How I ended up in this position isn't really important. I mean, it isn't really that hard to figure out. I ran away...stupidly, might I add. I was completely, totally ill prepared. For fuck's sake, I didn't even bring enough food and water with me to last more than a night. What the hell was I thinking? And before I almost froze to death, Cane Dagon, the vampire I once considered the bane of my existence and my nemesis, quite literally saved my life. Truly, I think I may have died for a split second there, I was so cold.
By all accounts, he should have just let me die. There's no other reason he would've taken me than to hurt his brother. And like I already said to him before: the ultimate pain for Elias would be to find out that I'm dead. It would have been the easiest option for him.
But he didn't do that. He saved me, held me until I was warm again, and hasn't taken his eyes off me (except to be a perfect gentleman) since. I feel cared for with him. And this whole time I've been here—at this point I've lost track of the weeks—he's been nothing but honest with me. It's been nice to have a friend to talk to about all the things I don't understand about this world.
And even before I left, I kept thinking I'd miss him being around. As fucked up as that may sound.
And even if I'm fucked up for it, I want to sleep in his room tonight, to fall asleep next to him because I sure as fuck don't want to be alone.
Because I realized two things when I woke up and saw Cane's tattoos and knew it was him who held me against his chest.
One, Elias must not give a shit about the primal bond because he could have saved me instantly. He should have known exactly where I was and been there in a heartbeat. I was dying and he wasn't there.
Two, I didn't feel like a prisoner in Cane's home anymore when I was wrapped in his embrace. I felt like I belonged here.
I have one question to ask him. Just one, and his answer will determine my next move.
"Cane?"
"Yes, coelhinha?"
"I need to ask you one thing before we go any further, and I need you to tell me the truth, just as you have this whole time. Okay?"
"I already told you, I'll give you anything you ask."
"If I told you right now that I want to leave, would you let me go?"
Sorrow consumes his face, and he nods. "Yes. I'll take you home if that's what you want."
A million butterflies flap their wings in my stomach as relief floods my body. The sadness that etched his features was real. He's not just telling me that to placate me; he means it.
Next to the butterflies is a feeling of gnawing grief. Why would I want to go home and find a man who doesn't care enough to use the connection we share to save my life? I can see my dad in my dreams, and with enough practice, I can bring my mom in too. I don't want to face Elias yet. I don't want to hear his reasoning for not using the primal bond. Not right now. I want to stay here in this...snow globe of isolation from the real world.
What I hated before, I now crave.
I nod once and move toward his bed. "All right then. Which side of the bed would you like me to sleep on?"
"Lady's choice," he says, sweeping his arm in the direction of the bed. "I don't have a side. It's kind of a crash where I may kind of situation."
I crawl onto the side that is closest to the door. It's good to see that a piece of my self-preservation is intact. I slide under the covers as Cane turns off the bathroom light and sits on the other side of the mattress. He glances back at me over his shoulder and releases a heavy sigh.
"What, are you afraid I'll bite?" I ask.
"No. I was just thinking about how quiet your heart went. I really thought I wasn't going to make it in time."
I swallow and turn over to fully face him, tucking my hands under my cheek. "Well, I actually thought I was going to die for a second there. I couldn't breathe, and I had to use almost everything that's left in my one inhaler. And I was so cold."
Cane lays down and turns on his side as well. He leaves plenty of space between us, but it doesn't make this feel any less intimate. I'm sharing a bed with another man when my broken heart still aches for Elias. Maybe I'm ridiculous for feeling the way I do, but I just can't let go.
Before I fall too deep into my depressing thoughts, Cane says, "You didn't have to run from me. I'm offering to train you, Cordelia. You can be stronger than I am and never have to fear anything again, even me."
This time when he offers, I don't hesitate. I don't have a reason to anymore.
"Okay, Cane. I want you to train me."
He lifts his hand and flexes his fingers. Seconds tick by before he takes a breath and glides his fingertips over my cheek, brushing my hair back. "I can't wait to see what you can do."
***
Damnit. Why am I back out in the snow? This is the last place I want to be right now. Why would Cane bring me back outside to train?
But something is different about this snow. It isn't touching me at all. The flurries are swirling all around me, but it's almost as if I'm in a snowglobe. I'm not even cold.
Oh. Another dream. I wasn't even trying this time. I just wanted a normal night's sleep.
"Cordelia?"
My stomach drops when I hear Elias's voice. Why is he here again? I have nothing left to say.
"Elias, what are you doing here?" I ask without turning around.
"Please look at me, belle rêveur," he pleads, and no matter how angry I am with him, I cannot ignore the desperation in his voice.
I know that desperation because I still feel it in my heart.
I turn to him and repeat, "What are you doing here?"
"I'm trying to get you home, Cordelia," he says, confusion clouding his handsome but exhausted features.
Warmth covers my back as I feel Cane's presence behind me. He places a protective hand on my shoulder, and Elias's gaze hardens on him.
"I swear upon my life, if you hurt her."
Cane gives me a reassuring squeeze and says, "Come now, brother. Let's not throw stones. You had your chance to be honest, to teach her what she needed to know and you didn't."
Elias turns his attention to me, and regret lingers in his brown eyes. "Where are you? Your family is worried. I am worried."
I shake my head. "I don't get you. If you were as concerned as you say you are, you would have found me by now."
"You are in a big realm. I don't know every corner of Aevum. You can't expect me to just know."
"She is right, Elias. If you want her back so badly, come and find her."
The hatred that Elias shows toward Cane sends a shudder through me. I've never seen him so angry. It's the type of rage that leads to murder, something that he has already attempted with Cane.
I step back toward his twin. It's such a miniscule movement, but Elias notices. So does Cane, because he slides his hand all the way across my front from one shoulder to the other, pulling me back against his chest in a protective, almost dominating position that I don't hate.
"Cordelia, please reconsider what you're doing," Elias implores, and I don't miss the hint of jealousy in his tone.
I shake my head. "All I'm doing is learning who I really am and what I'm capable of. That's it."
He holds out his hand to me. "I can teach you that. I will get Lorelai to help. She's better equipped than both Cane and—"
"I don't trust you to show me. You had your chance and all you did was teach me how to keep people out, something that doesn't seem to work with you."
"It looks like the lady has made her decision."
Elias nods and drops his hand. "Be careful, Cordelia. And if you ever change your mind, you know how to reach me."
I swallow, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. "If you ever realize our bond was enough...you can come for me. I may still be here. But I can't wait forever, herra."
Elias's jaw drops and his eyes grow wide. "That's not—"
"You heard her. If the bond is as strong as it should be, you will find her."
Cane turns me and tucks me against his side. As we walk away, he glances back at his brother. They clearly have some kind of dick measuring contest going on. That's between them.
What lingers betweenme and Elias is his true desire to get me back.