"I think I need some space."
Jisung's heart fell into his stomach in shock. Space?
"I know it's complicated, since we're roommates...." Minho began, "But maybe it's best if we just hang out with everyone else for a while, so that we don't run the risk of me screwing things up. I don't know. Maybe if you...well, I need to stop inviting you into my bed, stuff like that. I feel so close to you, and with our history... I forget sometimes that you're your own person."
Jisung touched his hand to the crook of Minho's elbow.
"Min, I don't--"
"I know you're going to tell me it's okay, because you're a sweet person, Jisung, and because you have always put my needs ahead of yours since we were young. But let me stop you right there, because...because this is what I want."
Jisung felt a tight knot forming in the back of his throat. "You...you really want space? From me?"
Minho's eyes were shifting back and forth, and he still couldn't look at Jisung. Was he making himself say this? Apparently not. He nodded once.
"This is what I want. Otherwise, I'm putting the future of the group at stake. I'm putting a lot at stake. A lot I....I can't afford to lose."
Jisung blinked hard, feeling the sting of tears beginning to form. He tried his best to suppress them, he didn't want to cry in front of Minho again. All he had been doing recently was crying, for fuck's sake.
He dug his fingers into Minho's arm with desperation, and Minho's gaze finally left the water in the tub and moved to where Jisung touched him.
"Minho, hyung, I really can't have you treating me like I'm nobody to you. I don't think I could take it. Please don't..." he cleared his throat, still trying to hold back the tears. Not that Minho would see if he was crying, since he couldn't even look at him. "Please don't push me away."
To his surprise, the corner of Minho's mouth lifted slightly as he sighed out a small laugh. He moved his hand over to pat Jisung's where it sat on his arm before removing it and placing it on the other side of him.
"Jisung, I don't think I could treat you like you're nobody if I tried. I just...I need to focus on everyone right now, and our careers. Not...not just you. And when you're near me, when we're alone...it's hard to think about anything else. I'm sorry if that's weird to hear coming from me."
Minho's words stung, even though he was reassuring him that he wouldn't be treating him like a stranger, not to mention telling Jisung that Minho's thoughts were just as full of him as Jisung's were with Minho.
"So...." Jisung started, feeling himself start to breathe heavily as it felt like the floor was falling away from him. "So we're still friends? You're not going to ignore me? You just...don't want to...be alone with me?"
Minho nodded again, finally looking over to meet Jisung's eyes. Ever since the fateful day in the dance studio when they finally talked, Minho's eyes had softened to him so much. It had really surprised Jisung, seeing the change in his expression from before and after. But now, Minho's eyes told a different story.
Something in him was closing off to Jisung. He could see it in how he looked at him, and he could sense it by Minho's hand being on the side of the tub and not still on top of Jisung's.
"I think this is for the best, don't you? I'm thinking about you here too, Jisung," Minho said.
Jisung didn't feel like he had words for this moment. He had come in here with no idea what he was going to say, just thinking it would be...a celebration? At least the beginning of something. This felt like the opposite to Jisung. The end of something. The end of his hope.
"I want..." Jisung started, his voice cracking as his eyes really stung now. He refused to let the tears form. "I want whatever you want, Minho. I mean that."
And he did. If Minho wanted to pull back, surely Jisung could give him that. He had already given him so much, didn't Jisung owe him the one thing he was asking for?
He moved to stand, Minho finally looking up at him as his foot splashed out of the water. Jisung wiped it on the bathmat before bending to pick up his socks and shoes.
"Um, I guess I should go then?" he asked, feeling sad at how desperately he wanted Minho to change his mind and tell him to stay.
Minho nodded once more, not saying anything this time.
"Okay. Well. Good talk, hyung. I'll....I'll leave you to it." He didn't look back as he walked out of the bathroom and out of Minho's room.
He got back to his room and was relieved that yet again, Seungmin wasn't there. He immediately locked himself up in the bathroom and slid down to sit on the floor. He refused to cry over this. He could not cry over this. Minho would still be in his life. Wasn't that enough, even if he couldn't have him as entirely as he really wanted? He had only realized his feelings for Minho last night, maybe he could go back to thinking how he did before then.
He gripped his legs, digging his fingernails into the rough skin right below his knees. He felt so stupid. If he had just figured out his feelings sooner, couldn't he have avoided this depressing drawback? Even Hyunjin had figured out Jisung's feelings sooner.
But....Jisung had to hand it to him. Minho had a point. It was just like Chan said, wasn't it? It could tear the group apart if they made a single misstep. Him having feelings for Minho, wanting to be with Minho...was it worth risking the group--essentially risking the careers of his six close friends and the person he might care about the most in the world?
Not to mention himself. If anything went wrong and the group imploded, he'd be starting back at square one. I'd...have to move back in with my parents while I figured my shit out, he thought, shuddering at the thought.
The fact that he still couldn't shake his parents' judgmental words and looks, years later as he was just discovering his real feelings for another man, it was already too much just to be reminded of them, let alone having to consider living under their roof yet again.
He stood and gripped the sides of the sink counter looking at himself in the mirror, as he did when he had to get real with himself.
"You can do this, stupid," he said to mirror Jisung. "You like him, so what? You waited eleven years to reunite with him. What's eleven more? What's forever if it means you get to be near him in the meantime?"
He resisted the urge to slap himself in the face, he wanted to snap himself out of this all-encompassing gloom he felt. Every time he talked to himself in the mirror like this, he could swear his reflection looked at him knowingly.
"I can do this," he said again, trying to manifest being okay with the situation. He took some deep breaths and turned on the sink, splashing his face with some cold water.
I can do this.
-------------------------
The good news was that after that first day, Jisung could at least throw himself into their remaining two performances in Tokyo.
Seungmin had been weirdly absent from their room, but Jisung spent a lot of time tagging along with Hyunjin and Felix when they went out to explore the city, and when they had downtime at the venue before their shows, Jisung would practically cling to whoever was around who wasn't Minho.
Jisung had to do his second livestream, this one without Minho. It was with Jeongin, Seungmin, and Changbin, and it went fine. At one point a couple users commented asking if Seungmin and Jisung were dating, but the boys just skipped over those and it wasn't as anxiety inducing as the first round, when people were asking about Minho and Jisung 'fighting'. He actually found himself disappointed that nobody asked about Minho at all in the comments, finding that he wanted any excuse to think about him, talk about him.
Minho wasn't keeping away from Jisung entirely, as promised. He would smile at him from across the room, sit near him at meals, but not with him, Jisung noticed. He figured Minho was trying to figure out what space he needed, and Jisung had decided he could be patient to see what Minho expected. Or, at least, he would try to be patient.
Jisung felt jealous all the time, though. Jealous seeing Minho joking around with Changbin or Chan, teasing Hyunjin or Jeongin...he'd even feel jealous just watching Minho interact with staff members.
