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11| Circus
To live in a world where you're just a click away from being able to do anything; where you would get any thing you want delivered to right in your hands, where you would talk to people miles apart in comfort of your house. Oh! Didn't we all desire this life?? But ah, what sadness it brings along.
Sithara was sat on the dining table with a hunched back, tiredly typing out the final comments on the draft of the contract. What misery it was to have the office come home? She could be sitting with Ammi and watching a Pakistani drama, or she could be strolling in the garden with Daniya gossiping about what other girls were doing, or she could be with her children playing games or simply with her dear husband making love. But no!! She was here, straining the fuck out of her eyes, reading documents running into a hundred pages and what not.
But who could Sithara blame????? Capitalism? The corporate circle? Her boss who was her own fucking husband??? She hated Arsalan.
"Let loose Sithara." Ammi tittered as she filled her glass with water. "Who makes you so angry??" She questioned. She'd been observing her expressions for the last fifteen minutes and could see her stressed and angry.
"Your son." She replied, lifting her eyes with intent.
"Arsalan?" Ammi exclaimed. "It is weekend right?" She looked into her phone to confirm what day it was. Everyday in the lockdown felt like a Sunday but not to Sithara.
"You know he is talking to the client on Tuesday yet he is making me work till ten on a Friday night with no dinner." She complained.
"Make sure you don't give him sex this weekend and he knows the reason." Daniya commented and Inaya giggled as they walked in the dining area after a walk.
"I'm not." Sithara agreed.
"Better, just resign." Ammi instead suggested.
"Trust me Ammi, I want to, so bad, right now. But if I could.." Sithara made a puppy face.
"Ah, I don't understand you Sithara. You can really not work and it will be same, you annoy me sometimes, really." Ammi added. She was right. Sithara would complain about having to work twenty-four seven yet she would never want to leave her job. But only a person who has ever worked could understand the dilemma.
Sithara feared losing her brilliance, her intelligence, she feared wasting years of hard-work and knowledge to idly sit at home and get bored.
But at the same time she was not wrong when she said it is a torture to be a corporate slave. People like her own husband made it difficult.
"Ammi I wish I could explain." She responded and Ammi shook her head disgruntled.
Sithara attached the document on the e-mail to Arsalan, briefing him on the matter a bit before sending it with a steadfast 'hesitate to contact me' declaration.
"Call Arsalan, I'll serve you both. Who has dinner so late? We have always taken care of ourselves and followed a proper schedule yet we have so many ailments, how will you all manage with such a broken routine???" Ammi rambled and she could hear her own mother lecture. She used the same musings.
"I try." She admitted to Ammi. Her mother was constantly pushing her to improve & upgrade her life that finally she had become conscious of her lifestyle. She had begun to plan healthy meals for herself with a lot of movement, and time in nature, away from screen yet sometimes she couldn't help but fall prey to her job.
"I try so hard. Arsalan doesn't let it work." It wasn't a furnished excuse but the main problem. Ever since their marriage Sithara had always ensured she had the last meal of the day with Arsalan. She loves to be there with him when he finally dissociates with the world and it's just them. But unlike Arsalan she doesn't have a perfect metabolism. Eating late adds onto her pounds while he maintains his desired weight despite the unhealthy habit. He'd also sleep less hours than her and always be fresher and more energetic. She envied his agility and strength that came so naturally to him. If she'd ever complain he simply asks her to eat and sleep whenever she wants but it wasn't easy.
"No Ammi, I ain't eating nor letting him eat." She answered. "Will get ourselves some porridge that's it."
"But Arsalan." She stopped realising Sithara was clear she had to make her husband suffer.
"Thank you for feeding the children though, I don't know what I would do without you." Sithara was glad Ammi had fed the children. It was a task in itself.
She had always felt that she would need to live with her own mother to be able to work and take care of her children but luckily Ammi had been very cooperative and nice. Of course, that saddened her mother because she got no time with her especially because of her not so sweet relationship with Arsalan but overall her married life was quite decent in her husband's house.
Ammi shook her head. There was no need to thank. "I'll give Arsalan's Abba his medicines then.."
"Sure, sure, you go Ammi. I will manage. Sleep now." Sithara spoke to her and her eyes fell on Arsalan who was walking down the stairs with a glint in his eyes, and his signature no smile smile. She loved it, it meant he is in a playful mood, it meant fun, and that gave her so much thrill.
"Arsalan. You tire me." His mother complained with a sigh.
