Frida tightened her grip on the two little gloved hands she held in hers as she made her way through the Christmas-decorated streets full of people in Stockholm, trying to avoid lingering bystanders still searching for some last minute present or just to admire the beautiful lights of the shop windows and roads. While walking, she kept checking out of the corner of her eyes at her children as they kept their eyes wide open pointing everywhere except in front of them, enraptured by all those colors and decorations.
"You hungry, bubbas?" she asked, smiling when she saw two pairs of huge dark eyes immediately focus on her.
"Yes!".
"No, mommy".
Frida sighed. Of course. They were such different little people. He, so loud and clumsy and sweet; she, so independent, stubborn and silent.
Still so young.
"I'm the biggest, so I say yes!" Hans leaned in front of his mother's legs so he could talk to his sister's face.
And so pungent, too.
"No! Mommy, no!" Lotta yelled back, trying to punch him with her little hand but failing to reach him.
And so feisty, too.
"Okay, okay. Hold your horses, guys" Frida snorted, using her arms to force them apart "Let's calm down, okay?" she stopped in a clearer corner of the street and faced them, kneeling to speak at their same height "I'm a little hungry too, baby. So, me and Hans we'll order something. You don't have to. But, If when we get there, there's something that strikes you, you'll tell me, okay?" she waited for the little girl to nod, pouting at her brother, before getting up and starting to walk again.
When they arrived at their favorite café-bakery, Frida sighed in frustration. It was packed. But it was obvious, there were way too many people around. She thought for just a second about returning to the peace of their home, when she felt her hand being pulled by Hans, who was already reaching for the door.
She bent down and scooped Lotta into her arms before grabbing Hans by his jacket hood and entering.
"Don't walk away from me, Hans" she told him sternly, moving her fingers along the back of his neck, hearing him laugh "We'll just take our orders and then we'll eat them outside, okay?".
They got in line, it seemed almost endless. She didn't need to read the menu, she knew it by heart and she already knew what to have: Glögg with gingerbread. Just heaven.
"Do you know what you want, Hans?" she asked to her son, who was trying to read the menus above the counters, leaning out as much as possible, balanced by Frida's hand on his hood.
"Yes... No... I don't know..." he sighed frustrated.
Frida chuckled "What about... Hmm... A slice of Princess cake?".
Hans turned to her, scrunching his little face "No, mom" he said as If she had said the stupidest thing in the world.
"Okay... So how about... a glass of plum crap?".
Frida laughed out loud when she saw his son's face and her heart flipped a bit when she heard a little chuckle against her neck.
"I'm joking, sulky" she pinched his nose with her fingers, making him chuckle "What about a cinnamon bun?".
"Now you're talking, mom" he nodded a few times.
Frida rolled her eyes, sometimes he seemed older than he really was.
"Want choco, mommy".
Frida smiled when she felt little hands gripping her coat harder.
"And a hot chocolate for our princess" Frida muttered before kissing her daughter's cheek. She was so... reserved most of times. Too reserved for a little girl of just 3 years old. And sometimes she had thoughts...
"Mom, can we watch a movie when we get home?".
Frida closed those thoughts of hers in the back of her mind and lowered her gaze to her son "Sure. A Christmas one?".
"Yes!" he struck a pose and made her laugh, as always. Her little joker.
"... Drum Boy!" Lotta said suddenly, moving from her mother's neck to look down at her brother.
He looked up and scrunched his face "Hmm... I like 'The little drummer boy'... But I wanted to watch 'Christmas Comes But Once a Year' too".
"Both!" Lotta interjected.
"Hmm, yeah! Both will be better. Good thinking, baby girl".
Frida suppressed a laugh at their exchange. They were something else.
Most of times, he was the only one able to make Lotta come out of her shell, showing the smart and bright and sometimes bubbly little girl she was.
Frida exhaled, squeezing her to herself. She knew that the divorce of their parents had done a number on them. But they hadn't been a couple in years, everything had suddenly become so monotonous and gray and her job had probably been the last step towards the inevitable ending of their story.
