i didn't really proof-read this so show me mercy
um
a couple curse words, not really angst but kinda?? reader is team steve, and tony's your dad
1.6k+ words
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i lay in the dim-lit room, my eyes tracing the ridges of the metal headboard. it was tarnished, the orange-y color burning itself into my eyelids. specks of brown fluttered upon the rusted splotches.
there was this putrid smell in the room, one that made my nostrils flair out slightly, and i had an overwhelming urge to breathe through my mouth.
the sight and the aromas wove together to form a single picture in my memory, and i knew this was something that i'd never be able to forget.
isn't it funny how at times, we yearn to remember the things we can't, yet struggle to forget the horrid things?
this was something i knew that i wanted to get rid of, this one moment in time. i didn't like it, any of it. maybe if things were different, if i had a choice.
well, i did have a choice.
i made mine.
so, actually, let me rephrase that; maybe if things were different, if i knew what the right choice was. if i'm being honest, i may never know what that is.
it's not my place to decide what's right, but rather to do what i think is right.
because that's how this world works, yeah?
we do what we can.
i know they would never understand, and part of that may be because they don't want to, and there's not much i can do about that.
it hurts to think that i may have ruined everything, and they'll never speak to me again.
i know they don't agree with my actions, and, well, that's okay, too.
they have their own reasons and decisions that i couldn't ever stand for, either.
the thing is, no one knows what they'd do in a certain situation until they're actually in it. it's very easy to judge someone else's actions by what you assume yours would be, if you were in their shoes.
but we'd only do what we think we'd do, not what we'd actually do.
i could hear bucky and steve conversing from the other side of the door. they'd given me the bed, which was nice, but i think it was out of pity, which was fair.
they were speaking in hushed voice, and i knew it was on purpose, so i wouldn't hear. i didn't try and strain my ears to listen, because it was obvious that they were talking about me.
i flipped onto my back, looking at the ceiling instead, trying to distract myself. the grooves and cracks made shapes and i focused on them instead.
i knew that if i closed my eyes, i'd end up picturing peter in my head. i was trying not to think of him, but i wasn't succeeding very well at that.
he was engraved into every part of my brain, in the worst of ways, and the best of ways. he was a distraction to and from everything.
when i thought of peter, everything around me faded away, and all that was left was his honey-brown eyes.
but now, as i feel trapped in this room (that feels like is getting smaller), thinking of him makes a pit in my stomach. it makes me feel like i'm suffocating, stuck in a chokehold that i know will take me under, and there's nothing to do but allow myself to go numb and succumb to that fate entirely.
two short, quick knocks snapped me out of the trance i was in.
"hmm?" i called out, a way of acknowledging whoever it was and letting them come in.
"uh, hey, kid."
i looked up at the person, tilting my head slightly. i felt like i knew the incoming conversation, and i wanted to push it away altogether.
"steve? are you here to lecture me? because i don't regret the choice i've made. i'm old enough to-"
"no, i'm not doing that. i just," he took a moment to sight, "i want you to think this through one more time. i don't-... there's- there's not any going back. you're still a kid, y/n/n. i don't think you should be bothering yourself with these matters."
i shook my head, lips pressed together. "i get that, i do. but it's too late now, anyways. what's my dad going to say if i go back? 'oh, i'm so glad you're back, how was it on my friend's side over there, planning an attack on us?' yeah, no," i scoffed. i didn't even want to begin thinking about what peter must imagine of me now.
oops. too late.
"besides, you're going to need all the help you can get. it's, like, 3 and 1/2 against... well, i'm actually not sure how many, but i assume you'll spare me of those details, anyways."
"i know you just want to do the right thing. but this? this is dangerous."
i was starting to get impatient. why couldn't he see that this is my choice to make. not his. not bucky's. not tony's, my dad. not peter's. not anybody's but mine.
"i fucking know, alright? so quit all this. i'm not going back. and this isn't about me. it's about them. these- these people. okay, i get it, we need boundaries sometimes. we need to be reminded of what those are.
"we're people, too, yes, we forget. we take things too far at times. it's human nature, whatever. but this? this... no. these aren't boundaries. these are lines. bright red lines that taunt us. threaten us. once we sign this contract, we are offically government property."
i flicked my wrist, absorbing water from the air and making it encircle my wrist. "i don't want to lose this. it's who i am. and what do the accords so? they take it away. i don't want to be anybody's weapon. i just want to help."
"i- okay."
"okay?"
"yeah. you weren't planning on giving up, so i'll just make it easier on the both of us," steve chuckled.
in that brief moment, i felt so much love for him. we were in this together, and y'know, at least i wasn't alone.
-
"peter!" i yelled, "listen to me!" blasting a line of water at time, i ducked a web.
"angel, you listen to me." he panted, and i knew i was tiring him out.
"i don't want to hurt you pete," i frowned, throwing a punch at him, of course, he dodged it easily.
but i knew that if i wanted to, i could drown him. or, you know, there's lots to do with water.
if i wanted to.
"i don't want to hurt you either."
"well, then, i guess we aren't gonna get anywhere."
"y/-"
"you're doing this to impress my dad, right? i mean, seriously, peter? this is sad, even for you."
"i'm not. this is the-"
"right thing?" i finished for him, "how do you know what that is? you're just a kid."
"you are too!"
"'s different."
"how?" i flipped above him, landing on my feet. i kicked the back of his knee, making him topple over. placing a foot on his chest, i towered above him.
"think about this again, peter. please."
but before i could even figure out what was going on, he'd caught me off guard. peter snatched the leg that was on him, turning me over. my back hit the hard cement, and i groaned in pain, red hot shooting through my shoulder. he'd pinned my arms above my head, and his lips were mere inches away.
but it'd been so long... and i was so ready to give into his warm touch.
"oh my- y/n, i'm so sorry! are you okay? i didn't-"
i cut him off, the pain subsiding. "peter, i understand. and i don't... disagree. not completely. but i don't agree either. maybe, yes, the idea is good. but the accords were drafted in a way that was due to cause problems.
"they were drafted without the avengers' input, which resulted in numerous countries making decisions on situations they could not understand. why? they simply have no experience with this stuff."
i figured, maybe i could explain my view to him. my dad wouldn't change, but maybe peter could.
"the avengers have dealt with several world-shaking events and are the most experienced people in the world at handling them, and now a large number of armchair generals are telling them how to do their jobs, stifling the avengers' autonomy, which has allowed them to make in-the-field decisions that every combat situation has.
"what's worse is that secretary ross says that the accords are the "middle ground", the perfect balance of the needs of both parties, but they are anything but.
"the aven- we know what we're doing. well, kinda. we have the best of intentions. yeah, we'll make mistakes from time to time." i paused, struggling to find words before recalling steve's.
"we may not be perfect but the safest hands are still our own."
i finally looked into his eyes, and they were flashing with understanding. but with one look at his face, i knew he'd never actually take that stand. i leaned in to kiss him on his lips, and he completely melted into me. tears burned my eyelids, and if i didn't leave now, i'd never bring myself to ever.
using this moment to suprise him, i lifted him into the air, under a ring of water, placing him gently on the ground. i could see steve in the corner of my eye, smiling at me encouragingly.
"until the next time we meet, my love," i sighed.
in the end, he'd made his choice...
and i'd made mine.