The trek back to the spire was met with apprehension. It took convincing and reassurances, but he made sure he would return alone. He couldn't let there be any distractions, he'd get down to business with V just as he had Uzi before.
Uzi... He could feel himself turning to mush inside after their encounter earlier. What she said, and what he couldn't ate at him. She'd laid herself bare and presented all of her being to him, it was more than he'd ever had anyone do to him before. And he knew how much that scared Uzi to do, the sobbing was proof enough of that. He'd done much the same to her, said what was really on his mind even if it hurt them. That wasn't to say the encounter was bad, far from it, it was ripping a bandaid off and letting a wound air out. It was communication they needed, and communication he had long hoped he'd see with V.
Speaking of his co-worker/friend(?)/ex, there was a growing knot in his stomach at the idea of finally having this talk with her. He really didn't like the idea of putting the blame on her, but his talk with Uzi made him distressingly aware of how much V's influence on him here in the present wasn't great. It was... pretty bad, actually. He was now disturbed by the idea that Uzi would treat him as V had, and he saw how that messed things up between him and Uzi. Did it even stop at Uzi? Was he ever worried that the others in the colony would do those things to him? He sometimes felt like he couldn't open up to Thad, but Thad had proved him wrong, too. Something began to eat at him for trying to hide Uzi's kills from Thad, but in that moment he was scared of Uzi getting hurt. Huh.
...Guess things are more complicated than he thought. Did V really think she was protecting him all this time? Was it worth what she did to him?
The spire was now before him. He'd walked the way over to give himself some time to think about what he'd say. He found his mind blanking as his anxiety rose. Wait, right, check if she's even here first. With sweat drops appearing on his display, he raised a hand to his mouth, "uh, V? Are you here?".
The echoes sounded off for a few moments. No answer. He wasn't sure if he should breathe a sigh of relief. Great, now he'd have to wait until she returned to finally rip the bandaid off with her. Should he sleep it off? No, that would make his thoughts totally blank out when the moment arose.
He entered the pod and sat down in one of the seats. Within moments he was faced with the fact that he didn't do well with waiting. Did he still have paper and crayons here? He hoped so. N pulled out a drawer and spotted a few left and eagerly took them out.
N found a surface to draw on and sat back down in the seat. Now with entertainment, he was faced with the idea of having no idea what to draw. A few experimental lines went down, and his mind went from there. On one side of the page, he used a black crayon to sketch out a drone in a maid outfit. He wasn't sure who it would be, should be. Remembering his sister again brought back memories he wasn't sure how he should feel about. She was nice too... for a while... until she became different and hurt him and the others. His eyes hollowed. No, he couldn't consider that Cyn was also manipulating him. It was too much for right now.
He shook his head free of these thoughts. Of the other manor workers, V was the one who never hurt him. It would be her. A frown appeared on his face as he recalled how she used to be - who she used to be. Shy and timid, she was the one who treated him like an equal. All the fun times they had, the feelings they shared, how it all ended. He drew in her hair and glasses with apprehension.
N stared at his crude drawing of her. Sure, he now remembered their past together, but she just wasn't like this anymore - physically or mentally. He gave her a nice smile, but it didn't make one on his own face. With a shake of his head, he cleared his thoughts. Thinking about her just made him sad and frustrated.
Picking up his black crayon again, he began to doodle another figure on the other side of the page. As he drew out the small boxy shapes, he reached out for another crayon. His mind told him black paired well with purple, his hand reaching for that. It was at this point he knew full-well who he was drawing next. N used the purple crayon to draw in some of her features - her socks and hair. With the black crayon again, he briefly paused when he was faced with the question of what expression to give her. Sure, she was prickly when they met, but over time she'd really softened up around him. She smiled a lot around him now, and it felt only right to give her that.
Now, a doodle of Uzi was there on the page too. In contrast to the V doodle, her doodle was easier to look at. He couldn't explain why. Maybe the V doodle was harder since there was so much baggage with her. It hit him then how much he was venting his thoughts out in doodling her and V like this. Might as well go all the way. There was an open spot between them he could use.
