I look in the mirror and see myself. Somehow in a Quidditch uniform. I've always wanted to play Quidditch. I'm holding a cup and my brother Regulus is at my side. I can't believe how close we are. Sirius also turns up and hugs me. Like real siblings. It seems like I've won something. There's a party going on around us, it seems like there's something to celebrate. And then suddenly. My father...I haven't seen him for years...I never wanted to meet him. And yet he appears in my deepest wish. Maybe this is exactly the right path for me. Not a man at my side but a family...
I see myself, a girl who finally has the family that I have always wanted. My two siblings, Regulus and Sirius, who are at my side and are hugging me warmly, while on my other side, my father appears. I get that fatherly love that I never felt before from him. It might not be a boy but... It has been so long since I have had a family... The feeling of happiness and peace is overwhelming.
I slowly walk back to my dorm room and text Pansy "I know who I'm choosing now..."
She looks at her phone as the text comes in, and she doesn't reply right away. She seems getting really curious now.
"Can you tell me who it is then?"
"Myself. I'm choosing myself" I text with a smirk on my face.
She looks at the text with a bit of disappointment. She wished that I would have gotten a final answer that actually made sense. But she can respect that.
"Okay then. Did the liquid luck help? I think that's a good lesson for all of us, right? That you need to choose yourself too sometimes?"
"I looked into the mirror of erised and realised, I don't need a boyfriend by my side. But I need and I want my family.."
She smiles when she hears that, a bit of relief coming over her as at least she hasn't completely messed up everything.
"I get it, you know? We all want someone, sure... But family is more important. I hope that you can have your family back and that it will all be okay then..."
"I will concentrate on me again, I think I loved the boys too much and I should myself more"
"That sounds like a really smart thing to do. And honestly, I think that you should take a break from boys for now... You should focus on yourself, you know? Because if you focus on yourself, no one can hurt you. But if you focus on someone else, they might hurt you, like what happened with Draco.
And besides that... It's better if you can love yourself first and then go look for love elsewhere. Because how can you love anyone if you couldn't love yourself first?"
"True, I will them them. Thank you and see you tomorrow"
"See you tomorrow then."
She seems glad to hear that I will take some time for myself. That's the best choice right now, and she won't take it from me but now comes the hard part. I'll write Draco first "Hey Dray, I know I haven't called you that in a while. We had a good time together..our relationship was really wonderful and I know I was the one who messed it up. But I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. But it's time to move on. I'm going to focus on me from now on, I'm sorry"
Draco looks at the text and he feels his heart breaking even more when seeing this text. He is in shock by this and he replies to me very quickly. But his text is full of anger and he is very disappointed.
"Wow... Just like that? You're just going to leave me and forget all about us, after everything that we've been through? I really thought that you would still love me, but I guess I was wrong."
"My heart will never forget you completely. I'll never forget the times you made me laugh until I had tears in my eyes. I'll never forget the feeling of safety you gave me whenever you held me tightly in your arms kissing my head and caressing my hair."
"And what about me? My heart will also never forget you, my dear. I will never forget how it felt when you were sleeping peacefully in my arms. I will never forget how it felt when you would lean your head on my shoulder. I will never forget all the laughs we had together and all the times when you would make me smile. I can't believe that you are really doing this... You are tearing me apart inside, you know?"
"I'm so sorry. A part of me will always love you.."
I start to feel tears in my eyes as I read this text. It really hurts to see him like this and that he knows that he won't be able to be with me anymore. I was literally his everything, so he just couldn't bear the thought of not having me
"I can't believe this is happening... You are breaking my heart into a million pieces... How can you just leave like this... I love you so much..."
The best thing to do now is not to answer. It breaks my heart just as much. He was my first real relationship. My first great love. But not the last and the only one. I also have to write to Theo
"Hey Theo, what we had was intense and passionate and my feelings for you were real, but what we did to Draco and Astoria was wrong and I can't get involved with you. Not like that. Not anymore. I'm going to focus on me from now on. I'm sorry..."
