RAELYNN
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Darkness.
I'm engulfed by it.
I looked around and found nothing but empty darkness.
A sudden thud startled me, goosebumps erupting on my skin all over.
Turning towards the direction the sound came from, I squinted my eyes slightly to see clearly in the darkness.
All I could see was the silhouette of a mediumly tall man walking towards me.
A familiar yet strange fear struck me, dread churning my lower abdomen.
With labored breathing, I took a step back, my hands falling freely on either side, my palms fisting the sides of the dress I'm wearing.
When my palms fisted the dress I'm wearing, my breath hitched and my steps halted, my entire existence frozen in place.
The feeling of the cheap texture of the thin fabric against the skin of my palms hit me like a splash of cold reality.
This cannot be true.
This feels exactly like the gown I used to wear in that broth*l 7 years ago.
H-How ........... What-t
My thoughts were fumbling, shocked and scared at the situation.
This-
My thoughts were interrupted with the sound of the quickened pace of the footsteps approaching me.
Scared, I tried to take a step back, but my legs hit something hard at the back of my calf.
Looking back, I found a faint light illuminating the familiar dirty, thin mattress.
Under the faint illumination of that light, I looked at myself and my entire being froze, shocked.
I looked shorter.
I looked slimmer.
I looked beaten.
Frowning, I touched my arms. The nail scratches and teeth bite marks felt fresh.
A pain in my nether region hit me hard, a freezing cold breeze caressing my bare legs.
Before I could comprehend anything, I felt a presence behind me, his face close to my left ear, his finger slowly moving up from the tip of my palm, his smelly breath fanning the left side of my face.
I know who he is.
I know his presence.
I know the fear he invokes.
The master.
The middle aged man who runs the entire broth*l, always keeping the women on edge by instilling fear and pain.
Every inch of my body trembled, terribly scared, my chest constricting painfully tight, my brain panicking, yelling at me to move, to run, to ......... give up.
"Why are you so scared?", his voice came through, scaring me badly.
I did not answer.
I am too scared to.
"You weren't that scared when you tried to escape. Why now?", he asked further in a condescending tone.
My lips parted slightly to catch a breath that seemed to be stuck at the base of my throat.
Sweat beads took birth at my forehead, neck and palms, my feet turning cold.
"I heard you have an interesting habit of counting the number of men that f**ked you. Troublesome, I say.", he scowled loudly.
I gulped slowly so as to not make a sound.
"But, don't worry, I will break this stupid habit of yours right this moment.", he sneered.
I whimpered, scared, tears pooling in my eyes.
"Right now, so many men are going to f**k you so hard that you'll lose all senses, let alone that stupid count. You'll also lose that arrogant dream of escaping my clutches.", he let out angrily, his hand clutching my hair in a tight grip.
I gasped at the sharp pain in my scalp, breathing heavily.
Before I knew it, he shoved me down onto the mattress.
When I turned around, his face came into my view, the weight of his body pressing my lower half into the rundown mattress.
Slowly, one by one, I could see the silhouettes of a few other men surrounding me.
Stop!
Give up.
Say sorry.
Accept reality.
Submit yourself.
BEG, RAELYNN.
My brain yelled at me, terrified, my body trembling uncontrollably, fearful tears flowing down my cheeks, sweat drenching the thin gown, the cloth sticking to my skin.
Bringing his face over my own, he glared into my eyes.
The promise, the warning, the doom was frighteningly evident in his eyes.
BEG.
BEG.
BEG.
All my instincts were screaming.
My lips parted to comply.
But before any sound could leave my throat, I halted.
And before I could think of anything, I could feel multiple hands invading parts of my body that were the most private areas of a woman's authority.
They stripped the gown off me, leaving me vulnerable to their disgusting eyes.
With each invasion, they stripped me emotionally and mentally, they stripped me of my dignity, of my confidence, of my sanity.
I screamed.
I struggled.
I cried.
The excruciating pain at my nether region, the pain of nails scratching my skin, teeth biting my flesh, they kept me awake, they kept me conscious of every move, every humiliation and every wound that scarred my soul.
Amidst the pain and humiliation draining my strength, his loud, condescending voice invaded my ears,
"Do you now, finally, feel like a true wh**e!"
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I jolted up, awake, at the words, panic engulfing me in its embrace.
Instinctively, I pushed the comforter off my body, rushed out of the bed, stumbling a little, and hurried towards the washroom.
As soon as I stepped into the bathroom, I closed the door shut and locked it hastily, my heart beating terribly fast and loud.
As I stepped away from the door, the panic churned my stomach, leading to the bile rising up my throat.
Kneeling in front of the commode, I puked my guts out, my abdomen clenching in.
After I was done, I flushed it and sat down on the floor, trying to catch my breath.
"I'm safe.", I muttered out, the realization of where I am hitting me with subtle relief.
Tapping my fingers on the ground in a rhythmic manner, I tried to calm my restless nerves.