Jisung had never really thought about their staff as anyone dateable, but it was like he suddenly was honed in on any handsome man orbiting too close to Minho for Jisung's comfort. If he felt jealous watching Hyunjin throw his arms around Minho, Hyunjin who he knew was in love with Felix and not Minho, then he was certainly jealous watching a handsome staff member touching up Minho's makeup or fixing his clothing for the stage. Who knew what some staff member thought or felt about Minho?
In fact...how did Jisung not notice just how many men worked on their staff? There were really only a couple he noticed himself actively worrying about, but it was exhausting to add more people into the mix of who he was keeping an eye on.
Minho seemed so cool and collected around everyone, too. He didn't know how he was able to just seem completely fine after everything. Jisung felt like his heart was on his sleeve, and he knew the other members could tell something was up with him.
Thankfully, everyone probably just assumed he was feeling the pressure from their biggest performances to date. Everyone except Hyunjin, who was the only person who asked Jisung about his mood swings.
It was before their last performance, and Hyunjin had come to join Jisung in front of the mirror in one of the rooms they were using to get ready or rest in.
"Han Jisung," he said, plopping himself down in the chair next to his, "What's going on?"
"Oh, you know," Jisung responded. "Just going through every lyric and every move mentally beforehand to make sure I don't embarrass us onstage for our last performance in Tokyo."
Hyunjin laughed. "No, pabo. I mean with you. You seem so down. And...I couldn't help but notice that you and Minho aren't glued together the way you were a couple days ago." He looked tenderly at Jisung, like he knew his friend was suffering. "Did it not go well? You two talking?"
Jisung looked down and smiled grimly to himself, shaking his head. "Hmmm. Did it not go well. Well, let's see." He looked around and made sure nobody was paying attention to their conversation, before dropping his volume down to go into detail.
"I didn't even get to tell him. He..." fuck, if he said it out loud he might cry. "He told me he wants space."
Hyunjin's head shot back in confusion, his brow furrowed as he took in Jisung's words. "Lee Minho wants space from you? I don't understand. He's like, obsessed with you."
"Yeah, well," Jisung said, eyes scanning around them again nervously, "I guess he thinks it's a problem."
Hyunjin stood up and put his hands on Jisung's shoulders, looking at him straight ahead in the mirror.
"How is love ever a problem?" he asked in such a direct way it made Jisung feel embarrassed.
"Hyunjin," his eyes widened as he looked back at him in the mirror.
"What? Tell me I'm wrong," Hyunjin shrugged.
Jisung looked back down, at his hands in his lap as he fidgeted. He mumbled when he spoke. "If we make a single mistake...if we get caught, if we fall apart....it could destroy the group. I guess I wasn't thinking about anyone else but myself. Minho wants to make sure we protect everyone. He's....he's right, I think."
Hyunjin just stared at Jisung in the mirror, studying his friend.
"You don't really think that," he said, narrowing his eyes.
Jisung smiled again, feeling sad. "Hah.... am I really that easy to see through?"
Hyunjin put his arms around Jisung's neck, slumping down to rest his head on Jisung's shoulder as he still watched him in the mirror. "Yes, my sweet Hannie. It's one of the things I love most about you."
Jisung let himself lean back into Hyunjin. "I just....I want to give him what he asked for. He's never asked me for anything."
Hyunjin gently rocked Jisung back and forth in his seat. "But how do you know this is what he really wants? How do you know he's not just scared you're going to reject him? Maybe he thinks you're not interested, and that you'll close off to him if he put it all out there. So maybe he's trying to close himself off first, in order to protect your friendship in the end."
Jisung just stared at Hyunjin's reflection, considering his words.
Did you even try to tell him how you felt?"
"Well....." Jisung trailed off.
"I'm taking that as a no," Hyunjin said.
"Hyunjinaaaa," Jisung groaned. "It's just not that simple!"
"Isn't it?" Hyunjin challenged him. "You guys have known each other literally forever. Even just watching from the outside, you guys are naturally drawn to each other. And even though you were apart for years, you picked up right where you left off when you found your way back to one another. Isn't that out of the ordinary?"
"Okay, and?" Jisung asked, not sure where Hyunjin was going with this.
"And I feel like Minho would do just about anything to keep you near him, even take desperate measures--like pushing you away so long as he can watch over you. So he's probably doing just that right now. And you know what? It probably feels terrible to him too. But I bet he has no idea it feels bad for you. I mean, did you fight him on the space thing at all?"
"Well, not exactly, but--"
"See? If roles had been reversed and you had said maybe the two of you needed space 'for the good of the group', he'd probably have fought you on it. So if you didn't put up a fight, he probably thinks..."
"I've given him enough clues without explicitly telling him, Hyunjin," Jisung huffed, frustratedly, "I don't understand why I have to spell it out for him at this point."
"Jisung, you idiot." Hyunjin shook him. "Didn't you need it spelled out for you? Don't you think maybe he started to think it was hopelessly one-sided?"
Jisung felt his face start to burn in shame. Ugh, he thought. It really did take me forever, huh?
"So, what do you suggest I do, then?" Jisung asked, shrugging noncommittally.
Hyunjin straightened back up, hands still on Jisung's shoulders, kneading them in affection. "I say don't give up. I say forget giving him space. I don't think he actually wants that. I think he's just scared to lose you."
"I don't know, Hyunjin..." Jisung sighed. "I mean, he literally told me that's what he wanted. What if you're wrong?"
"Fuck that," Hyunjin said, to Jisung's surprise. "The whole time we've lived together the only two things I've seen Minho care about were A) nobody making mistakes during dance practice and B) you."
Jisung's face was starting to turn red. He took a peek at the clock. They only had about 10 minutes left before the show was due to start. He couldn't be in his head about Minho during the performance.
"Let's talk about something else, please," Jisung said. "I don't want to fuck up tonight."
"Okay," Hyunjin said, sliding back down into the seat next to him. "Did you hear they're making us do another livestream after the show?"
"Seriously?" Jisung groaned. "I just wanted to go back to my room and pass out afterwards."
Hyunjin looked offended. "Uh, well okay, it is our last night in Tokyo, so you have to spend it with me at least if not the others, Hannie. But yeah. The work of an idol never stops!"
------------------------------
The show went great. Jisung was relieved. He had somehow remained able to focus, to not linger on Minho's eyes whenever they'd pass each other onstage, and to not trip over his dance moves watching Minho whenever he was in front of Jisung.
In fact, Jisung had maintained a calm demeanor both outside and inside the whole time.
That is, until he walked backstage after their performance and saw Minho's face being wiped down by one of the staff members, and it somehow struck him as more intimate than he had ever thought before.
But as he watched Minho smile shyly while making idle chitchat, the staff member practically fawning over him, pressing a damp towel to his face and praising his performance, he felt frustration building within him. Then he felt an arm slip around his neck.
"You're staring," Felix said, following his gaze. "He's hot, huh?"
