You know what's scarier than a dragon? Feelings.
Tw: Feelings. A long awaited chapter, if you will. Emotions??? Crying?? Really mild for my doing.
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Raewyn didn't remember falling asleep in his chambers that night. Everything had gone by in a flash. She remembers waking up before him, slanted against the wooden frame of his bed, still seated on the floor, the slight brush of his arm against hers. It was enough to raise a sinking feeling in her stomach. Not one of desperation or grief - it was a nice feeling.
She remembered gently waking him and thanking him for comforting her. After that, one of the younger girls from Laketown helped her into one of her dresses, most suitable for a funeral. She had helped the girl back to her mother in the big halls of Erebor, before entering the Gallery of Kings, now littered with a golden floor. On the higher steps of the stairs, she could already see Thorin, Bard and Thranduil, accompanied by a handful of elves and men. What caused her breath to hold momentarily was seeing Fili and Kili up there in regal robes, standing beside Thorin proudly. With the time spent on their quest, Raewyn had slowly begun to forget that the two were indeed royalty, and had lawfully been considered princes. They never held that atmosphere of authority that Thorin seemed to ooze; it was easy to see past the fact that they had a right to a throne. And though she had been raised without hierarchy and with disdain towards kingdoms, she couldn't help but bow her bead slightly to the pair.
The commemoration of the fallen soldiers had been long and emotional. Raewyn hadn't lost anyone close to her - thankfully - but the sobbing of men and wailing of children was enough to cause her to blink back a few tears. She couldn't deny that the loss had been too great for words, even though the kings had done their best to try so. She didn't know how long she had been in that room, but when they came back out, sun had already set. Granted, there had been a big dinner and party afterwards to celebrate the lives and future of the people of Erebor and Dale, but she hadn't anticipated for an entire day to pass by.
All throughout the party, all she truly felt was anxiety. Bilbo would be leaving the next day, and she had yet to answer Thorin's offer. There was fright and fear in accepting the proposal for reasons she could not quite place. She wanted to stay, but simultaneously felt as if that would be intruding, even if everyone in the mountain would personally assure her that that wouldn't be a necessity. She had done her absolute best to hide from Kili, a new-found fear climbing out her body every time someone would even mention his name. She couldn't place where that had come from.
The flash of events came to a halt when she escaped to that all-too-familiar spot above the broken gates to Erebor. She had sneaked some food out for Farris, who was peacefully eating it in front of her. A plus that came with a somewhat magical owl, was that she ate everything and never got sick. That way, Raewyn could sneak out a handful of desserts; a few for her and a few for Farris.
"You were awfully absent today." A voice suddenly cut through the silent ambiance, alerting both Raewyn and Farris of the new presence. Neither seemed surprised by it. Raewyn turned around slightly, forcing a smile onto her face. "Did you follow me here?" Kili grinned at that, walking up to the two. "Perhaps." The Asha scanned his figure, that same atmosphere as this afternoon suddenly flushing through her. He seemed to ooze royalty now. "You look regal." She remarked. Immediately, his energy seemed to change, his eyes rolling around as he made a silly face, clumsily lifting the great cloak off of his shoulders. "It's so heavy." He exaggerated in true Kili fashion. The material hit the floor with a heavy thud, before Kili sat down next to it, rolling his shoulders back. "That's better."
Raewyn couldn't suppress the brief chuckle at his antics, shaking her head at him. Kili's eyes found hers, slowly drifting to her dress. "How is your back?" She shrugged as if it was nothing, ignoring the scratching of her bandages. "Aching. Burning. Nothing new." Kili didn't seem to catch on to her nonchalant figure, his eyebrows furrowing together in hurt. "It's been worse. You shouldn't worry about it." She tried to reassure. He just nodded in a mocking manner. "I'll stop worrying when you can't feel it anymore."
"How are your hands?" Raewyn tried to change the subject, referring to his still bandaged hands. "Sore." He muttered, flexing his fingers as if to make his point. A mischievous smile climbed onto his face as he looked up at her through his lashes. "It's been worse." Raewyn scoffed at that in humour, leaning her head back slightly. She tried to regulate the expressions on her face. As long as he thought you were okay, a voice echoed in her head. Her smile, however, seemed to fall quicker than intended, now replaced by a far-off stare. Kili noticed it immediately.