Their connection now was only through their kids. She and Ragnar had agreed to co-parent, even though he had tried to pursue the idea of them getting back together longer than her. They had a decent relationship when they were together, those few times they were together. He now had a new partner and until then everything had gone quite smoothly.
At the beginning, Frida had found herself catapulted into the world of single parenting and she had had many negative thoughts about being able to manage two little children and double jobs alone. But as she had always been taught, she didn't need anyone or anything more than herself to reach her goals. So, she had rolled up her sleeves and got on work.
And she was managing it all. With effort and difficulty, of course, but she was doing it. Even when she returned home when she couldn't even stand up, she rolled up her sleeves. Even when their kids yelled their lungs out, she rolled up her sleeves. Even when her ex-husband told her to stop fooling around and wishing for something frivolous like becoming a singer and really starting to be a mother.
Even when she found herself in her bed at night sharing a few tears, she rolled up her sleeves.
The impending holidays were always very difficult with two small children, but she couldn't complain about them. They were adorable. The hardest thing was to talk with Ragnar about sharing them, and that day the war had started between them. With big words and recriminations, but she'd think about it tomorrow. She had to for her sanity.
After a few minutes in line, Lotta started to get angsty and Frida placed her back on her feet, caressing her hair.
"Stay close, baby girl" she muttered, reclaiming her mitted hand.
Lotta stayed patiently by her side, swinging their clasped hands to the rhythm of the joyous Christmas songs that filtered throughout the store. They took a few steps forward and she started searching her bag for her wallet, when she heard her son mutter "Wow".
She looked up and looked in the same direction as his gaze, ending up on a nearby table, where a man was trying to balance a pyramid of little snowmen with big black top hats, from what she could see. He wasn't doing a great job, seeing the wobbling pyramid. And he had really too many little snowmen.
Anyway, in front of him there was his audience, two little kids giggling and staring at him with open mouths.
She felt her right hand pulled as Lotta also turned towards the three, enraptured by that scene.
It wasn't anything special, but the man's commitment and funny faces, combined with the children's excited gasps, were quite attractive.
The man, who seemed somewhat familiar to her, knew very well that he had some pairs of eyes on him and that excited him even more, making quite a show of pining with the little snowmen, imitating voices and laughing together with the two children.
He succeeded in placing another little snowman on another, but the pyramid had had enough and it tumbled down.
The little snowmen partly fell on the table and some on the floor and one rolled towards Frida and the kids. Lotta released her hand to run for it.
"Lotta!" Frida said immediately, taking a few steps to stop her "Where are you going?".
"The snowmen, mommy" she said simply and she leaned forward to retrieve the white thing, looking at it with a small smile.
Frida looked at her and then widened her eyes, turning towards her son, who had retrieved two other snowmen. Very well done, Frida. Both lost in seconds.
"Hey! Thank you so much, guys" the blond man said, approaching them suddenly.
Frida looked up and found herself staring at him. He had the bluest, warm eyes she had ever seen. With blond hair and beard. And... what the heck, Frida?
"...Welcome...".
Frida frowned and looked down when she heard Lotta's whisper, noticing a little smile on her red face, something rare for her, always so cautious with strangers.
The man took her offered piece and smiled in return. Then he turned to Hans and gave him a high-five that Hans immediately returned with a giggle.
Frida smiled without realizing it and then watched her daughter hug her leg, hiding slightly behind it.
"Good job, baby girl" she complimented her.
"Very good job" the man chimed in "If it hadn't been for you two, I'd never have found them again in this chaos" he rolled his eyes and made a scene and her kids giggled again.
The man chuckled and looked behind himself, at the two kids who were waiting for him at the table "Someone still finds me funny, then. You heard that?" and stuck his tongue out at the two kids "Come here, little monsters" he called for them "Anyway, thank you so much..." and he held out his hand to Hans, who immediately shook it.
"Hans!".
"Hans. Strong name" he smiled and then turned to the little girl "And...?".
Lotta stared at him a few moments before muttering almost imperceptibly "Lotta".
"Lotta. Beautiful name, Lotta. Such a pleasure to meet you" he smiled and cocked his head to the side to meet her eyes. The baby girl looked at him and then hid behind her mother's leg, smiling.