"That's criminal of me Ammi. At this age I should only be tiring my wife not you." Arsalan circled his arms around her, with his eyes on his wife. His mere presence had washed away her bad mood and made her happy and excited for no reason. It still felt like she was a stupid little girl newly in love.
"Tricks." She argued. "All you do is tell us silly, sweet lies when you only care about your business and money." She had always hated his fascination with money. "Sab yahin chor ke jana hai, nah Abba samjhe nah tum samaj rahe ho."
"Ammi." Before he could explain his mother stopped him. "I know you'll fool me with the same words your Abba has fooled me for fifty years. I'm going."
"Ammi.."
"Tell me if you want to eat anything else." She quietly added before she left. She couldn't protest loudly but she didn't like how Sithara's arrival in Arsalan's life had changed his diet so significantly. She had known his son to love chicken, fish, and beef and now he didn't have any choice. It made her sad especially because he worked so hard.
Sithara could feel his eyes upon her as she read her mails. He was stood across the table, leaning on to the chair, waiting for her to finally pay some attention on him. She shut her laptop down before walking over to the refrigerator to bring milk to the table.
Arsalan pulled his chair and sat as she poured the milk in two bowls. He observed her curiously until she added the porridge. He was simply disappointed. He wished if he could actually go ask his Ammi to serve him some biryani. Sithara added some dry fruits, and jaggery before serving it to him.
Sithara watched him continuously as he ate. It was really sadist of her because she could see the despise carved on his face but she liked it. She knew he was doing it for her, to compensate.
She brushed her cold feet over his under the table, catching him all off-guard but she pretended as if she did not know what she was doing. Arsalan's foot was ticklish.
She took Nutella and licked her spoon, her eyes all upon Arsalan. "This is not sweet enough for me." He breathed, taking his wife's hand and sucking her finger that had chocolate over it.
He shook his head, disapproving the taste, his eyes mischievously glowing, telling her it was not enough, he needed more of her. Both of them could sense the moment building until Inaya came and abruptly included herself over dinner.
"I'm sorry, but I hope it's okay if I join." Thankfully she had raised her eyes only after Sithara withdrew herself from Arsalan.
Sithara pressed a small smile. It was funny to Arsalan because he could read how unfriendly it was. She had asked Arsalan to stay away from her and now, she was here, irritated when Inaya interjected.
"I noticed, you always eat late." Inaya commented. It was addressed to him alone even though everyone knew Arsalan and Sithara always had dinner together.
"Ah, yes." Arsalan put his thoughts about his wife on hold and gave her a courtesy smile. "It's not helping." He unintentionally joked, signaling towards his bowl.
"It's gross!!" Inaya exclaimed and Sithara could not help but raise her eyes. "Why are you even eating this?"
Before Arsalan could object, she had taken his bowl away and had served him biryani. "Phupho told me you love her biryani. Honestly, it's my favorite too ever since I've had it."
Sithara had taken offence. How dared she do that. Arsalan could not take a bite without his wife's permission. He knew that eating porridge was his punishment for 'a' making her work beyond office hours and 'b' for following an unhealthy routine. "Khaein." She taunted him.
"Oh, you are vegetarian." Inaya said as if it was a pitty. "Eat no, it's delicious." She further pushed him.
Sithara only got angrier. She wanted to leave but she could not be rude. She inhaled trying to ignore the situation and calm down.
"Water." Arsalan wanted Sithara to engage but before she could Inaya filled a glass for him.
Sithara was done eating long ago and was only waiting for Arsalan but Inaya wouldn't stop talking. She was getting bored as they were talking about the project she was interning in with him. She silently sat, eating some extra strawberries now, minding her own business.
"Pepper?" Arsalan demanded. He didn't need it but it was right next to Sithara. He could see she was zoning out and he wanted to keep her with him.
"Really?" Inaya asked. "I think it's just fine but do you like its flavor?" She took it from Sithara's hand, sprinkling it on Arsalan's plate, not a percent aware of their dinning table romance.
Sithara found it quite dumb of her to not realise it till now. Everyone, even Ammi had understood what Arsalan demanding something over the table meant. Ammi pretended she didn't know, she acted as if she did not see Arsalan playing with Sithara's hands over the course but everyone knew and here was this girl, so ignorant even after having shared so many lunches and dinner with them over last few months.