"Are you alright?"
She looked at him, mentally cursing herself for dropping her mood so quickly. "Peachy." She tried to placate, but when Kili didn't answer that, she knew he didn't believe her. With a heavy sigh, she fed Farris another piece, ignoring the rough tugging on her heartstring. "I feel tense - on edge." She confessed, now looking down at the owl, somewhat anxious to meet his gaze. It didn't help that he seemed to look at her regardless of where her eyes fell. She could feel his worried eyes on her. "What for?" "I don't know." She muttered. "It's like the imminent dread of some sort of event. It feels inescapable."
Kili let out a silent 'ah' of understanding, nodding along with it, even though she couldn't see it. "Any way I can help?" "No," She answered. I think you're actually making it worse. She didn't dare to say that out loud, even if it was the truth. She was already feeling inner turmoil, but at the mere mention of his name or brief glances of him thrown her way seemed to only amplify it, a heavy pit settling into her stomach. Him actually talking to her made her want to dig a hole in the concrete floor and lay in it for an undecided amount of time.
When it became clear she wasn't going to comment on it any further, Kili tried to change the topic: "Bilbo is leaving as soon as the sun rises." And the sinking feeling in her stomach seemed to have reached the bottom, an almost nauseating feeling now rising up. She hated it. Even when facing Smaug, she hadn't felt like this. It was terrible - she hated it. She felt incredibly hot, and began to pay a lot of attention to her breathing. Not because it began to speed up; because it seemed to be the only thing she could hear clearly.
"So he told me." She tried to play off. "It's weird - I'm already missing the little bugger." Kili mumbled, his voice hitting her even harder. "I'll tell him you said that." She mused absentmindedly. She didn't know if she actually said it out loud, because the dwarf didn't speak afterwards. It was just a sudden silence - perhaps comfortable for him, but it was dreadful for her. She needed to talk about something else. Anything else.
"What will happen once the dwarves have returned to the mountain?" She managed out, still not meeting his eyes. She heard Kili laugh slightly at her question. "All the dwarrowdams will be wearing all kinds of silly dresses. And I don't doubt there will be many awfully stupid meetings. A kingdom back on the rise will likely do that." Trying to copy his sarcasm, she nodded along: "That sounds entertaining." "It's dreadful," He claimed. "But if you'll stay, I could talk with the fun captain of the guard."
That felt like a direct shot to the heart. A shallow breath escaped Raewyn as she coughed, trying to cover up the deep sigh. "Yeah, perhaps."
Kili frowned at that. Perhaps he had been oblivious to the sudden shift in her mood, but the sigh definitely did not go unheard by him: "Does the offer cause you stress? Because, if it does, you can take your time making the decision. Dwalin could take over in the mean time."
Yes, she wanted to scream. Instead, what came out was a curt "it feels odd".
"The dragon is dead, Erebor is reclaimed. Dale will be rebuild." "Yes," The dwarf agreed. "The start of a new era. It's odd to see it happen, I suppose. It's something you only ever hear in tales."
She didn't know what it was in his words, but she hated it. Her hands had begun to shake and she was having a hard time covering it up. Something was so terribly wrong. The whole situation seemed wrong. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to do with Thorin's offer, she didn't know what to do with Bilbo's leaving, she didn't know what to do after Erebor had been reclaimed. She never imagined ever meeting Kili. He was the reason she went through all this unneeded stress right now. If it wasn't for him, she would have easily rejected Thorin. She would have left with Bilbo days ago and she would have never thought of Erebor again. Kili had ruined everything. And she hated that she couldn't even hate him for it.
Standing up quickly, she heaved another deep exhale, forcing back tears that had sprung into her eyes during the stress. She wasn't even sad. She just didn't know what to do. It was so much at once and she couldn't talk about it. She couldn't even properly think about it.
God, Kili terrified her.
"I'm not feeling too well." She managed out, leaving all the desserts on the floor for Farris. Before she could even walk past Kili, he had also risen from his spot, his hand finding hers. The skip in her heart was almost enough to let her crumble right now.
Almost.
