I posted the first chapter to my new book Code Blue as well! I would love if y'all checked it out ❤️
Chapter 41
Friday October 21st
Lennons POV
The last week and a half has been pretty slow. Harry came over for dinner last Friday and Saturday nights, keeping up our goal of two weekly visits. Theo continued to remain the same with him. He wasn't being as hesitant as he was the first few weeks they met, but he's far from being best friends with Harry. However, we've progressed to answering Harry in simple phrases and sentences rather than one word mumbles and for that I'll call it a win.
I won't tell Harry, but I think the swing set has started to win him over.
We've made good use of it so far too. Last weekend, Theo was constantly asking to go play outside and we spent the majority of our day going in and out of the house for breaks. It was also considerate of Harry to include another swing so that both of the babies can use it at the same time, although I'm still wondering how much he spent to custom build the kids a swing set.
The reason I didn't buy one in the first place was because a good quality one could be a few thousand dollars, and I just didn't want to make that big of a purchase right now. So although I am grateful for Harry's generous gift, I'm also shocked.
I mean, I knew that Harry was well off back when we were together. His work was highly esteemed and everyone wanted to win him over to fill their movie roles, so there was no question about finances back then. But, he gave it all to me when he left, which made me even more curious how he was managing to live back before he got the Don't Worry Darling role.
Aside from that we've just been in the same routine we've been in. I've gone to work which was exhausting, spent the weekends with the kids, and continued to have Harry over. Which is exactly what we were doing right now.
Harry arrived about 20 minutes ago and we were about to get started on making home made pizza for dinner tonight. Theo had been asking for pizza since the minute he woke up this morning, and I was quite tired of buying pizza. That's why after picking him up from school today, I braved the grocery store with all 3 kids to buy dough, cheese, and tomato sauce. Plus, it could be a fun little activity for everyone tonight rather than just having it delivered like usual.
"Mommaaa" Theo tugged on my shirt.
"What bud?"
"I can't get the TV to work" Theo held up the remote and looked at me for help.
"Oh. Okay well we are about to cook dinner so let's worry about it after" I told him. I poured the tomato sauce into a bowl so it'd be easier for Theo to scoop it, and Harry took out the dough and cheese from the fridge.
"Otay. Hawwy eatin too?" He furrowed his eyebrows.
"Yeah!" I answered. "Let me go get the twins and then we'll make dinner"
I headed back to the living room, and had Theo following right there behind me. Both Lia and Atti were happy to be scooped up into my arms and perched up in their bouncy seats in the kitchen with us. While I was getting the twins, Harry had brought a chair up to the counter for Theo to stand on while he makes his pizza.
Theo climbed onto the chair and was ready to start, so Harry and I stood on either side of him to make our own. However, we only had two rolling pins so we had to take turns. To no surprise, Harry gave them to Theo and I.
We both sprinkled the flour onto the sticky dough, and began to spread it out with our hands before taking the rolling pin to it. I glanced over at Harry who was watching down at Theo with a big smile on his face. His one hand was resting on the counter as he was turned to the side to face Theo, beaming. You could practically see the love he has for my boy just by looking at his squinted smiley eyes.
The moment was cut short by an ear piercing scream from Lia, causing both Harry and I to turn our heads at the little girl in confusion. I rubbed my flour stained hands on my pants and knelt down to see what was wrong with Lia, but I quickly smelt it instead.
"Oh baby" I cooed as I unbuckled her from her seat and lifted her up. "Let's go change your diaper. Theo, stay here with Harry okay? I'll be super quick"
Theo looked between Harry and I, and then nodded his head. "Quick"
I told him I promise and then hurried off to the nursery to change her diaper so she would calm down. It sounds so silly, but I was really proud that Theo agreed to stand there with Harry all alone. Until now, he refused to be alone with him, and even 10 minutes ago he had followed me to the living room to grab the twins. It was a step for him, and I was over the moon.
I think we're slowly getting somewhere.
With Lia perched on my hip I walked back to the kitchen only to be even more shocked from what I saw.
Harry was standing behind the chair, arms outstretched in front of him, his hands on top of Theo's as they rolled the rolling pin on the dough back and forth.