Theo looks at the text message and he is surprised when he reads the part about what we did to Draco and Astoria. He thinks for a moment and he feels bad now. He does take my advice and he does think that it is unfair to us to have a relationship.
"I think that I agree with you... I also think that... I should leave it at this as well. I don't want to hurt Draco any further either... My feelings were genuine but... We did hurt them... I think that you are making the right choice..."
"Really? I'm glad to hear this. But I want to say a few last things to you..I'll never forget the way you looked at me as if I was the only girl in the world. I'll never forget the sound of your heart whenever I laid my head on your chest. You'll always have a part of my heart even if it's just a small fragment of it"
Theo can't help but smile a little bit when he reads these last words. He looks back and he remembers all of the happy times we had together and the moments that we shared. It hurts to know that this is ending, but he agrees that it is for the best. This way, no one would get hurt anymore.
"I... I will never forget all that we have shared too. I will never forget the happiness we shared and the moments of intimacy. You will also always have a part of my heart..."
and now Tom...the man who's been fighting for me for a year
"Hey Tom, I know...I feel like I've said this a thousand times but we're not getting back together. We had a good time and I enjoyed every moment, but I have to focus on me now. My life, my family...I'm sorry"
He finally gets the answer he was waiting for. It hurts to read, but he expected nothing else. He had already thought about the possibility that he would be rejected too. He looks back, remembering all of the moments that we had spent together.
"I get it... It really had to go this way huh... I understand... I'll accept that... But still... It really hurts to have lost you..."
"You haven't lost me. And I want you to know that I will never regret you or say that I wish I'd never met you because once upon a time, you were exactly what I needed"
"Well... Then I guess that's all I can ask for... You really did complete my life in some way and I will never regret spending this year with you. I just have one thing more to ask... Can we please stay friends? I don't want us to lose contact completely..."
"Whenever you need me, you can call me, I promise you that"
He smiles when he reads this. He is glad to know that he will still have me in his life, as friends, even after all of this.
"Thanks... I will, I promise."
He looks back one more time and he remembers all of the happy moments we shared. It still hurts to think that we will never have that again, but now it is what it is. He will have to move on too...
"Hey Mattheo, I have to tell you...a part of me and of us actually knew that we would never be anything more. We're good friends, we work as friends but not as a couple. I'm really sorry but I need to focus on myself"
He feels his heart breaking a little bit more as he reads the text. It really hurts to read this when he had thought that this was finally the right one... He takes a moment but he replies to me anyway.
"Yeah... I guess I really did know inside... It just hurts so much to admit it... But I understand. I will respect your decision because I really want what is best for you... Good luck with your journey..."
"Thank you, I'm so glad you understand me and my decision. But whenever you need anything, I will be there. You know that, don't you?"
"Of course, I know that. We will always be friends. Good luck with everything... And thank you for being honest, I know it was not easy... I really hate to say goodbye to you."
"It's not a goodbye though.."
"You're right... It's not really a goodbye, is it? I will still have you... in my life... as a friend... It just feels like this is the end of us... that this decision you made is the final piece that seals our fate... that all of this is over... But I have to move on... And I really will. But I will always think of all the good and beautiful times we shared."
I also look back and remembers all of these special moments. I couldn't lose those... They were too precious.
"I will too. See you tomorrow Mattheo"
"See you tomorrow... And good luck with everything..."
Now the decisive moment has come. Because there's one thing I saw in the mirror that I want to make happen. I make my way to a dorm room and knock on the door. My brother Regulus looks at me all confused* "Hey Reggie, can I come in?"
He looks shocked when he sees me and he is also surprised when I ask to come in. But he can tell that I'm serious about this, after all, I'm his sister. Therefore, he opens the door for me
"Yeah, sure... Please come in..."
"I need to talk to you about something important..." I look at him seriously and also very nervously. He is a bit confused because I never really seemed nervous in his eyes. Now I really seem nervous, but he also wonders what exactly the problem is. He expects the worst, but he is still curious to know what the problem is. And he can see that I really want to talk about it, so he decides to let me do that now.
"Yeah, sure... I'm all ears..."
I take a step towards him and say
"I want to meet my father..."