"Should I get Oín?" He wondered in concern. "No, I'll be fine." Raewyn dismissed, ripping her hand from Kili's, doing her best to regulate her breathing. "I think I shall return to my chambers." "Should I walk with you?" "No." She spoke immediately, a gesture that made Kili recoil slightly. "I'm sorry," She apologized. "I appreciate the gesture, but..." I don't want you around me. She didn't tell him that. Of course she wouldn't. Why was this so hard all of the sudden? "I can find my way. Bard was asking for you a short while ago. That's likely more important." "I doubt that." He countered stubbornly. "Kili, please?" Raewyn pleaded. "If only to soothe my mind?"
Whether it was the terrified glance in her eyes or her rigid form, Kili seemed to adamantly agree to her words. "Alright," He sighed. "Get some rest." She nodded quickly, before rushing towards the entry to the mountain. She could feel her heart pound against her chest with every move. Not in a cliche way, but in a way that left her truly scared. She was scared that she was this frightened. The last few weeks had been lived on pure adrenaline, but she had never been this terrified. Not when facing Smaug, not when battling with the orcs, not when plunging into a freezing lake. Not when she was facing nearly certain death. She was frantic in a way she had never been before and she couldn't understand why.
The second her feet stepped through her bedroom door, she collapsed to the floor, her shaking hands slamming the door shut, before her shoulder rested against it. It was all his stupid fault. She wouldn't have gone through this if it wasn't for him. She knew he would never want her to feel this just because of him, and part of it made the entire ordeal even worse. It made her hysterical. This was awful. This was sickening. Who was to say what would happen if she stayed? Would she have to go through this every single day? That would be a true nightmare.
The flurry of events and anxiety didn't calm down until she had fallen asleep against the hardwood door, her cheeks puffed and her skin red, in that same black dress the girl had given her that morning. She felt little peace in her sleep, but at least she was out. It was the most rest she'd get for now.
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The sun had just risen when Raewyn found herself in front of Bilbo's chambers, her old recovered armour covering her figure. She only had to knock once before the door was opened, her familiar friend welcoming her with a brief smile before returning to his packing. Wordlessly, she stepped into the room, watching him sort out the last of his things. When he finally closed the bag, she gave him a hopeful glance. She could see some sort of turmoil in his eyes, and she had only hoped he hadn't changed his mind.
"Ready to go?" She asked him hesitantly. Bilbo looked at his own stuff, before letting his eyes run over Raewyn, doubt clear in his features. It didn't soften as he spoke his next words: "Are you?"
His words took aback, and she couldn't help but let out a scoffed chuckle at it. "Why would I not be?" Bilbo stopped his movements, exhaling deeply as he patted his hands to his side uncomfortably. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself quickly. When Raewyn didn't respond to it, he resumed his notion: "Look," he sighed. "I know this isn't my place to say, but there is so much keeping you here. Why would you leave?"
Silence filled the room upon his question, and neither of them could really predict what the other was going to say. Of all the things Raewyn had expected, she never expected her friend to insinuate she should stay here. She figured he'd be delighted that she came with him. It would offer extra safety, she thought of them as close friends, and he had always spoken to her about the Shire. And now he was asking her why she would join him?
Why did she join him? It wasn't because it was her goal in life to find a home in the Shire. It was too calm for her liking. She'd be surrounded by hobbits who would continuously stare at her, and she'd be obligated to bother Bilbo every second of the day. There were no conflicts she could help with, or spaces she could explore when she'd grow bored. She'd inevitably grow bored. However peaceful it sounded, the Shire was no place for an Asha, even if they spent their lives defending it.
She also didn't want to go back into the wilds. It'd be much too different now. Somewhere along the journey she had begun to forsake the life she had grown so accustomed to. Perhaps she wanted to return to it just for the familiarity of it; not because she liked it.
Bilbo's voice tore her out of her thoughts, which she hadn't even known she was stuck in. "You don't want to go." It wasn't a question; it was a statement. If it had been a guess, it would have been an excellent guess. She wasn't going to admit that out loud. "They don't want me here, Bilbo. Not really." Raewyn spoke up. Not in a defeated tone, or a tone laced with sadness, no - she spoke it as if it was a well-known fact. To her, it was. "I'm not a dwarf; this isn't my place."