I stayed quiet, trying hard not to react out of excitement, knowing that once Theo knows I'm back the moment will probably be ruined and I didn't want to do that to either one of them. Harry needed a moment like this one.
I didn't react until Theo looked up momentarily later and spotted me, and like clockwork he was itching for Harry to stop touching him. Of course, Harry backed off immediately and went back to his normal spot on Theo's side.
"Did you do that all by yourself?" I looked at Theo, referring to the now flattened circle of dough in front of him.
Theo shook his head. "Hawwy help me"
I gasped in shock. "Well wasn't that super nice of Harry"
Theo nodded. "It was hard myself"
"What can I say? I'm a very good helper" Harry shrugged his shoulders, and I knew his little comment was more so directed at me and my constant rejection to letting him do certain things, and not the pizza.
"When you want to be" I commented.
Harry dropped his jaw and stared at me. "You take that back"
I scoffed, laughing at him. "Never"
The last thing I expected was for Harry to throw flour at me.
The white powder covered my shirt and the bottom of my face, and all I could do was stare at Harry in genuine shock. From the look on Harry's face, he was just as in disbelief he did that as I was. Theo, thought it was hilarious and broke out into a fit of laughter.
"My turn!" Theo squealed, and another ball of flour was thrown at me.
"Oh no" Harry's eyes widened.
"Look what you taught him" I pointed at Theo, giving Harry a hard time on purpose.
"Don't kick me out!" Harry held his hands up in surrender.
"I won't, but you do deserve this" I shrugged and threw flour at him, and it splattered right onto his face and all over his hair.
Yet again, Theo laughed thinking this is the funniest thing in the world as he stood between two flour stained grown ups. Then of course he had to join in and throw another pile on Harry, aiming it right on his pants.
Don't even ask me how, but the moment evolved into the three of us taking turns throwing flour at one another until ourselves and the floor was covered in it. The room was filled with all of our giggles and happiness in the moment.
Theo had the most gigantic smile on his face, his brown curls now turned slightly white and his shirt all dirty. I couldn't even find it within myself to go crazy over the mess right now, because for a small moment I was able to just let go for the first time in a long time and enjoy something so simple.
The thing that took us out of it was when Harry glanced at the twins, and pointed out the confused looks on their faces as they watched.
"Aw it on her foot" Theo giggled and jumped down from the chair. He grabbed a washcloth from the drawer and wiped the flour off of Delia's foot we accidently got on her.
"You got something" Harry licked the pad of his thumb and then used it to wipe flour off of the corner of my mouth "Here"
I looked up at him, his height overtowering me. "Don't do that again"
"Yes ma'am" Harry chuckled and backed away.
"Can we make pizza now? I hungry" Theo sighed dramatically, like the flour fight was some huge inconvenience that he just had to partake in.
"Yeah, we'll clean up after" I agreed, but used the washcloth to get the flour off of his face really quick. "You can start spreading the sauce on yours teddy"
While Theo used the spoon to move the sauce around, Harry and I finally worked on flattening our dough, not taking very long to catch up to Theo. Of course we then sprinkled cheese all over the sauce, and Harry added some pepperoni to his as well.
"Alright time to put them in the oven" I instructed to Theo, and grabbed an oven mitt out of one of the drawers.
I was about to grab the pan to put it in the oven when the doorbell rang, making me confused.
"I swear if it's some salesman or something" I groaned. One had shown up yesterday trying to sell me termite treatment while I was trying to nap and literally would not leave. I was very upset.
"I'll handle it" Harry spoke up, and rushed off before I could say anything else. I shrugged my shoulders, if he wanted to deal with the uninvited visitor, then be my guest. I wasn't in the mood to deal with whoever was behind the door anyways.
I put the three pizzas in the oven and set a timer, when I heard Harry's voice call out for me.
"Lennon! You might want to come handle it"
I groaned, what could he possibly need from me? Just tell the salesman you live here and the answer is no, and move on with our lives Harry.
"Stay here" I instructed Theo and quickly went to the front door to relieve Harry of the troubles he's currently facing. It wasn't until I got to the doorway that I froze and found myself at a loss for words.
My mom's glaring eyes and my dad's disappointed frown was staring me right in the face.
