Jisung had known Chenle for the past 4 years. They were in the same class when they were 13 and the two instantly clicked. They did everything together, to the point where it was weird to not see the two of them side-by-side. Chenle spent a lot of their time together teasing Jisung, usually about his height. It was all fun and games until his growth spurt came in making Chenle look tiny next to Jisung.
"You know what, if you don't shrink I'm not gonna be your friend anymore." Chenle whined, upset about how their roles swapped and now he was the one being teased for his short height.. Jisung laughed and looked at the boy.
"Chenle, don't sulk, we are literally about to celebrate your birthday and you're over here whining about your height." Jisung said and leaned on Chenle's shoulder. Immediately Chenle felt a swarm of butterflies at the younger's actions and he blushed a little. Thankfully he knew Jisung wouldn't see his face as he was too distracted by the TV screen.
As the two sat staring at the TV with no other words, time passed and knocks came at the door. The rest of their friends had arrived ready to party. Well, as much as a bunch of nerds can party anyway.
Chenle opened the door, taken aback by the seven people staring him in the face. They all greeted him simultaneously, causing Chenle to smile out of amusement. He told them all to come in and soon enough chaos ensued in the form of a "Who knows Chenle best" game contest. Jisung smiled knowing he had this in the bag. He did know Chenle best after all. Ryujin, Jake, Ningning, Yunjin, Felix, Sungchan, Huening Kai and Jisung were all sitting on a sofa, squished next to each other.
"Settle down peasants and bow to your king," Chenle laughed at the words he was saying, but continued anyway, "There are 3 rounds, the winner will be crowned my sidekick and gets to pick one thing to do with me for the rest of the night!" Chenle laughed, his friends groaning, complaining it wasn't a good enough prize.
"Shut up," Ryujin finally yelled through the living room, everyone actually going quiet. "Chenle! Start with the first question! Everyone writes on a piece of paper then holds it up at the same time." Chenle gave a thumbs up and everyone got into their 'fastest writing position'.
"Okay! First question. Where was I born?" Chenle said loudly for everyone to hear. Jisung, of course, after a few seconds looked up and locked eyes with Chenle. He hid the paper against his chest and stared at Chenle with these eyes basically saying 'I was fastest'. Chenle's face went slightly red from the eye contact, and he started counting down breaking the makeshift staring contest with Jisung.
Once the countdown finished, everyone raised their papers, and answers varied from Shanghai (the right answer), Hong Kong, and even Beijing. Chenle pointed to Jisung, Ryujin and Felix for the correct answer, everyone else groaning in annoyance saying things like 'of course Jisung got it' and 'you weren't born in Beijing?'. Chenle laughed and continued on.
"What is my Korean name?" Jisung, again, was first to look up.
"This is easy," Jisung thought in his head, staring at Chenle again, noticing the boy wasn't looking at him back.
"Okay, raise your papers!" Chenle looked at them all, this time only Jisung got it right. "Come on guys! Jake, my Korean name is not Park Chenle!" He said, everyone laughing as he didn't get the joke. Jisung looked to the ground in embarrassment, knowing exactly what they did.
"Seriously, only Jisung got it?" He sighed, letting out a small laugh, "It's Jong Jin Rak! Jeez you all suck."
This game continued, Jisung absolutely destroying everyone, winning at the end with a total of 30 points. (Yes, he was first everytime).
After a few more yelling fits about how unfair it was for Jisung to play, saying it was too easy for him ect, they decided to end the game to make food for them all. Thankfully, Chenle's poor parents didn't have to go through the heart crippling event of cooking for 9 teenagers and opted for food delivery instead. They all sat in the gigantic living room with separate bowls of ramen, some spicy and some not- along with classic Korean fried chicken while watching a movie.
Chenle and Jisung sat next to each other without any thought, as it was more normal for them to always sit beside each other than not. While they were watching the movie Chenle sighed and rested his head on Jisung's shoulder, the exhaustion of the game finally catching up to him. Jisung hesitated to do anything at first, but ultimately decided to relax and lean into the touch, adjusting his position to wrap an arm around Chenle and pressing him against his own chest.