"You're scared." Bilbo countered, shocking even himself that those words tumbled out so easily. Furrowing her eyebrows together in offence, she stared at him. "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are," The hobbit returned, surprised at himself for going against Raewyn, who could easily knock him out if she wanted to, especially if she was angry. She seemed angry now. Be that as it may, he continued: "You're scared that you won't belong." "Of course I don't belong," She noted in a slightly raised voice, as if it was the most apparent fact of all time. There was no emotion behind it. And if there was, Bilbo couldn't hear it. "I've known that all my life. It doesn't scare me." "It doesn't scare you to be alone?" The hobbit repeated confused. "No." Raewyn denied, shaking her head to emphasise her point.
Swallowing thickly, Bilbo balanced on the balls of his feet, nodding his head in feigned belief. His friend didn't notice the faked expression. "You're stronger than me," he simply stated. "I'd be terrified." A soft smile appeared on Raewyn's face as she listened to him: "You're a hobbit. You're sociable by nature. I was raised alone." Her justification didn't seem right to him, but he refused to completely argue with her logic. "That doesn't mean that it shouldn't scare you." He mumbled in empathy, refusing to meet the Asha's gaze. When she figured out he wasn't going to look at her, she just closed her eyes in frustration, turning around as she pointed towards the door. "Can we just go?"
The hobbit followed her instructions silently, risking one last look into the room he had slept in for the past days, before ultimately closing the door. Raewyn let him lead the way. The dwarves had prepared their departure from Bilbo, but she hadn't told them anything about her own choice. Bilbo was going to say goodbye, as they had planned, and she'd wait outside. Perhaps keeping her venture a secret wasn't the best idea, but knowing the company, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
The morning air was cold, hot clouds forming from her mouth as she stood outside, watching Farris circle her continuously. Gandalf had stood beside her in silence, though his looks said enough. He knew arguing with her would be futile, but the least he could do was give her a couple glances. She felt it. She wasn't going to respond to them.
Before long, Bilbo finally emerged from the gates, a troubled expression on his face. He awkwardly nodded towards the pair, contradicting what both the ranger and wizard had expected - Bilbo was ecstatic to go home. They had expected a slight smile or relieved sigh. Not this uncomfortable nod. He didn't speak, he didn't mutter - nothing. The pair just followed him silently, unsure of what to say or do. A heavy feeling settled in Raewyn's pit the further they strayed from the mountain. They weren't even in Dale yet when the lump in her throat had become scratchy and painful.
Almost as if he could sense it, Bilbo turned around, stopping in his steps. Swallowing down the unpleasant lump, Raewyn tilted her head slightly. "Bilbo?" "What makes you happy, Raewyn?" He asked without skipping a beat, giving her an accusing look. It was the first thing he had said since leaving Erebor.
It wasn't the fact that they had been walking for a handful of minutes now and those were his words - it was the stone cold undertone to his question that had taken her aback. "Beg your pardon?" "What makes you happy?" He repeated, his voice even colder now, as if she had just committed the greatest crime known to him. Be that as it may, she tried to make light of the situation, not looking forward to days of walking in another hostile silence. "Um, rain?" She thought aloud. "The smell of freshly baked bread?" Bilbo refused to answer, which caused her to let out a hesitant 'hedgehogs?'.
"Not that." The hobbit dismissed. "Well, that's what makes me happy." "No, it doesn't." Bilbo interrupted. From the corner of her eyes, she could see the wizard shift slightly, chuckling under his breath with a ever-so-prominent smile. "Sorry?" "Rain doesn't make you happy." The hobbit went on. "I don't think you truly know what can make me happy." Her tone had dropped slightly, no longer amused with Bilbo's speech. "Oh, but I do," He ignored her underlying threat. "So, I'll ask you again; what makes you happy, Raewyn? Genuinely happy."
"Warm sheets." She deadpanned. When she received the same glare from Bilbo, she rolled her eyes, genuinely thinking her answer over. There were a hundred little things she could mention, but she knew it wouldn't satisfy Bilbo. She didn't know what would. There was truly only one thing that she dare speak aloud that might give him some contentment: "Peace?" "Peace?" Bilbo repeated with a somewhat relieved sigh. "For who?"
