The mist in the yard had long ago settled with the rising sun while I had finished my usual training. Sparring with my brothers as we always had done, feeling the familiar routine I had missed these past weeks filled the void inside me and made me think for a few happy moments that everything was back to normal. It was only when the other men had started to fill in and instead of turning to me as they always had done, they turned to my brother that I realised that was not the case.
I had stood and watched as Alvaryn had taken command, leading them through drills and training as I had done. Aeris was there, watching on with his discerning yet bored expression.
Things were not as they had once been, we hadn't stepped back in time where everything was normal and right, no, we would never go back to that.
I forced myself to take a step back, to allow Alvaryn to take his place and for me to take mine.
I didn't leave though as I probably should have, no instead I stayed, watching and longing and wasting my time. I could practically see all the paperwork that was no doubt waiting for me in my office, the meetings I was meant to attend, Varis would have messages for me and while I knew I should do my duty and leave the training grounds still I stayed.
As I look around, watching the men move around the yard I notice a splash of colour.
A dark blue gown stands out against the dull greys and blacks of the men.
Daella stands watching the training ground, her pale face set in a calm expression.
I find myself moving towards her, wondering what she was doing here of all places.
She startles as I approach and turns to me.
"Your Majesty." She curtsies and I can't help the jarring feeling inside at hearing the title, it still hadn't settled and felt wrong.
I turn back to watch my brothers, Aeris had stepped forward now, directing a group of men as Alvaryn did the same with another group.
"It is strange for me to watch my brothers take control and to be on the outside." I say quietly, feeling honesty is the best way to start the conversation.
"It must be very difficult for you." She replies.
"I have spent almost my entire life being their older brother, watching out for them, teaching them, training them, watching them learn and grow and make mistakes." It had been over two hundred years of being their brother and yet felt like just moments.
She doesn't reply.
"I do not agree with their intentions for you." I say simply.
"I know." She nods once, her voice clipped.
"But they left me no choice in the matter, choosing you, a human, over their kingdom and their family." I reply, feeling my anger rise at the memory of them giving me the ultimatum, of their betrayal, of their demands. They had given me no other option, of course I had to agree, I couldn't risk losing them after everything.
"I didn't ask them to do that." She says quickly.
"But you didn't stop it." I return.
No reply.
"I agreed to their terms because I did not want to lose my brothers, and short of putting them in chains and locking them away it was the only way I could ensure they stay here where they are meant to be." I tell her, making sure she understood that agreeing to their terms had not been an easy decision.
"I don't want you to lose them either, I don't want them to leave, to walk away from their people, from their home." She says quietly looking up at me.
"But they would have, for you."
She blinks, bright blue eyes watching me with nothing to say in return.
"Why?" I ask.
"What?"
"Why are my brothers so willing to throw away everything they are, to leave everything they have just so they will be with you?" I demand, moving closer to her.
"I...they..." She stammers, looking at her feet to find the answer.
"They say they are in love with you, that you are more important to them than anything else." I snap, trying my best to keep my anger in check. "They may feel that way now but much can change over time. They will be going off to war, it can take months or years even for the war to be over, fighting for their lives and the lives of their people. War and bloodshed can change anyone." The words rush out all at once.
Stunned silence stares back at me.
"I gave my word to allow you and the other chosen to stay here in the palace. I promised your safety should anything happen to my brothers and I meant it. But I cannot promise they will feel the same when they return. In fact I hope they do not, I hope their minds become clear of whatever fog you have cursed them with and they realise what is truly important to them." I say darkly, willing my words to reach her so that she can understand fully that I could never truly accept her and my brothers. Allowing them to marry her was a means to an end, the only way to ensure they would stay here where they belong. That did not mean I wouldn't hope they would change their minds.
She blinks once, twice, before clearing her throat and taking a step back, reeling in her emotions and collecting herself.
"Thank you your Majesty for allowing me and my fellow chosen to stay here and protecting us, we are forever in your debt. I only hope that the war ends quickly and your brothers and those that fight with them return safely." She curtsies and leaves.