"What?!" Jisung asked, panicked that Felix would ask him that about Minho out of the blue.
"The new staff guy Minho's talking to."
He realized that Felix thought he was admiring the staff member and not trying to stop his blood from boiling at the sight of him interacting with Minho. "Oh, is he new? I guess he doesn't look familiar after all..."
"Mhmm," Felix hummed. "Yeah, he just started with us this week. How have you not met him yet?"
"I dunno," Jisung muttered. "Guess I've been distracted. What's his name?"
"Choi San," Felix said. "God, I feel like you could slice meat off his cheekbones."
Jisung turned and looked at Felix with feigned disgust. "What is wrong with you?"
"Don't be homophobic, Hannie," Felix said, matter-of-fact with his eyes shut.
"So I'm repressing my true sexuality one moment to you and then homophobic the next?" Jisung asked. He turned back to Minho and San. "I just think you're an idiot, that's not homophobia. I can admit he's ...definitely attractive."
"Oh-hoooo, can you now?"
Jisung reached over and pinched Felix on the arm.
"Ya! Ah--those two would really make a good-looking pair together, huh," Felix said, fawning over the scene that Jisung was sick over.
"Hmm," Jisung practically grunted. "I dunno. I don't think that San guy is really Minho's type."
"Well," said Felix thoughtfully. "He's hot. And it sure looks like they're getting along well enough."
Felix sighed. "Minho gets the attention of any man with a single bicurious bone in his body, doesn't he?"
"Oh yeah," Jisung said, "How are you....feeling after...um, him and Hyunjin the other night?" He couldn't think of a way to ask if Felix was okay without drawing the focus back to how he acted in the aftermath.
"Ah, well," Felix said, looking at Jisung with no discernible emotion on his face, "Hyunjin can kiss whoever he wants, can't he? I just didn't want him to be mad at me. You know...for keeping a secret from him when I'd normally tell him something like that"
"Hmmm," Jisung said, looking over Felix's face for any indication that he was hiding something. He really couldn't tell though. Maybe that really was all that Felix was worried about. But then why did Felix agree so adamantly when Jisung asked him not to tell Hyunjin in the first place?
"Yonglixiya!" Hyunjin called from across the room, as if on cue. Both boys turned their heads to see where he was standing, frantically waving Felix over.
"Enjoy the view, Hannie," Felix purred as he strode away to join Hyunjin, Jisung reaching to grab him as he moved just beyond his reach.
Jisung stood, seething as he watched Minho shamelessly. Why were they still talking? Didn't this Choi San have other work to do? Other members to attend to?
"Hey," Seungmin said, walking up to him. Jisung still didn't look away from Minho.
"Hey," he replied. "Good job tonight."
"Thanks, same to you," Seungmin smiled as he spoke. "Hey--Hannie...I was hoping I could borrow you for a minute. Maybe go outside and--"
"Okay guys," Chan called out loudly to get everyone's attention. "Get some water and then settle down cuz we're doing the live here in a few minutes."
"WHAT," shouted Changbin from across the room. "We don't get like, any downtime beforehand?"
"Yeah, what the fuck," whined Hyunjin, "I so desperately need a shower."
Chan shook his head. "Sorry, Jinnie. Yeah, they want us in our stage outfits, I dunno. Chop chop, let's get moving everyone."
Chan turned around to get a headcount of everyone while Jisung turned back to Seungmin.
"Sorry, what were you saying?"
"Uh," he started awkwardly, "Nothing, never mind. Let's just go get this over with." Seungmin headed over to the room Chan was trying to corral everyone into.
Jisung sighed, deeply tired, and grabbed a bottle of water on his way into the same room. He liked doing this sort of thing with everyone, but he really wished they could just go back to the hotel so he could shower and pass out for the night.
Seungmin, Chan, Jeongin, and Minho were the only ones seated around the table so far, empty seats next to Seungmin on one side and Minho on the other. Jisung went and sat down next to Seungmin, partially because he didn't want to give Minho the satisfaction of sitting next to him after he wanted space from him but apparently didn't need space from other, threateningly attractive guys.
Also, this way he could keep an eye on him from across the table. But he wanted to pretend that wasn't his main motive.
He also wanted to pretend not to notice Minho watch him take the seat next to Seungmin, and he wanted to pretend he didn't feel a twinge of pleasure thinking that maybe Minho was jealous.
"Hana," Minho called over. "Sit over here." He patted the chair next to him.
This surprised Jisung, and now he felt torn--torn between sitting next to Minho and showing Minho just what space meant. Jisung's internal battle went between am I just trying to punish Minho again and don't I need to protect my own heart here? He thought about what Hyunjin advised, about not giving up.
Plus this might be the only chance I have to be close to him all day... he thought, realizing he was taking too long to answer.
"You good?" Seungmin asked, nudging him with his elbow.
Jisung snapped back to reality. "Oh, yeah sorry. I guess I spaced out."
In the meantime, the rest of the group had filed into the room, Changbin taking the seat next to Jisung, Hyunjin and Felix sitting beside Minho, Felix in the spot Minho wanted Jisung to take. Jisung glanced over to Minho, who was looking down at the table with a sullen expression.
All I do is hurt him, Jisung thought. But he's hurting me too...
"Okaaay, let's get this over with!" Chan suddenly said, standing up and motioning to the staff across the room from them. "We're all here. Let's start."
The livestream began with the boys all greeting the viewers and thanking Tokyo for the amazing nights they had performing there. Chan took the reins and began giving hints to new music dropping soon, and what fans could expect from them in the future.
Lots of questions and comments were coming through, so the boys went between chatting with each other and reading some of the comments out loud. As usual, there were people asking the non-English speakers to speak in English, which always got them all laughing with each other. Someone asked Changbin to rap, and people asked a lot of questions about the time they had been spending in Tokyo.
Jisung was deep in the labyrinth of his thoughts, holding his phone out in front of him so he could see some of the comments rolling in, but mostly spacing out with post-show exhaustion.
He perked up when he heard his name mentioned as Jeongin pointed out a lot of comments were talking about him.
Looking at his phone already, he focused on what was happening and saw comments flying by like,
So Han's dating Seungmin?? They're sitting next to each other this time
Seungmin + Han = cuties<3333
Guys I don't think Lee Know likes sungseung hehe
Seungmin won Han LOL
lee know gonna kill seungmin or???
Jisung's eyes widened, not sure where any of these claims about Seungmin and Jisung were coming from. He immediately looked up at Minho, who was staring down at his phone, jaw tightened as he clenched his hand on the table.
Is he jealous?, Jisung wondered. He bit his lip as he contemplated how he could soothe Minho's mind. As he was lost in thought, he felt Seungmin's arm slip around the back of his chair. He thought nothing of it and looked back down to the comments section
Chan come to Australia soon mate throw shrimp on the barbee n wotnot
Hyunjin is so fuking hot omfg HELP
SEUNGMIN'S ARM?!?!?!?!?!
i would be so happy if u sing something i.n
seungmin and han!??