With the black crayon again, his hand hovered above the paper. Should he draw himself then, or now? He already drew past V... and yellow did match well with purple. With the black crayon, he drew himself out in the present. He found his figure the easiest to draw, he'd drawn himself and Uzi a lot. Suddenly aware of how close the figures were, he realized he could easily make him and Uzi hold hands. Wouldn't be the first time he'd drawn them doing that. Oh, that was tempting...
As soon as he put the finishing touches on his figure, he heard a noise outside. It didn't sound like snow debris falling, it sounded familiar. Right, she's probably back. Hiding the paper and crayons away, he prepared himself for what was to come. However things ended, he'd at least have closure.
His hands swept across his coat as he smoothed it out. Alright, focus. It's time to talk to V. He put a cautious hand on the handle of the door and swung it open.
He guessed him opening the door spooked her, because he saw V outside looking at him with wary, hollow eyes. "Oh, did I startle you?", he asked.
Her face turned away as her arms crossed, "tch, as if".
"V, you know that's a lie", he sighed, "can I talk to you about it?".
"What? About being scared?".
He bit his lip wondering how to put this. "Well, kinda. V, I'm not gonna ask you about the scary parts of our past, I just want to know what's up with the present you".
One of her brows arched, "really? That?".
"V... You weren't like this before", he said softly trying to stop himself from getting emotional, "you're different now and I guess I gotta accept that, but when you act like you don't trust me how am I supposed to feel about that?".
Her eyes narrowed at him, "no, you're the one who's different. You didn't remember a thing before that purple freak snooped around our heads".
"Uzi saved us ", he stressed, "just... come in here with me and let's talk. We haven't done that since prom night".
V sighed, clearly not liking this turn of events, but walked into the pod with him. She sulked as they sat down on the chairs inside. "Look", she said, "you keep digging for answers and you'll start finding things you really wish you hadn't known. As we've found out with the purple menace's massacre at camp".
"V, she didn't know! How was any of us supposed to know!", he countered. She fell silent and as he stared back at her he realized why. "You did. Uzi said you did. But you've been hiding stuff from us, how is that supposed to help us?".
"...Do you really want an answer for that?", she asked, usual malice absent.
He nodded, "of course I do, V. I can see how much this is hurting you. I just want to talk".
She looked at him, an expression on her face he didn't think she was capable of anymore. Almost hopeful, timid. Then, as soon as it arrived, it vanished. She blinked, and it was clear she was steeling herself up again. "You hurt me when you try to change things", she said, "look around, where has all this gotten you and that little Worker? You two have learned things about yourselves you really didn't want to learn about, huh? You helped a Worker kill and eat her own kind, N. She's traumatized over it. As for you, I know that whatever you saw J turn into is still on your mind. I know that's your personal investment in this, it's not worth it".
"V...", he warned.
"You're scared, and I'm telling you that you shouldn't worry about it. You shouldn't think about it. The less you know, the more this life really feels like our best shot at happily ever after", her eyes felt like they were piercing holes into him as she spoke, "you are ruining that when you try to fight it. I know we're going to run out of oil eventually, but we can forget it as long as possible and have a nice time until then. That's the kind of sick, twisted happily ever after we're being given. Suck it up, accept it".
His teeth grit together, "how am I supposed to trust your word on that? You're still hiding stuff!".
"Because I wish I was ignorant like you!", she yelled, claws extended, and then raised a hand over her mouth in disbelief she yelled that out.
His eyes looked at her in concern as he deflated, "V? Keep talking".
"No".
"Please?".
Her lips pulled back in a snarl, "no! Stop asking!".
"Tell me", he pleaded, "tell me about the scary stuff you don't want me to know about. It's important, I can handle it. Please?".
Calmer now, she replied with a short, "no".
"V, just talk to me already! Nothing gets better until you just tell me what's wrong!", N pleaded.
Her hollowed eyes stared back at him, vacant of their usual intimidation. "N... you don't want to know", she cautioned, "don't... force me to do something we'll both regret".
He blinked, "you've done that a lot. You shouldn't have to-".
