"What in the actual fuck have you done?" Lorelai asks, but I don't have the energy or care to answer her question. I'm kneeling in the dirt by her feet, gripping Cordelia's bracelet in my fist, wishing that this was all just a horrible nightmare.
But it isn't. This is my life. I've made the shitty choices that have led me to this moment where I am holding it together by a thread, with no fucking clue where to go next. Lorelai stoops down next to me and places her hand on my shoulder.
"E, what happened, seriously?" she asks, and her tone is softer now. "I don't understand."
I shake my head and bury my face in my palms, the quartz digging into my forehead. "I fucked it all up, Lore. I fucking promised her I wouldn't let him take her, and I broke that promise. This is all my fault."
"Come on, let's go inside," she says, pulling me up by my elbow. "You need to get out of these clothes, and then we can talk. Okay?"
I allow her to guide me to my feet and into Evermore Manor. Supes crowd the foyer, preparing to return home. They wish me a good morning and ask about Cordelia's whereabouts. I can't find it in me to answer. Instead, I let my best friend do the talking as she leads the way upstairs. When she opens the door to my room, I pause at the threshold. Despair consumes me as I take in the sight of Cordelia's belongings—her robe thrown across my bed, her makeup scattered upon the vanity, and her clothes hanging next to mine in the closet.
"He took her," I say, the hollowness in my tone matching the feeling inside my chest.
"We will find a way to get her back," Lorelai says, pulling out my suitcase from under the bed. "Why didn't you tell her you were soul bonded? I can't believe it was just because you thought it would scare her."
I sit on Cordelia's side of the bed and bring her pillow to my nose. "It wasn't. I panicked when I saw the hurt in her eyes. I was scrambling for the right words to make it better, but Jolene cut me off before I could tell her."
Lorelai empties the dresser drawers onto the bed and folds several of my shirts before saying, "Tell her what?"
"I wanted to protect her. If Cane was truly here, I thought he was here for me. What better way to get to me than by hurting Cordelia. It made sense that he was chasing her through the cemetery, and he pulled her under in the pool. If she knew about our bond, she would learn about the primal bond too. If we completed that..." I shake my head.
"You would have a zenith bond," she says, finishing my thought.
"If Cane kills me, I couldn't put her at risk of dying too. She was better off not knowing that option existed for us."
Lorelai stops packing my clothes in my suitcase and sits beside me. She runs her fingers under my eyes and pulls them away with my crimson tears staining them. "It isn't like you to take away someone's choice in a matter. It is everything you stand against. I have to admit that I understand why you did it, but it wasn't fair to Cora."
"I know and now my brother has her."
"But I don't think he wants to hurt her. Those things that happened to her were done by Jolene. From what I could piece together, she had a sadistic side. The other murders in the house were plain and simply for fun. She wanted to hurt Cordelia the most. Don't forget that Cane is bonded to her too. His desire to keep her safe could run just as deep as yours."
I glance up at my best friend. She is trying her best to soothe me, but the truth of her statement cuts deep. My brother, who I thought I killed, is soul bonded to the woman I love too. We have spent our existence at odds with each other, fighting for the same throne. Now, we are in a battle over one woman.
"She loves you, Elias. Every movement she made was to complement you. She adores you, and that type of love doesn't just vanish. The door is still open for her to forgive you."
I flip the bracelet in my hands, staring at the stone that was meant to bring me luck. She threw it back at me with so much hurt and anger. It is hard to believe that she could forgive me. I might as well have stabbed her in the heart and twisted the knife by the way she looked at me.
"Who's to say she won't fall in love with Cane? I broke us, what we had built. It may have been new, it may have not taken long, but it never does where a bond is involved." I gulp, realizing the truth even more now that I've said it out loud. "What if Cane manages to build something even stronger with her?"
Lorelai shakes her head. "Stop it, Elias. You're slipping into despair and you need to knock it off. That's not going to get you anywhere." She pats me on the knee. "Get up, help me pack your stuff, then we will go down and gather up mine. We need to get out of here and back to the supe realm so we can get shit done. Come on. Up."
I sigh and slide the bracelet into my pocket. "All right, all right. Let me pack the rest of my stuff, and I'll meet you down at your room. Then we can leave faster."
She looks at me dubiously. "Are you actually going to pack or are you going to sit here and bleed out from your eyeballs?"
I clench my jaw and point at the door. "Out."
She shoots me an apologetic grin and slides out the door. I turn back toward my suitcase and pack up the rest of my belongings, and my heart squeezes in my chest as I take in Cordelia's.
"Fuck," I mutter. I really should leave it; it's going to do nothing but make me even sadder. But there's no way I can do that. She'll want it if—when—we find her.
So I gather it all up into her suitcases and fifteen minutes later, I'm trudging down to Lorelai's room, knocking once before pushing open the door that's already slightly ajar.
She has her back to me as she looks out the window. Her shoulders jerk and her hands wipe at her eyes as soon as she hears me step inside. I didn't even think of what it cost her this morning. She enjoyed Jolene's company and then she was forced to kill her to save Cordelia. If I hadn't fucked everything up, I would be walking out of here with a match, and Lorelai would still have another unsuccessful summer in finding love.
"I'm sorry," I say, my voice barely a whisper.
She turns to face me and the smile that ghosts her lips is anything but happy. "Don't apologize, Elias. Really, you and Cordelia did me a solid as far as that goes. I mean, why would I want to tie myself to a murderer? Jolene was a psychopath." She scoffs and hoists one of her bags over her shoulder. "I really know how to pick 'em, huh?"
I drop my bags and cross the room to her, folding her into my arms. "You're allowed to be upset, Lore. You thought you'd found someone you might be able to love one day. At the very least, you were having a good time. Which is more than you've had the past few months, yeah? It's understandable that you'd be upset. And this time, you didn't just have to break it off; you had to kill her."
And then we didn't even succeed in saving Cordelia, I think, but don't say out loud.
"Maybe I should just give up. I'm destined to spend eternity alone. I have great friends and a good life in Aevum. I think I need to buy some self-help books and learn how to fill in the gaps in my life with myself."
"Lorelai." I understand her frustration all too well. I felt the same way when I arrived at this island. No matter how much I wanted it, love didn't seem to be in my future. I thought I was content to live forever alone. And then I met the person who fit so perfectly with me, and I ruined it. The timeless question of is it better to have loved and lost than never loved at all resounds in my head. Do I want my friend to be spared this kind of pain or to know the pure joy of being in love?
I don't know the answer, but I know it for myself.
I wouldn't give up a second with Cordelia, no matter the outcome. No matter how shattered my heart is right now. There's no way in hell I'd ever change a thing. But Lorelai will have to come to that conclusion for herself. Until then, I'm not leaving her side. We'd leave this island as we arrived.
Together.