He looked over to Seungmin, who was smiling staring down at his phone. Felix was filtering through the comments, reading out a nice one every now and then. Jisung was thankful he wasn't bringing up any of the ones about him and Seungmin or Minho.
Until he did.
Jisung had glanced over to Minho again, and this time he was staring at Jisung, his eyes full of....confusion? Frustration? Jisung couldn't tell. But it tugged at his heartstrings, and he felt an ache as he wanted stand up and scream "IF YOU HAD LET ME TELL YOU I LIKE YOU THIS WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING".
"...why are you staring at each other like that?" Jisung's head turned to look at Felix, who had just spoken.
"What?" asked Jisung.
"I was just reading a question from the comments section. It said 'Lee Know and Han, why are you staring at each other like that'. Do you want to answer?" a devilish little grin spread across his face as Jisung realized Felix had just exposed them over their livestream. Again.
"Uhhh," stammered Jisung, caught totally off guard. "Were we staring? I don't think we--"
"I was," Minho interrupted, still looking directly into Jisung's eyes. "I was staring because our Hannie is so pretty today. And everyday." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. It made Jisung shiver. Minho seemed to realize, and he tilted his head, fluttering his lashes as he just blinked at him.
"Oh, thank you...." Jisung murmured, trying to will his face to not turn red while they were live. He looked back down to his phone just to break eye contact with Minho, though it felt hard to tear his eyes away from him, and of course the chat was popping off at Minho's comment.
Wtf??? are they all gay lmao
wowwwwww omg i love u Leeknow
skz love triangle!!!!!!! i called it
gay
i know han is prbly with seungmin but i ship him with lee know ugh
LKAJSDFLKAJSDONoinasodifasoidfj BYE
so are we all just going to ignore Han's very obvious hickey lmao
Jisung's eyes widened fast at the last one he read. He felt overwhelmed from the attention and noticed that nobody was speaking now in the room. Everyone was glued to the comments section. He peered over at Chan and saw that his brow was furrowed while he read through the comments.
Fuck, he thought. Chan is going to be after me about this now, even though I didn't do anything.
Jisung had been able to cover the mark Minho left on his neck by wearing his hood up around his friends, or with a little concealer. They all had their own small makeup kits that they sometimes used in-between shows, and Jisung had been thankful he thought to bring his to Tokyo.
But his concealer wasn't anything professional-grade, just some cheap stuff he had found at the drugstore once. It must have come off with his sweat during the show at some point.... he hadn't thought to ask the woman who did his stage makeup to put any of her sweat-resistant concealer on his neck, and he hadn't thought to check on its coverage.
Without thinking about it, Jisung reached his hand up and touched his neck where the mark was. He pressed his fingers into the bruise, feeling pressure where he touched. He didn't realize what he was doing. The comments kept coming.
OMG A HICKEYLASKFLKAJSLDKFJADS;L???!?!?!?!?!
chan i love you sm
guys he TOUCHED THE HICKEY
im gunna pass out who marking up han like this and why is it not me ㅠㅠ
When he saw the influx of responses to him touching his neck come in, Jisung immediately tore his hand away from the hickey, realizing that he was just reacting how people wanted him to. He could've kicked himself.
Just then, Changbin cleared his throat and began to talk about his favorite shops in Tokyo out of the blue, and Jisung felt so grateful for him in that moment. Changbin loved to tease and needle at Jisung, so he must have realized how uncomfortable Jisung was to actually try to draw attention away from his love life.
The rest of the livestream went fine, the group largely ignoring the comments shipping Jisung with either Minho or Seungmin. He felt a wave of relief wash over him when he realized they were all waving goodbye to the camera and ending it.
He left the building in a daze, headed to the vans that would shuttle them back to the hotel like a sheep blindly following the rest of its herd.
He didn't pay attention to what van he got into, and he didn't notice when Minho sat down next to him in the back until they arrived at the hotel and Minho was gently nudging him awake. He had fallen asleep with his head on Minho's shoulder, evidently.
He sleepily blinked up at Minho, who gave him a wan smile and ruffled his hair.
"Time to go inside, jagi," Minho said, and Jisung felt his heart drop knowing he wouldn't be spending anymore of the night in his company.
The two clambered out of the van with the others and as they made their way into the hotel, Hyunjin came and linked his arm through Jisung's.
"Sleep in our room tonight, Hannieeeee," he cooed digging his head into Jisung's in weird show of affection.
Minho looked down, smiling sheepishly as he trailed several steps behind the two of them, and Jisung was dying to know what he was thinking about.
Is he sad we won't be together too? Maybe he doesn't care? Jisung shook his head at his own thinking. We will literally be back to sharing a room tomorrow night, he doesn't care. And I shouldn't either. I just.... he looked behind him and caught Minho's eye. He gave him a small smile before turning back to look forward. I just wish we could have had more time together here.
Jisung realized he was sad thinking about the memories the two of them could have made together in Tokyo, if only Jisung hadn't been punishing Minho that first day they were in town, and if only he had figured his shit out and told Minho how he felt even just a few hours earlier.
"Jagi, eh?" Hyunjin whispered in his ear, surprising him. Jisung's eyes went wide as he put his hand to Hyunjin's mouth.
"Shhh!" he hissed, and then whispered, "He could hear you!" He was mortified knowing that Hyunjin heard Minho call him that in the first place.
They rode up the elevator together and Minho bade Hyunjin and Jisung a good night as he headed for his own room, Jisung's heart feeling a crack to it as he watched him go. Hyunjin walked Jisung to his room and told him if he didn't come to their room in under half an hour he'd be back banging on the door and causing a scene.
After Jisung shooed Hyunjin away, he went to take a shower and get freshened up for his sleepover. He didn't bother with the concealer on his neck this time. He was surprised when Seungmin wasn't in their room. Seungmin had actually been gone a lot the past couple days, and Jisung hadn't really thought about it until now.
Hadn't Jisung seen Seungmin walking into the hotel? So where was he?
Right as he was wondering, the door clicked open and Seungmin entered their room.
"There you are!" Jisung said, holding his arms above his head and smiling. "I feel like you've been a ghost these past couple days, just haunting our room."
Seungmin grinned as he shut the door behind him and slipped off his shoes, going to sit on his bed.
"Hey, I'm glad you're here. Can we talk for a second?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure," Jisung said, following Seungmin's move and sitting on his own bed. "What's up?"
"Um. I don't really know how to say this...." Seungmin was fidgeting with his hands, looking at Jisung like he was weighing his options.
"Don't scare me, Minnie," Jisung laughed, "Whatever it is, just say it."
"Okay." Seungmin took a deep breath. "I'll just come right out and ask then."
"Okay," Jisung said in mock seriousness, not understanding just how nervous his friend really was.