"Now my turn. These two are Peter and Heléne" the man chuckled when the two kids put themselves in front of him, leaning with their backs against his chest "Go introduce yourself, come on" and he patted them on their booties.
He stood up from his kneeling position and looked up "And I'm the dad. I'm Benny. Nice to meet you".
"Anni-Frid" Frida told him after a moment "Frida. You can call me Frida "she snorted and squeezed his proffered hand. Frida kept looking at him, trying to remember where she had seen him before.
Benny chuckled and let go of her hand, brushing some strands out of his eyes "You're a "starer"?"
Frida frowned "A starer?".
"Yeah. You're staring at me like I'm a maniac. But I swear I'm not" he chuckled.
Frida chuckled and felt her cheeks turn red "No! I'm sorry. I... I know it may seem strange... But your face is familiar to me...".
"Really?" he asked, proudly puffing his chest, making her laugh inside "Well, I...".
"My daddy is famous!".
Both looked down at the grinning boy with a big mop of dark blond hair looking at them.
"Is he?" Frida smiled.
"Yes! He sings!" the boy told her.
"Proudy boy" Benny chuckled.
Frida narrowed her eyes and then remembered "Oh wait, I know you... You're in a famous band, right?".
"I was" he corrected her "And thanks for the famous. Are you a fan?" he juggled his eyebrows playfully and Frida laughed embarrassed.
"Hm... No... I mean... You weren't too bad" she tried to say in the sweetest way possible.
"Not too bad?" he echoed her, raising his hand to his chest "Thank you so much. And right in front of my children!".
Frida widened her eyes "No! I meant...".
His two kids started laughing and he faked pain and upheaval. Frida let out a little laugh. She looked down and caught sight of her kids not only amused, but very open towards those three people.
"Anyway, Miss Curmudgeonly, would you like to give us a more detailed view of me and my band and my music at our table?" Benny asked, nodding towards their table behind them.
Frida opened her mouth to decline immediately, but he interrupted her.
"Or could we go grab something to eat? We were just going anyway and you're more than welcome to join us. What do you say, kids?" he said smoothly.
Frida looked down when she felt two pairs of eyes fixed on herself, pleading eyes.
What the hell was happening? They were total strangers and she must have ended that absurd discussion already at "Hey! Thank you so much, guys", and instead she was there having to decide whether to escape from a potential maniac or please her children who craved other little people being their friends with them.
She sighed deeply and looked down at her kids "What do you think? Could we skip our beverage and dessert?" she asked, arching her brow "We could eat with Mr. Benny and...".
"Peter and Heléne. Yes!". Fortunately, Hans came to her rescue, having almost completely forgotten the names of those two cherubic faces.
Frida looked at Lotta, who was still hiding behind her leg more or less "What about you? We could always come back later here" she murmured, caressing her head.
Lotta tormented her bottom lip with her little fingers, a habit probably picked up from her mother, and she nodded in the end.
Frida looked up, unsure "Okay... Listen... For a little while, okay?".
"For a little while. Great" Benny exclaimed, grinning "I love a little while" and he winked "There's a place near here that makes mouth-watering pizza. It's from a friend of mine, he'll find a table for us" and he motioned for them all to go before him "And, by the way..." he muttered close to her ear so that only she could hear it "I'm not a maniac, If you ever wondered..." he smirked.
"I wondered, yes" and she rolled her eyes, even If intrigued by his gaze.
Frida squeezed the hands of her kids before following them outside.
***
They stayed more than a while. After an hour, they were still at the diner, with the kids hanging from that man's lips. Frida witnessed the way her kids' eyes warmed faster than a flash minute after minute with him and his children.
Frida placed a hand on her lips to hide yet another smile at one of his stories, finding herself enchanted by him and by her two angelic children.
"Do you live far from here?" Benny asked after returning from the bathroom.
"Not so far, but we've to walk for a while" Frida explained, starting to dress up her children again.
"Do you mind If we walk with you for a while?" Benny asked, arranging his children's coats and heading towards the exit.
Frida chuckled "Okay, but we need to pay first".
"Nah, all done. Let's go, let's go" and he motioned for the kids to follow him, walking faster.