For who? She could have wished peace upon everyone - wishing it for herself would seem selfish. But, then again, it had been the one thing she had been longing for for years: a home. Somewhere safe and content. A happy place, without malice or hurt.
"Myself," She confessed, but not without a scoff. "To not fight every day. A place I could call home." She then pointed to her friend, a heavy breath following her words in defeat. "Kind of what you have." "A home," Bilbo voiced with content, finally satisfied with her answer. "That's here. Why do you run from it?" There was that dreadful lump in her throat again. Just when she had begun to forget about it, it returned, now twice its weight. Bilbo was her friend. If she couldn't be honest to him, who could she be honest to?
"What if I am scared?" She whispered, her lower lip shaking slightly. Bilbo's face softened at her question, even though it did not come as a surprise to him. "You are?" "What if, one day, he wakes and doesn't want to see me anymore? There'd be nothing left for me there." He couldn't resist the sympathetic smile forming on his face, his shoulders dropping with his words. "Raewyn, I don't think anyone will ever love you more than he does. I don't even think Gandalf makes a valuable opponent." The hobbit spoke, as he nodded his head towards the wizard, who had simply stood there and watched the endeavour unfold. "I'm not ready to settle for that life," Raewyn mumbled, swallowing thickly. "I might never be." "You'll never be if you keep wondering." Bilbo answered gently, his unrelenting attitude finally calming down.
The Asha turned to Gandalf in slight panic, hoping to seek aid from him. "Gandalf-" "Don't look at me," He smiled. "You've been on your own for far too long." The desperation was clear on her face. Having already been in turmoil, her friend's word didn't exactly offer her any form of comfort or reassurance, and Bilbo could see it written all over her. "Actually," He coughed. "I don't want you on this journey. I don't want you to travel with me." It wasn't spoken in a soft manner, for he knew it would be futile. No - this was a command. "You should go back."
With a crestfallen expression, she looked upon her friend, unsure of what to do. She could only bow her head in understanding. "The Shire isn't what you're looking for, not really," The hobbit continued, his tone much more gentle as he walked towards Raewyn. "And maybe you don't know this yet, for whatever dull reason, but you're not looking for a place. You told me this yourself. Home isn't somewhere; it's someone." His hand found her lower arm, giving it a comforting hold. "'Home isn't a place, Bilbo. It's people'." He quoted. "Weren't those your exact words?" "I don't recall saying that." "Misty Mountains, after we encountered the stone gi- look, it doesn't matter." He trailed off. "What matters is that you have people who want you with them. Even the one person you've spend your entire life loathing wants you to stay." He paused shortly, trying not to get worked up over Raewyn's indecision. "You have something good there, Raewyn. I don't even think I have that in my house. You're not going to find that anywhere else, ever again." Hopeful eyes met hers as she did her best to keep her emotions in, frightened it would be too much once it would flow free. However, Bilbo's next words seemed to break the dam building in her eyes: "Please, go back."
Quickly wiping away a stray tear, Raewyn grabbed onto Bilbo's shoulders. "I'll miss you," She managed out, trying to keep her voice steady. "I'll miss you too. Very much, so." Careful not to put too much pressure on her back, the hobbit wrapped Raewyn into a warm hug - one that she was quick to reciprocate. "I've grown fond of you, Bilbo." She sniffed, parting from him, yet keeping him at an arm's length distance. "Don't do anything stupid. Keep yourself safe, for my sake." He nodded his head feverishly at her words, bowing his head in farewell afterwards: "I do hope you'll come to visit sometimes." A heartfelt snicker tore from her as she once wiped away another tear that had fallen. "I'll visit you so often, I'll begin to bother your neighbours." He smiled in return, his eyes now glossy as well. "That'd be lovely."
Before he could fully break, Raewyn had turned to Gandalf, her smile fading into an unsure expression. "My dear Raewyn," the wizard began, his eyes narrowing with his joyful expression. "I've been alone before, but this just seems much harder." She confessed, walking up to him and wrapping her arms around him, silently memorising the way he hugged her back. Just in case. "Oh, but you won't be alone, will you?" Gandalf chuckled, parting from her with a grin. She could feel the heat rise to her cheeks, but refused to comment on the matter. "Don't become a stranger." "You won't have to worry about that." The wizard winked, walking up to the hobbit, grasping his shoulder in acknowledgment. Bilbo got the silent hint and offered a final wave to his friend.
