out. . .
Chef and Chris were shocked to see it, too, but they brushed it off, like, seconds later. "Probably tastes like chicken. . . ? Speaking of chicken, tonight's surf and turf! Shall we?" Chris turned his head to Chef, who seemed rather eager to get a break. "Let's shall." They both left with Courtney, probably to eat their fancy-pants lobster dinner. Harold was being held up by Leshawna, and Duncan was on the ground, holding his crotch in pain.
"How long for a soft-boiled pterodactyl egg?" Harold asked. "I'm guessing around. . . three hours?" Leshawna responded nervously. "Um. . . Leshawna. . . ?" Harold began, looking down at her. "Yes, sweetie?" "My hands feel ouchie!" He exclaimed, crying out in pain.
/// Courtney ///
She was enjoying a lobster dinner. "Duncan got what was coming to him. And. . . so did I. Mm! Lobster and Belgian chocolate."
/// End ///
/// Duncan ///
He squealed in pain, holding his crotch still. "Eee! W-Why do they always go for the kiwis. . . ?"
/// End ///
/// Lewis ///
"Listen. I know everyone wanted to see Heather cut off Courtney's hair. And, trust me, so did I! The girl had it coming to her, from what I've heard. . . but. . . she's got a kick-butt lawyer, which also means we can't harm a hair on her head. Well. . . the crew can't, anyway. Which. . . also means. . . there was nothing on that contract that was invalidated! Well played, Heather! Well played."
/// End ///
[something happened with my full stops, like, halfway through the chapter, and now they won't stop putting spaces in between them. so. . . ignore that if you see it.]