Shit.
This is bad.
This is really bad.
"Hiii guys" I waved, shakiness in my voice as I tried to mask my uncertainty on how to go about this situation.
"Am I seeing this correctly? What the hell is he doing here?!" My dad spoke up first, and I honestly felt like I wanted to just wither away right now and disappear. I did not plan on having this conversation with them so soon, and especially under the circumstances right now. All of the kids are awake, and they found out by Harry answering the door and not from me? This is bound to go wrong.
There's a multitude of reasons why I've been keeping this from them, and I honestly don't even know when I was going to let the truth come out in the first place. I was most definitely going to keep it a secret for as long as I felt I needed to, but when does anything ever go my way in this world?
For once in my life, my mom appeared to be speechless.
Incredibly shocking, since she has an opinion on everything that I do. Her silence is only going to build up and the ticking time bomb will go off any minute.
I glanced over at Harry, who was under the scrutinizing glare of my mother, and I only wondered what was going through his head right now. We were having such a good night, Theo even let Harry touch him, and now it's like everything is ruined by my parent's presence. And we haven't even said more than 2 sentences yet. Harry was standing there legs crossed like a little kid with his hands clasped in front of him, and of course he was twirling his thumbs nervously.
I took a deep breath before I opened my mouth, trying to think of what to say. Yet again, I'm feeling like the mediator who has to keep everything calm. "Yes. Harry is here"
My parents took a step inside the house, my dad shoving past Harry as he did. I sighed and mouthed an apology to Harry, whose expression was now solemn at the push.
"What the hell is this guy doing here Lennon?!"
"He is making things right" I answered calmly.
"Making things right?!" My dad scoffed, giving Harry a dirty look. "This fuckface left you, heartbroken and alone! With a baby! You think anything he tells you makes up for that?"
I bit my lip. "Dad I would really appreciate if we kept our voices down" I urged. Theo is little, but he's inquisitive and I didn't want him to overhear anything and possibly ask questions. Plus, I don't want him witnessing a situation as tense as this one.
"How long has this been going on? And you didn't say anything to us?!" My dad kept going, voice not wavering a bit.
"2 months. I didn't say anything because we've been going through this quietly so we could do it right" I explained. I needed to answer their questions and suck it up, because it would only make it worse if I denied to answer anything.
My dad looked at Harry. "What the fuck makes you think it's okay to show up 3 years later?!? After what you did!"
"Okay" I took a deep breath. Without saying anything, I grabbed Harry's arm and dragged him behind me to the kitchen where the kids were, and then spoke. "I'm sorry. Theo, can you keep an eye on the babies for me for a few moments?"
"Yeah momma"
"Okay, cmon" I grabbed his hand and picked up Atticus, motioning for Harry to grab Lia. We quickly walked past my parents in the living room, their glares only harshening when they noticed Harry was holding one of the babies, but I didn't care.
I brought the babies to the nursery, so I could close the door to hopefully muffle most of the conversation, and so I could keep an eye on them through the baby monitors. Leaving the kids like this wasn't on top of my list, but it's either this or the alternative of Theo hearing everything.
Unfortunately, we were now back in the living room face to face with probably the two people who hate Harry most in this world.
"How do you have the guts to show up here, after leaving your son like a coward? Do you even know what you did to my daughter?!? You should be ashamed of yourself! You're not a father! You're a piece of shit who deserves nothing" My dad ranted, venom in his words spewed at Harry.
Harry stayed quiet, probably afraid that anything he says will just make the situation worse for the two of us, so I spoke instead. "Harry and I have discussed at length everything that had happened, and we're working together to make this be a positive experience for Theo"
"Oh I'm so glad you had a discussion Lennon" My dad laughed. "The guy is an actor for fucks sake! He can feed you whatever story he wants to, and make it believable! He knows exactly what to say and how to say it! That doesn't change the fact that he's an alcoholic loser who left his family, and can't keep himself together!"
In the corner of my eye I saw Harry react to the mention of being called an alcoholic, and I just honestly hoped that my parents don't trigger something in him and cause him to relapse. His eyes now gazed down at the floor, too embarrassed to even look up in part of the conversation.