Sithara was not being excessively bitter but honestly, she had noticed Inaya did a lot to gain Arsalan's attention. She usually lets it go, and lets it be, thinking of it as nothing more than a crush, but right now it was pissing her off.
"Actually, he likes more pepper." Sithara was exasperated so she added poisonous amont of pepper to his biryani. "Enjoy."
"Where are you going?" Arsalan asked when she got up and walked away.
"I'm the bahu, I have to clean up as well." She forced a smile.
@Sithara oh there were days we could go out?
Arsalan put his arm to her side, blocking her between himself and the kitchen counter as she arranged the plates. Her back was against his chest.
His fingers reached her neck, as he put her hair aside. "You technically can't stop me from contacting you over business purposes hn???" His breath tickled her. "Hn? I'm your husband." He referred to the mail she had sent out to him.
"Well, you have clearly blurred professional and personal lines." She turned around to look at his face. She held onto the edges of the marble.
"You mean by not being able to keep you off my mind???" He said and she wanted to giggle and be flattered but no.
"You are not getting away with what you did on the zoom call." She reminded him. Arsalan had lashed out at her team over some work he didn't find upto the mark.
Sithara was literally with him the entire fucking time yet he didn't say a word to her personally but chose to scold her publicly.
"Jaan." He had no explanation. She didn't want special treatment at work but she'd hold grudges if he didn't treat her like his wife at office.
Arsalan knew that Sithara had delegated the work to her juniors and rightly so, because it didn't require her level of involvement yet her team managed to fuck it up. He wasn't reprimanding her but her team yet he saw her face red in wrath when he walked out of the room past her work-desk. Of course she should have scrutinized before sending it over to him but he let it go still she was sad.
"No." She dug. "We are only have conversations over zoom calls now hm?" Arsalan chuckled.
"And of course if you have anything that you want me to vet even when it's due in months, you can. I am available to do it kyunki mere shauhar ko toh farak hai nahi mujhse, he'll work toh main bhi kar he lun, bore hone se better hai.."
He held her back when she tried to push him away and go. "I'll try not to work over the weekend okay??"
"Try?" She scoffed, folding her hands across her chest.
There was silence. He thought and thought until he gave up. "Okay, I won't."
"It literally took you so much time to agree. What are you Arsalan?"
"Okay, now shut up." Arsalan picked Sithara up in his arms and she burst out laughing, surprised by his action and also a little scared as she tried to balance and get a proper grip of him. "Let's just get to what I'm sacrificing for."
"How mean!!" She hit his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." Inaya's face turned pale as they almost bumped into her at the kitchen entrance.
Arsalan immediately put Sithara down. He thought the house had slept and it really had, except Inaya.
"Do you need anything?" Sithara asked genuinely. She thought she went to sleep too.
"No, I just thought Arsalan bhai could answer certain questions so that I can go on with the project."
"There's no rush, you can do it on Monday." Arsalan politely replied.
"Trust me, you'll have plenty of weekends to mull over work and you'd hate it." Sithara advised. "So enjoy now."
Sithara stepped out, and Arsalan followed, taking a long stride and intertwining his palm with hers.
They decided to loiter and sit in the garden.
@Sithara aadya's first b'day lmao it's been so long 💛
Flashback
Her foot constantly tapped against the floor as she sat across Kabir with files sprawled over the desk. "The amendment to LODR clearly mentions that the listed company requires to make disclosure of any obligation it encumbers upon itself in relation to its related party."
"No, okay, even when I accept that indemnity is an obligation, I want to know whether we are clear on the land transaction entered into by subsidiary in its own capacity is to be disclosed to SEBI by parent company part??" Sithara told Kabir.
"Yes, that's what I understand from the bare act. Only the indemnity clause is a trouble." He answered.
"It's a thousand crore conveyance." Sithara pondered. "Indemnifying does not always mean loss though?" Her eyes would go back to the clock every other minute. "Would the shareholders care???"
"Do you have anywhere to go??" Kabir straight up asked. He could see her restless for more than an hour now. He had observed her to and fro motion between the clock and her laptop.
"No." She chortled, her cheek turning a shade of red as if he had caught her theft. "Where would I go at this hour?"
"Yes, then why are you so out of tune???" Kabir didn't hesitate and Sithara knew why. She knew he was silent only because he didn't want to be over-bearing but he did want to know if the rumors were right. If Sithara was back with Arsalan? If she was seeing him??
