Serenity Hiraya
Nawala ako sa pag-iisip nang may dumating na mga bouncer at inawat ang mga nagkakagulo. Dahil doon ay napapasong lumayo sa akin si Steven bago umayos ng tayo.
Huminga ako nang malalim para pakalmahin ang sarili ko.
What the hell, Hiraya? Anong iniisip mo?
Ramdam ko ang init ng pisngi ko habang magkasabay kaming naglalakad pabalik sa table kung nasaan sila. Mukhang mas dumami ang nakiki-celebrate ng birthday ni Steven dahil mas nadagdagan ang bilang namin.
May bumati pa sa akin na halos hindi ko nakilala.
"Bespren!" Bati ng isang kalbo sa akin. "Ang ganda mo na lalo, ah!"
I stared at his face. Pilit kong inaalala kung sino siya hanggang sa tawagin siya sa pangalan.
"Anak ng tokwa, Carl! Hindi ka makikilala niyan kasi kalbo ka, par!"
Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makilala ko ang boses nila.
"Carl?" I looked at the man beside him. "MJ!"
"Yown!" Masayang lintaya nila na nag-apir pa. "'Yan ang gusto namin sa'yo, bespren!"
Inabutan nila ako ng isang shot na agad ko namang ininom.
"Award! Bottoms down si ate ko!" Sigaw ni Marcus bago ako inabutan ng chaser.
Bago kami magpatuloy sa inuman ay nagpa-serve muna si Cameron ng dinner. Light lang ang kinain ko dahil nakapag-dinner naman na kami kanina.
"Guys, laro tayo!" Excited na sigaw ni MJ bago kumuha ng isang bote ng cuervo at binigyan kami ng tig-iisang shot glass.
"Ano na naman 'yang naiisip mong kalokohan, kalbo?" Natatawang tanong ni Violet na nakaupo sa kandungan ni Iñigo.
"'No ka ba, maganda 'to! Put your finger down or shot!"
"Daming pauso!" Side comment ni Jas na naka holding hands kay Carl. "Pare-pareho talaga kayong mag totropa, ano?"
Maya-maya lang ang napilit naman kaming lahat ni MJ na sumama. Kasali sa laro 'yung Dynamics at 'yung ibang kaibigan namin nung senior high. Kung sino ang pinakaunang magbaba ng lahat ng daliri ay kailangan mag five seconds sa cuervo. Pwede ka namang umiwas sa tanong at ang kapalit ay ang pag-shot.
Paikot ang pagsabi at si Violet ang mauuna. Umakto pa siyang nag-iisip bago sinabi ang unang scenario.
"Put your finger down kung kalbo ka ngayon," pang-aasar niya.
Sinamaan siya ng tingin nung dalawa na agad nagbaba ng daliri.
Sumunod ay si Carl. "Kala mo, ah. Put a finger down kung nahuli na kayong nag momomol."
Nawala ang ngisi ni Violet bago sabay sila ni Iñigo na nagbaba ng daliri. Nahihiyang nagtago siya sa leeg ng nobyo na tumatawa lang din.
"Put a finger down if you already gave someone a hickey," it was Josiah.
Nagulat ako nang magbaba ulit ng daliri ang dalawa.
What the hell? I missed a lot of chika from Vi!
Kasabay nila ay ang dalawa ring couple at si Cameron. Kaming tatlo na lang ni Josiah at Steven ang sampo pa ang nakataas na daliri.
"Eguls tayo sa dalawa, par!" Reklamo ni MJ. "Ayusin niyo naman ang mga tanong niyo!"
"Put a finger down if you already kissed someone on their neck!" Jasmine was laughing when she also put her finger down.
My mouth parted when Violet and Iñigo only had seven fingers left. Pinalakihan ko siya nang mata na ngumiti lang sa akin at nag peace sign. Nagtawanan ang mga kasama namin dahil halos lahat ng nasabi ay nagbaba sila ng isang daliri.
Pagdating kay Cameron ay ngumisi siya. 'Yung ngising nakakakilabot.
