"Already told you; I'm not doing it! It'll be so freaking boring!"
"Uh, but it's a tradition Ikarus! I know not every one does it but considering where you were from back on Earth, it makes sense"
"Heh, you really are turning down a night to drink Ikarus? I'm also forced to do something as well"
"As much as me and Nat don't normally do these sorts of things, even we're going tonight Ikarus-sama"
The penultimate day, the day just before the wedding and like usual, stuck in our worshippers' church again. However, there is something else I've forgotten about this whole wedding fiasco that's needs sorting out while conversing with Petra, Ariza and Charlotte. The dreaded stag do...
See, going out for steaks and drinking your body weight in whiskey is a tradition I can normally get behind, the issue is that it's us guys only! It just means I'll have extra hours without seeing Petra before the wedding and that is unacceptable.
By the sounds of it, Ariza has planned out both nights out for me and Petra, hers obviously being the hen do but I can tell this is already going to be shit. Even if the guys around here are pretty boring and most of the fun lot are female, is Ariza really the type of person to hire strippers and make this night unforgettable for bad reasons? Bad comparison but that would a least spice things up a little.
"All the guys around here are either too tame for something like this, or just simply make you want to blow your brains out. It's obvious on who the latter is"
"Heh, you can always come to the hen party if you're finally willing to give up that last bit of guy inside you Ikarus. I'm definitely picking out what you're wearing though"
...
"Okay, I'm going to the damn guy thing then. Don't really care what you ladies will be getting up to but makes sure Charlotte stays off the hard stuff. We've already seen enough of succubus-sama to know that's a bad idea"
My quick change of heart gets a chuckle all around, I'm surprisingly more open to this now considering my manhood is at stake. Sure, I gave up caring about that pretty much instantly but I must at least keep some of my pride! If that means going to a stupid men only party, then I'll just have to get on with it.
"Heh, are you sure you don't want me to pick out something you can wear Ikarus? All the guys will like you showing up in something frilly"
'She still tries getting me in stupid outfits even now, my enchanted dress or kimono is enough'
"Petra, as if those guys would give two shits to what I'm wearing. Well, except Zeki but that would be karma backfiring. Don't give him ammunition to mock me because it's my job to make his life a living hell!"
While Petra's chuckling at my insistence on mocking female form Zeki, another thought has come to mind about another male turned female.
"Hey, is Penelope coming to my thing or yours? I really can never tell what goes on inside that pea sized brain of hers at times"
I mean, I've always got the vibe she just goes with the flow and doesn't care about anything gender related. I guess we're somewhat similar when it comes to all that but I still at least like some aspects of being a guy than just fully embracing it... despite the fact I'm literally going to be wearing a wedding dress tomorrow. Contradictions are the best.
By the looks of it, no one else seems to have a clue as well.
"Uh... I actually have no idea Ikarus. Charlotte?"
"Penelope-sama said she'd show up but never to which party specifically"
"Heh, don't take that as fact Charlotte. It wouldn't surprise me if she gets distracted and ends up spending the night 'working' at the guild"
The way Petra emphasis working, I'm pretty sure that refers to her finding a spot to nap and forgetting about the whole evening. As much as Penelope does occasionally do things like helping build up the area around the Spire, we all know mages like to be hidden basically doing next to nothing.
'A night out with the guys with at least two of us gender bent to hell without Petra. Eh, at least they'll be booze at least...'
__________
(Dermakvar) "You're finally here little one? What time do you call this?"
(Zeki) "Relax big guy. Like sis, orangey always shows up fashionably late"
(Jaxon) "Can we get started then? I'm itching for a drink, mining while drinking is guaranteed to end badly"
(Garry) "Ah, we'll make a dwarf outta you yet boy! Livers are meant to be filled with the poison!"
(Marcus) "Let's try and limit it a little tonight though, can't exactly be turning up to the wedding with us all nursing hangovers"
(Nathan) "I'll o-only have one, this r-really isn't my sort of thing"
(Dionysus) "You really are too similar to my incarnate with the alcohol knight. At least she has a good reason for not liking the stuff"
(Nathan) "I just like being aware at all times Dionysus. I'd hate myself if something happened to Lotte while I wasn't in top condition"
(Dionysus) "That's... actually a reasonable answer"
'Guess Miss gender bender didn't show or is on the female side then, I'm not that surprised really... Ah, can't forget Nathan's dragon stutter towards my parents'
Arriving last to the pub Ariza told me to go to, I'm greeted to a reserved table with quite the surprising turnout. We have the mine boss Jaxon, the knight Nathan, my father, Garry the gnome, our advisor Marcus and of course the Amazonian queen Zeki. Heck, even Dio is here as well! I'm happy Asmodeus isn't here because that really would spoil anything.