"I'm okay." The guilt was evident in her eyes. She dreaded being asked about Arsalan upfront because she didn't have any answer. She had no idea what meeting Arsalan meant.
"I read the minutes of the board of directors meeting, they suggested.."
"Kabir, actually, I'd go." Sithara interrupted him.
"Go where???" He looked at the time. It was eleven at night.
"Go home. I can't concentrate anymore."
"I can see that." He retorted. "Do you want me to drop you???"
"No." She gushed. "I have my car. I'd drive."
"Sure??" He confirmed.
"Yes." She smiled. She faked it. "I had three hearings. Met the clients, read these docs." She tried to give him a reason.
"Oh, yes, definitely." He stood up. "I'm sorry I totally didn't take that into account." He helped her with her belongings to the parking area.
Sithara could see Kabir through the rear view mirror. He didn't leave and she didn't want him to notice she took a left turn instead of right but there was no option, he stood there and she was already late.
Sithara drove through Khan Market to her favorite bakery to buy a cake. Luckily it was still open. She bought some cute decorations and Arsalan's favorite flavor of cake. It was Aadya's first birthday, Sithara wanted to make it special.
She put on her seat belt, reversing her car. Her mind was constantly engaged in planning decorations. She only had half an hour left to arrange for everything.
But would Aadya come???? The thought made her giddy as if some one burst the bubble of her dream world. She didn't know if Arsalan would want to celebrate Aadya's birthday with her. She didn't know if she had the right to want to make it special for her.
Sithara's heart sank as she reached her house. A sudden wave of utter sadness, uncertainty and confusion hit her. She had no idea what place she had in Arsalan and Aadya's life.
Her mobile beeped with text a notification but she accidentally clicked onto the photo gallery on unlocking, falling onto a picture of hers with Aadya.
She felt overwhelmed looking at Aadya's innocent small smile as she looked up at her wanting assurance from her as clutched onto her index finger and tried to walk.
Sithara wanted to be the confidence Aadya needed to walk into this world. She wanted to be there to hold her up, have her back and give her the wings she'd need to fly. She just didn't know if she was allowed to want this but it was too late. She was involved. Right or wrong, she had no clue.
Sithara took a deep breath and mustered the courage to call Arsalan. Her fingers trembled a little as she dialled his number. She had never called him before. He'd come home, they'd sit together and take care of Aadya but there were no words exchanged between them ever. She wasn't sure if she could call him but she really wanted to be with Aadya tonight.
The bell rang but Arsalan did not pick up. What else was Sithara expecting from him?? He hadn't come over for a week. He hadn't texted or informed why. He did it. He came to see her whenever he wanted and then he disappeared for days without any warning.
Sithara looked around her drawing room. She had put up the birthday banner, the balloons, bought Aadya a new dress and stuffed toys of her favorite cartoon. She was so lonely in life that she was looking forward to celebrating her ex's, Arsalan's child's birthday when he did not even bother to receive her call.
Sithara's throat parched. She had never thought life would walk her to miserable roads. Her twenty one year self was so happy until one after the other life began to fail her as if she had poked a stable house of cards. Having her family being betrayed by the love of her life in business, being abandoned by him, attending his marriage, and again falling prey to his love and being cheated on to marrying a rapist, being almost killed, to having her love refuse her again but still being sat on her couch at midnight waiting for him.
How tragic? How was she supposed to console herself everyday and look forward to life. It was exhausting to get up in the morning and pretend everything will fall into place knowing damn well that it will not and cry to sleep all alone once again.
Sometimes she wished if she could just die.
Her phone rang, breaking her trance. It was already twelve. He must have already celebrated her birthday without Sithara. At this point she didn't even expect a call back.
"Hello?" Sithara answered. Her voice was heavy and shaky. She could cry any moment.
"Is there anything urgent?" Arsalan did not wait to ask. He sounded in a hurry or rather uninterested.
"No." Sithara could not help but admit. His voice panicked her. "Do you need anything?" He pressed.
"No." She lost the guts to demand his presence. How could she even expect herself to be brave enough to require him to come???? How frivolous and childish of her? What was she to him???
"Then why did you call???" His voice was frustrated.
"I'm sorry." There was a pause. She was shivering.
"Ah Aadya." He hung up before she could say anything.
Tears trickled down her cheeks. She felt cold, devastated, so fucking alone. She hated herself. She loathed her life. She didn't even know what sins she was paying for but she wanted to give up. Give up so bad.
She screamed, she cried, she howled but nobody heard. She fell asleep when she got tired.