"Hannie....is there...even a chance you'd ever like me? I mean...I don't think you...you know...like me right now. Like that. But...if I said I liked you? Would I have a chance?"
Jisung's stomach lurched. He opened his mouth to respond, having no idea how to. He felt so put on the spot, so dizzy with the shock that Minho had been right all along.
Seungmin cringed at the silence. "I guess...I guess I have my answer."
Jisung's wide eyes looked up into Seungmin's, pleadingly. "Seungmin, I don't know what to say..."
The two just sat there.
"Your friendship means so much to me..." Jisung said, scratching the back of his neck, where he was starting to feel like he might start sweating at any moment.
"But that's all it is, isn't it?" Seungmin asked sadly.
Jisung dropped his hand back down into his lap. He swallowed, feeling a knot forming in his throat at the thought of hurting his friend. He looked down at his feet and nodded solemnly.
"Minnie, I--"
"It's okay, Jisung," Seungmin said unconvincingly. "I'm sad, but I'll get over it. I've seen the signs for a while that it was probably someone else. I was just pretending not to see it."
"Someone else?" Jisung asked, looking back up at Seungmin in question.
"Yeah. And...it hurts, sure, but I just want you to be happy, Hannie. So...how long, then?"
Jisung squinted in confusion. "How long? How long what?"
"Hah, you're not making this easy on me. How long have you and Minho been a thing?"
Jisung's stomach lurched again. "We...we're not," he said, his voice shaky.
Seungmin ran a hand through his hair and leaned back on his bed.
"Jisung, I wish you'd just tell me," Seungmin sighed. "I feel like that would make this whole rejection thing easier, honestly."
"Minnie," he said, exasperated, "We're not. I swear. We're just friends." Minho has made that clear, Jisung thought sourly.
Seungmin looked Jisung right in the eyes. "Are you being honest with me, Jisung? You and Minho really aren't dating?"
Jisung felt his face start to flush, and he wanted to kick himself for it. "I am being honest, Minnie. We aren't."
But I wish we were, he thought, knowing he couldn't talk about his complicated feelings for Minho with a friend he had just romantically rejected.
They sat there in silence, Jisung not knowing how to move forward with the conversation.
"Please don't like...avoid me because of this," Seungmin said in a small, sad voice that broke Jisung's heart.
Jisung stood and walked over to Seungmin's bed where he leaned down and hugged his friend.
"God, Minnie, I wouldn't. I'm sorry, really..." Seungmin breathed in deeply, letting Jisung hug him, but not putting his own arms around Jisung in return.
After a minute, Seungmin spoke. "You're due over at Hyunjin and Felix's room, right? You should head over."
Jisung pulled back and looked down at Seungmin, who wouldn't look at him.
"Please," Seungmin said, "I don't want to cry in front of you right now."
"Minnie...." Jisung started.
"I'll be okay. We're okay. I just needed to say it, and I just needed to hear it." His voice cracked, and Jisung could tell he was about to cry.
Jisung put his hand on Seungmin's head and pet his hair. "I know. I'm sorry. I love you, Seung."
Seungmin reached up and patted Jisung's hand on his head. "Yeah, yeah. Same. Now please go."
Jisung backed away and gathered his pillow and phone charger, looking back to make sure Seungmin would really be okay as he left the room.
What a fucking trip this had been. Jisung was emotionally spent, having been yanked in all sorts of directions. He hoped Seungmin would really be okay, but he knew that like with Minho the other night, Jisung couldn't really be the one to comfort him.
He walked up to Hyunjin and Felix's door and knocked.
The door opened and he was pulled inside by his two friends. It felt nice to fall into the comfort of Hyunjin and Felix's atmosphere, even if his mind--and heart--were both somewhere else entirely at the moment.
---------------------------
The next day was the same scramble to get to the airport the first time around was. Everyone woke up at different times, some forgetting what time they were due at the airport, Chan looking like he was on the verge of murdering them all.
Jisung was just glad he was so distracted with the other members—he was worried that if they were left alone together maybe Chan would re-open the conversation Jisung had shut down as fast as he could in the van last week, especially after the hickey comment in the livestream.
Jisung rode next to Seungmin in the van on the way to the airport, their arms intertwined, Jisung feeling guilty for being the cause of Seungmin's pain.
He was surprised Seungmin asked to sit with him, and that he had let Jisung put his arm through his when he heard Seungmin start to sniffle as he looked out the window.
They finally all arrived to their gate and got situated to wait for the flight. Jisung found a seat near a window where he could watch the goings-on of the busy tarmac below. He liked to watch the planes take off and land, it felt like such a modern day miracle.
He wasn't expecting it when Minho joined him. He slid into the empty seat next to Jisung and gave him a small smile.
"Hey," he said, fussing with his bag between his legs before settling down and sitting back in his seat.
"H-hey," Jisung stammered, suddenly feeling shy. He looked around to see where the others were, to see if anyone was watching them. "Is this okay??"
"Well," Minho started, "We're gonna sit together on the plane, so I don't know how this is that different. The others are around us."
"We're...we're going to sit together on the plane?" Jisung was ashamed at how his heart skipped a beat hearing that. Shut up, stupid heart, he thought, Don't read into this!
Minho leaned forward, watching a plane take off down below.
"Aren't we? You said last time we could. You know, when you were busy ignoring me and blowing me off for Minnie?" He turned towards Jisung and raised an eyebrow, and fuck if it didn't make Jisung's heart really skip a beat now. Or several.
He felt bad for how excited it made him to think of Minho being jealous, because this instance came at Seungmin's expense. But he couldn't help it.
Okay, he thought, really having a hard time not reading into this now...
"Min....," Jisung said softly, studying his shoes so as to not have to look directly at Minho, directly into the sun. "It's....confusing when you talk to me like that....especially after what you said you wanted a couple days ago..."
He felt equal parts embarrassed and heartbroken, but he was proud of himself for saying something, because he felt so desperate for clarity. What did Minho really want?
Now that Hyunjin had planted the idea in his head that Minho might have been full of shit when he said he wanted space, that he might be assuming that Jisung wasn't interested in him, he felt like he was getting his hopes up again.
He realized Minho hadn't responded, so he glanced over from his shoes to Minho, who was frowning.
"You don't want me to talk like this to you?" he asked, eyes still glued to the tarmac.
Jisung felt panic. Of course he wanted Minho to talk like that to him. He wanted Minho to say whatever was on his mind at any time, always. He didn't want it to go away. He didn't want Minho and his admittedly confusing cheekiness, to retreat.
"That's not it..." Jisung said, and before he could continue, Minho's lips perked up into a little smile.
"So it's okay then?" he turned to look at Jisung, Minho's face that of a proud golden retriever with its tail wagging and Jisung's wracked with confusion.
This was beginning to feel infuriating. Jisung really couldn't get a read on Minho.
"Minho...what do you want?" Jisung asked, his cheeks burning as he slumped down in his seat,
looking up at Minho through wary, narrowed eyes.