The movie played on, the two boys paying no mind at this point. Chenle was trying to focus on the movie, but really couldn't. Jisung made him nervous, and has for a long time now. Not enough for him to be awkward around him, but enough for him to eternally panic everytime they touch. He knew what that meant, but didn't want to even go there because he knew for a fact that Jisung would only date a girl. He didn't want to think about being rejected by his favourite person, so he kept it this way- the easier way because at least this way he could be next to Jisung.
"Chenle," Jisung suddenly whispered, his eyes focused on the T.V. instead of Chenle like normal. Chenle looked up, his head moving from his shoulder slightly to be able to look at the side of Jisung's face. He thought he was seeing Jisung's face heat up, becoming a more vibrant red, but he could also blame it on the T.V. screen and the lights.
"Um, happy birthday." Jisung finally said. "Since I'm the winner of the game, can I do something?" He asked quietly, Chenle leaning his head back on the boy's shoulder to avoid being spotted with this unhideable smile on his face.
"What is it? You did win after all." Chenle whispered back. Suddenly his right hand was being taken by Jisung, and a second later their fingers were intertwined. Chenle turned his face away from Jisung to hide the blush that was forming on his cheeks. Jisung smiled cluelessly and looked back to the screen. Chenle had a million thoughts running through his head, some of them being this was obviously romantic, friends don't do this', the other half chanting 'Jisung is straight' and telling him to let go of his hand. Regardless, Chenle decided to ignore both voices and enjoy his birthday and try not to have an internal crisis. He was going fine, finally steadying his racing heartbeat. Then a sudden scene on the screen made Jisung yelp and jump up surprised burying his head into Chenle's neck, Chenle didn't know why Jisung chose an action movie when he HATES them. Soon came the cake which all the children engorged themselves including Chenle's parents.
ONe the movie ended and the credits were rolling, everyone started to leave one by one, saying their "happy birthday!"s and "see you!"s as they left. Eventually, when the last person left, Chenle shut the door and quickly flipped his head to the last boy remaining on his couch. Jisung. Suddenly, Chenle's parents came down the stairs calling to him in Chinese. When Chenle saw them, he noticed the fancy styled clothing they were both wearing.
"Our baby is all grown up! 17 years old, would you look at him?" His mom gushed over her son switching to Korean this time, Chenle assumed because of Jisung being present and only knowing basic Chinese. His dad stood behind his wife, arms crossed smiling at what his son had become. Jisung smiled hearing the wholesome conversation between the Zhongs, knowing how close the family was compared to many, and how much his parents loved Chenle. Jisung looked at Mrs. Zhong pinched her son's cheek making Chenle smile and laugh at his mothers actions.
"Jisung, you're staying overnight right?" Mr. Zhong asked, Jisung nodded his head- him and Chenle already silently agreed beforehand.
"Yes sir." he replied slightly quietly, and Mr. Zhong laughed in return and grabbed his and his wife's coat out of the wardrobe.
"Chenle darling, your dad and I sadly have a banquet to attend to. Don't let Jisung near any stoves. Love you guys!" Chenle's mom spoke calmly while opening the door and slowly stepping through it. The second the door clicked shut, Jisung got off the couch and stood in front of Chenle towering over his best friend. Chenle looked up at Jisung with doe eyes smiling.
They spent the resort of the evening playing games, watching movies and making an attempt at making food other than instant ramen. They ended up with a pretty good meal, though during the process Jisung was ordered to sit on the bar stool in the corner and watch Chenle cook. (Not that he was complaining in the slightest). Once they finished eating, deciding who would wash the dishes (it was Jisung), they quickly dressed in pyjamas and were laying on a picking blanket in his backyard looking at the stars above.
"I never gave you your gift." Jisung suddenly spoke up. Chenle laughed and turned his face towards Jisung, waiting for him to continue. "Wait here, I'll be back." He spoke and ran back into the house. Chenle sighed deeply and layed back down on the blanket. His smile contorted into worry. Jisung was not good for his heart. His babying and taking care of the older made Chenle fall deeper for his best friend and the last thing Chenle wanted to do was jeopardise their relationship.
A couple minutes later Chenle heard footsteps walking towards him and he immediately put on his happy front again. Jisung smiled fondly at Chenle and sat down next to him, placing a small box in his lap. Chenle looked closely at the box.