"Goodbye, Raewyn." "Farewell," She whispered back, remaining there on the frozen floor as she watched the two descend further down the mountain. It wasn't until she saw their two tiny figures near the city of Dale that she finally turned around.
New-found confidence surged through her as she climbed back up, huffing in protest of the sudden exercise her back muscles had gotten. Thranduil had been kind enough to return her armour after the funeral, but it had been nowhere near injury-safe. In fact, the thumping of the metal might have made it worse. She was just grateful Gandalf had healed the most part, and she was left with nothing but scars and a dull ache. Be that as it may, she had laid down for days - she hadn't this much exercise since the battle upon Ravenhill. By the time she had gotten back to the gates of Erebor, she was severely out of breath.
Her heart began to speed up at the thought of facing the dwarves after she left them without telling. Scratch that - she had to face him. Forcing the anxious feeling down, she grunted loudly, shooting a helpless glance at the sky, as if someone was going to help her. "Fighting a dragon was easier." She mumbled under her breath, before ultimately walking back into the gates.
She was confused to see no one stand guard, but figured it had still been too early. The entry hall was empty, and her footsteps echoed through the halls. Farris, who had loyally followed Raewyn inside, had now found a spot upon the unlit chandelier, already pecking at her feathers. Confidence faded into hesitance when she saw Nori's figure walking the empty halls, his back to her. She must have been too loud, because he turned around quickly, a surprised look on his face. He was swift to notice her weathered armour and heavy cloak around her. It was easy for him to piece two by two together.
"Lass, you're leaving too?" "Where's Kili?" She dismissed, completely out of breath, but still on the high of her adrenaline. Wordlessly, the dwarf pointed towards the large hole in the wall that led to the hall of kings. Raewyn nodded in gratitude, immediately taking off in that direction, not giving herself more time to overthink it.
In the room was a small group of dwarves picking up the rubble from broken pillars Smaug had left. Among them, Raewyn recognised Gloin and Bifur. On the other side, she could see a second, even smaller group of dwarves, who seemed lost in conversation. Kili found her before she could even see him, pushing through the dwarves with a relieved look on his face. She could vaguely hear his brother utter an apology, but she wasn't focused on that right now. All she could really focus on was trying to keep her breathing down and praying that no one could hear her pounding heart.
"Thank Mahal, you're alright," The dwarf sighed as he ran up to her, grabbing her arms as he inspected her face, trying to look for any form of distress. "We couldn't find you." When his eyes trailed to his hands, he seemed to realise hadn't been holding on to her tunic - he was holding onto her armour. "You're leaving?" He stuttered out, his face falling immediately. "I am. I-I was." Raewyn corrected, wincing slightly when Kili's hands dropped from her arms. Heartbroken, he looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed together in hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?" A hesitant sigh slipped past Raewyn's lips as she tried to smile the discomfort off: "Because you'd ask me to stay."
"Is that such a horrible thing?" Kili countered, his voice breaking, causing Raewyn to finally let down her defences. She glances around the room, noticing the crowd of dwarves who had begun to look at the pair of them. Part of her couldn't care less about who saw them now, but she couldn't deny that it still left her feeling slightly out of place. "Kili," She began softly. "I don't belong in the mountain." "Forget the mountain," He dismissed, not following her eyes. Instead, they looked directly into hers. "You'd leave anywhere without telling me?"
Her heart skipped a beat at his words, her hands squeezing together in attempted reassurance. "I know that wasn't-" "I'm not going to ask you to stay." The dwarf interrupted. Immediately, that build-up courage dropped, all her weight falling into her shoes. "Oh," She breathed, the lump in her throat returning. She had made a fool of herself. Of course he wouldn't ask her to stay if she decided to leave. He respected her wishes, but for once, she wished he would fight for her.
Her mind had already convinced her of rejection, so when he dropped to his knees in front of her, clutching her hands, she stood there frozen, staring at him in clear surprise. "Stay."