"I-I should just go" Harry spoke quietly, but loud enough for us to hear it.
"Good. You're not welcome here. Leave" My mom finally chimed in.
"This is my house! You cannot kick him out mother" I looked at her, just in constant shock at her entitlement and opinions over things that are mine.
"Don't tell me you're actually back together with this guy Lennon" My dad put his head in his hands. "After what he put you through? You couldn't actually be that naïve"
"If that's the type of love you choose for yourself, then god help your kids" My mom spoke. I flinched at her words.
"We're not together, and we won't be. He's here for Theo and Theo only"
"You actually let this guy around your kids" My dad shook his head. "Lennon, where is your head at?? Nothing is going to change!"
"Like I said, we discussed it, multiple times. I am not stupid, and I protect my children. If I didn't think Harry improved himself, he wouldn't be here right now and especially not around the kids. He's sober, he's grown, and we're working on it" I felt defensive, not just of my actions, but of Harry.
"Oh is that what he told you?" My dad crossed his arms. "He probably goes home and chugs it down. Anybody can lie about shit, he's done it to you before!"
"Not that it's any of your concern, but Harry is sober, and I'd rather not discuss his addiction as he's standing right here and it's disrespectful" I made my tone clear, wishing he would stop.
"I'm so sorry I hurt his feelings" My dad said sarcastically.
"Dad!" I looked at him with pleading eyes, wishing that he would realize his daughter is asking him to stop. It's unfortunate I have to expect this from my mother on the daily, and I know my dad just wants to protect me, but this is not the way to be doing it.
"These are my grandkids we're talking about!"
"And they're my children! I'm capable of making decisions for them!" I argued.
"Clearly not since you got mixed up with Harry in the first place!"
"You used to love Harry, and you don't know what happened, so don't act like this is something I should have seen coming" I groaned, wishing this would just be over. You could cut the tension in the living room with a knife, and I'm so annoyed they ruined our night by this argument.
"So what? You just forgave him for everything?! All the shit he put you through while he was god knows where?"
"No. I'm working on it and he knows that. Forgiveness in its entirety is going to take time, but I've allowed him a second chance. I never will believe he did the right thing, it was an awful and dumb choice and he knows I feel that way" I glanced at the baby monitor, needing to see my babies for a moment for motivation to keep going through this.
"This is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard" My dad shook his head and then directed his words at Harry. "This is bullshit. All this shit you've been telling her about how you're a changed man is worth nothing. Nothing you say or do will change the excuse of a man that you are and what you did. You put my daughter through months of hell after you were gone, and you were a dick to her when you were there because getting drunk was more important than taking care of your son! Don't fucking lie to my daughter, and don't think you're some savior for being here when you should've been in the first place you asshole!"
I opened my mouth to speak but my mom beat me to it.
"Lennon, this is stupid! You think this is what's best for Theo?!"
"Don't you dare act like you want what's best for that little boy" I pointed a finger at her, all the comments she's said about her own grandson flying through my head.
"I think this is the worst decision you could have made. Do you have that little respect for yourself that you think this was a good idea? After he completely embarrassed you, and left you all alone!" She continued on, and I was losing my patience with them.
"If you two want to have a civil conversation about the actions that I have decided to take within my house and my children, we are welcome to do so. But you will not stand in my living room with children in the next room and berate me on choices that I made. Choices I thought long and hard on before making a decision. Harry did not show up and earn my immediate forgiveness, and honestly that is still something I'm working on. But that is my choice, and it's the choice I made for my son, and I refuse to let you two demean me for it"
There was a moment of silence. My parents looking between Harry and I with disgust, the feeling being mutual. I honestly hoped they were taking what I said to heart and willing to see our side of things. I know my dad at least wants what's best for me, but there's better ways to have that conversation. Degrading your daughter and bringing up addictions is just flat out wrong.
If they were genuinely willing to have an adult conversation with me about it, I wouldn't mind. Just because Harry is here in our lives, and I'm not allowing them to shit talk him, does not mean I granted him immediate forgiveness and openness to my family. There's been clear boundaries with Harry, and there's been transparency that I'm never approving of what he did but I'm willing to work with him for Theo.