"Stop asking, N!", she glared, "just stop it! This affects me far more than it affects you. Just stop asking about it! I'm fine! Just stop asking about it and let the Worker freak go".
"You need help , V!", he suddenly shouted to match her intensity, "whatever this is, it's affecting you, me, everyone we know. I just want to talk and help you through this!".
Her arms crossed as she shifted her weight beneath her, "there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine. Tell me that I'm fine".
"But you're not!", he countered, "you weren't like this back then! You were different. You were someone I trusted...".
"N".
"...You were someone who didn't treat me like I'm stupid...". A tense look passed N's face, his teeth barring in his discomfort.
An exhausting moment passed before N asked her again, "talk to me, I can help you. Us ".
Her eyes met his as she spoke, "I'm fine ".
"You're scared", he said, "you're scared and you won't even tell me what it is that's so scary".
"I'm not! I'm fine!".
"Then tell me!", he countered, "tell me everything you've been hiding from me! If it's really not scary, then you should have no issue telling me".
She gave him another hard look, "no, never".
He froze. It was becoming evident that he wasn't going to get answers out of V. His stomach sank. He'd been hoping to get an answer, but it was becoming clear that she wouldn't budge. Was what she knew really that bad? He was almost convinced that she was faking it, but it was clear in how she was protesting the whole thing that something was tearing her up inside.
One final offer, "if you don't tell me, then I'm giving up on you. You can tell me anything, V. If you need help, I'm here for it".
He watched her face cycle through several emotions. At last, she shifted from a pained look to a solemn one, "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me".
His expression fell upon hearing that. Guess that sealed the deal. He sighed, "you know, you hurt me a lot doing this. You and J made me think I was good for nothing, that I'd never be good for anything". His face tensed, "it took a Worker trying to kill me to get me to realize my worth. She actually talks to me, V. We have issues, but we talk it out every time".
"N...", V's expression was unreadable.
He took a brief pause to prepare himself for his next words, standing up from the seat, "you pretending that I didn't exist for all that time took a toll on me, V. It took a toll on the bond between me and Uzi, too. I messed up bad because I freaked out that she was doing to me what you did. It messed her up, too". V looked on, her expression shifting to discomfort. He continued, "but we talked it out. We won't think about it anymore. And V? I was really hoping I'd find that in this talk here, but you won't open up to me to clear the air at all. I'm... I'm frustrated". He realized he was tensed up from getting that all out, his shoulders slumped as he took the moment to decompress.
V's eyes couldn't stay on him for long, her gaze shifted on and off him. "I didn't... think it was bad. I was just protecting you...".
A long sigh escaped N's audio output. His fingers fidgeted on the back of the seat. "All you did was hurt me in doing that".
V was silent for a long moment. N at this point was convinced there was nothing else either of them had to say at the moment, she just needed to think about what he told her and maybe things could heal from there. Another breathy noise escaped him as he put his hands off the seat, "I'm going to see her. I'll be back later... in the week maybe. V, I hope we can be friends again eventually".
Her hallowed eyes followed his form, "oh... I'd, uh, like that too".
As he exited the pod, he took one last look at her and the expression he saw shocked him. He wouldn't need to ask her what was on her mind, he could see clear in her eyes that she knew things would never be the same between them again. Eyes hallowed, brows arched downwards, mouth slightly ajar - she knew it was over for them being as close as they used to be. Whatever feelings she had for him would never be reciprocated again. He couldn't help but feel an ounce of sympathy for her, she now knew what it was like on the other end of rejection now.
His hands brushed open the door and carefully shut it. A chapter of his life closed behind him.
Walking to the colony felt like it should be scarier than it felt, but after today the prying eyes of the Workers wouldn't hold a candle to the level of unease he went through. He didn't need to think about the colony as a whole, he just needed to think of one to feel better. Things would get better once he was with Uzi again, they always had. He was still feeling down from the talk with V, but at least now he felt ready to tackle the next chapter of his life.
There was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind telling him Uzi was the next chapter of his life. That felt fitting. Just thinking about the purple-haired Worker renewed his energy. After how much V drained his energy, this was a welcome change.