Pakiramdam ko ay may balak 'tong isang ito.
"Put a finger down kung mahal mo pa ex mo." Sabi na nga ba.
Kasabay ng statement niya ay ang pagbaba rin ng isang daliri niya.
Nakita kong natigilan si Steven sa tanong bago inabot ang isang shot glass na may laman. Hindi niya sinagot ang tanong ni Cameron.
Because of that, I chose to take the shot, too. I immediately put a lemon on my mouth. Literal na humagod ang tequila mula sa bibig ko hanggang sa tiyan. Ramdam na ramdam ang init at tapang no'n.
"Put a finger down kung hinihintay mong balikan ka ng ex mo kasi hindi mo masabi sa kanya na mahal mo pa siya." Iñigo smirked.
Hindi pa nga bumababa ang ininom ko kanina pero mukhang kailangan ko na namang kumuha ulit. Ayokong sumagot dahil nandyan si Steven. Ayoko namang umasa at maging desperada sa harap niya.
Gusto ko kapag kami na lang.
Hindi lang pala kami ang uminom dahil si Cameron din ay umabot ng shot glass.
Medyo nahihilo na ako kaya nang turn ko na, ang nasabi ko lang ay, "put a finger down if you like to talk about exes in this game?" I chuckled.
Sabay-sabay silang nagbaba ng daliri na ikinatawa ko.
"Put a finger down kung nagkagsuto ka na sa kaklase or ka-band mate mo," si Nadya ang nagsabi kung saan binaba niya rin ang kanyang daliri.
Halos lahat ay nagbaba ng daliri nila—kasama ako, except kay Iñigo, Violet, at MJ.
So, nagkagusto si Nadya sa ka-bandmate niya? Is it Steven?
When it was MJ's turn, he wiggled his eyebrows at us. "Put a finger down kung umaasa ka pang magkakabalikan kayo ng ex mo."
I wanted to be brave and put my finger down... but I didn't because I don't because I was embarrassed. So, I chose to drink another shot that made my head spin.
Fuck, pang-ilang shot ko na ba ito? Ang lakas pa naman ng tama.
Ang tanging hindi lang nagbago sa akin nung nasa Australia ako ay ang alcohol tolerance ko.
When it was Steven's turn, everybody zipped their mouths. They were all waiting for his statement.
"Put a finger down..." He paused. "Put your finger down if you miss someone," he said, almost a whisper.
And he put his finger down while staring at me.
⌗˚ , ᜊ₊˚ ໑
Buong gabing malalim ang iniisip ko dahil sa larong pasimuno ni MJ. Mukhang ako lang ang nakapansin at nakarinig sa sinabi ni Steven dahil hindi sila nag-react. Nag-suggest si Cameron na ibang games na lang daw ang laruin namin.
Ngayon ay nagsasayawan sila sa gitna na akala mo mga bata.Hindi pa rin pala talaga sila nagbabago, makukulit pa rin sila.
Para tuloy kaming nagbabantay ng maraming anak.
Nasa gitna ng dancefloor si Cameron at Josiah. Parehas silang sumasayaw pero mas grabe kung gumalaw si Cam. Si Josiah naman ay sasayaw lang saglit tapos tatawa na naman ulit. Kasama nila roon ang mga college friends yata nila at 'yung mga high school friends namin.
"You're gonna stay here for good?" I glanced at Iñigo when I heard his voice. He sat beside me while holding his despo.
"Yeah... I'm eyeing a publishing company and I'm hoping I could get a position there."
"Sabi ni Violet editor-in-chief ka raw sa Australia. Congrats."
I chuckled. "That girl, ang daldal talaga. I bet she's the one who told you guys that I'm coming back?"
He nodded. "Yeah. alam mo naman ang bibig no'n. That's just one thing I love about her..." He inhaled from his vape before he puffed the smoke out. "Alam naming lahat na babalik ka... si Steven lang ang hindi."
Binalot kami ng katahimikan bago ako nag-iwas ng tingin at nagbato ng tanong.