"Alright everyone, looking great as ever, especially you, girly boy!"
As soon as I take a seat, I really can't help myself. Ria's clearly got him in that costume that constantly shows off the top of his thighs once again. At least I was able to stand firm with my partner and choose my own outfit... even if said outfit is the enchanted dress with stockings I usually wear. Maybe I shouldn't mock as much.
"Your words won't hurt me tonight orangey, because, there's something really cool planned"
"Really? What's going to happen kid?"
Instantly answering my own question, a robed figure joins us at the table giggling slightly, then completely throwing her robe away. You'd think the culprit would be someone known to us catching our attention like this but surprisingly, it isn't.
Describing the elf's appearance, she has brown flowing hair, piercing jade eyes and a smile that could send any man wild, none of that really matters though. I should probably mention the main 'attraction' being what's under that robe of hers. She's barely dressed rocking at outfit which can only be described as a full set of skimpy lingerie with a corset and even stockings.
----------
----------
'Seriously, we've got a strip-... wait! I've seen this woman before!'
It's an extremely faint memory but back in the capital's version of a red-light district, there was a bar me and Petra used to frequently visit when going through the spy stuff with captain Jekyll. Across the street to that bar was a brothel and I swear this woman worked there.
I of course never visited, I'm just pretty sure I remember seeing her ripping the hair out of another woman while baring all to the world, even the guards had to get involved. To think I remember such a weird thin-... Hang on, has Ariza accidently hired us a lady of the night instead of a stripper!?!
"I've been informed to make sure you boys don't drink too much because of the big day tomorrow. I also warn you if you get too handsy, I will bite"
'Maybe she also does stripping as a side gig? Why am I even questioning this? This isn't my sort of thing!'
Seductively grinning at us all around, she takes a seat onto the table top while I realize almost immediately that our group is definitely NOT suitable for such an attraction.
Out of the eight of us around, more than half of us, including me clearly have faces of shock or pure embarrassment. The only exceptions to this are my father, Zeki and Dio. My father couldn't care less about the nude woman clearly favouring dragon tail but the other two seem to be right up for this. Hopefully, they can get her attention away because there's no freaking chance I'm getting a lap dance from this stripper slash prostitute slash whatever she is.
"Erm... Zeki? I never realized how mad Ariza really is. Has she seriously hired us a stripper"
Trying to whisper that as quietly as I can, it's obvious I was heard by others but I need to ask this. Is Ariza actually crazy deep down or was this an accident? She couldn't have really thought I'd enjoy this, right? I don't even want the temptation especially with Petra's booty being out there in the world somewhere.
"You thought brother had any clue about this orangey? This is all my doing; I stole a look at what she planned weeks ago and made sure to add something a little extra. As if we could have whiskey and steaks without a little extra meat on the table!"
As soon as Zeki whispers back to me, the seductive woman climbs completely onto the table all while giving me a wink and even rubbing one on her legs on my arm in the process! I hate Zeki for this, the only thing I can think of right now is how sexy Petra would look earing what that woman has got on!
"Now, I presume you're supposed the groom? Tehe, look how flustered you are! Don't worry, I won't bite.... Unless you want me to"
'I'm actually going to kill him, fucking idiot Zeki!'
All I wanted was food and drink but Zeki's ruined everything! Sure, it would have been boring but boring is better than this! I get flustered enough around Petra alone, this is a horrible kind of fluster! I feel nothing towards this woman and I only like being embarrassed by one other so this isn't fun!
"So, how would the groom care for a lap dance to get us started? Don't worry, I'll try to think of your fiancé... while I'm nice and snug on your lap"
'Being called the groom really is all kinds of weird all things considered, but I can't focus on that right now!'
"I-I'm good t-thanks"
"Tehe, so adorable! We haven't even gotten started on the body drinking or eating yet"
"Body... w-what?"
As soon as I say, that woman slowly removes her bra and freaking throws it on my lap! Then, goes to grab a glass of water, puts it in between the two very pixelated things and does a quick hand gesture to me to put my head near her stomach...
I think I've died and gone to hell right now; I'm not fucking doing this! I don't care if I have cheating dragon blood in me, this is all kinds of wrong.
----------
---Ikarus did say they were pixelated...
----------
Most of the group continue to share similar shocked reactions to me, except Zeki, Dionysus and father again. The first two are really enjoying this show while father just seems disinterested in such a scene. I'd like it if he could try and be a little more like a parent and discourage everything going on but with his history of cheating, it's not exactly surprising.