Oh
"What?" She whispered, her voice almost inaudible. "I need you to stay. Please." He wasn't asking her to stay - he was begging her. She could have cried in relief upon the realization. "Kili-" "Forget the mountain!" He repeated, fearing she would start arguing again. "I do not care about where or how. I need you to stay with me. That is all." His hands worked to remove one of her gloves, squeezing it tightly when he managed to do so. She didn't fight it. "I need you to stay with me. We could go anywhere. I'd run with you." A deep breath came from him as he looked up at her, the sight of him almost having her drop to her knees as well. "I have spent a lifetime looking for you, and I'm not going to let you leave without at least trying. And I am sorry I didn't try sooner. I should have. But I was scared and stupid and you were truly all I could ever want." He cried. "So, please, don't leave me."
Finally, she held onto his hands, no longer letting them hang loosely beside her. With wide eyes and an open mouth, she stared at him. "I'm not leaving." She whispered. Now, it was his turn to be confused: "What?" "Well, I was going to, but- hobbits can be quite rude." She rambled, dropping to her knees in front of him, joining him on the golden floor. "I was terrified," She admitted. "I have never been that scared in my life. Kili, my hands were shaking at the mere thought of you, because all I could think about was how you would eventually tire of me." Tears of lament began to gather in her eyes at the thought. "How could I ever tire of you?" Kili asked genuinely. One of his hands let go of hers, now raising to her face, cradling her cheek gently. "Raewyn, you could burn down everything and everyone I care for, and I'd still have you."
A choked sob escaped the ranger at his words, a sorrowful smile on her face as she dropped her head, chuckling at her own sadness. "I'm sorry," Kili looked at her, fearing rejection would hit him next. "No, it's..." He mumbled, trying to push his pain down. "It's alright." "I didn't- Ki, that's not what I meant." Raewyn corrected, lifting her head to look back at him. "I'm sorry it's me. You deserve more." "More than you?" He grinned, the tears gathering in his eyes slowly slipping down. "I don't think that exists." She could only laugh poorly at that, sniffing as she attempted to regain her posture. "Stay. Please." The dwarf pleaded for a final time.
The Asha rose to one knee, her hands fumbling with the outer layer of her clothing, seemingly looking for something. When she found it, she took it out of her pocket, dropping it into Kili's open palm. The dwarf stared at the object, his vision now blurring through the emotions. Though he couldn't see it clearly, he knew what she had lain there. A small, silver piece of jewelry, finely engraved with a Dwarvish rune that was only carried by one bloodline the world still held. "Rae-" "It is yours," She cut him off with a hushed tone. "As is my love. But, please," She closed his palm, looking into his eyes with a look he had never seen before. "Put me in a silly dress and take me to your stupid meetings."
A pathetic chuckle came from him as he wiped his tears off on their intertwined hands. "What colour should your silly dress be?" She laughed with him, her forehead falling against his, relishing under the touch. "Whatever colour you'd like."
Slowly, his head rose from hers, that same boyish, yet emotional grin on his face. It was more mature now, but no less attractive. Before she could really come up with anything to say, both his hands cupped her face, his thumbs rubbing against her cheeks. Gently, he leaned forward, trying to seek any form of discomfort on her face. In response, she copied his movement, halting his hesitance by placing her lips on his. The one leg that had sat up when finding her bead returned back to the floor as her hands wrapped around his neck, forcing herself into his hold, its familiar embrace soothing her still swirling nerves. The way his thumbs were still brushing against her skin did nothing to help the mayhem of butterflies in her stomach, though.
She did not wish to part from him. Not this soon - not now. But in the heat of the moment they forgot they still had an audience, and thus, she parted from him, but not before lingering just a little bit longer than would have been usual.
"You really want to spend the rest of your life with me?" Kili tried to joke, still holding her close. "I'm going to get very annoying." "I'd burn down kingdoms if it meant I'd get to live my life with you." "Please don't." The dwarf whispered, placing a quick kiss on her lips as she went to move back. When they were separated, his hands ran to his own pockets, pulling out a second bead, similar to the one he had given her before the battle. "Then, I believe this is yours." He placed the tiny piece in her hands, watching the way she clutched it tightly. "My lady." She snickered at his teasing tone, but was happy to copy it nonetheless, letting one hand run through his hair, gazing at him in silent admiration.
"My prince."