"I'm not supposed to open gifts in front of the gift giver." Chenle spoke calmly. Jisung smiled in return.
"Well toughen up because there's no way I'm leaving." Jisung teased and Chenle's cheeks bloomed red again. He looked down on the gift on his lap and started to open it carefully. He quickly stole a glance at Jisung who looked ecstatic waiting for his best friend to open the gift. He took off the bow holding together a little elegant black box. He opened it slowly inside revealing a ring with an asteroid on it. Chenle's mouth was left agape at the gift in front of him. He could feel his eyes watering quickly, even though the last thing he wanted to happen was to cry in front of Jisung.
He looked closely at the ring, even getting his phone flashlight out to examine it further. He saw an engraving on the inside of the ring and brough the flashlight closer to that. "You're irreplaceable." Was written on the inside. Chenle smiled wholeheartedly and threw his arms around Jisung, tackling him onto the picnic blanket. In response Jisung laughed, wrapping his arms around the Chinese with care making sure Chenle was fully engulfed.
They stayed in that embrace for a couple more minutes before Chenle decided to speak.
"Remember the treehouse? God that's a lot of memories." He spoke a little quieter than before, then sighing looking at the little house hovering above them. "It looks so small now," he said. Jisung laughed.
"Even though we've grown, that is still a gigantic treehouse." Jisung said, smiling. Chenle hummed, agreeing with the others' statement. They had grown significantly, but he knew his feelings for Jisung definitely had.
The rest of the evening was filled with laughs and reminiscence of their childhood. The two of them had the same hope, the hope that the night would never end and day would never come.
Of course, like every moment does, it ended. The bliss of being with Jisung all the time had ended with the start of school. Usually it's where kids get closer, and hangout more. Chenle had decided this was where he would try to get farther away from Jisung. Use it as an opportunity for him to escape these foreign feelings for his best friend. Feelings that shouldn't be there.
The second he entered school he saw Jisung leaning on his locker, his hand holding his phone which had an instant messaging app from what Chenle assumed. He quickly swerved away and walked to his first class, hoping Jisung didn't see him. As he sat in his chair and organised his desk space, he heard a familiar voice ring through his ears.
"Oh thank god you're here!" Ningning spoke in Chinese, running up to Chenle, and stopping to his right. "Jisung won't stop bothering me asking about you," She continued whining. Chenle sighed, his face showing a clear "I don't want to talk about it" face.
"No! No no no, I won't allow it, Zhong Chenle!" She exclaimed, recognizing the look on her friend's face all too well. Although the two weren't as close as Chenle and Jisung (not even by a long shot) she knew him well enough to decipher his facial expressions- at least ones as blatant as these.
"What are you even talking about?!" Chenle asked, looking at Ningning with a face full of confusion.
"Please don't tell me you're gonna ignore Jisung." She fake cried into her hands, the girl even going as far as to sniff a few times to sell her point. Chenle was frankly astounded by the fact she could read him so easily.
"Okay, but I have a good reason! I promise!" He spoke defending himself when he saw her unconvinced face. "The only way for my tiny little crush to go away is if I don't keep in contact with him for a while! Just a little bit. Not forever you know!" Ningning didn't look convinced, again.
"Little crush?" She laughed sarcastically, "You're insane, that is NOT a little crush, Chenle!. 4 years of having a crush isn't little!" She looked at the boy, his face showing no change of heart. She groaned, "But you know what? Maybe you'll get out of delusion. Why are you even trying to stop this crush anyway?" Ningning asked, still sceptical.
"He's straight, it's wrong. I don't want to burden him." Chenle spoke looking down at the table. Ningning's eyes grew wide in disbelief.
"Chenle! You delusional bastard, when will you finally notice that-" Ningning's rant was cut off by the teacher walking into the classroom shortly followed by some student. Ningning glared at him shortly and then focused on the class that had started.
Soon it was time for lunch in which Chenle simply didn't go to the cafeteria (to avoid a certain someone) and hung out on the field outside the school while Jisung sat at the lunch table impatiently, clearly waiting for Chenle.