Forcing the best smile I can and glaring towards Zeki, he quickly notices my intense aura and gulps heavily. He's not going to get away with this....
"Zeki... I hope you know, you're NEVER seeing your third leg again. I don't care how many potions it takes, or if I have to sell my soul to the devil, you're staying like that until I drop dead"
"E-Erk! O-Orangey? You d-don't mean that, r-right?"
Considering how much pent-up anger I have right now, I mean every word. That freaking hooker is going to be the death of his third leg, mark my words...
"You really don't want to do it then? That's a shame, it's cute you're so loyal though! Do I have any other takers, or am I forced to stay all hot and bothered then?"
'I just want to go home now'
"I'll happily divide your attention Goddess of the night. hope you know I can't promise to the no biting rule though"
"As long as it's only a playful nibble. Tehe, let's get me wet then"
'Where's Petra and her facepalms when they're needed?'
At least Dionysus is willing to 'sacrifice' himself, I'm just going to look away from the actual filth going on over there now. Is this really what these women are all like or has Zeki paid too much for a service I have no interest in? At least this gives me an idea for something me and Petra can do on our wedding night though. Albeit in our own superior way, this is just making me uncomfortable.
Trying my best to ignore that annoying elf that sits upon our table and the sounds of what can only be described as a scene that needs its own dedicated eighteen plus chapter, I feel like I need to now step up and take control of this situation! We need a distraction from this vixen and the slurping Dionysus ah, a server is walking by, perfect.
"Heya, can we order now..."
__________
"...So, you've been all over the world then? Seen anywhere nice?"
"That I have, the tree of Yggdrasil in particular is most beautiful when the winter glow gleams against the leaves. What about you?"
"The hall in Olympus is pretty spectacular, none as comparable to the Goddess right in front of me though"
'God of wine and ecstasy? Bleurgh, more like wine and cringe'
Now finally receiving some goddamn service getting bottles and bottles of whiskey and wine, we're just waiting on our food now while Dionysus seems to be working his charm. I really wish there was some fizzy drink in this world because cola is lush with some of the strong stuff but alas, drinking it with a splash of water and ice is enough. That bitterness does have a distinct taste though.
That comment by the young God seems to have made the seductive woman blush somehow, maybe it was the way he said it rather than his actual words? At least it's got her sights off me for now, I'm more worried for her sake because Petra would rip off her head off if she found out what nearly happened.
"Orangey, y-you weren't being serous about earlier, right?"
"..."
"Answer me orangey! I can't stay like this forever; I'll never get a peaceful night sleep again with Ria around!"
"..."
Still giving him the silent treatment, the fear in Zeki's eyes in the only real thing I can fully enjoy right now as well as the taste of alcohol. If it wasn't for the God currently getting the attention of the lady, Zeki would be getting more of my wrath rather than just this.
"Here you go everyone! If there's anything else you need, be sure to call on us!"
Several waiters bring out the huge cuts of meat on plates the size of platters for all the eight of us. Should also mention the fact the gigantic plates also have fries, onion rings and mushrooms on. Not sure why they thought putting a side salad was a good idea but good for making the plate seem colourful, I suppose?
As soon as the steaks are brought out though, it grabs all our attentions including the half-naked intruder on the table as well. It's really mad that this place allows this behaviour but I guess there's not much they can say to a leader of this island without fearing dire consequences. With these idiots though, it's probably blind love towards us rather than fear though.
"Ah, so is this my plate then? I'll start and I'll maybe feed you the leftovers"
The hooker eyes up my food and my reaction comes from a place I didn't know I had.
"You lay a finger on this cut whore, and you'll lose the entire arm"
Maybe it was a little unhinged but this steak is cooked perfectly, all bloody and rare like it should be. Being playful or not, you don't touch a person's steak without dire consequences.
"Tehe, getting feisty just because you have a bit of meat now? Don't worry, I know better than to try taking food off a puppy"
'Puppy!? Just please leave me alone already...'
Eventually, I finally get around to start eating my meal but the fact this woman just sits there cross legged staring and smiling at me while I'm trying to chow down is really putting me off. Need a distraction again... anything...
"Erm... Ah, how's work been everyone? We obviously don't talk as much anymore so me and Petra aren't too sure if everything is good or not"
Just trying to find any source of conversation between the vixen and mouthfuls of juicy bloody steak, it's the only thing I can really think of because my brain can't work right when being stared at like this. It's almost as if she's looking at me like I'm looking at my food...