The door bell rang jerking her off. She got up haphazardly. She had no account of what led her to sleep. It was three at night. Her mind could not process who must be out and it was scary. It was Arsalan and that was equally scary.
She looked at the clock again to be certain if she looked at it right. He noticed but did not look apologetic to disturb her at this hour. He had always felt entitled to her. But what caught his mind was her eyes, so red, like she had freshly drowned herself in tears.
"Ara!" Aadya tuck Sithara's black robe. "Aara." Aadya's two white teeth showed. She looked happy to see her.
"Happy birthday Aara's baby." She forgot about all the tragedies in a go and picked her up, kissed her lips and tickled her into laughter.
"Happy birthday." Aadya enjoyed the look on her face, she clapped.
She took her inside. "Wow!" Carved on her lips as she covered her mouth in surprise. Her expressions said she loved it. "We are doing birthday." Sithara walked her to the cake.
Arsalan followed her in, shutting the door. He was in his business like she was still in her white saree and lawyer's black robe.
"Arsalan." Her smile faded. She was nervous about his reaction. He had not said a word yet. But at the same time she could not just cut the cake with Aadya. It was his due. "I will click her pictures."
He bobbed his head in agreement. No words still. She ignored. Hate was no where close to what she felt for him sometimes. She clicked their pictures. "Ara." Aadya called for her. Arsalan wanted her to hold the knife with them too but could not say it out loud. Because wasn't the knife double edged? How could he demand her to bleed all over once again for him?? How could he be so selfish and ask her to come back in his life no matter how much he wanted her to and make her a mother of a child she didn't birth? Mother of a child her lover bore with another woman?? He could not make her sacrifice more? When the history carried data that he had ruined her life every time he had tried to have her all for himself. So how could he ask her to hold that knife with him and his daughter? He didn't even know what he was doing here right now?
Sithara celebrating his daughter's birthday was less shocking than him bringing her here. Well, she had always been kind and him? Well he had always been selfish.
"Oh, no." Arsalan and Sithara exclaimed as Aadya smashed her hands into the cake, not wanting to wait for her parents to be anymore.
Their loud voice brought her to tears. "No, no, baby." Sithara giggled, holding her up, cheering her up again, showing her gifts. She walked across the room with her in her arms but Aadya cried and cried until she slept on her shoulder.
"I'd." Arsalan took her from Sithara and put her on the couch. Sithara had bought her a new cozy blanket so she covered her up with it.
"She shouldn't be up at this hour." Sithara spoke to him as he gazed at her. The two were sat at the ends of the couch with Aadya in between.
"Ammi said she had slept all day. She was cold. She woke up when I went to check on her after I came from office." Did Arsalan not come see her because his mother was in Delhi? Sithara hated herself when she found answers Arsalan didn't mean.
"We'd go." He said after a minute.
"Why?" Sithara regretted. He had stayed at his house so many times now. He could stay tonight. Aadya hadn't seen all her gifts. Sithara deserved them after so much she had done if not for anything else.
"You are drained." He remarked.
"You can stay if you don't mind."
@Sithara luscious hair, sharp jawline, uff, who is this for?
Arsalan's mood dropped when his eyes fell on Sithara talking over the phone. 'Really?' He mouthed and she gave him a coy smile.
His mother in-law really did spoil his mood most of the times. He did not understand why Sithara needed him to give her more reasons as to why he hated her. She contested for Sithara's time that was literally his to own.
Like who talks to their mother at one at night and not spend time with their spouse??? Arsalan shook his head and banged the door shut.
Sithara was sat on the bed, against the pillows. "Hang up." Arsalan commanded, walking over to her to the bed.
Sithara rolled her eyes and shifted to make space for him. He must be kidding. She won't hang up. Her mother had stayed up only to talk to her.
"I mean it." Arsalan insisted. His tone was serious and so were his facial expressions.
"Arsalan?" She stared at him.
"Well, fine." Arsalan opened the drawer to take out his cigarettes and the lighter.
"Arsalan are you a child??" She yelled as he walked to the balcony. "Arsalan, just come back." He did not yeild.
"Sithara? Sithara?" She had muted her mother.
"Yes, Mumma. What was Aunty's reaction? On being invited to her daughter's marriage to a man double her age over a G-meet?? She was so disrespectful towards me? I don't like her." She hated Arsalan for sabotaging a top notch gossip for her by diverting her attention.