Memories flooded my brain, but I tried pushing them away by concentrating on my breathing and the rhythmic sounds of my fingers tapping the floor.
As I continued it for some time, I finally calmed down.
Standing up, I walked to the washbasin and brushed my teeth to wash out the bad taste in my mouth.
"I'm out. I'm safe."
I chanted in my head.
My gaze refused to lift up, hesitant to look at my own face and the fear swirling in my own eyes.
After I was done washing my mouth, I peeled away my clothes and stepped under the warm shower.
I was feeling dirty, as if wanting to clean something off of my skin, to rub something off of my body.
What do I want to wash away?
My skin?
The lingering touch of those vile creatures?
The marks they left on my body?
Or
The scars they carved on my soul?
What is it I want to rid myself off of?
I don't know.
I don't have an answer.
For 7 years now, I couldn't find an answer.
What do I feel dirty and disgusted about?
The helplessness of my past?
The reminders of it?
Or
My own skin that was violated?
The temptation to increase the temperature of the water splashing over me from the showerhead to such intensity that it peels my skin off was overwhelming.
But ............ I resisted.
"I've not fought this far to give in to random impulses.", I spoke out firmly.
In every such situation where my options were to fight or give up, I have always chosen to fight.
And till the end, I will always choose to fight.
Losing is terrifying.
Because, the moment I give up, the ground beneath my feet would disappear and I would keep falling until I hit the bottom and I'm scared of what's at the bottom.
And I refuse to fall over a reason that was not my mistake or my choice.
Completing my shower quickly to evade any lingering self-harm thoughts, I walked out in a bathrobe and changed into comfortable clothes.
While drying my hair, I picked my phone up from the bedside table and switched it on.
There were 12 missed calls.
Frowning, I opened the logs.
1 Missed call from Emily Cello.
11 Missed calls from Milan Cello.
I had deliberately ignored their calls. After the way her words triggered me, I was in no mood to entertain her voice again.
There were also a lot of texts from Milan, but I am not interested in opening them now.
Ignoring the mother-son duo again, I picked up a finance magazine, realizing it was just a few minutes past 3 in the morning, to divert my mind from the disturbing memory that jolted me awake.
I forced myself to follow the rest of the morning routine as usual, except my training session with Liam.
I was too high on anxiety to concentrate on exercising.
After a few hours, I set off to the office at the usual time.
When I was driving to the office, my car reverberated with the ringing of my phone.
Milan.
As the mobile was already connected to the car audio through Bluetooth, I answered the call.
"Hello, Raelynn, are you okay?" , his concerned voice came through.
"Why wouldn't I be?", I asked calmly, evading his concern.
"I don't know, I just-", he trailed off, giving space to some tense silence.
I let the silence prevail.
"I'm sorry.", he said gently yet firmly.
"What for?", I asked, displeased.
"For what I said. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't have another way, but to say you don't fit in my life.", he explained guiltily.
"I certainly don't fit in your life and neither do you in mine. What's there to apologize for? In fact, thank you for being the one to refuse first. It saved me from any awkwardness with your father in the future.", I replied firmly.
"I am also sorry about mom.", he continued.
"Don't apologize on her behalf. I don't accept such apologies.", I replied.
"See, this is why I like you.", he said, chuckling.
I didn't grace that comment with a reply.
"Hey, I meant I like you in a friend kind of way. You know I already have a girlfriend, right?", he explained hastily.
"Hmm.", I replied.
"She's a vet. I could have told mom about her, but I felt it was not the right time.", he sighed, disappointed.
I stayed silent.
I know Milan is a good person, but I cannot entertain friendships or any other relations for that matter.
It's hard for me to trust anyone, especially since they don't know me completely and I'm not ready to reveal everything. And once they know my past, they would disregard any respect they previously had and walk away without a backward glance.
No one can ever accept, let alone love, a woman like me.
The mere realization weighed me down.
And heartbreak is one thing I don't intend to indulge in, be it friendship or family.
He kept talking about his girlfriend in a daze and I listened to him silently.
I wanted to be rude and cut the call, but somehow, I don't know why, I couldn't bring myself to do it, not at least after knowing Milan is genuinely kind and that he has nothing to gain by deceiving me.
It is during one such conversation that I got to know about him having a girlfriend.
"Raelynn, are you listening?", he asked loudly, startling me.
Clearing my throat, I shook my head slightly.
"I'm not interested in your love life.", I replied blankly.
"I know. I just get carried away when I talk about her.", he chuckled, embarrassed.
"One of my friends was whining about introducing one of my female friends to him as he's been single since forever. I thought about you at that moment since you're single too, but shrugged it off immediately.", he said.
"I wouldn't have accepted to meet him even if you had tried to introduce him to me.", I replied, relieved.
"I myself wouldn't have introduced him to you. You deserve better.", he said casually.
"That guy is your friend.", I reminded him flatly.