"Have you seen him?" He asked Ningning who had sat down next to him. She shook her head in response, Jisung letting out an illegible confused noise, "You had first period with him!" Ningning pressed her lips together and remained silent, knowing Chenle didn't want her to say anything. As bad as she felt, she knew Chenle was more upset. Jisung, at the silence given by Ningning, hung his head low, continuing to eat while sulking.
A couple hours turned into days without contact between the two boys. What seemed irrational and sudden to Jisung was planned and "thought through" by Chenle. Both of them looked ruined. Tired. Struggling. Jisung simply couldn't handle it anymore. What did he do? Did he say something? A certain action he displayed? He couldn't think of literally anything that could end in radio silence from the Chinese boy.
After a week and a half of ghosting on Chenle's part, Jisung shoved him against his locker as the bell rang. Chenle had only gone out with permission from the teacher to grab a pencil that he forgot. Now he's stuck here. He regrets not asking Ningning to borrow a pencil. Jisung had the boy caged between his arms with no escape.
"Zhong Chenle," Jisung said quietly, his eyes pointed towards the floor. Chenle noticed his voice was a bit huskier, as if his throat was sore. Chenle noticed everything. Everything that seemed off about Jisung. The slight paleness to his skin, the shaking in his hand that was resting by his side, and the unstyled, messy pink tinted hair. He was sure he didn't look much better himself, but he at least got up to cover his face with concealer today to cover his dark circles. (Jisung paid no mind to makeup, and Chenle knew this).
"Did I do something?" He asked innocently, making Chenle feel even more guilty than he had previously. He felt bad. Very bad, he knew Jisung did nothing wrong and that it was just him. Chenle couldn't get a single word out and just looked at Jisung with longing eyes. They were now making intense eye contact for what felt like an eternity to the two of them.
He cleared his throat and continued to not say anything, leaving Jisung feeling hopeless.
Jisung eventually came to the conclusion Chenle would not talk to him, and that frankly, his presence was making Chenle more anxious. He sighed deeply and pushed himself off the locker and started to walk away. He was silently hoping, begging Chenle would grab him back. He never did. Still against the locker, Chenle was on the verge of tears, hating himself for how he was acting and cursing himself internally. He knew that Jisung deserved better, and he wanted to grab him and tell him everything so badly. But he knew he couldn't.
From that day Jisung gave up on talking to Chenle, gave up trying to find him, converse with him and even call and text him. As the weeks rolled by, winter break came extremely fast. For the past years for this break the two families have always gone on trips together to different places in Korea. The two parents had no idea what was going on between their children, so like the last few years, they planned a trip to Busan. . Chenle knew that his parents were going to plan this trip, and dared not to bring up the subject of the lack of communication between him and Jisung and stayed quiet to avoid questions he really did not want to answer.
Before he knew it the two of them were handed keycards by the hotel receptionist and they were reluctantly headed to their (shared) room reserved by their parents. Chenle was freaking out internally, knowing this was the worst situation. He almost preferred being asked questions by his parents. The elevator ride was dead silent, neither of them wanting to talk to each other for different reasons. Chenle stared at the elevator screen waiting for their floor to show up, while Jisung stared at his best friend (if he could still call him that). They walked the hall, Jisung reading each number on the doors quietly out loud like he usually did, trying to locate their room efficiently.
Jisung located their door and he quickly scanned the card and opened the door, letting Chenle in first with a small wave of his hand. Once they got to their room Chenle pulled his suitcase into the room and Jisung followed suit. The door shut slowly behind them, the two of them staring in unison at the singular double bed in the middle of the room. Even when they were really close, the rarely shared beds- their parents always got two in the room for the both of them. Chills ran through Chenle's spine, his mouth slightly agape at the sight. He couldn't believe it. He swore he was cursed- Jisung was his curse. Without warning, Chenle found his body being thrown at the door.
"Please say something, I beg you." Jisung voiced out quietly, hoping his voice had some effect on the Chinese boy. Chenle's lips were pressed together, his brain still trying to process the sudden force against his body. "Goddammit Chenle, you drive me insane even when you're not around." He said, bringing his face closer to Chenle's.