"How was he? While I was gone, I mean." I was hoping I could get information about his life. Para kahit papaano ay may alam ako sa kanya.
"Oddly, he was fine." Natawa siya nang bahagya. "Akala nga namin magpapakalasing na naman siya at iiyak sa amin nung umalis ka, pero nagulat kaming lahat kasi parang ang laki pa ng ngiti niya, e."
I'm glad.
"He focused more on himself. He mastered his guitar skills while studying. Not only that, I could sense that he was starting to have interest in other things... we're happy for him," he added. "Then, I asked him why he chose to do all of that, at alam mo ang sinabi niya sa akin?"
Napalingon ako sa kanya bago umiling. Nginitian niya ako bago nag-vape ulit.
"He said, he was waiting for you. Kung ikaw raw, gusto mo maging better version ng sarili mo, he wanted to do the same. He wanted to grow and be the best version of himself para sa sarili niya... at para sa'yo."
"You think he'll give me another chance?"
"You both deserve a second chance..." tumawa siya. "Tanga niyo na lang parehas kung hindi niyo pa naiisip 'yan."
"But, I'm scared..."
"It's normal... allow yourself to be scared but don't let it control your life. Huwag mo hayaang pigilin nito na mag-take risk ka."
He's right. Walang mangyayari kung lagi akong matatakot.
He sat there in silence, until we saw Violet dancing in the middle.
"'Yung girlfriend mo, lasing na," natatawang sabi ko.
I noticed how his gaze softened while watching my friend. "I think I need to take her home. Ikaw rin, don't drink too much, lagot ako sa mga kaibigan mo kapag nalasing ka masyado kasi ako huling kasama mo."
I let him take care of Violet as I observed them from a distance.
I drank straight from the beer I am holding. Medyo nahihilo na ako pero kaya pa naman ng tiyan ko. So far, hindi pa naman siya parang hinahalo dahil kumain ako bago uminom. That's how important it is to eat first before drinking.
Nalunok ko nang wala sa oras ang inumin ko nang tumabi sa akin si Steven sa bar counter. Muntik pa akong mabulunan dahil sa presensya niya.
The deafening silence enveloped us until I was the one who spoke first.
"H-happy birthday."
"Thanks," he answered.
"I'm sorry I have no gift... hindi ko naman alam na pupunta ako rito."
"It's okay."
This was so awkward. I bottomed down my drink again before I stood up.
Nagulat ako nang hawakan niya ang aking pulsuhan at tila may gustong sabihin. I waited... but he let go of my hand before drinking.
Gusto kong pigilan niya akong umalis at hayaang manatili sa tabi niya. Kaso sa hiya ko ay ako na ang umiwas at lumayo.
After a while, I joined my friends on the dance floor. I was a bit tipsy and I was moving wildly like them.
I was swaying my hips like and dancing with Jasmine until I felt someone behind me.
"Hey, ngayon lang kita nakita around here? You're new?" He asked.
"No!" I giggled. Baliw ba siya? "I'm Hiraya, silly!"
He laughed at my answer. He asked for permission to hold my waist and I quickly agreed.
Undercut din ang kanyang gupit at matangkad din siya. His brows were also thick like they were caterpillars.
"Mabango ka," I commented. "What's your name?"
Inilapit niya ang kanyang bibig sa aking tainga upang mas marinig ko siya. Sa sobrang lakas kasi ng music ay hindi ko na marinig ang sinasabi niya.
"Trude," he answered.
"Hi, Trude!" I greeted him. "You look like Steven."
"Who's that?"
"My ex," I beamed.
He was about to say something when someone stood behind him.
"Hands off, bro," said someone. I cannot look at his face because the lights were blinding.
"Ah, shit, sorry. Hindi ko alam pare, sorry." Tinapik ni Trude 'yung lalaki sa kanyang balikat bago kumaway sa akin at umalis.
Sinubukan ko siyang habulin pero sa bigat ng ulo ko ay muntik na akong matapilok dahil na rin sa suot kong heels.
The man quickly held my arm and my waist to help me stand up.
"Can you walk?"