If they could calm down and understand that, maybe this would be better.
Which is why I hoped they were taking these moments to really grasp what I was saying.
But once again, I had too much faith.
"Is this because of Hudson? He's gone so you took what you could get?" My mom asked, and I automatically froze at her words in shock. I didn't think my mom could get much worse after that one comment she made to me a few months ago, but somehow she managed to stoop even lower than last time.
Immediately, Harry's head snapped up.
Oh god.
"Did you not just hear what she said?" Harry spoke up, and all of our eyes settled on him very quickly.
"Don't speak to me that way" My mother glared at him, all the hatred she's had for him for years pouring out during that sentence.
"Don't speak to your daughter that way" Harry argued. "Hate me all you want, I more than deserve it. Think whatever you want about me. But bringing up your daughters deceased fiancé in an argument? You want to talk about me disrespecting her, but that's all that you've done for years! I left, we're all well aware of that. But listening to you? Since the day that I've met you, all you have done is talk down on her, try and control her, be rude to her, parent her child. I don't know what made you hate me in the first place, but I know why I hate you. She just asked you to act like adults but instead you have less maturity than our 4 year old. Her dead fiancé?!"
"Harry, it's fine..." I whispered.
"It's not fine Lennon! That's fucked up! Who the hell uses that against someone? She's a bitch!-"
I could tell Harry wanted to continue, but he got violently cut off by my dad grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and slamming him against the wall. I heard Harry's head bang against it with a loud thump, and my eyes widened in shock when my dad threw a harsh punch to Harry's face.
"Dad!" I screamed.
Harry groaned, but looked my dad right in the eyes. My dad raised his clenched fist to punch him again.
"Mom! Make him stop, are you serious?!" I urged her to do something, because clearly my dad isn't listening to me tonight. I knew Harry wasn't going to fight back due to the relaxed nature of his hands by his side. He probably would feel like shit if he punched my dad in the face, especially with the kids in the house, and he'd probably be scared I'd think of him differently.
Honestly, I wish he would punch him back in this moment.
My mom stood there and did nothing, to no surprise, and my dad threw a second punch at Harry's face.
I honestly didn't know what to do, neither one of them were listening to me. I can't just sit here and watch Harry get punched for no reason other than sticking up for me honestly.
But it was like time stopped.
"Mommy?"
Heartbroken, I looked at my son. My baby who was now standing in the hallway to the living room, his stuffed dog in his arms and tears brimming at the bottom of his eyes. How long was he standing there?
How much did he hear? What did he see?
Immediately, I rushed over to him and scooped him up in my arms. I felt awful right now. I never wanted Theo to be involved in any way in this, and now the tears are slowly streaming down his face as he clutches my body.
"I hear you scream, so I came out" Theo explained, sniffling. "Why grandpa hit Hawwy?"
I couldn't lie to him, especially when he knows what he saw, but I also couldn't discuss this with him. There's no reason why I should have to explain to my child why a man just got punched in his safe space of a home, and I can't believe my dad for putting me in this position.
"You need to leave my house immediately" I sternly told my parents. "Get out, now"
"Lennon"
"Get out!" I repeated, slightly raising my voice despite not wanting to in front of Theo. I honestly could feel the tears start to form in my waterline as well, overwhelmed and upset at everything that just happened and all that was said. I needed them to leave right away, and if they refuse I honestly would have no choice but to call the cops on them.
Wordlessly, they obliged and made their way out the door. Thank god.
I used my thumb to wipe his tears and I had to leave Harry behind so I could walk Theo back to the nursery.
I shook my head, composing myself so the tears wouldn't fall in Theo's view. "It's going to be okay buddy. Sometimes adults get mad and handle things badly. I'm sorry you had to see that..."
Theo just nodded.
I did a quick glance at the twins to make sure they were okay, and then I knelt down on the floor in front of Theo. "Are you okay?"
Theo nodded.
"I'm sorry teddy bear. Is there something I can do to help you?" I asked, wiping more tears.
"A h-hug" Theo sniffled and within seconds I was engulfing him in an embrace. I didn't pull away until he was ready.
"Did that help a bit?"
He nodded once again.
"It'll be okay"
"Hawwy hurt?" Theo whispered, and I was quite shocked at him asking.