Chenle's breath hitched and his face reddened and tried to contain the clear urge he had to press his lips against the taller's. He was looking straight at Jisung's lips which didn't go unnoticed, and soJisung brought his hands up to Chenle's cheeks and leaned in to plant a kiss right on his lips. He pulled away quickly, only for Chenle to grab Jisung and pull him back forward. Jisung chuckled and smiled.
They both melt into the kiss, and all Chenle could think was that Jisung had the softest lips ever, although he could feel the roughness where he tends to bite his lip during class or while studying. Chenle had so many thoughts running through his head, but the only thing that he paid attention to was the fact that he was kissing Park Jisung. His crush of four years. His supposed best friend.
Jisung stepped back, breaking their kiss, leaving both of them panting due to lack of oxygen. Jisung had never kissed anyone, but he's seen these kinds of things on television, so he assumed it wouldn't be too hard. With Chenle leading, it made it easier. With everything they did, Jisung thought, finally, Chenle would tell him what's wrong.
"So now will you tell me?" Jisung asks, his lips swollen from the kiss making him look even better if possible in Chenle's eyes.
"I'm sorry. You're straight, I shouldn't have kissed you." Chenle cried out embarrassed, his face already redder than before. Jisung looked shocked, his mouth agape at the words that were escaping Chenle's mouth.
"Me? Straight? God dammit, you're so stupid Chenle." He laughed and shook his head violently signalling his very clear answer to Chenle's assumption. Chenle went wide-eyed after hearing what Jisung said, and let his eyes stare into Jisung's. Jisung smiled and leaned in to kiss Chenle's cheek before moving away quickly.
"So... are we going to talk about this?" Jisung asked. Chenle was stuck in place, with his back still fully against the wall that Jisung pushed him against a few minutes ago. Jisung walked up to the boy and pulled him towards the bed so they could sit down.
"Talk about what?" Chenle asked, his brain function not completely back.
"Us," Jisung started "The kiss. What are we?" Jisung continued and saw the unchanged look on Chenle's face. "Okay well, if you're not going to talk I will." He said with a deep sigh before starting. "Chenle, I love you. I love you more than a friend, I want to be with you, and I've Wanted to be with you for the past 4 years, for god's sake!" He exclaimed, a little louder than intended.
Chenle's eyes finally shifted back into focus and looked straight at Jisung's face, with this face full of surprise and confusion. "Maybe you don't want to be with me, maybe I read this wrong. I'm sorry." He apologised, dropping his head down. Chenle laughed quietly.
"Are you sure you're gay?" Chenle asked, not convinced. Jisung looked up at him appalled by the thought of him being straight.
"Me? Straight? Chenle please tell me you're joking or else I'm gonna question your intelligence." He spoke teasingly. Chenle smiled weakly, still trying to process a lot of information. Jisung knew Chenle must be thinking, as his eyebrows knitted together, showing his 'I'm processing this' expression.
"Do you really not know why I was avoiding you? Any reason at all?" He finally asked, setting his hand onto Jisung's shoulder. Jisung shaked his head in response. Chenle laughed with a hint of awkwardness, which Jisung returned with a confused face.
"Well, no not really. I thought I did something but I didn't want to assume anything." Jisung broke eye contact with the Chinese, and started staring at the floor again. Chenle found Jisung adorable and pinched his cheek, cooing over him.
"Jisung you could never do anything to hurt me." He said, stroking Jisung's cheek. Jisung shifted closer to Chenle and smiled.
"Really?" He asked softly, finally close enough to rest his arms around Chenle's shoulders, making their faces only inches apart. "Not like I'd want to test that." He added a second later. Chenle giggled in response, his arms slowly making their way to Jisung's waist, as it was too much of a stretch to reach the others shoulders.
"You understand now right? The reason?" Chenle asked quietly, the two continuing their eye contact. Jisung nodded with a sweet smile.
"You're in love with me, yeah?" He asked for the shorter. In response, the Chinese rolled his eyes, trying to be more dramatic.
"Woah, you're a genius." He joked, Jisung laughing quietly.
"Only geniuses can be with you, Mr. Zhong." He leaned closer, the two meeting each other a second later with their lips, holding each other like the world was ending.
Maybe Chenle and Jisung had been friends for the past four years, but May 10, 2019 was the last day of their friendship which had now blossomed into something more.