Umiling ako. "My head hurts so bad. I want to sleep na," reklamo ko.
"Saan ka uuwi?"
Gusto ko sanang sagutin ang tanong niya pero hindi ko na maibuka ang bibig ko. Umiikot na ang paligid ko at parang binibiyak ang ulo ko.
Before I knew it, I was inside a car. Naka seat belt na ako at umaandar ang sasakyan.
Nataranta akong nag-angat ng ulo pero nang maamoy ko ang paligid ay bigla akong kumalma.
It's been years since the last time I smelled that scent.
I noticed a black jacket covering my legs since my dress hiked up. Maikli na nga ang dress ko, mas lalo pang umikli nang umupo ako.
I looked at the driver and I saw Steven—I think it's him. Or maybe it's Trude? I don't know, they kinda look alike.
Hindi naman ako nakaramdam ng kahit na anong kaba kaya muli akong natulog. Nagising akong nakahinto nang maramdaman kong may tao sa harap ko.
I could feel a breath fanning on my cheeks and when I opened my eyes, I saw him... Steven.
"Steven?" I called him? I felt a lump stuck on my throat when I saw him up close again.
He was about to move away from me when I encircled my hand on his nape. At first, he was subtly resisting until he calmed down with my embrace.
"Are you my Steven?" I asked him. Please, let this person be him.
"I'm not."
When I heard his answer, I broke into tears.
"N-nasaan si Steven ko?" Naiiyak na tanong ko sa kanya bago inalis ang pagkakahawak sa batok niya. I don't want to hold other people if they're not Steven.
"He's gone," the guy responded.
I shook my head.
"Nope, he's not, bitch!" I raised my voice. How dare he? "He said he missed me."
"I do..." he whispered. "So, so much."
"E, b-bakit sabi mo, wala na siya?" I bawled. "It can't be..."
"Hey, calm down..." inalo niya ako bago inalis ang mga nakatabing na buhok sa mukha ko. "Hindi ako mawawala."
I cried louder and hugged him. My tears wet his clothes but I think he doesn't mind.
"I-I miss you..." I sobbed on his chest. "I-I miss you so much. Take me back, please."
He was silent for a moment before I felt him kiss my hair. His lips was on the same spot for a long time until I heard him heaved a sigh.
I was tired physically and emotionally, so I fell asleep again.
When I woke up, it was already morning.
"Fuck, my head hurts. Hindi na ako iinom ulit," bulong ko sa sarili ko habang hawak ang aking ulo.
Hinintay kong gumaan ang pakiramdam ko kahit papaano hanggang sa mag-register sa akin na nasa isa akong unfamiliar room.
"What the hell?"
Despite my spinning vision, I managed to wear my glasses and looked around. The room was painted in cream color. It was large enough to fit two people since the bed was double. The brown satin sheets contrasted the color of white pillowcases and most of the furniture.
Dahan-dahan akong lumabas at napansin kong walang tao sa living room. It was a one bedroom high ceiling condominium. A huge elegant looking chandelier was placed in the middle of the room.
Hindi ako makakilos nang maayos dahil hindi ko alam kung nakaninong condo ako. Sinubukan ko ring hanapin kung nasaan ang cellphone at ang mga gamit ko. I was walking around the living room when I saw the graduation photo posted on the wall.
My eyes widened when I realized who it was.
Bakit nandito ako? Oh my, siya ba ang nagdala sa akin dito?
Tinitigan ko ang malaking frame. It was Steven's college graduation picture. "Bachelor of Music in Music Performance" was written on the bottom corner of the frame. That explains the huge smile Steven had on his lips.
So he finished his dream course? He graduated with a degree in music?
How come? Na-consider ba ng scholarship na hindi siya ang valedictorian?
Whatever the reason is, my heart is so happy and so proud of him.
Sa tabi ng television ay may naka-frame rin na mga pictures. One of them was his class picture where they were wearing togas. 'Yung katabi no'n ay picture nilang limang nasa banda at ang nakasulat sa likod ay "First Cozy Cove Gig! 11/08"
Then, the next picture, apat na lang silang nandoon—wala na si Antonette. They were all fierce and wearing black. No message was written on the back but I could read their faces. They were... lifeless.