She got out of the bed to bring Arsalan back. She gestured with her hands as he leaned against the window smoking a cigarette. She held his hand and pulled him in but couldn't. "Arsalan." She huffed, glaring at him but it didn't dwindle his intent.
Arsalan pulled her closer, sucking her lips, with his palm running down her neck to her left boob. Sithara couldn't wrap her mind around his actions immediately. She was stupefied by the way his eyes gazed at her with absolute lust as his hand played with her boob, his finger pinching her nipple.
"Hmm." Her assertion to her mother almost came out as a moan as he leaned in and took her nipple in his mouth.
"Arsalan." She stiffled, just audible enough for him.
"I wonder why'd she even call me now? I had cut all ties with her when she shamed you over.." Her mother's words stopped reaching her mind as Arsalan's hands deftly worked upon her.
"What do you think? Papa is right?"
"Arsalan." She pushed him away. She didn't hear what Papa had opined. It was embarrassing. What was she gonna say??
"I'm sorry, your voice broke, what did Papa say??" She tried to speak in a stable voice.
She walked inside and Arsalan's eyes followed. Her cami top was too enticing and her shorts too short for his liking, he could see her butt fall out and she excepted him to let her converse with her mother?
Sithara responded to her mother but couldn't get over what just happened. She realised it late but she liked it. She preferably wanted to have sex right now than talk to her mother especially when he looked at her like the way he was looking at her, with hooded eyes and a cigarette. But? She didn't even know her hands were on her boobs, feeling the wetness of her husband's mouth. She put the blanket over herself forcing her brain out of the situation.
Arsalan blew smoke out of his mouth, scrolling down his phone. He could feel Sithara's eyes on him all the time. He knew what she wanted and he knew her ego would not allow her to ask for it now.
He stubbed out the remains of the cigarette before walking back in to take another. Sithara had snatched and brought the pack with her.
"My cigarettes?" He claimed but she only looked away, putting the pack further to the other side of the bed.
"Sithara." She didn't let his firm tone scare him. He stretched to take it out of her hand but she did it too, to take it out of his access.
Her eyes shot wide open when she discerned his hands were no longer fetching the cigarettes but was between her legs, pressing against hers.
Arsalan's hand sided her short, his finger rolling onto the entire length of her vagina. Sithara's breath got stuck in her throat as he gradually applied more pressure on her skin, with his eyes not giving up on hers.
He suddenly pulled her down by her leg, laying her down on the bed while crawling up to her face her clit. She couldn't utter his name to stop him as his lips touched her, his tongue gradually making it's way inside. Her fingers ruffled through her hair as he pushed a finger inside knowing damn well that there was no going back.
Arsalan removed her short, holding her left knee away as he further buried his face into hers with his elbow sticking down her right leg to the bed.
In a matter of seconds, without any realisation, Sithara could feel herself lifting her back to give him more access to herself as Arsalan captured her with full mouth, his tongue trailing her right spots, his lips pressing at her definite points.
Arsalan's hand grabbed her boob, feeling her erected nipple as her eyes fell back in pleasure, her entire being slowly losing it to him. She herself was rubbing herself over his lips now, the tension in her stomach reaching all time high as he could see her legs trembling and feel her hold onto his hair go real rough, with her nails beginning to dig marks on her back.
Her mother's sentences were only falling onto her ears and bouncing back with no effect whatsoever. "Arsalan." She breathed, and a smug smile formed on his lips. She couldn't control the urge to moan out his name. She just couldn't and she didn't care. Her mother was too naive to understand what she meant, or guess what she must be up to, she knew her mother, she was too innocent for all this.
Arsalan rubbed his dick over her and he could see Sithara's eyes beg for him like she couldn't afford one more second, her legs arching and touching him in greed, desperation and what not.
"Arsalan uh." Her mobile fell off her hands, when Arsalan thrust into her. She felt guilty and immoral but her desire for her husband clouded her vission.
Arsalan pressed the red button on her phone, moving in deeper and harder. "Arsalan.." It was too good that she couldn't help but just moan his name and love it.
Her phone continuously vibrated and rang to her right as he shove himself into her, licking her nipples and eating her lips, both of them falling deaf to every thing else.
"Oh god fuck." Sithara blurt out as Arsalan cummed inside her. Her chest was falling up and down in search of air, her right boob out of her top, her shorts entangled on her foot. It was one of the best sex they have had.