"What do I want?" Minho repeated, looking surprised by the question. He looked between Jisung's eyes, down to Jisung's lips, and back up to his eyes, opening his mouth to speak when a woman's voice came over the speaker, instructing their boarding group to get up and form a line to board the plane.
Jisung could've screamed at the interruption to that moment, he felt so frustrated. Minho quickly grabbed his own bag and stood. Jisung stood and was surprised when Minho grabbed his bag as well.
"I can carry my own bag," Jisung mumbled, though he made no effort to even reach for the bag back.
As they stepped into their place in line, Minho smiled and said, "Of course you can, Hana, but I want to take care of you."
This just added to Jisung's frustration. What the fuck were with these mixed messages.
They stood in line silently, moving up slowly. Hyunjin turned around and flashed a very toothy smile at the two of them before turning back around and yanking Felix closer to him before putting his arm around his shoulders.
Jisung felt that jealousy again. Watching Felix and Hyunjin just being themselves.
He stopped feeling jealous though, when Minho leaned in and murmured into Jisung's ear, "What I want is to spend some time with you right now, Jisunga."
Jisung turned and made eye contact with him, blinking too many times, he was sure. After a minute, Minho gently nudged him forward, his hand pushing at the small of his back.
"You're up, Hana."
They shuffled their way onto the plane and took their seats. Jisung felt both like he wanted to say so much to Minho, and like he wanted to say nothing at all.
They were in public, after all. Everything he wanted to talk about was...well, private. So Jisung was relieved when they took off ten minutes early and Minho set up his tablet to watch an anime movie, handing one of his earbuds to him.
Jisung looked at Minho, thinking he could strangle him right now for how sweet and clingy he was being after practically ignoring him for days. He took the earbud. He crossed his arms on top of his chest and watched as the movie began.
And he was doing fine for about seven minutes, actually focusing on the movie and not Minho, until Minho lifted up the arm rest between them, moving it out of the way, and nestled into Jisung's side, leaning his head onto Jisung's.
"Hyung," Jisung whined, side-eyeing a smiley Minho.
Without peeling his eyes away from the movie he said, "You don't like it?"
"Urgghhh," Jisung groaned. "It's.....fine."
Jisung's heart was going crazy—it felt like an actual fucking circus complete with roaring lions, acrobatics, and cymbals clashing together.
I should take what I can get, he thought. Once we're home...who knows how he'll be.
Jisung was hopeful though. That maybe it would be just like this. He let himself lean his head and body back into Minho's and the two of them watched the movie in silence.
———————————-
It turned out, getting home made things not like the plane ride. Whatever sweet and fuzzy Minho existed at the airport and on the plane was suddenly replaced with someone who could not sit still.
Jisung had hoped when they got back home he could get Minho alone in their room to talk. But Minho merely dropped his bag off in the entryway before claiming he had some errands to run. Jisung had never seen Minho hurry anywhere so quickly. He must have really not wanted to talk to Jisung about anything serious.
He didn't come home until after Jisung was asleep that night, either. Then, when Jisung woke up, Minho was already out of the house.
The next day was a near repeat of that first day. And the day after. And the day after that.
Jisung was sullen at the absolute void of Minho in his life, and he felt frustrated to no end. Minho had promised he wouldn't treat Jisung like he meant nothing to him, so where was he? And why was he acting like this?
Jisung went between the studio with Chan and Changbin and home, where he'd sit around in the living room watching anime or playing video games with Chan or Felix. He'd sit at the table and eat lunch or dinner with Hyunjin or Jeongin, and he'd get texts here and there from Seungmin, who was visiting his family for a few days.
It was all fun, and pre-Japan trip Jisung would have felt pretty content, although he'd have missed Minho a bit. But since the trip, Minho was all Jisung could think about, and he felt like something was missing with every part of his day.
If Seungmin, whose heart he just broke, could text him, why couldn't Minho face him?
He was lonely. How could he live with seven other people and be lonely? It was almost laughable to Jisung. Yet, here he was.
As usual, he could tell the others were aware of his moods. Hyunjin was the only one who really knew what was going on, but Jisung knew the others understood how much Jisung wanted to be around Minho, even though nobody would say it.
Jisung's lyrics he would write in the studio had all been sad or frustrated, and there was no way Chan and Changbin hadn't clocked it.
Jisung had actually overheard some of the guys talking about the two of them when Jisung had been out of the room, heading back towards the couch one evening. He stopped when he heard the hushed voices and the mention of his name.
"...something happen between them?" he heard Chan ask.
"I don't know, but Minho's really been out of the house nonstop since we got back. It's unlike him," Changbin murmured in response.
"Ji doesn't seem himself either. That's why I wonder...,"
"Why don't you just ask one of them?" Jeongin asked. Jeongin never liked talking about people when they weren't there, and he was the most naive of the bunch. Out of everyone, he probably noticed Minho and Jisung's growing closeness the least.
The other two were silent for a moment before Changbin chimed in saying, "I don't think it's our place to butt in....but if someone were to, I think it should be our leader."
Jisung paled when he heard those words, as he knew Chan was already suspicious of his feelings for Minho. He thought about turning on his heel and closing himself up in his room when he heard Changbin speak again.
"Oh, fuck, look at this."
Then silence. Then more swearing. That's what did it for Jisung, and he walked into the room to join them.
"What's going on?" he asked, "I hear a lot of dramatic noises coming from in here."
They all turned and looked at Jisung, the three of them wearing matching faces of apprehension. Jisung pulled out a chair and took a seat, suddenly feeling worried.
Chan and Changbin exchanged a look before Chan reached over to hand Changbin's phone to Jisung.
"Ji, don't freak out....but you need to see this."
Jisung took the phone from Chan and looked down, his face contorting as he struggled to understand how he was looking at what he was looking at.
On the screen, on Instagram, with over 10,000 likes and a few hundred comments, was a photo. A photo of Jisung on the street at night, tucked into Minho's coat in an embrace. The night they went to the corner store for pudding. You couldn't see Jisung's face in the photo, but it was obvious it was him. Minho's head leaned against his, his eyes closed with the sweetest smile plastered across his face...it was the sort of photo Jisung would have liked if it had been private, something for just the two of them.
"Minho and me?" Jisung asked, his eyebrows threading together in confusion, heat crawling up the back of his neck. "But...how? Who...who took this?"
"Does it matter?" Changbin asked. "You guys were out in public, it really could've been anyone."
Jisung flicked his eyes down to the caption on the photo. "Stray Kids shippers unite, we have definitive proof that MinSung is real! Sent in anonymously, this photo was taken prior to Stray Kids' recent Japan trip. Yes, you're seeing right--that's rapper Han in the arms of dancer Lee Know, out on the streets of Seoul. Looks like Han made his choice between Lee Know and singer Seungmin after all, and any rumors of SeungSung can be put to rest. How do you feel about MinSung?"
