The wind whips my hair against my face as I wrap my gloved hands around my waist. My teeth chatter as I ask, "Do we ha—have to do this out—out here?"
Cane is unphased by the cold. I swear he is wearing an early fall jacket with nothing to protect his hands and neck. Maybe he's warmed by the orgasm I gave him yesterday, where I'm still cold with my unfulfilled desires.
I shouldn't be so salty about the situation. Cane was back to being his attentive self when we showered together. He washed every inch of me, yet he never realized he left me hanging.
"Your power is still unpredictable. Unless you want to blow a hole in our roof and sleep in the snow, I suggest we do this here," Cane says, drawing me out of my thoughts.
Our roof. Something about those two words makes me incredibly sad. It wasn't that long ago that I thought I'd live with Elias. That we'd leave the island together...but everything got fucked up so fast and now...this is my life.
"Delia?" Cane says, moving behind me and snaking his arms around my waist, drawing me back against him. "Are you all right?"
I swallow and glance over my shoulder, blinking back the moisture that had started to gather in my eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"You've been very aloof lately. Have I done something to upset you?"
I don't know if I should be honest with him or if I should just let it go. It almost seems pointless to tell him. If he didn't even realize he left me wanting, I don't know that it would make a difference to tell him now.
And why am I so upset over this anyway? It isn't worth throwing away everything we have over one selfish moment.
Not when Cane has been here for me...and saved my life.
I'm being overly sensitive because I've felt abandoned by Elias. I miss my old life, my parents.
That's all this is. Everything is just a lot right now, and I am letting little things upset me. I don't need to push Cane away.
"I'm sorry, Cane," I say, turning to face him and slipping my arms around his neck. "I haven't meant to be. I guess I've just been feeling a little down the past few days. I didn't mean to take it out on you."
"It's all right. Is there something I could do to help with that?"
I reach for the most obtainable request. It would be the one thing that would give me instant gratification and ease some of my worries. "I would like to see my parents. We could go together. My mother would find you handsome and shamelessly flirt with you."
He holds me closer to him and tilts his face to mine. "We could do that, but you know, if you master your power, you could see them whenever you want. You could create that bridge into their dreams and summon them to you."
My heart sinks when I realize he's trying to say no, but in a nice way. "I know...but that could take weeks. I'm not quite to that level yet, and I really miss them, Cane. Please?"
"Until you perfect this, you are not safe in the human realm or the supernatural. You are the most wanted type of being. Others would kill to possess you and your power. Once I know you are safe on your own in the world, things will be different. I promise you that you will never be at the mercy of someone else again, Cordelia."
I nod, hating his words but seeing the truth in them.
"Now, close your eyes and bring your dreams into this realm." He gently guides me to face away from him, and I do as he requests.
I picture the forest around us, the snow blanketing the trees and the silver clouds rolling overhead. Every bowing branch and pine needle covering its tips, I see them so clearly. High-pitched chatter evades my dream. A squirrel sits high above voicing its displeasure at our presence. I giggle as it continues to share its annoyance and a fleeting thought rushes through my mind.
The squirrel slips from the treetop, frantically grabbing for any limb. Its efforts are useless, and it crashes to the hard mound of refrozen snow below.
A soft yip has my eyes springing open and zeroing in on the tiny broken body at the base of the tree.
"Did you do that? Did you dream that it fell from the tree?" Cane asks. The wonder in his questions grates on my nerves, but it doesn't penetrate the utter devastation that consumes me.
I ignore him and run toward the squirrel, dropping to my knees next to it, paying no mind to the sting of pain in my kneecaps as they hit the packed snow. Knowing better than to touch it, I get just close enough to see if it's breathing, but I know immediately that it isn't. It's dead.
I just killed a living thing with my mind. A furry, sweet little squirrel that was just minding his own business.
A whimper leaves my throat and I bury my face in my hands, tears running down my cheeks. I feel horrible. Never have I taken another life beyond an insect, and even that gives me pause every time.
"You did that, Cordelia. Do you understand how magnificent, how powerful you are? You're amazing," Cane says, standing behind me and resting his hand on my shoulder.
Magnificent? Amazing? How about terrifying and horrible? Twisting slowly to face him, I wipe the tears from my face and say, "How can you say that, Cane? I just killed an innocent animal!"
My anger doesn't faze him. A bright smile engulfs his face. "You can hold the fate of every being in your hand, Cordelia. I can't think of one creature who is as powerful as you, and you just proved it. The squirrel is meaningless. You shouldn't be upset."
My heart seizes in my chest and sinks like a stone to the pit of my stomach. "What? Meaningless? I—" I shake my head and clamber to my feet, backing away from him. "How can you say that? It's a living thing!"
"It is small in the grand scheme of things. One tiny rodent. You can't let this insignificant death bother you. If you are to use your powers for protection of you and those you love, you may be forced to kill someone. It is simply the cost of being one of the strongest creatures alive."
I inhale a sharp breath and tilt my head to the side. "Cane, I just killed something for the first time in my life. I'm not used to being the strongest person in a room let alone on the planet. You can't tell me not to be upset about this. And the fact that you can't understand at all why I'd be bothered is really alarming to me. I'm going inside," I say, whirling around and heading toward the house.
"Cordelia. That's not what I meant," he calls after me, but I only pick up my pace.
Tears are streaking down my face when I open the front door. The house's warmth hits the cold stain under my eyes, and I cry harder. My stomach turns and I race for the bathroom. Dropping to my knees, I lift the toilet lid and expel the contents of my stomach.
I've never liked the feeling of taking something's life. Hours have been spent dwelling on how I could have handled a frightening situation with a large bug in a better way. My mom always said it was because I had a tender heart and sympathized with all creatures. I never understood just how extensive my compassion was.
"Cordelia?"
I groan into the toilet bowl and lift my hand behind me. "Please, Cane. Leave me be. I don't want you to see me like this." The only other man who's ever seen me barf up everything in my stomach was Elias. Ironically, it was also after learning some massive, unbelievable new truth about myself.
He scoffs and comes into the bathroom anyway, gathering my hair at the nape of my neck and holding it back away from my face. "I warmed you back up when you almost died and sat with you while you bathed because you were scared you were going to slip and fall. I think I can handle this."
I sigh and allow him to stay, if for no other reason than I don't want puke in my hair. When I'm sure I'm finished, I get to my feet and use the mouthwash in the back corner of the vanity to rinse my mouth out. "Thanks," I murmur, meeting his eyes in the mirror.
"You don't need to thank me. I didn't mean to downplay your feelings. I understand that what you did is shocking, and I apologize that my excitement bothered you."
"It's okay," I say, even though I'm not quite sure that it is. I just know I don't feel like arguing right now. "I get that we are in two different places in our...journeys as supernatural beings, and I'm not as acquainted with everything yet."
It's not untrue. I do understand that. And to be fair, I'm not certain that Elias would have been torn up about the life of a squirrel either. But I'd like to think he would have held me while I cried.
Cane wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on my shoulder. "You will get there, and when you do, I'll be by your side. The world will be ours for the taking, Cordelia."