Speaking of feeling drained, he still had some of Uzi's oil left in the jar. After today, he no longer felt weird about drinking it. Taking it out of a pocket, he swung the jar around looking at the liquid spin within. He'd reunite with her soon, but for now this liquid would have to do. He twisted off the cap and carefully raised it to his lips. The liquid spilled into his mouth and he spent some time carefully savoring it. Swallow. He would never get over how good she tasted. It was bizarre, especially since she now required extra oil like him. It was odd, and he didn't think too hard on it. It didn't take long for the jar to be emptied of its oil. He licked off any spillage and closed it shut again.
Looking at it again, he thought back on it as a gift. He knew now for sure that she loved him, that's why she gave him this super weird gift. He had been scared of confronting that, but now that he drank it he knew for sure that he reciprocated. Falling for her was scary, but he was past that now, he could confront their changing dynamic with a clear conscience.
The main door to the colony was before him now. He ran up to it and began knocking on the door. To his luck, Ron was on duty again.
"Hey", N said, "I need to get in and see Uzi".
Ron nodded, "sure! Come on in!".
Door one opened up and he walked in. He thanked Ron for the welcome and went off on his way.
N soon came across Uzi's residence. He knocked on the door and Uzi answered it. "N!", she beamed, "I was wondering when you'd show up!".
"Yeah", he rubbed the back of his head, "the talk wasn't that long, actually. I couldn't get through to her".
"I told you talking isn't going to help her", Uzi said, "but, I'm glad you tried one last time to really get through to her".
He nodded, "I told her everything from my side of things, and she won't tell me what's bothering her. At all".
Uzi stood aside, "why don't you come on in? Let's talk a bit more privately". He took up her offer and entered inside with her. She looked back at him as she shut the door, "dad's out, we got the place to ourselves tonight".
He offered her a weary smile, "thanks, but I think I want to chill out with you, if that's alright".
"Here? Or-".
"Your room, like always".
She blushed as she led them into her room. Uzi took a seat in her chair, "well, we're here. What do you wanna do?".
"Sleep", he said with no hesitation.
She gave him a sheepish look as she took that request in. "Well, I guess it's been a pretty rough day -night- huh?".
"Really rough", he sighed.
She fanned her hands out towards her bed, "all yours, bud".
He wasted no time in getting on it, offering her a thanks. N really did like her bed, it was comfortable and full of her personality. Nothing like the beds he used to clean. Laying on his side, he looked back at her, "it's your bed. Rough day for you, too". Her eyes briefly hallowed out before shaking her head, clearing her visual output. He immediately felt bad about reminding her of how she lost control today. "Hey", he tried, "sorry for bringing that up...".
She raised a hand, "no, it's alright. You're right, rough day for me too". She got off her chair and flopped down on the bed with him, "do you need me to keep you company while you fall asleep?", she teased.
He laughed, "don't threaten me with a good time".
She smiled, "well, I also think that's a pretty good time".
N pulled her into an embrace wrapping his arms around her, his head resting on hers. "Good, because I really want my Uzi Time right now!". His tail made happy little wags.
He felt her put her free arm around him, "y-yeah! Glad to be... Useful... I guess?", her voice was barely muffled from her face being pressed into his chest.
"Are you comfortable?", he asked.
"Yeah, this is... all I want right now. Thank you, N".
"Same", he said, "I like this". And I like you.
She chuckled, "we could do this more. Not just tonight. I'm ok with that. If it's you, I'll do anything".
His arms held her a bit tighter and he buried his face into her beanie. After how easy it was to flirt, he found his next words hard to muster out. "Uzi... I-I love you too. Sorry I didn't say it sooner...".
A gasp from her. She buried her face into the fur along his coat's collar. "I love you, N", she said, muffled through the material.
Her face would timidly poke up at him moments later, N taking the opportunity to give her a quick kiss on the forehead causing her to blush furiously. She pressed her face into his chest again, flustered but not mad at him.
N's body relaxed into the embrace, hers following, and soon they were off to digital dreams together.