He didn't even want to look at the comments section. He didn't want to see what weird or homophobic things were lurking there waiting for him.
Jisung squeezed his eyes shut, placing Changbin's phone down on the table and putting his head in his hands.
"I forgot my coat that night and it was freezing. He was just helping me warm up for like thirty seconds before we ran the rest of the way to the corner store," Jisung groaned. "That photo is....," he wanted to cry at how much of a lie his next words were going to be, "It's nothing."
"Hey, hey," Chan said, getting up and coming around the table to sit beside Jisung. He put his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. "It's okay, we know, we know."
With his eyes closed, Jisung couldn't see the look that passed between Changbin and Jeongin that silently said they weren't sure it was okay.
"Ugh," said Jisung, voice muffled from where his face was pressed into Chan's comforting shoulder. "This is going to freak Minho out."
As soon as he said it, he worried someone would ask him about Minho. And sure enough, they did.
"About that....," Changbin said, "Is he okay? He's practically been a blur since we got back from Tokyo. I thought maybe, y'know...as his roommate you might know."
"He's fine," Jisung muttered a little too aggressively. There was nothing he could tell his friends that wouldn't make their "friendship" seem more incriminating. What could Jisung say? 'He's worried we'll be too close and it'll make you all uncomfortable'? 'He doesn't want the group to fall apart if he accidentally sucks on my neck again, or more'?
"He's fine, but....I need to check on him and find out if he's seen this," Jisung said, bringing the conversation to an end as he stood up and went to his room.
Jisung closed the door behind him and sat on Minho's bed. He contemplated what he should do. Text him a screenshot? Call him? The two had never been on the phone together, not since they were little kids anyway. He figured he should show him what was going on, rather than just tell him.
So he sent Minho a link to the post and wrote 'Can I call you?' and looked back at the Instagram post. It was only a few minutes later, but it already had a couple thousand more likes and a couple hundred more comments. He felt his stomach seize and turn to knots.
He heard a buzzing sound, not coming from his own phone. After a moment he heard it again, and looked towards Minho's nightstand, where it was coming from. His phone was on it. He must have forgotten it in his spastic rush to leave without waking Jisung that morning. Jisung picked it up and saw his text waiting for him, along with texts from Chan and a number that wasn't saved in his phone.
All he could focus on was the name his phone number was apparently saved under. Jagi.
Jagi??? , he thought, his heart aching. And yet he won't talk to me.
He felt so exposed. Maybe if Minho hadn't been blatantly avoiding him these past few days it wouldn't feel so bad, but he really felt like he was left to process this alone.
Left alone to think about how other people were creating narratives about his relationship to Minho, his feelings that he had only just realized himself. It was aggravating, and so invasive.
He looked at the photo. Minho's tender face, positively glowing with affection even though his eyes were closed. Jisung's heart skipped a beat as he zoomed in on it. You really would think we're a couple looking at this with no context, he thought.
Jisung thought back to that night, how he had felt so alive sneaking out of the dorm after Minho for their precious, secretive alone time. He remembered his hands touching Minho's bare back when he wrapped his arms around him underneath the plush covering of Minho's coat, the way Minho shivered at his touch.
He remembered how freaked out he had felt, like he needed to get away from Minho fast, or he'd fuse together with him. God, he thought, How did I just figure this out if I was panicking so much at something like that.
Then he remembered Minho's words to him when he caught up with him at the corner store. Something about him being a pretty picture, down on his knees. Out of breath. Jisung blushed as he realized what Minho had really been saying that night.
Oh, he thought, Wow. Yep. I'm a fucking idiot.
It wasn't fun, realizing you had feelings for someone right before they decide to push you away. And it wasn't fun going through a personal crisis, which also happened to be a professional crisis, when the one person you wanted to talk to didn't want to talk to you.
Jisung slipped his feet out of his slippers and pulled the covers down on Minho's bed, tucking himself under them and lying down. He put his face to one of Minho's pillows, breathing in his scent.
Ah, his scent. So comforting, and yet just a reminder of how far away Minho felt at that moment to Jisung.
He felt so stuck. And more than that--he felt sad.
He didn't know what to do or how to react, publicly or otherwise, until he spoke to Minho.
------------------------------
It had to be late. Jisung blinked his eyes open, realizing he must have fallen asleep. The room was dark. He was facing the window, but it was further away than he was used to it being.
Shit, I fell asleep in Minho's bed, he thought, realizing he was enveloped by the scent of Minho all around him.
He sighed and turned over to face the wall, resigning himself to falling back asleep. At least this way, maybe Minho would come home and talk to him. But he might also just sleep in Jisung's bed to go on avoiding him.
At the thought of it, the thought of Minho continuing to run from him, Jisung felt his eyes brimming with tears. He let slip a small whimper without meaning to, letting himself feel sorry for himself.
It was then that he felt a hand on him, gently shaking him.
"Jisunga," he heard, "What's wrong?"
Jisung thought surely he was hearing things, feeling things. He missed Minho so much that he was crying in his sleep, dreaming him up, wasn't he? How pathetic. He whimpered again, tears beginning to fall from his shut eyes.
He felt the shake again, heard the voice again.
"Jagiya, please, what's wrong?" he heard.
He opened his eyes and tried to blink away the tears clouding his vision. He turned to look over his shoulder, and there he actually was, illuminated by the moonlight coming in through the window--Minho.
"Hyung?" he asked in disbelief, his eyes welling back up. "It's actually you?"
The corners of Minho's mouth turned up just barely into the hint of a smile, though the rest of his face still looked concerned.
"Of course it's me. This is our room. Why are you crying in my bed, Jisunga? What happened?"
"What happened?" Jisung asked as the tears continued to roll down his cheeks. "What happened is you shut me out, and then they posted the photo of us."
"Wait, what?" Minho asked, his brow furrowed.
"You shut me out, Min. You said you wouldn't, but you did, and I feel so..." his voice cracked as he whined, "I feel so alone without you."
Minho winced, Jisung's words hitting a nerve.
"Turn over, Jisung, look at me," he said.
Jisung obeyed, shifting under the covers to face Minho. It hit him how much he was crying, the pillow underneath him was damp. Jisung looked up at Minho, his eyes glittery with tears and so full of sadness.
Minho put his hand on the side of Jisung's head that faced the ceiling, gently stroking his hair.
"What do you mean they posted a photo of us?" he asked, and Jisung realized that's what Minho had been asking for clarity on in the first place.
"Right, your phone. You left it here, so you didn't see." Jisung sniffled. "Just look at what I linked you to."
Minho looked confused but reached for his phone with his right hand, not moving his left hand from Jisung's head. Jisung watched as Minho opened the link. He had expected a myriad of emotions on Minho's face--maybe his eyes would widen and his jaw would drop. Maybe he'd throw his phone. But no, Minho's expression didn't change as he looked at the photo and the caption.
He put his phone down.
"Okay. So it's gone viral."