"He is, but it does not change the fact that you deserve the best.", he argued.
"What makes you think I deserve the best?", I asked, frowning.
"Because you're my friend.", he replied matter-of-factly.
I felt a slight pang at that.
This is exactly why I can't bring myself to ignore Milan altogether.
He is a very genuine person and I know anyone would be lucky enough to have his friendship.
I don't know what kind of guy his friend is, but for Milan to think I deserve better is an emotion I'm unable to fathom.
Why does he even bother about thinking what I'm worthy of?
He reminds me so much of my friend, Sarah, that it is both heartwarming and frightening.
I am stuck in the middle of two harsh paths!
"Raelynn?", he probed.
"I've reached the office, I need to cut the call.", I informed him.
"Okay, then, bye, take care.", he said, the positivity in his tone was as high as ever.
Taking a deep breath, I got out of the car.
Shrugging off all the conflicting thoughts lingering in my brain, I walked into the office to drown myself in work.
A week passed by in my usual routine, with me finally getting back to my schedule without any unnecessary or surprising encounters with anyone. Ahem.
Neither Emily nor George Cello contacted me after I walked away from dinner that night and I'm grateful for it.
George and I have to face each other again at the investors' meeting the coming month and I hope we won't be basking in awkwardness by then.
It wasn't my mistake to walk away, so I refused to contact them first.
I visited Liam's garage every early morning and trained vigorously, more intensely than usual.
Liam gave me suspicious looks, but didn't question it, just like always, and I didn't answer his unasked questions, also just like always.
Today was just like the rest of the days. Except, today, I need to attend Dr. Nicholas's therapy session.
It was midnoon by the time I reached his clinic, after overseeing a few things at my office.
As usual, the building was sparsely filled by people of various ages - ranging from middle aged to teenagers.
This three storied building is run by three psychologists, two of whom are Nicholas's juniors at university, and decided to work in his clinic when he decided to expand it.
Nicholas deals with adults, one of his juniors treats married couples and the other works on young teenagers.
Thanks to Nicholas's reputation and the efforts of his juniors, the place grew highly profitable quickly.
Putting aside his success story, I am wracking my brain on how to answer about me not putting in efforts to contact Sarah, contradicting his suggestion.
He's going to ask about it and just like the previous few times, I wouldn't have an answer.
I wish I cou-
As I was walking, lost in thoughts, I collided with someone abruptly at the intersection of two corridors.
I stumbled a little, but prevented falling by placing my hand on the wall beside me.
"Anna, are you okay?"
I heard a young female voice.
I looked to the front and saw a girl lying on the ground on her rear and another one squatting beside her, worried.
Regaining my posture, I took a step forward.
"I'm sorry, Ms. , are you alright, did you twist your ankle?", I asked gently.
They looked up at me.
"No, I'm fine, mam.", the fallen one said softly.
The other kid helped her stand up.
Both of them had blonde hair, the one who fell was slightly shorter than the other, and I noticed she had light blue eyes while the other girl had deep blue eyes.
"I'm extremely sorry, I should've been more attentive.", I apologized firmly.
"Um, we ourselves were preoccupied, so it's really fine. I am not hurt anyway.", she said, smiling, embarrassed, giving the other one a discreet glare.
"Yeah, we're sorry too.", the one with deep blue eyes said guiltily.
I nodded politely and stepped a little to the side to walk away.
"Excuse me.", the one with deep blue eyes said abruptly, halting me.
I looked at her.
"Um, I just wanted to say you have a very unique shade of eyes, uh, I mean, they are beautiful, I've only ever heard of that shade and never seen anyone with those colored eyes and-", she was saying, slightly excited, but stopped when the other girl nudged her.
"Sorry.", the other one said, smiling nervously.
"But you really do have a very fascinating shade of eyes, mam. Amber shade, I mean.", the one with deep blue eyes said with excitement.
I stiffened at that, discreetly fisting my left palm.
"Angel", the other girl muttered, hooking her hand with her and started dragging her away after giving me an apologetic smile.
As they rushed out of my sight, whispering to each other, I stood there with pursed lips, angry at myself for getting triggered at the naive comment of a teenage kid.
What exactly am I even attending therapy for!
If only I could change the color of my eyes.
My phone started ringing, grabbing my attention away from the destructive thoughts.
Frowning at my secretary's name flashing on the screen, I answered the call.
After listening to everything he said, I pursed my lips, displeased, and cut the call after exchanging the usual pleasantries.
"The one person I don't want to meet is being the only person I'm forced to meet over and over again. Da*n it!", I huffed, annoyed.
Vincent Marino!
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Phew! That was a very long chapter!
How was the chapter?
The past is still haunting Rae. 😰
What's your opinion on Milan? 😊
For those of you who read my first book, the girls unknowingly met their future sis-in-law(probably)! 😉
And why is Vince crashing into Rae's life involuntarily? 😂
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Yours lovingly,
Author.