When Jolene was in the middle of attacking all of us, Cane said that Elias tried to kill him to "get his crown." I heard those words come out of his mouth. But somehow, when he said them, they didn't compute. It didn't fully sink in.
I was angry with Cane for not warning me when in reality, nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to witness.
What Elias did to Cane was brutal. It was cruel, it was...coldblooded and calculating. No wonder Cane holds a grudge against him. So would I.
In fact, I...I do. I do hold a grudge against Elias because that is my soulmate he tried to kill. Even if I wasn't around back then, even if I had nothing to do with it, knowing that he inflicted that kind of pain on Cane makes me physically ill.
How could he do that? And how could I not see that side of him?
"Cordelia?"
Cane's voice breaks me out of my thoughts, and I nearly drop the cupcake I've been staring at for way too long. "Huh? Sorry...I zoned out."
"I see. Where'd you go?"
"I was just thinking about how stupid I feel. For defending Elias to you so many times after seeing what he did to you. How fucked up it all is...God, I just feel horrible about everything."
He leans across the kitchen island and hooks a finger under my chin, making me meet his eyes. "It's not your fault. The fact that you know my story and believe me more than makes up for any doubts you once had."
I nod and take the wrapper off my cupcake. "All right. I'm going to take your word for it and not wallow in misplaced guilt, even if I've had a lifelong tendency to do so." I take a bite out of the cupcake and giggle when the tip of my nose sinks into the icing.
Cane mimics the bite I took on the opposite side of my cupcake, pulling away with icing on his nose. "You should take my word for it. I'm a very respectable vampire."
"Oh, are you now?" I ask, raising an eyebrow as I swipe the icing from my nose and lick it from the tip of my finger. "Do all respectable vampires eat cupcakes like chaotic, messy Dreamwalkers, or is that just you?"
"I'll do whatever it takes to make you smile. Respectability be damned."
My heart flutters at that. The only person who seemed to care about my happiness the past couple of weeks is Ruth. I doubted Cane's reason for taking me. There was no way that it was really about me and what I needed to get through all of the drama with Elias.
Everyone seemed to have had an ulterior motive. Jolene wanted me dead so she could get Cane's soul again. Elias was looking for someone to protect from all the big bad supernaturals in the universe. Even my parents gave me the Wicked Encounters trip as a way to help me find a better boyfriend than my ex.
I'm starting to think that Cane was the only one who was truly concerned about me. Just me.
I lean in and make the same motion with my finger and swipe the icing off his nose, bringing it to my lips. "Well, it's a worthy sacrifice, because you're doing a pretty good job considering the circumstances."
He dips his finger into the fluffy white frosting on his cupcake. The shy smile on his face is so unexpected. Cane carries himself with a confidence unlike anything I've seen. I didn't think he was capable of anything that resembled bashfulness.
"Cordelia, I want to ask you something, but I want to preface it first. You don't need to be scared to say no. If you do, I'll respect that, and nothing will change tomorrow. Do you understand?"
My heart hammers in my chest, making it hard to say my answer. "Yes."
"Will you stay in my room again tonight? After sharing such a draining experience with you, I could use the company even if you are just sleeping."
This is another answer I don't have to hesitate on. Sleeping by myself tonight sounds like a horrific thing that I really don't want to experience, and not so deep down, I was hoping he'd ask me so I wouldn't have to embarrass myself by either asking him first or ending up having a nightmare again. "Yes," I say, getting to my feet and walking around to where he stands so I can lean on the counter next to him. "I don't want to be alone either, and I..." I heave a deep breath and look at the ceiling before finishing my sentence. "I don't know when I'll want to again, to be honest."
"Loneliness sucks."
"Sucks dick," I add.
"With big hairy balls."
I shove his shoulder. "Ew. Why did you have to take it there?"
He laughs. Not that dark laugh which is always laced in sarcasm, but he genuinely laughs. It's a nice sound that fills the quiet house.
"It just felt like the natural progression of that."
"You would think that. Good to know where your mind goes when you think of me in your bed."
"Close. But not the exact place my mind goes to, but we won't get into that tonight because I don't want you to change your mind. Also, I'd like to remind you that you are the one who brought up dick."
My cheeks heat and I click my tongue. "Touché. Okay, Mr. Big Hairy Balls. Take me to bed."
"More like massive hard dick," he mumbles, gathering our cupcake wrappers and tossing them in the trash.
"What was that?" I ask, rolling my lips between my teeth, fighting back a smile.
"Those cupcake wrappers were slick."
I nod and purse my lips, unable to stifle the snort that escapes me. I seem to be doing that a lot with him lately. Maybe I should just admit that he makes me laugh. It would be a lot less embarrassing.
"Oh, were they? Were they also massive and hard?"
Without skipping a beat, he says, "Nope. Soft and moist just like I like it."
I toss the napkin I'd been using in the trash, bump him with my hip, and on the way out of the kitchen I say, "Well, then I've definitely got something you'll want to try."
"For fuck's sake, woman. Do you know how long it's been since I've dipped my fingers in something soft and wet? You are toying with a desperate male. And might I add that it is a shame because I'm very good with my hands... and my mouth."
I squeeze my eyes shut, very glad I'm not facing him because I now regret all my silly banter. And not because that image is disgusting to me.
Very much the opposite. Shit. I always do this. Keep on and on until I get myself into these situations that are awkward and uncomfortable. I did it with Elias too.
Except with Elias, there was a possibility of something happening.
I can't entertain the notion of hooking up with Cane.
Can I?
"That is a shame," I blurt out without thinking as we climb the stairs. "Some lucky lady is really missing out. You do kind of have the perfect mouth for eating soft, moist things."
Oh, for Hera's sake! What the fuck, Cordelia?! Shut your fool mouth!
He clears his throat, and I struggle to keep facing forward. Is he repulsed by my suggestive banter? Is it bothering him the same way it is bothering me? I don't want to know. In my gut, I know there is not a right answer to this. Again, I don't want to entertain certain thoughts with Cane.
"Maybe one day you'll ask for a demonstration," he says, the low rumble of his voice hitting parts of me it shouldn't.
I can't help myself. I turn to face him, and he's only two steps below me.
His face looks anything but repulsed, and I know immediately I'm not the only one struggling in this moment. I'm being pulled back and forth between what's right and what's wrong except right now, I'm having trouble remembering why exactly it's wrong for me to feel some type of way for Cane Dagon.
Yes, he's my ex-boyfriend's (I think it's safe to say we're at least on a break at this point) twin brother. But...he's also my soulmate. And he saved my life. If it weren't for him, I'd quite literally be dead.
"Perhaps," I whisper, not breaking his gaze.
"I'd be honored if you did when you're ready. Until then, I will advise my massive cock to stand down and let us both get some sleep."
He places his hand on the small of my back and kicks his chin up in a demand for me to continue walking.
Unfortunately for both of us, I think it is going to be a very restless night.