I wondered what happened. Maybe I should ask Cameron about it?
Marami pang picture na nandoon. May selfie pa sila kasama ang idol band nila before—pero ngayon co-artist na nila.
Malayo na ang narating nila. I'm so happy and proud of them.
I walked around the kitchen when I noticed a note on the refrigerator.
Hi,
I hope you come across this message. I need to leave early because we have a band rehearsal for our performance tomorrow. I cannot leave you without food so I cooked a meal—ilabas mo na lang sa ref at initin mo sa microwave pagkagising mo.
Feel free to move around and make yourself at home. You can also take a med if your head hurts.
Steven
Pigil ang ngiti kong inilabas ang pagkain bago ito isinalang sa microwave. Ngayon ko lang din naramdaman ang gutom ko dahil mag aala una na.
I slept for a long time, huh?
Mabuti na rin ay nahanap ko ang cellphone at bag ko. I received a lot of miss calls from dada, Violet, and my other friends.
Saktong nag-ring ito at nag-register ang tawag sa pangalan ni Vi.
"Bruha ka! Hindi ka sumasagot ng tawag ko! Where are you? Safe ka ba? May masakit ba sa'yo? Nakakalakad ka pa ba?" Sunod-sunod na tanong niya.
"Can you calm down? I'm fine..." I bit my finger, medyo kinikilig. "Napahaba lang ang tulog ko pero ayos na ako."
"Nasaan ka? Hindi ko naman matawagan si tito kasi yari ako sa kanya tapos mag-aalala pa 'yon. Tinanong ko naman si Iñigo sabi niya hindi niya rin daw alam. And Jasmine! Oh my God, sabi niya may kasama ka raw na lalaki kagabi!"
I giggled. "I'm fine nga. Nasa condo ako ni Steven..." humina ang boses ko.
"Ano?!" Nailayo ko sa tainga ko ang cellphone ko dahil sa lakas ng sigaw niya. "Puta, nasa ganyang level kayo kaagad?! Jusko, magbalikan muna kayo bago kayo mag-sex!"
Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa sinabi niya. "What the hell, Vi?! Hindi kami nag-sex..."
"Ay. Pero bakit parang disappointed ang tono ng ate ko?" Pang-aasar niya.
"Violet!" I swear, pakiramdam ko ay mukha na akong kamatis.
"Ang arte, ha! Huy, ang rinig ko mga pato raw sila! Well, proven and tested 'yung kay Iñigo," makahulugan niyang sabi.
"Mga pato? What?"
"Ducks..." She laughed so hard. "Naririnig ko lang, ha! Syempre 'di ako sure sa iba, lalo na kay Steven. Hello, wala ngang naging fling or girlfriend 'yan for years!"
Ducks? What the hell does that mean—
Holy shit.
"You're disgusting!" I complained, my cheeks burning.
And what did she say? Walang naging girlfriend si Steven? Is he really waiting for me?
"Anong disgusting? Girl, you're not a minor anymore. Anong kadiri sa pagsabi kong malaki ang tit—"
I ended the call and dropped my phone on the couch.
Oh my, what happened to my friend?
I rested my head on the couch and only got up when the main door opened.
Iniluwa noon si Steven na naka suot ng itim na muscle shirt. Fit na fit iyon sa kanya at halos mapunit na siguro ang tela. Nakasuot siya ng eyeglasses habang naka AirPods. May hawak siyang iced coffee sa kanang kamay at gitara naman sa kabila.
Bumaba ang tingin ko sa sa gray sweatpants na nagsisilbing pantalon niya. Could it be? Tama kaya si Violet?
"You're awake," he said in a baritone voice. "How are you feeling?"
I remained motionless as I looked at his face and then back on his pants.
What the fuck. Am I turning into a perverted person?
Kasalanan mo lahat 'to, Violet!
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this is raw and unedited :)
elluneily 🌷🍰🎫