Frida followed them a split second later "No, Benny! No way, we split the check, please".
"No, lady. I'm sorry. I'm a gentleman and today was also a good day, so I wanted to pay. Next time, it'll be all yours" he winked at her and kept walking.
Frida stopped for a second, staring at the 5 of them, watching him fixing her daughter's hat on her head before it fell down. She shook her head and went to reach down for her daughter's hand.
"No, mommy. I go with Heléne, okay?" Lotta asked, looking at her with a determined look in her eyes.
Frida raised her eyebrows and then nodded slowly "Okay. But stay close "and she watched her skip ahead to grab Heléne's hand.
"If everything were as easy as with children" Benny said beside her with a smile, his hands in his coat pockets and his eyes fixed on the kids "They're adorable, by the way".
"Thank you" Frida answered, shily "Yours are too. Two angels".
"Ah! Don't let their gorgeous blue eyes fool you. By the way, paternal legacy, If there were any doubts".
Frida chuckled and they started walking, following the 4 kids a few feet in front of them.
"Thank you, anyway".
Benny frowned, confused "For what?".
"For the dinner" Frida rolled her eyes, nudging him with her elbow.
"Oh. No problem at all" he shook his head, smiling.
"And... For having entertained them" she muttered, pursing her lips, squinting at a gust of cold wind.
Benny noticed her tone and asked softly "Bad day?".
"More or less" she said evasively.
"For them. Or them and you...".
"For all of us. But..." she sighed deeply "I don't want to burden you with my depressive life, so...".
"You aren't" he shrugged simply, smiling "And you owe me one anyway".
Frida frowned and looked at him "What?".
"I mean" he snorted "You pretty much told me that my music sucks".
"I did not say that! You're... dramatic!" she slapped him on the arm.
"You did" he nodded and then laughed amused at her gaze.
She sighed and rolled her eyes "Okay! Okay... I'm sorry. You were good, but the problem it's me, because I play other kind of music. More classic".
"Hmm" he frowned "Play in the sense that you listen to it or play that you do music?".
"Er... both" she confessed.
"Oh, you're a colleague, then" he said amused.
"I'm not. I'm still an alien in this big, manly world" she huffed.
"Yeah. It's not so open to the pink side. But now I'm curious. I want to listen to your music".
"No way" she stopped him, laughing nervously.
"Why not?" he frowned.
"Because I'm not so good. So. no".
"Who told you that?" he asked seriously.
"What?" she looked at him.
"That you're not so good?".
She gaped at him and then shook her head "No one...".
"Are you sure?".
"Benny" she said frustrated "I... Please. Drop it".
"Okay, okay" he said condescendingly, not wanting to make her angry after the beautiful and unexpected evening spent together "But... If it's something that you like, why abandon it just because someone, hypothetically, told you that you're no good? Do you know who was the first to dissuade me from making music with my band, on my own?" he asked.
"Who?".
"My father" he chuckled "My father didn't want me to abandon the little trio made up of me, him and my grandfather... I was a kid, I wanted to make my own way..." he sighed, his gaze lost in space "So many discussions and arguments we had... But I didn't give up. I made my own way, I had a lot of fun and I continue to do so. I was lucky, probably. But I did what I wanted even If the others didn't believe it and told me to do something else" he nodded towards his kids "The first reason they always gave me was them. But... it's all about management. You've to find your balance, you have to give something away, you have to change something, but you'll find the balance. And you're on the right track" he smiled warmly at her.
"What do you know?" she muttered, staring at his profile "You don't know me".
"Right. But I saw enough today" he winked at her "You'll be okay. Trust me" he told her, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder.
His touch, even through her coat, brought some kind of warmth on her skin. Frida turned her head to meet his encouraging gaze. His blue eyes seemed to shine in the dark evening air. His smile was something familiar and new too. She was speechless.
Who the heck was this guy?
Trust him.
She really wanted to.
God knew why.
"Anyway... Do you think we can see you again? The kids are already as thick as thieves" Benny smiled even If a bit hesitant, throwing all his cards on the table.
Frida snorted "The kids, yeah..." and she smiled "We'll see".
TBC...