(Jaxon) "The mine is running at peak efficiency Ikarus so there's no worries over there. We did have a slight cave in last week but no one was hurt though, this is why those idiots can't be left alone for too long otherwise they start using shortcuts"
(Garry) "Aye, the smelting and the transporting to the ships is going swell as well. That mine is an anomaly with the quality and quantity of gold"
(Marcus) "That reminds me, we'll have to have another budget meeting soon. We really should be looking at becoming a proper city, at least population wise since we've already got the budget of one"
While those three give me a response, the other four seem more interested in dinner than the conversation. I'd be the exact same if it wasn't for this green-eyed beauty who won't keep freaking looking at me!
(Nathan) "This c-cut is really good"
(Dermakvar) "Agreed little mortal, meat is still best raw but this definitely is pleasant"
"In Olympus, trying to get something like this would cost you and an arm and a leg. Maybe even a firstborn child as well in some places"
"I really hope orangey isn't being serious about this..."
At least this spicy evening has turned into something a little more boring again. Except, this elf still won't let me relax...
"Since you lot are more into your meat rather than me, maybe I'll have to up the antics and give something else away..."
The woman starts to move her hands lower making me realize what piece of clothing she's planning to remove next...
"NO! A-Ahem, I appreciate the work you do but please, can we have at least keep it somewhat tasteful? That's a whole different level we don't need to go down!"
That gets a surprisingly depressive look from Dio and Zeki, but we need to have some boundaries goddamn it! I don't care if these pre wedding parties can go mad, she's not taking off her underwear! Censoring her breasts with my mind is hard enough so I'm not doing the other part!
"Tehe, you really are no fun! I was going to have us switch underwear, but since you're so unwilling, I guess I can just remain the centrepiece"
The woman then goes to lie flat on the table and takes a French fry from my plate! Ah, I forgot I gave Marcus a bunch of recipes from Earth ages ago hence why these and onion rings exist in this world. It was roughly a little time after I first discovered Petra's fried chicken and gave away anything I could think of. Most of it ended up being fried food but regardless of all that, these are my chips!
'Thank fuck I stopped this in its tracks then especially considering what 'underwear' I have on right now...'
__________
"Hey... who was paying the bill again?"
...
A little time after engorging on my steak and losing half the potato on my plate to the whore, absolutely no answers. It was a joke but I was at least hoping someone around here would speak up and offer to pay. Eight fine cuts of steak will probably be really pricey to be fair.
I'll just take some money out of the treasury to make up for it all. This counts as a non-corrupt expense us leaders are allowed to do, right? Charge parties at the tax payers' expense, what's the harm in that?
"There's no need for such a thing Queen Ikarus, as if we could charge you for everything you've done around here!"
Without even realizing it, there was a waiter behind me. When you've basically got a backside a metre away from your face on the table, you tend to lose a little bit of depth perception. I'm not trying to look at it but it just sits there begging to be looked at! ]All I want to do is look at Petra's arse now...
'I do love a good VIP privilege though. Also, helps me from going fully corrupt but I was always part dictator after all'
Anyways, just as we finally start to collect our things and put this night behind us, I realize we're missing someone who still is talking to the half-naked stripper. That's woman's face shows all as she really is smitten with the 'smooth' talking Dio right now, he's even whispering in her ear now.
"He's seriously going to have a one-night stand with her, isn't he? It's a good thing Charlotte isn't seeing this"
"What else did you expect from the God of ecstasy little one? What is the most ecstasy inducing activity there is?"
"I guess that you've got a point father, have you met Dionysus before this? It sounds like you have history"
"Never met him little one, just heard stories from the older lot about sons and nephews. The majority are boring but it was always said he's a fan of the drink and partying"
Can never forget my parents have both said they've encountered Gods before, just they never seemed that willing to share about it. If he's willing to speak today, then who am I to ignore that curiosity of mine? Maybe father lightens up a little when he has the sweet nectar running through his veins as well.
"Wait, so which God told you about him then?"
"The grumpy bearded bastard associated with the dead I believe; his name passes my mind. Me and your mother used to dine with them quite the bit a few centuries ago"
My parents actually had a good relationship with Hades and Persephone!? Huh, talk about tying things together then.
"How comes you stopped talking? Did you all fall out or something?"
"There was nothing in particular that I can remember little one, just as you grow older, you tend to lose track of relationships. Gods in particular are immensely boring creatures so no point even trying to remember them all"
Huh, guess this night at least had some silver lining, just add a little bit of backstory lore into the mix. At least, that's if I'm forcing myself to be a half glass full sorta of person, slightly difficult when Dio and the lady of the night are getting closer. He's even started nibbling her ear now.
'Those two really aren't going to hump right here in the bar, right? Actually, I'm not sticking around to find out... damn it! I forgot I'm sleeping in this inn tonight...'