"Yeah," Jisung sobbed, reaching a hand up to place it on top of Minho's. "And I'm scared, Min. This is what you wanted to avoid happening, and it's still happening."
He felt so pitiful, but he was desperate. He had tried his best to stay strong when Minho asked for space in Tokyo, but Hyunjin was right. Maybe he had been too stoic, too proud to let Minho see how much he didn't want space. He wanted to fight now, to show Minho that he hated this, and that he couldn't go on this way.
"Minho, hyung, please stop this," he begged, his voice shaking as he did. "Please stop running from me. I need....." he took a deep breath, "I need you. So much more than I realized. If this pushes you away even more....I don't think--"
He was cut off by Minho pressing a finger to his lips, silencing him.
"Jagiya, please hush, you're going to make me cry," Minho said, his voice shaky too.
Without even thinking about it, Jisung parted his lips and took Minho's finger into his mouth, pressing his tongue to the bottom of it as he gently sucked. He closed his eyes and savored the feeling of his finger, delicate and yet somehow heavy on his tongue.
On the flip-side, Minho's eyes flew wide at the sensation and sight, clearly not expecting that from Jisung.
"Jisunga?! I--I," Minho was panicking.
Jisung blinked lazily and met Minho's eyes, hoping that even through the tears Minho could see the things Jisung was scared to say. How he longed for him. How desperately he had been missing him. How he wanted him even closer.
He moved his head back, letting Minho's finger slide out of his mouth. He had stopped crying momentarily, but he felt on the verge of another meltdown. He had to say something.
"J...jagi," Jisung tried out, feeling his face flush instantly at how alien it felt to call someone something so intimate. "I want you, so much. Please. Just let me have you."
His heart stopped completely, waiting for a response from Minho. This was it--if Minho really did want space, he might be gone for good after this. Did Jisung push too hard? He was terrified.
But maybe he didn't need to be. Because Minho's left hand was still on Jisung's head, and Jisung felt him grip his hair now, his fingers tangling in Jisung's dark locks and curling, and because even though Minho was shedding a tear now, he was smiling.
"Oh, Jisung. Oh, honey," he said, so quietly. "You have me."
Minho leaned in without another word and only stopped when their noses touched--the slope of Jisung's rounded one skimming the tip of Minho's impossibly straight one. He pressed his forehead into Jisung's, their eyes both half-lidded as they connected with each other's gaze. Jisung's breathing stilled as he waited for what he hoped was about to happen.
Minho closed his eyes first, and Jisung followed. He felt the tears well up again as Minho pressed his perfect lips softly to Jisung's trembling ones in a warm kiss.
And oh, what a feeling. Forget fireworks. Forget his heart racing. His heart had fully exploded, his mind had shattered, splintering off into a million different directions. He transcended to another plane as Minho kissed him, his hand moving from Jisung's hair to gently caress the side of his face.
It was so quick, and yet it lasted forever. Jisung sighed into Minho's lips right before Minho pulled away. Jisung was too blissed out to care, even at the sudden loss of Minho's warm lips on his.
He lifted up the bedsheets and Jisung blinked up at him in question.
"Move over," Minho murmured, "If I can't get closer to you right now I'll die."
Minho's words made Jisung's heart flutter. He was so full of butterflies he thought he might float away. He could feel his pupils dilating as he scooted back, giving Minho room to crawl under the covers next to him.
They lay in Minho's bed, facing each other. Jisung's head flopped down on the other pillow now, Minho realizing just how tear-stained the one he had commandeered was.
"Jagi," he said, looking heartbroken, "My pillow is so damp. You were this upset?"
Jisung just stared back, in silent awe of the man in front of him, the man who had just kissed him and set his heart on fire. His mouth felt so dry with want, he couldn't fathom trying to speak.
Minho inched even closer, bridging the gap between the two of them under the covers. He slid a leg over Jisung's hip, intertwining it with one of his own, and Jisung's heart started to race. Jisung reached out and took hold of Minho's shirt, his hand balling up into a fist.
"Min," he breathed impatiently, his voice heavy with need. "Just kiss me."
Minho didn't need any further coaxing, and within seconds his arm was wrapped tightly around Jisung, his own hand fisting the back of Jisung's shirt as he leaned in and kissed Jisung again, harder this time.
Jisung's mouth was already open, waiting for Minho's tongue, and when Minho realized just how ready and willing Jisung was, he sighed with happiness. Their noses brushed together as Minho's tongue pushed into Jisung's mouth, immediately seeking out Jisung's tongue and moving with it in a fervent dance.
Minho's hand relaxed and moved up and down Jisung's back, the feeling so warm and comforting. So Minho. Jisung felt like he was melting into him, like he would be happy to die right then, connected with Minho like this.
Jisung reached up and snaked his fingers through Minho's hair, pulling a bit, causing Minho to break off from the kiss to gasp lightly. He opened his eyes and looked at Jisung, their eyes equally glazed over with want.
"Don't stop," Jisung whined. Minho smiled, panting. He looked down at Jisung's lips. "Hyung," he started again, glaring in near-irritation, "Come on."
Minho seemed to enjoy watching Jisung beg for his touch. So impatient. So needy. Jisung tried to pull Minho's face towards his from where he gripped the back of his head, but Minho resisted.
Jisung took Minho's hand from behind him and brought it up to his lips, closing his eyes as he kissed the center of his palm, then his thumb, then his pointer finger, before wrapping his lips around it again in retaliation, making Minho shudder.
"Jisunga, stop that," he said, his breath hitching as his eyelids fluttered with pleasure.
"Mmm," hummed Jisung, gently biting down below Minho's second knuckle before Minho pulled his finger from Jisung's mouth to run his thumb over Jisung's bottom lip. Minho's chest was heaving, his eyes glued to Jisung's lips.
"I'm just sad it's too dark for me to see how red your ears are," he purred, delighted in how shocked Minho's reaction was.
"Sh-shut up," Minho stammered, surprised by Jisung's boldness. Jisung reached for Minho's ear, pinching the top of it before dropping his hand down to cradle him by the neck.
"Make me."
At that, Minho moved forward once again, reconnecting their lips and tilting his head to deepen the kiss. They lapped into each other's mouths with an insatiable need for each other, only pulling away when Minho chose to bite down on Jisung's bottom lip.
"Ahh, hyung..." Jisung whined.
"You were a brat when we were kids, and you're a brat now," he murmured teasingly, unable to fight the smirk forming on the lips Jisung was staring at so shamelessly. Jisung didn't care--he was addicted to that fucking smirk. Those lips. That mouth. Minho needed to think he was in control, and Jisung would let him have that.
Minho touched his forehead to Jisung's, the two out of breath and drunk off each other's touch.
"You love it," Jisung breathed, thumbing Minho's earlobe. Minho leaned in and gave a gentle bite to the apple of his cheek before placing a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth, closing his eyes as he did so.
"That I do, jagiya."