I watch as she walks back towards the palace. I had been honest with her, direct, as was my nature. I didn't see the point in pretending to be anything else.
Soon my brothers would be gone and I would be left here in the palace trying my best to maintain a sense of composure over being left behind and stuck behind these damn walls instead of being out on the battlefield where I belong.
And not only would I be stuck here trying to maintain my façade of the duty born King of Wyndelle, I would be left with the care of the chosen.
No doubt Varis was already planning my marriage to one of them, wanting to secure a queen as quickly as possible, someone to produce an heir.
I didn't want to consider how long this war would last, of what my days would consist of while my brothers fought without me.
I turn, watching my brothers, finding Alvaryn's stern expression on mine, before turning back to his men.
He was no doubt wondering what my conversation with Daella had been about.
If he asked I would tell him the truth, not only because it was pointless to try and lie to him but because I had nothing to hide. While I had agreed to let them marry I had never agreed to change my feelings on the arrangement. I wasn't about to start pretending I was happy about their relationship.
We had created a truce, I knew it wasn't perfect, that we may never be as we once were, but it was a start and I wouldn't break it.
I let out a heavy sigh as I watch the men, feeling the weight of the last week and everything that had changed settle on my shoulders.
Everything had happened so quickly that I felt like I hadn't really had time to catch my breath and accept all the changes. Instead I just add the weight of whatever new responsibility falls onto me and carry on.
When I had envisioned becoming King I had always imagined my brothers beside me, we would have been older, it would have been expected, I would have felt ready and sure.
Reality had been crueller, more callous.
The weight of an entire Kingdom had fallen on me in a matter of moments and I could never have prepared for it to happen that way, the horror and the brutality had left me numb and shattered as the knowledge filled me.
My brothers, who I had battled beside and stood with, laughed and cried and fought with spent their days and nights with a stranger instead of being with me, leaving me to accept everything alone, to suffer and mourn and rage alone.
I had felt like a child wearing his father's crown as I stood on the dais the day of my coronation and swore my oaths. When the crown had been placed on my head and I stood to face the people I had felt nothing but fear. Fear that I would fail the people, fear that I wasn't ready, fear that I wasn't good enough, fear that I would have to do this on my own.
Everything in me screamed to run and hide, to tear the crown from my head and tell everyone that I was a fraud, a coward, that I had no right to wear my father's crown and it should be given to another.
The fear had overwhelmed me, consumed me, made my knees shake and my hands sweat.
As I took my seat on the throne and the voices around me shouted as one I had felt like I was drowning. Struggling to breathe I had maintained my composure as best I could, forcing myself to take a breath, one after the other.
It was only when my brothers had stood before me and pledged their loyalty to me that I was able to remind myself I wasn't alone, that I would have my brothers to stand with me.
I didn't know if choosing a wife and having a queen beside me would fill in the qualities I lacked like it had for father.
I didn't know if having children would somehow change me and make me become a better man like father had told me it had for him.
I didn't know if wearing the crown and having the responsibility fall onto my shoulders would force me to become the man I was meant to be as father had claimed it had for him.
But I did know that with my brothers by my side those things wouldn't matter.
The qualities I lacked my brothers possessed. Alvaryn was a better man than I would ever be, honest and genuine, intelligent and modest. Aeris was wild and passionate and while he showed a detached version of himself to those he did not know I knew he loved fiercely and fought for those he loved with little thought of himself.
All of my faults and fears would not matter with my brothers by my side.
It had helped ease the fear, to know they would be there with me. It had helped me breathe a little easier, and sit a little straighter.
That was until they had come to me and told me that it wasn't just us anymore. That now someone else stood in the way.
I knew I couldn't let them leave, couldn't lose them. I had agreed to their terms out of sheer desperation.
Desperation and the knowledge that without them by my side I didn't know what kind of ruler I would be.
I would accept the terms of the agreement if it meant I would have my brothers by my side, not only for my sake but for the sake of the Kingdom and its people.