Arsalan withdrew, zipping up his pants. He hadn't removed a single clothing. Usually Sithara didn't prefer that but today she didn't have a lot of say in the process.
Arsalan picked up a towel and cleaned Sithara. He hadn't used a condom. He pulled the bedsheet from underneath her, throwing it onto the floor.
"Your phone." He gave her a catch with a straight face.
"Fuck it, don't give me this attitude." She pounced onto him, pulling him over the bed and climbing on top of him, kissing his lips. He finally smiled, putting the hair on her face behind her ears.
"What was this?"
"I don't need to tell you how much you loved it."
"What will I tell Mumma?"
"You think I care." He gave her a brief kiss before pinning her down and getting up.
He pulled the curtains down and closed the windows. He ran errands like these around the room and it annoyed Sithara.
"Did you ever go down on Madhia?" Arsalan stopped in his tracks at the question. He glared at Sithara not impressed. Where was that coming from? Sithara on the other hand wondered why didn't she ask this before?? Maybe because she was not ready to hear the answer just like right now. She didn't know why she asked. She didn't want to know. But the sudden stiffness in his demeanor made her more curious.
"You can tell me?"
He did not speak a word and continued to do whatever he was doing in the closet. She didn't like his reaction. It was protective towards Madhia. He could just answer in yes and no and get away, there was no need to ac
"Come on Arsalan? You can tell me? Or it wasn't once? You went down on her every fucking day hn???" Sithara put up her guards and turned defensive.
"Shut up Sithara." Arsalan rebuked her. He couldn't comprehend what she was up to all of a sudden.
"Why?" She argued. Arsalan found it crazy. But he could just answer in yes and no and get away, there was no need to act so emotional over it as if his feelings were involved. But were they?????? Were his feelings involved with Madhia??? Sithara could never get a clear answer to that.
"She was my wife." He admonished.
"Who's denying??" She felt sour. "You can just truthfully admit and not pretend as if you didn't even touch her. We all fucking know you have a child with her Arsalan so please don't."
"Mind your language Sithara." He got angry. She was taking it too far and losing control. He switched off the lights with only their bedside lamp remaining.
She bitterly chortled. "It's okay Arsalan. Ranbir opened me too wide for you too. It has been compensated long ago."
"Shut the fuck up Sithara. Do you even understand what you are saying??" Arsalan lost it. How dared she.
Sithara's eyes moistened as she got back on the ground to her senses and took cognizance of her words. She rushed out to the washroom to cry it out.
"I'm sorry." She confessed to him. He was out in the balcony again looking over the swimming pool. Her eyes were red and immensely dry as if she had poured her entire self out.
"You cannot not talk to me." She said when he didn't say anything. Her voice cracked. She had really enraged Arsalan. Everything was so uncalled for.
He still didn't speak. It was his way to punish her. He simply shut himself off and turned silent every time she did something hurtful.
"I didn't mean to speak ill of her." Exactly. Sithara never understood that Madhia was not the point. She was. Arsalan wasn't upset because she mentioned Madhia but because she didn't have to demean herself by talking about her. She did not have to bring madhia and Ranbir in between. She knew that there was no space for anyone between Arsalan and her.
"Arsalan please." She was shaking. She was getting restless as he was not replying.
"I love you. I love you so much. I don't like she was your wife." She cried, she put her arms around his neck and hid her face.
Arsalan rubbed her back. "There's no need to cry."
"You never understand." Sithara complained, hating the calmness of his voice. There was so much to cry about. Everything would have been different if madhia wasn't his first wife. Sithara would not have suffered so much if Arsalan had not married Madhia. How could she not cry about it after being through every thing that she had???? It was a ridiculous demand.
"You are my wife Sithara." Arsalan emphasized. "Why do you do this to yourself?" He felt so out of control every time Sithara behaved like this. It felt as if his love was falling short of securing her.
"You know you are so much more, the love of my life hm?????" She hummed hearing his words. But did they soothe her? Sometimes no.
Sithara wished if everything that had happened in her life did not happen. She wished. She wished. She wished. And it ached, it ached and it ached because all of it happened and there was no going back.
To Arsalan bringing up their sexual history was degrading. Everything between Sithara and Arsalan has always been beyond physical intimacy. He never loved her for her looks, appearance and body. He had always craved her heart.
And in this conversation, he hated himself because she had to trade her dignity, marry an animal like Ranbir and get assaulted all because he could not man up and take a right decision at the right time.