I sighed. "Maybe a little bit"
"You hafta help him at the emergence room mommy" Theo spoke quietly.
I brushed the curls out of his eyes. "I think he's okay to stay home, but I'll go help him once you're okay"
"I-I want to sleep" Theo told me. I looked at the time, seeing that it was an hour or so earlier than his normal bedtime, but I don't even care if he wakes me up early tomorrow if it makes him happier right now.
"Okay" I nodded. I figured I might as well put the twin's down now too. An hour earlier than normal won't hurt them, and they look a little tired to me anyways so it's fine. Theo waited by the door as I worked fast to change the twins and lay them down, and he whispered goodnight to them.
I took Theo to our room and tucked him into bed, he declined reading any stories, but asked if I would cuddle with him for a few minutes so of course I did. It took him just a few minutes to fall asleep, and then I was quietly leaving the room.
I found Harry in the kitchen, burnt pizzas on the counter in front of him. They didn't even look edible, and it's now I realized I put Theo to bed without any dinner, just adding to how awful I feel as a mother right now.
"Looks delicious" Harry joked, trying to lighten the mood but all I could focus on was the blood from his nose and the cut on his lip.
"Let me fix it" I told him, and pulled out the first aid kit from under the counter.
"Doesn't even hurt" Harry shook his head.
"Sit down" I told him, and he gave in probably not wanting to upset me right now. Harry popped a squat on the chair that he had pulled out for Theo, and I stood between his legs slightly taller than him now so I could work on his face. "I'm really sorry about them... that wasn't okay at all, and he should've never punched you or said what he said. I'm so sorry"
"Lennon, I'm seriously okay. I'm more worried about you. That was so awful, and I'm sorry for causing all of this" Harry apologized, even though it wasn't his fault.
"I'm fine" I shut it down.
Harry sighed. "Lennon, it's okay to not feel fine... She said something so fucked up, I mean, you can't possibly be 100%. And you're worried about my face? You're more important"
"I'm fine" I repeated.
"I just feel bad you're cleaning me up when-"
"Harry, this is what I'm good at, okay? I'm fine, so just let me do what I'm good at. You don't need to therapize me"
"The kids are asleep, you can take a moment for yourself" Harry said quietly, breathily as I cleaned his wound with alcohol.
I bit my lip. "Please, stop talking..."
"Your feelings are important too. I know what you said about not mixing your life into this, but I'm here if you need somebody. Even as the last option, I'm here"
I just stayed quiet.
I didn't speak up for a while.
"Theo asked about you" I decided to tell him. I hoped that this information would help him feel slightly better about everything that happened tonight. Hearing someone degrade you and poke fun at your addiction right in front of you obviously wouldn't feel good, and I could only picture what was racking his brain right now if I thought mine was bad.
"Yeah?"
"He said I'd have to take you to the emergency room because you were hurt" I closed the first aid kit.
"Well thankfully I didn't end up there" Harry chuckled. "But that's cute"
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
"You'll make it better" Harry told me.
I nodded.
"I'm sorry if I ruined anything with your parents because of what I said. I just...I couldn't keep quiet when I heard that"
I shook my head. "It was going to be ruined no matter what"
"I feel like all I do is ruin your life"
"Tonight wasn't your fault Harry" I told him honestly.
Harry sighed.
"I feel like you're hiding something you want to say" I eyed him.
"It's not important" Harry shook his head. "I should get going though, let you get some sleep"
"Doubt that will happen" I muttered under my breath.
"Hm?"
"Nothing" I shrugged him off and threw the burnt pizzas in the trash.
"Maybe eat something" Harry gathered his things. "I'll let you guys enjoy your weekend alone and get a break. But if you need something, just text me, please?"
For the sake of not wanting to hurt anymore of his feelings tonight, I lied. "I will"
"You're lying"
"How'd you know?"
"You smile when you lie"
"Shut up" I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "But I will actually text you if Theo seems to be doing okay, and is up for ice cream or something"
"Sounds good. Take care of yourself" Harry walked to the door.
"Yeah yeah"
"Goodnight Lennon"
Well this was quite the chapter 😅
Thoughts?